Take a lesson from autumn and let go.

I realized this week that autumn has arrived.  I say I realized it, not because I don’t know how to read a calendar, but because I took a walk with my work crew on Friday at noon in 70 degree weather and later that day left work at 40 degrees in the rain.  Yes, that’s my state Michigan.

I used to think of autumn as marching band and football season.  I spent years, when my kids were in band, sitting in the stands watching high school and college football games.  I loved those day so much!  Now, my kids have outgrown band and then there is covid, so I have zero opportunities to attend local games. I miss the music, the people, and the energetic atmosphere in the football stadium. 

Autumn is a time of turnover, renewal, and change.  From the summer’s lush beauty to the changing leaves that result in mostly naked trees.  There are lessons that we can learn from the changing seasons as nature turns over and prepares to bloom again in the spring. 

Learn to let go of things that do not serve you.  We all want to hang onto our past.  Whether it is happy memories like my marching band days, or a mediocre relationship or unfulfilling job.  We hang on to them because they feel comfortable and safe.  Our brain does not want to face the uncertainty of new thoughts and challenges.  We fear change, so we stay small.  

What if we learn to let go of our past like the trees let go of their leaves?  Would we then be open to self improvement or renewal? 

Allow yourself to examine the ways you are living in your past.  Thoughts of inadequacy held over from childhood will affect your ability to reach goals.  Concentrating on your past mistakes will keep you fearful of stepping up to new challenges. Examine your negative thoughts and choose instead to think in the present and trust yourself to create something better.

Take a lesson from the changes of autumn and let go of things that hold you back.  

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Renew, release, let go. Yesterday’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t “should’ve” done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!” – Steve Maraboli

Tell me what you love about autumn and how you plan to let something go.

Let’s celebrate our big love for Veterinary Technicians

This week was Veterinary Technician Week  - the one week each year that the veterinary profession chooses to honor those multitalented individuals that help us to help the world’s pets.  Although we choose one week in October to honor them, we must acknowledge that there would be no such thing as modern veterinary medicine without the assistance of licensed veterinary technicians.  They are the glue that holds every practice together.  

The year 2020 has made this fact even more relevant due to the fact that we had to change the way we practice dramatically. The veterinary team had to redesign running our practice by taking work curbside; the technicians are taking the brunt of those curbside practice changes. 

The talented technician team that I work with consists of eight of the most caring, talented, versatile, empathetic people that I know.  Being a veterinary technician is not all about playing with kittens and cuddling puppies.  We all love that part of the job, but much of their time is spent working with panicked stricken, unruly, ninety pound dogs that want nothing better than to avoid treatment or harm the technician that is attempting to care for them.  Technicians frequently become bruised and battered by terrified or angry dogs in an attempt to help the patients that are presented to them. 

Veterinary technicians must be multitalented.  Each day they fill the roll of dental hygienist, anesthetist, radiographer, emergency room nurse, groomer, client educator, patient advocate, behaviorist, and phlebotomist. They must also be exceptionally emotionally stable, ignoring their own emotional needs in place of caring for others.   One of my technicians lost her own dog this week and then had to immediately return to work while grieving the loss of her own fur baby.  She spent the day taking care of clients’ pets instead of taking care of herself and her family during their time of loss. She represents the compassion and dedication embodied by most veterinary technicians.  You will see many a veterinary technician cradling a recovering surgical patient in their arms while eating their lunch, or bottle feeding baby kittens on their day off. 

So next week and for the rest of the year, let us not forget that these underpaid and under appreciated individuals work in this profession to take care of you and your pet.  Be kind when you encounter them and do not give them grief if they are running a little late for your nail trim or vaccine appointment. Tell them how much you appreciate them and the difficult job that they do. 

October hosts veterinary technician week, but I say every day should be “love your technician day”.  Much love to Becky, Carolyn, Shelley, Beth, Sam, Dawn, Jackie, and Deanna – my amazing technician friends.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a

listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all

of which have the potential to turn a life around.” ― Leo F. Buscaglia

Dr. Julie Cappel

Please share your best veterinary technician story to honor those who really run our veterinary hospitals.

Join me on The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast!

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-veterinary-life-coach-podcast-with-dr-julie-cappel/id1451549730

Color me Summer

Most of us have so many responsibilities in life - work, home, kids, parents, pets - that we often forget to take care of the person that matters the most, ourselves. Taking care of you is your most important job and should be your first priority.  If you are a working mother, business owner, spouse, parent, or pet caretaker, everyone needs to take care of themselves first.  

Yesterday I was honored to go through a color analysis session with my daughter. Bridget lives in Dallas Texas and for the first time since the pandemic, my husband and I traveled to Dallas to visit her and her husband.  Bridget was introduced to color analysis about a year and a half ago when she and her sister in law went through a session and discovered their true colors.  She was immediately hooked on the process and loves using her color palette to choose clothing, makeup, and presenting her best self to the world. Bridget is a professional Opera singer and has many opportunities to use color to enhance her presentation during auditions and performances. 

The color theory is relatively simple - “Human coloration is diverse, beautiful, and affected by our undertones (color of our blood), and our natural skin pigmentation.”  “The goalof a Personal Color Analysis is to identify your natural color tone and to accurately place it into one of the scientifically organized 12 seasonal tones.”, says Rebecca Reid of Colorpolitan.   If we wear the colors that compete with our natural skin hues, we look, dull, sad, or invisible.  My skin has some yellow tones that were exaggerated when I was put in very bright colors, and I have always loved very bright colors.  Who knew that I was doing myself a disservice? Taking some time to visit with my daughter and learn something remarkable in the process was truly an exercise in honoring my authentic self.  

Taking care of and honoring yourself in any way, especially during this pandemic, is critical to your mental health and success. Self care can look like anything that pleases or relaxes you.  Whether you choose color analysis, exercise, healthy eating, reading, napping, or simply walking in nature.Anything to slow your mind and get to know yourself better will allow you to create space for better thoughts which will eliminate much of your stress.  

Reminding yourself to put you first will expand your ability to care for others.  Getting rest and energy on purpose before you extend care to others, increases your capacity for caring, understanding, and giving.  Your attitude will improve, you will expand your capacity for work, and you will allow yourself to set goals that never felt possible before.  Schedule your down time first and enter it into your calendar.  If you do that consistently each week you will be ready to step into the best version of yourself.  Filling your cup first gives you the ability to pour more out for others. 

Getting my color analysis done and learning that I am a “True Summer” was super fun and fascinating. Thank you Bridget and Rebecca for providing this amazing experience.

Schedule something fun and different this week to take care of you.  You will be better for it.

If you want to learn more about color analysis visit Rebecca’s website:  www.colorpolitan.com.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Love yourself first, and everything else falls in line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” - Lucille Ball

Why Don’t We Say No?

Why is it so hard for us to say no? I struggle, feel guilt, and often end up saying “yes" even if I feel a request will lead to my detriment.  People pleasers like me are always tempted to say yes, so we allow others to take precedence over ourselves.  I am proud of myself for learning to say no in many circumstances, but it continues to be a challenge.  

Yesterday I worked a busy Saturday at the veterinary hospital.  As the only doctor working, I was double booked the entire day. That didn’t stop clients from calling and asking for everything from a last minute “emergency” appointment for their itchy dog, to an emergency refill on that medication that they ran out of this morning.  Then add to that the person that is getting angry because they have been waiting 30 minutes to get in for their appointment.  At some point, we have got to say no, simply to protect ourselves. 

Most veterinarians have a hard time saying “no”  and many ENFJ’s have a hard time saying “no”,  so that leaves me as a notorious natural people pleaser.  My personality is hard wired to create harmony and make others happy.  That causes me at times to abuse myself and suffer with feeling overworked.  It helps me to think of people pleasing as actually lying — by telling people yes when we really want to say no, we are essentially lying to them. 

How do you begin to practice saying no in order to become skilled at not caving to others’ whims?

Accept that it is necessary.  The word “no” feels foreign to us because it makes us feel as if we are selfish and arrogant.  But saying no does not make us selfish at all.  We need to see it as protection and not as confrontation.  Practice saying it out loud.  My husband often tells me, “Look in the mirror and say no”. He knows that I am a people pleaser and an overachiever.  It helps to get someone that knows you well enough to keep you accountable.  When you say no to others, you are really protecting yourself. 

These changes in your thinking and action will not feel comfortable at first.  You will struggle with your brain —feeling guilt for not helping others; however, you need to start believing that you are the one that needs protection.  Your mental and physical health are important.  Keeping yourself healthy and whole will allow you to help more people in the long run by increasing your capacity.  The quality of your life and your relationships are directly related to the attention that you give to yourself.

Preset your personal boundaries.  You must have boundaries between your emotional wellbeing and another person.  Think of yourself as the guard in front of your mental and physical health.  Your job is to protect you first, your family second, and then your clients and coworkers.   Your first order of business is with you. 

Have a firm grasp on your priorities.  To make decisions that are best for you, you have to know yourself well.  What is your capacity for work?  What do you value?   Spend some time thinking about that and then listing your priorities.  Keep them in mind when making any decision.  Saying no is easier when you have a clear idea of what you really want out of life.  It has a lot to do with your integrity.

Years go by quickly, so do not procrastinate in properly managing your health.  Take care of your mind and body first and you will create more energy and strength to help others.  Learning to say no takes practice and resolve, but it will pay off by keeping you sane and healthy, and allow you to increase your capacity when the real important issues arise. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious.  You get to choose how you use it.  You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” ― Anna Taylor

Join me on the Podcast!

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-veterinary-life-coach-podcast-with-dr-julie-cappel/id1451549730

I will be patient.

My name is Julie and I am an impatient person.

Anyone that knows me understands that although I can sometimes be patient — I am usually pretty patient with animals — I am generally extremely impatient.  It is something that I understand about myself and have worked on improving over the years.  My natural personality wants things to happen fast, or at least happen on time.   I want people to get to the point when they are telling me a story.  I prefer to operate with end results in mind.

I was reminded of my natural impatience yesterday as I listened (seemingly forever) to a client. She told me three long, drawn-out stories about the other pets in her household.  Three long stories before she got to the point as to why she needed advice about her cat. Stories that I really did not need to hear and that had no bearing on the situation.  Did I have to practice my patience?  You bet I did.  

This long story short scenario happens all too frequently for me.

Patience is such an important skill for veterinarians and for all of us.  It is even considered an essential building block for improving mental health.This is why I find it so important for myself and all of us to continue to work towards increased patience.  

Improving our patience requires that we learn about how we are wired — how we think about ourselves and others.  Our thoughts create our feelings, so we must learn about the irrational thoughts that can overcome us when we are caught in the emotions of impatience.  If we can understand that our impatient thoughts are optional, we will be better able to communicate calmly and adjust our responses in order to keep client encounters positive and remain patient.  

Improving patience requires us to act like an adult.  Children throw tantrums to get what they want but adults learn to control their emotions.  Emotions are powerful things. If we can learn why we have these emotions, we can become better at actually feeling the emotion of impatience without allowing it to control our actions.  Sitting with impatience is a skill that can be learned and practiced.

Patience will help us to succeed by allowing us to better listen to others.  We all know that getting the entire story from a client can take time.  I enjoy the detective work that goes into getting a good history to help me to diagnose a case.  The detective work often takes patience as the client fills me in on seemingly unimportant facts so I can weed out the things that I need to help with a correct diagnosis.  

Learn how you respond to waiting.  Once you learn about your response, you will be better able to understand and feel your impatience.   Understanding that impatience is not often a useful emotion will allow you to let it go and improve your ability to develop your patience.

Keep practicing.  You know that I will.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in your mind.”  - David G. Allen

 

 

 

Big Change for Brownie

The past six months have really made me think about, how to think about change.  So many things in our lives have changed in dramatic ways.  Health and economic challenges brought on by a pandemic. political and social unrest, and family and friends unable to get together for fear of an invisible enemy. We have been locked down, masked up, and flooded with upsetting, conflicting information.  Even the way we practice medicine has changed drastically as we work to keep clients out of our buildings and they clamor to get in.  

Change often causes us to feel anxiety and brings up fear of the unknown, but if we work on thinking differently we can train our brain to see change as good.  

Good change such as the change that happened for my daughter’s little dog Brownie.  Brownie is a small three year old French Bulldog that was owned by a woman that was using her for breeding.  She was one of a number of dogs that were kept in a home to produce expensive French Bulldog puppies.  Brownie’s latest litter caused her to experience an emergency C-section and spay, which left her with two puppies to raise and ended her career as a breeder.  That is where her life and my daughter’s life came together. 

My daughter and her husband had been wanting a French Bulldog for awhile and had been debating whether to adopt another dog or try save the massive amount of money that it would require to get a French Bulldog puppy. So when my daughter and son-in-law learned that Brownie’s breeder wanted to re-home her, they immediately saw the situation as the answer to their financial dilemma.  

Brownie’s life was about to change forever.  She went from raising puppies to being adopted by my daughter and son-in-law and becoming their puppy - the apple of their eye.  She went from being called “Brownie”, to her new name, “Carmela Soprano”.  She is the queen of her Dallas Texas household and new little sister to their eight year old cat Stallone.  She has a small flight of stairs to help her to her faux fur blanket on the couch, a basket full of amazing toys, a pretty in pink collar and matching glow in the dark leash, and a “pooch pouch” carrier so she can be carried when she gets tired on her walks.  Carmela won the doggy lottery.  

For Brownie the change and transformation into Carmela was amazing to see, but because she is a dog, she really does not realize that she experienced great change.  She is happy to be cared for and loved no matter how much change she has seen.   We all experience changes that are not always positive, but we can choose to find some positive lessons in each life change.

Learn a little something from Carmela.  Look for a positive lesson from each change you experience.  Change is often your path to progress. Be true to yourself in all that you face and challenge your mind to enjoy change.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ― Rumi

Practice Daily Optimism - Choosing happiness in New York

What does it mean to practice optimism?  Some people seem to have it naturally while others choose it.  I think of myself as a naturally optimistic person but in the current world situation it can be difficult to keep my head on straight.

Last weekend I took my first plane trip since the beginning of Covid-19.  I traveled directly from Detroit to New York City where the virus cases seem to be declining.  The decision to make this trip really messed with my brain.  It was such a difficult decision to make, weighing the pros and cons of traveling during a pandemic.  Never before have I had so much anxiety about traveling.  Well, maybe in 2001, after 9/11 - I was very anxious after that.  

Why did I travel?  I really wanted to visit my son who I have not seen since February.  I wanted to see his new apartment, his place of work, and visit with him and his girlfriend.  I wanted to do all these things and still be as safe as possible and that was a real exercise in optimistic thinking.

Here is how I practiced daily optimism while traveling in a pandemic.

First, I chose to think optimistically.  When my brain told me that the plane would be full of germs and coughing people, I told my brain that the airline would be keeping things clean, distancing passengers, and filtering air. I decided on purpose that I would wear my best mask and keep myself as far away from everyone as possible.  I decided that I am a healthy person that has a great immune system and nothing to worry about.  I chose not to worry.

Second, I actively looked for all things positive.  The weather was beautiful, the airport was virtually empty, the people were polite, and New York was amazing.  I spent time with my son visiting, walking, and eating - too much eating  - we had a beautiful time.  The fact that all of our site-seeing time was spent walking around town and riding the ferry, allowed us to see all the beautiful sites of the city without the crowds.  I looked for all things positive and that is what I saw.

Third, I filled my life with supportive and optimistic people both before and after the trip.  Having people in your circle to listen to your concerns and help you to see things more optimistically is one way to stay in touch with your positive thoughts.  When you choose to keep a team of supportive people around you things will look better to you. Optimism will feel easier to accomplish. 

When you are feeling a bit pessimistic, remember that you have the power and ability to change the way that you think to become more optimistic.  Starting with small positive thoughts and then building on them will result in a positivity habit.  Our lives can never be safe and secure 100% of the time, and if we wait for total security and lack of risk, we will never reach our goals and truly live.  

Think things through and choose how you want to live, then practice daily optimism to help you take action. You may even decide to travel to New York.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“It’s not that optimism solves all of life’s problems; it is just that it can sometimes make the difference between coping and collapsing.” 

– Lucy MacDonald

Taking the High Road

Someone I know disappointed me today.  I expected a certain behavior in response to something I said and got a different, quite negative, response in return.  Why do we expect people to act in a certain way?  Why do we expect kindness, acceptance, and love from others?  We are human, so we know that we are all imperfect.  Maybe we should just start to expect people to disappoint us so we are not surprised when they do.

It happens so often, especially in this texting - tweeting - social media - saturated world.  People don’t have real conversations. There is no nuance or inflection to written conversation. People assume intent and take offense to anything based on their interpretation or past history.   They are often afraid to speak face-to-face to resolve conflict.  So we are stuck in a “sound bite” “cancel culture” environment.

How can we create kindness, be more open to differences of opinion, and take the higher road?

Remember that “hurting people hurt people”, says leadership guru John Maxwell.  Most often when a person strikes out at you, they are transferring their internal pain over to you.  They are angry at their life or negative circumstance, and you are just a convenient target for them to release their frustration.  It is not a personal attack, even though it can feel very personal.  If you can remember that the better approach is feeling empathy for their pain, it will be easier to let go and move on.

Try to remember that you can not be hurt unless you allow it.  Our feelings are entirely under our control.  Our thoughts and actions create how we feel.  If someone trashes us on social media, we have the ability to think about them in a different way.  By remembering that human beings are highly flawed and prone to reaction, you can allow yourself to take a moment to think before jumping into the negativity pool.  

Vow not to respond for 24 hours and see if you feel differently in the morning.  My husband calls this the “24-hour rule”.  He always encourages me to take some time to think through any situation or decision before reacting.  This includes taking time before reacting on social media.  Most of the time when I allow myself to think awhile and really consider all the angles, it results in a kinder, more accepting response. 

Let’s try to remember that we are all on this earth for a very short time, and disappointment and hurt are a waste of energy.  Creating kindness, acceptance, and love are what life is all about so do not waste one minute worrying about trivial things. 

Take the high road.

Dr. Julie Cappel

"How people treat you is their karma. How you react is yours.” - Wayne Dyer

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Missing Pieces

Today I finished a jigsaw puzzle, a beautiful 1000 piece puzzle of Santorini Island, Greece. It took me several weeks to put it together to completion.  It always feels great to complete a puzzle, but today it did not feel great at all.  I actually completed only 999 pieces — I was missing one piece.  My husband jokingly told me to look for it out in the dog yard, because my dog Parker probably ate it.  I imagine that is exactly what happened. (don’t worry, I did not look for it there)

Since the beginning of Covid-19 I have taken to keeping a puzzle on the table in my living room to work on in the evenings.  I like puzzles because they are relaxing and distracting when I need to quiet my busy mind before bed.  We also have a puzzle going at work frequently to help people unwind during lunch or on their break.  There is something calming about working a puzzle, except when you get to the end and do not have all the pieces.  

That missing piece can be so frustrating — a bit of a metaphor for life.  Some small irritation or “missing piece” can throw a beautiful day right into the crapper — or dog yard.  

Why is it that we allow a small annoyance in our day to throw us into a tail spin?  One nasty client interaction and we think that our whole day has gone awry.  One small mistake can tell our perfectionist brain that we are stupid or inadequate.  No matter how well you do the rest of the day, you feel terrible and your day is ruined. One missing piece.

Our brain has a negativity bias.  Josh Klapow, a clinical psychologist writes, “We tend to associate negative experiences with situations in which we lose something, are rejected, are threatened, or have our vulnerabilities exposed.  From an evolutionary standpoint, many of us are hard-wired to seek out negativity so we can learn to protect ourselves from it.”  The more time we spend looking for negativity the more we find it.  Instead of me seeing the 999 beautiful pieces that I successfully completed, I am totally focused on the one piece that my dog may have eaten.  Instead of enjoying the victory of the puzzle completion, I beat myself up over dropping a piece on the floor.

How can we change this “missing piece” mindset?

Concentrate on the facts.  See the negative event for what it really is, just a small irritation in an otherwise beautiful day.  One nasty client is just someone having a bad day and I can choose to enjoy the fact that all the other clients were delightful.  One small mistake makes me human and I can forgive myself.  One missing puzzle piece can not spoil the beauty of my entire puzzle.

Acknowledge your emotions.  Go ahead and have a little pity party when you can’t find the puzzle piece.  Be a little disappointed and look under that furniture, but when you don’t find it, admire the rest of the puzzle that you created.  Go ahead and feel a little sad for your mistake, but then let the sadness go so you can concentrate on the great things you did today.  Keeping focus on all the good, will help you let go of the small amount of bad. 

Everyone deals with negative emotion, but sometimes we let it consume us. The negativity bias that our brain presents is something that we can learn to understand and in turn control. If you find yourself stuck focusing on your “missing pieces”, reach out to someone for help.  Do not suffer alone because we all have similar experiences and there are people willing to help.

Focus on your 999 beautiful pieces and let go of your one missing piece.

Dr. Julie Cappel

Join me on the Podcast!  
The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast with Dr. Julie Cappel

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-veterinary-life-coach-podcast-with-dr-julie-cappel/id1451549730

5 Ways to Get Over Your Pity Party.

We all have those moments in life where it feels as if we are hit hard and knocked down by our circumstance.   We are cruising along doing pretty well for ourselves and all at once, something happens that takes us down and stops our forward momentum.   We hit a wall in our business, experience a health issue, or have a personal relationship failure.  Something happens that causes us to slide into negative thinking and feeling. 

What can we do to get ourselves out of this negative life space and avoid the pity party?

Live in the truth for a short time.  Give yourself a bit of time to feel bad or mourn your loss.  When you feel let down by someone, or something that didn’t happen for you, it is OK to acknowledge those bad feelings and really feel them.  If you avoid the bad feelings and try to push them away, they will become more powerful than they actually are. Give yourself a short time to feel negative emotion about the lost dreams.  Once you have felt the negative feelings all the way through, it will be easier to let go of them and move on.

Avoid a victim mentality.  Feeling like a victim for example, when a client yells at you for something beyond your control, destroys your self-confidence and removes your sense of empowerment over the circumstance. The more you dwell in disappointment and worry about that client’s feelings, the more difficult it will be to get into problem solving mode and overcome the difficulty.  Self-pity or victimhood can be destructive if you choose to dwell there. 

Get a little perspective.  We often feel sad or disappointed about something that we will not really remember in a month or so.  Think about the big picture.  Let your mind go to a place several months in the future and think about whether this disappointment will be relevant then.  Are there other more important things that you can think about now to move on?  Realizing that many of the things we experience in life will not be important months or years in the future, will help you to gain perspective about the issue at hand.

Remember that success does not always equal happiness.  Successes often feel great in the moment, but that happiness is not sustained over the long term.  Studies of lottery winners show that they are no happier one year after their lottery win than they were before the money.  Life has a tendency to even out with levels of negative and positive emotion.  There are times when a good failure is more important to your long-term success than an instant win.  You can choose to be happy with each moment regardless of the circumstance.

Identify your next opportunity. Focusing on the lessons that a failure brings will allow you to envision future successes. Knowing that each day offers renewed opportunity to try again will allow your brain to get beyond the self-pity and move on to future possibility. Focusing on your next move will help you let go of the current problem and use the lessons learned to propel you forward. 

When things don’t work out the way you originally planned, realize that nothing has gone terribly wrong.   Failure and disappointment are difficult for all of us to deal with, but you can face it with dignity and grace if you follow these five steps.  Treat yourself with compassion and see what you can learn from the situation.  Try not to judge yourself so you do not get stuck in a downward spiral of the prolonged pity party.  Let it go and move on.

Dr. Julie Cappel

Join me on the Podcast!

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-veterinary-life-coach-podcast-with-dr-julie-cappel/id1451549730

“It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” - Epictetus

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.” ― H. Jackson Brown Jr.