Little tests

I am holding the phone as a woman cries about the level of pain that her precious pet is experiencing. We have turned over every stone to diagnose and treat the little bird that is the best part of her heart.  She would spend any amount of money to save him — go almost anywhere to get a diagnosis and treatment.  None of the specialist that we have consulted seem to be able to help, so here we are facing this helpless uncertainty together. I can only listen to her grief, brainstorm possible solutions, and suggest things that just may be a last resort to help her.  Multiple veterinarians have weighed in and we still do not have an answer.  This is one of the most frustrating things that we deal with in veterinary medicine — second only to the frustration of losing a patient due to the owner’s financial constraints. These little tests that we face each day…

I see my job as part detective, part caregiver, and part grief counselor.  So many things that we deal with as a veterinarian fall into one of these categories.  We want to think of our role as a technician, logically working through problems to get to a diagnosis and treatment.  It would be so easy if that were our only job.  Tell me the symptoms, do the tests, and prescribe the treatment — take all of the emotion out of it.  However, this job is filled with emotion. There is emotion entwined into everything that we do. 

There is a feeling of helplessness.  Another little test of my ability to overcome helplessness to offer hope to a suffering client. 

Helplessness is an adjective used to describe the inability to help oneself.  It feels weak, dependent, invalid, powerless, and incapacitated. How do we overcome this feeling when we have reached the end of our diagnostic power? 

I will focus on what I can control.  I know how to express empathy and I am usually very good at it.  I know how to listen, coach, and allow negative emotion.  I can express understanding without having a solution.  If I practice offering empathy, I am no longer helpless.  I give space and understanding, which in turn helps my client navigate the situations and the decisions that need to be made.  Focusing on my abilities as an empathetic listener allows me to feel helpful not helpless.

I will not self blame.  There are times when we blame ourselves for not having all the answers.  Acceptance of medical limitations puts the “blame” on medicine, not my inability to make a diagnosis.  It is not unusual for medicine to stump us; it is our job to not take the limitations that medicine offers personally. Some things are beyond our control.   

I will continue to embrace optimism.  Optimism allows me to see possibilities and continue to search for an answer even in the face of overwhelming odds.  When a case goes wrong, I choose to see it as a learning experience to help me navigate the next puzzling case.  When my brain tells me to throw in the towel, optimism allows me to give it one more try.

We will fight another day for this little painful avian.  We will not give up until he does.  Accepting things that we cannot change is part of life and veterinary medicine.  I will practice optimism over helplessness when I am faced with these little tests. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

Shaped

I spent some time today on my stationary bike getting in a little workout. I live in Michigan so naturally it is snowing and miserably cold outside this time of year.   Actual outdoor trail biking is not in the cards right now, unless you have a death wish.  I love bike riding in the summer, so I bought a stationary bike for winter. The next best thing.  

My stationary bike (NordicTrack) allows Internet access to classes and trainers.  I can ride along with trainers all over the world on the screen attached to the front of the bike.  Today I rode with a trainer in Moab Utah — beautiful scenery, sunshine, and actual wind noise coming to me thorough my “hand me down” ear buds my son gave when he upgraded.  The trainer was fit, perky, energetic, and a bit of a philosopher.  She talked throughout the 60 minute ride about feeling grateful and blessed to be in Utah riding her bike.  She apparently had a nasty riding accident, which trashed her shoulder and gave her some new perspectives about life. As she was talking, a phrase that she used jumped out to me as an idea for this blog. She said that we are “shaped by intensity” and I related so much to that. Our lives are shaped by the challenges and negative circumstances that we face and how well we react to them.  

Life is full of adversity.  In fact, we all have struggles and challenges in our lives that have molded us into the people that we are today.  We are shaped by the intensity of our experiences and our responses to them.  

How do we develop into strong minded people that withstand adversity?

Take time to process.  When bad things happen, strong willed people do not become overwhelmed by negative thoughts.  They grieve their loss, but then take the time to process their emotion.  Feeling your feelings all the way through allows you to eventually let them go and move on to building the strength that comes from adversity. 

Most disasters in life come with some kind of lesson. Working to find the life lesson that adversity provides will allow you to avoid becoming a victim of future mistakes.  Adversity often offers an opportunity for growth that we would miss if life were too easy.  We are stronger after we push through something difficult, building up our resilience and adding to our belief in our capabilities. 

The next time you fail or face an adversity, remember that your body and mind are stronger when they are worked.  Easy does not build muscle, and easy does not build character.  Strength is shaped by intensity. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“In times of adversity and change, we really discover who we are and what we’re made of.” -  Howard Schultz

“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” C. S. Lewis

Time Does Not Wait

I had an extra day off from work this week, which made me stop to think about the concept of time.  When I have “extra” time given to me by way of a day off, I often feel more pressure to use it wisely. I want to get many things done in order to feel accomplished.  My primary self-preservation temptation is to enjoy my day in the interest of self-care.  I want to read a good book or watch a movie.  Then my driven brain wants me to think of downtime as wasted time, so I feel guilt.  That extra “day off” turns into a battle between industry and relaxation.

Is there a right way to spend time?

Interestingly, on this day off, I watched the movie “Soul” on Disney plus.  The movie has some amazing messaging about time and how we let it pass without notice because we are laser-focused on our future.I won’t give away the story, but the lessons that it offers are profound. There are lessons about living life in the moment and seeing the beauty around us. It teaches that we often miss the things that mean the most because we are chasing after some future conquest.  Make the time to watch this movie.  You will not be disappointed.

The definition of time is “The indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future, regarded as a whole.”

The thing that stands out to me in the definition is the word “whole”.  It is the whole life that we need to appreciate.  Little things can be most important — time with family and friends and appreciation of the little things like health. Large things like career goals, education, or big dreams, while crucial, are just a part of the whole. All things that take time to accomplish, all things that need to be noticed and appreciated.  Living well means living whole.

Set goals and work towards them, but do not forget to notice the journey.  Do not beat yourself up for downtime and self-care.  If you do not take care of yourself, you will not have the ability to reach big goals.  Goals and dreams are something to work for, not necessarily the end game. If you set a lofty goal and then reach it, you will quickly find out that the goal does not change your true self.  The destination is often less exciting than the journey.

Think about your time this week and notice the “whole.”  What things are you missing because you are in a hurry to get to your future?  Are you missing your present to get to the end?  Take time to live in and be present, then appreciate and reflect on your past.  Embrace your “whole” time because time does not wait for you.

Dr. Julie Cappel

Don’t wish, just work.

It has been said that you have exactly the life that you want.  On some level that is true.  We do not get to choose our circumstances in life, but there are an awful lot of things that we can do to change our eventual outcome.  Giving in to the negative circumstances and remaining idle will keep you from creating the things that you want.

I received this message from a client that I met yesterday.  A gentleman came in with his wife and their elderly cat. He told me his story of alcoholism, sobriety, and his battle with mouth cancer.  Ironically we were treating his cat that also had been diagnosed with mouth cancer. He described his battle to overcome his addiction and also his horrific and heroic battle to fight his cancer.  He was a tough and inspiring individual.  I aspire to be more like him.

We all have things that we wish for, more money, better health, weight loss, business success, or even just increased feelings of self worth.  In order to achieve these things, we cannot just sit and wish for them, we need to take action.  It takes work to create something great. 

If you want to lose weight, you must change the way you eat and move your body.  There is no magic wish that will transform you. You will not change until you start to change the actions that you are taking when it comes to your body.  Treating yourself better will create better.  You have to create a vision of the person that you want to become and then create the thoughts that allow you to feel motivated to take action. 

Stop with the excuses.  When you tell yourself that you cannot get in shape “because you do not have time”, you are just creating an excuse.  The excuses that your brain creates may sometimes feel like facts, but in reality they are just your thoughts.  They are you, holding yourself back.  Once you start to realize that the excuses are created by you, change is possible.  Creating new, more productive thoughts on purpose is under your control. 

Ask for help.  Your brain is so powerful, that sometimes is seems impossible to resist your own impulses.  Find someone that is successful in whatever arena you wish to join. Read their books, listen to their podcasts, ask them questions, or if possible actually work with someone that you admire.  Mentorship helps you work through your obstacles and get the support you need to understand how to get off your butt and start working. 

Get over your fear of failure.  Working towards big dreams is not for the faint of heart.  Failure is always part of the process.  Failure is how you know that you are working towards something big.  Each failure that you encounter will teach you something if you listen to the lesson that it wants to teach.  Look back on the times in your life when you did overcome failure to succeed.  Use those past successes to combat that fear of failure. 

Create self-motivation. People who have developed the skill of self-motivation are usually the ones that appear to be succeeding in life.  The people that have what you want are practicing internal motivational techniques.  Whether it is self coaching, meditation, self-discipline, or just massive action; creating motivation within your own brain will allow you to get ahead.  I like to play motivating music or watch inspirational movies to help me to get out of my own head. That is why I am such a Rocky Balboa fan.  The story, the music, and the “happily ever after” endings help motivate me to action.

Take some massive action this year and see how it affects your life.  Work and you will get your wish.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Wishes only come true to those who work relentlessly.” ― Edmond Mbiaka

New Year’s Resolution Anxiety

I do not know if there is such a thing as resolution anxiety, but if there is, I think that I have it. 

Each year as the holidays come to a close, I resolve to eat healthier, exercise more, be more generous, make more money, and many, many things.  I am so freaking ambitious when the new year rolls around that I set some pretty lofty goals for myself.  The self promises are always easier to make than to keep.  This past year my resolutions experienced a little twist (I am sure yours did too) with the emergence of Covid-19 stay at home orders and the uncertainty of contracting an ugly virus.  Shock and grief over the loss of life and liberty allowed me to slack off quite a bit. Some of my resolutions were just not possible.

One of my big resolutions last year included travel to Italy.  I researched the destinations and prices, but luckily never actually scheduled anything.  The pandemic hit before I had a chance to make solid plans.  Travel resolutions went down the toilet for all of us in 2020.  

When I look back on New Year’s resolutions that I have made in the past, it seems that I am about 40-50% successful in completing my goals.  Some of them I nail, and others get half completed or neglected altogether, so I add them to the list for the following year.  I don’t usually sweat it too much because I see those failures as lessons for my future. 

The dictionary definition of making New Year’s resolutions is “setting goals for the New Year.”  The word “goals” is not normally an anxiety provoking word for me.  I usually love goal setting.  This year, however I feel off balance as I do so.  Goals for 2021 seem to be causing me to question everything and so I am experiencing some resolution anxiety. 

Why is it healthy for us to set goals in the new year?

One reason is that it creates optimism.  Thinking about erasing past mistakes and planning for  the new year allows us to feel excitement and hope.  Hope and optimism are good things.  Just the act of setting goals creates hope, and I would argue that each step in the direction of change is a positive one - even if you never reach the lofty end goal.  

Another reason for goal setting is the ability to take stock of where you are and then examine where you would like to be.  Thinking about past mistakes and dropped goals allows you to learn about yourself and acknowledge the things that you want to change. Do you want to be more grateful or generous?  Start by setting that goal in the new year.

So, how do I resolve my resolution anxiety?

Embrace the feeling and work to understand it. I can feel anxious and still move forward if I work to understand my feelings.  Of course I will feel uncertain this year because my brain is still reeling from last year.  Who would expect a global pandemic?  Once I understand where my anxiety is coming from -- my past, I can move forward without fear into the future.  I probably will put my trip to Italy on the list, with the understanding that it may not happen until 2022 or beyond.  Just listing it gives me hope.

Set goals that can be broken down into small steps.  Instead of making a resolution to “get into better shape” which is vague and undefined. I can resolve to add one hour of exercise per week or cut one or two bad food habits from my diet.  The more specific and measurable the resolutions, the more likely I am to keep them.  The smaller the steps, the easier they are to accomplish. 

Remember that people who actually make resolutions and write them down are much more likely to see positive change and accomplishments in their future.  If you are experiencing resolution anxiety like I am, push through anyway.  It will all be for the good.  Share your resolutions with a friend or family member.  Sharing helps you to remain accountable.  And don’t forget to look at how you did last year.  I am sure that you rocked it!

Have a happy, blessed New Year and get some shit done.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility.  Breaking them is part of the cycle.” – Eric Zorn