Big Change for Brownie

The past six months have really made me think about, how to think about change.  So many things in our lives have changed in dramatic ways.  Health and economic challenges brought on by a pandemic. political and social unrest, and family and friends unable to get together for fear of an invisible enemy. We have been locked down, masked up, and flooded with upsetting, conflicting information.  Even the way we practice medicine has changed drastically as we work to keep clients out of our buildings and they clamor to get in.  

Change often causes us to feel anxiety and brings up fear of the unknown, but if we work on thinking differently we can train our brain to see change as good.  

Good change such as the change that happened for my daughter’s little dog Brownie.  Brownie is a small three year old French Bulldog that was owned by a woman that was using her for breeding.  She was one of a number of dogs that were kept in a home to produce expensive French Bulldog puppies.  Brownie’s latest litter caused her to experience an emergency C-section and spay, which left her with two puppies to raise and ended her career as a breeder.  That is where her life and my daughter’s life came together. 

My daughter and her husband had been wanting a French Bulldog for awhile and had been debating whether to adopt another dog or try save the massive amount of money that it would require to get a French Bulldog puppy. So when my daughter and son-in-law learned that Brownie’s breeder wanted to re-home her, they immediately saw the situation as the answer to their financial dilemma.  

Brownie’s life was about to change forever.  She went from raising puppies to being adopted by my daughter and son-in-law and becoming their puppy - the apple of their eye.  She went from being called “Brownie”, to her new name, “Carmela Soprano”.  She is the queen of her Dallas Texas household and new little sister to their eight year old cat Stallone.  She has a small flight of stairs to help her to her faux fur blanket on the couch, a basket full of amazing toys, a pretty in pink collar and matching glow in the dark leash, and a “pooch pouch” carrier so she can be carried when she gets tired on her walks.  Carmela won the doggy lottery.  

For Brownie the change and transformation into Carmela was amazing to see, but because she is a dog, she really does not realize that she experienced great change.  She is happy to be cared for and loved no matter how much change she has seen.   We all experience changes that are not always positive, but we can choose to find some positive lessons in each life change.

Learn a little something from Carmela.  Look for a positive lesson from each change you experience.  Change is often your path to progress. Be true to yourself in all that you face and challenge your mind to enjoy change.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ― Rumi

5 Ways to Get Over Your Pity Party.

We all have those moments in life where it feels as if we are hit hard and knocked down by our circumstance.   We are cruising along doing pretty well for ourselves and all at once, something happens that takes us down and stops our forward momentum.   We hit a wall in our business, experience a health issue, or have a personal relationship failure.  Something happens that causes us to slide into negative thinking and feeling. 

What can we do to get ourselves out of this negative life space and avoid the pity party?

Live in the truth for a short time.  Give yourself a bit of time to feel bad or mourn your loss.  When you feel let down by someone, or something that didn’t happen for you, it is OK to acknowledge those bad feelings and really feel them.  If you avoid the bad feelings and try to push them away, they will become more powerful than they actually are. Give yourself a short time to feel negative emotion about the lost dreams.  Once you have felt the negative feelings all the way through, it will be easier to let go of them and move on.

Avoid a victim mentality.  Feeling like a victim for example, when a client yells at you for something beyond your control, destroys your self-confidence and removes your sense of empowerment over the circumstance. The more you dwell in disappointment and worry about that client’s feelings, the more difficult it will be to get into problem solving mode and overcome the difficulty.  Self-pity or victimhood can be destructive if you choose to dwell there. 

Get a little perspective.  We often feel sad or disappointed about something that we will not really remember in a month or so.  Think about the big picture.  Let your mind go to a place several months in the future and think about whether this disappointment will be relevant then.  Are there other more important things that you can think about now to move on?  Realizing that many of the things we experience in life will not be important months or years in the future, will help you to gain perspective about the issue at hand.

Remember that success does not always equal happiness.  Successes often feel great in the moment, but that happiness is not sustained over the long term.  Studies of lottery winners show that they are no happier one year after their lottery win than they were before the money.  Life has a tendency to even out with levels of negative and positive emotion.  There are times when a good failure is more important to your long-term success than an instant win.  You can choose to be happy with each moment regardless of the circumstance.

Identify your next opportunity. Focusing on the lessons that a failure brings will allow you to envision future successes. Knowing that each day offers renewed opportunity to try again will allow your brain to get beyond the self-pity and move on to future possibility. Focusing on your next move will help you let go of the current problem and use the lessons learned to propel you forward. 

When things don’t work out the way you originally planned, realize that nothing has gone terribly wrong.   Failure and disappointment are difficult for all of us to deal with, but you can face it with dignity and grace if you follow these five steps.  Treat yourself with compassion and see what you can learn from the situation.  Try not to judge yourself so you do not get stuck in a downward spiral of the prolonged pity party.  Let it go and move on.

Dr. Julie Cappel

Join me on the Podcast!

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-veterinary-life-coach-podcast-with-dr-julie-cappel/id1451549730

“It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” - Epictetus

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.” ― H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Client expectations: Are we losing our patience?

In a service business like ours there are many opportunities for failure of expectations and client disappointment.  When people call into a veterinary hospital and they are unaware of the inner workings and complexity of the profession, they may think that having a doctor call them back is as simple as us sitting at our desk just waiting to return phone calls. In reality there are days when I never even see my desk or sit in any chair. 

Expectation is defined as, “a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future” and “a belief that someone will or should achieve something.”

I think the second definition is what gets veterinarians into trouble.  Client’s belief that something should happen the way they think it should happen.

Veterinary receptionists spend their day answering calls from concerned pet parents while they try to decipher the emergent from the ordinary.  They ask questions designed to read the minds of the clients on the other end of the phone, and without seeing the pet, decide how soon they need to squeeze them into an already packed schedule.  The doctors, working 10-12 hour days, are required to see patients that are ill, provide vaccinations, perform surgery, interpret radiographs, record everything -in detail - into computer charts, approve and write prescriptions, prescribe and dispense drugs, perform blood and urine tests, and then analyze and report those tests results to the clients.  These working doctors also have families and homes that they need to attend to.  At our hospital, we currently have two nursing mothers, who have to pump and store breast milk several times a day while keeping up with everything else.

Veterinarians and their technicians do what in human medicine would be done by a small army of people, and we do it all while the client waits.  When was the last time your human doctor called you back the same day, or reported your blood test results the next day?  

Our clients are most often very appreciative of our caring kindness, but sometimes there is a disconnect between what the client expects will happen, and what actually happens.  Then they may become angry either posting an ugly online review or hit us up with a frustrated phone call.  We hate that!  We are really trying to do our very best to make everyone happy, and an angry client is not our goal.

So, what can we do to help meet our client’s expectations?

We must improve our communication about the workings of the hospital and set boundaries.  Clients may get angry when we don’t do everything exactly the way they want us to, but if we communicate our boundaries, we let them know going in, what we can handle.  Clients don’t know that we have 8 other people to call, have a big surgery waiting, or have to run and pick up our kids from school in 20 minutes.  It is our job to communicate by saying, “Ms. Richards, I have only 5 minutes tonight to give you your pet’s results, but if we need longer than 5 minutes, I would be happy to call you again tomorrow so we can discuss further.”  Clients are thrilled to hear from us and love to spend time talking about their pet, so it is up to us to communicate our boundaries, and then have the mental strength to enforce them.  If clients get angry, we can calmly tell them that we are sorry that we have not met their expectations, however we are doing our very best for their pet.   Being honest with clients is the key to protecting yourself.  We need to take a lesson from our human doctor colleagues and train our clients to respect our free time so they understand what expectations should be.

It starts with honest communication by every member of the veterinary team to set the proper expectations.  Clients expect us to provide quality care for their pets while being kind and honest.  When they have unreasonable expectations about how we should schedule our time, it is up to use to set our boundaries and then let them decide whether they want to continue to work with us or move on to another caregiver.

“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.”―Henry Winkler

“Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.”―Bill Gates

Dr. Julie Cappel

Join me on The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast!  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-veterinary-life-coach-podcast-with-dr-julie-cappel/id1451549730