Why does my brain hate me?

Is your brain a real jerk?  Is it working against your happiness? Mine sure is.

This week I had several days of wondering why my brain was such a mess.  I have a lot going on right now and my brain is not on board with it all.   Working, writing the blog, developing a presentation, coaching, and meetings are piling up.  I find myself feeling critical about my clients, my work, my team, and basically my life. I think things like, “You are not working enough, you must be lazy.”; “You are too busy!”; and “Just, who do you think you are?”  The feeling of resistance in my brain is so fierce because I have been pushing myself out of my comfort zone. 

 

Every time I try to change, my brain becomes the enemy.

Why does this happen?

There is a portion of our brain that reacts without our control.  It is the reptilian brain that was designed by God or nature to keep us safe in the event of an emergency. In our modern life and veterinary world we do not have a frequent need for this part of our brain.  But it is always there and it works against us.

When I first started at my current hospital many years ago, I was a young veterinarian that longed to work with birds.  The “new” hospital was run by a veterinarian who was known as the state authority on avian medicine.  He was brilliant!  He was the kind of brilliant that could read something in a textbook a month ago and then tell you the exact page that the reference was on when you asked him about it later.

During my first year at the hospital, I frequently went home crying to my husband that I was “stupid” and would never be able to be an avian veterinarian because of the superior skills of my mentor.  How could I ever be as competent?  I couldn’t remember what I read yesterday. I KNEW that the doctor thought I was an IDIOT. 

The real truth is that he didn’t really care if I said something stupid or made a mistake. He was happy to train me and pass on his skills.  He knew that I was just a human with a slightly less impressive brain than his.  He was patient and kind.  My thoughts were the things that beat me up and kept me from embracing the training.  Fortunately for me, I did not give up, and now I am a pretty great avian veterinarian.

Our negative thoughts are not necessarily wrong or toxic.  They are a normal part of our brain’s resistance to change.  Sigmund Freud said that unhappiness is the default position of our brains – meaning that happiness and positive change takes effort. Doing things that make you feel off balance will often lead to positive change, but it really sucks at the time.

When you are fighting this battle within yourself, surround yourself with supportive people.  Talk out your feelings with someone that loves you to reassure you that you are on the right path.  Embrace the uneasy feelings as part of your growth and don’t fight against them. Understand that your brain does NOT hate you - it is just doing its job to keep you safe.  Say to your brain, “Hello negative thought, I know that you are just a thought.  I plan to move forward anyway, so you can just be gone.”  Once you realize that the negativity you feel is just your defense mechanism, you can let it go, move on, and develop a more positive outlook. 

You will bravely step into the change that your mind fears. 

“One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.”  - Sigmund Freud

Dr. Julie Cappel

Feeling Bitter or Being Better?

Have you ever stood in an exam room and began feeling inklings of contempt, anger or even disdain for one of your clients? Have you daydreamed about what it would be like to have a career bagging groceries or mowing lawns instead of the veterinary profession?

Most days I don’t, but every once in awhile that bitter feeling starts to creep in – the feeling that maybe I made a mistake when I selected my profession so many years ago.

When we were kids we had dreams of beautiful puppies, fuzzy kittens and their adoring owners admiring us for our kind gentle spirit and brilliance in caring for their precious pets.  We didn’t get the veterinary school memo that some clients would be so challenging that we might wish we were with Mike Rowe doing “Dirty Jobs”.

Yesterday I experienced one of the difficult clients that made me question my optimism for veterinary medicine. You know those clients that have more pets than they can afford and then nickel and dime you at every turn as if it is your fault that they have insufficient funds to treat their pets properly? Yesterday, with those people, I started feeling bitter about my profession.

Just when I was getting very irritated with the client’s demands, a small miracle happened.  The miracle was one of my most calm and patient technicians.  She arrived to help me just in the nick of time.  She took over the pet’s treatment with my instruction, and did a beautiful job dealing with the pet and the family all day – literally, all day.  She was the picture of the caring veterinary professional that I always strive to be.  I was becoming BITTER and she was BETTER.

How can I be BETTER in these situations and keep from becoming BITTER? 

One way is to stop feeling sorry for myself.  Playing the part of the victim is not helpful or productive.  We all know that some clients will challenge us, but many don’t.  Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves, we need to appreciate the fact that these clients trust us enough to continue to use our services.  They love their pet and are not trying to be a bother; they are just being the best version of who they are.

Another way for me to be better is to appreciate the variety of veterinary life.  If I didn’t have a few challenging clients I would not appreciate the kind, cooperative ones.   “That’s Life!”, my father-in-law, Jack would always say.  He was a human surgeon.  I know he had many challenging patients, but he took them all in stride and treated them with the utmost understanding and kindness – just part of life.  Jack was BETTER.

In order to be BETTER, I need to say “Yes” more.  I don’t mean that I need to give into the clients’ discount demands, but I can have a better “yes sir” attitude in regard to their questions and assumptions.  If we fight against what is, rather than allowing it to be, we allow ourselves to become anxious.  Saying yes more allows us to go with the flow.  Things become more positive and less stressful.  With a “say yes” mindset, things often turn out better. I will listen better to their wants and needs, and try to be the veterinarian that they require.  

Let’s love our veterinary work and learn to appreciate our clients for who they are.  Being more willing to feel fascination about their ways will allow us to create mental space for them, rather than allowing any bitterness to creep in. 

You have the capacity to overcome BITTER and become BETTER.

“If you continuously compete with others you become bitter, but if you continuously compete with yourself you become better.”  www.livelifehappy.com

Dr. Julie Cappel

Join me on The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast with Dr. Julie Cappel, Find it on iTunes, Spotify or Google Play.

http://theveterinarylifecoach.libsyn.com/ 

Why Worry?

It occurred to me again today that I have a genuine challenge with worry.  I was feeling uptight and headachy until I realized that I was worrying about something that was “maybe” going to happen.  It was nothing deadly serious, but I was worrying enough that I was experiencing physical symptoms. 

 I have always known that I am a worrier and I come from a long line of worriers.  My Mom was a worrier – “lock your doors, call me when you get there, be careful”.  My Grandmother was a worrier, and my children unfortunately have inherited my propensity for worry.  Each time I think that I have it beat, something comes up and I start to worry.  Or maybe I CHOOSE to worry.

Why do we worry?  We all do it.   We worry about the past, about time wasted, or about what other people think of us.  We worry about spouses, children, friends, pets, illness and even death. Worry is actually normal in small amounts, but when it turns into physical symptoms or crippling anxiety it can keep us from living our best life.

Because I struggle with worry, my husband recommended a book by Dale Carnegie called, “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”.  It was published in 1948.  That tells me that the human problem with worry has been going on for a long time. 

Punky Lee - Hospital Cat

Worry can be useful if it causes us to take action to remedy something that we are worrying about.  If worry does not cause us to take action or solve a problem then it is just wasted energy.  It can keep us from doing anything useful in the world. 

Worry is a habit that we can break with some simple tools and ongoing mental work.

Try to decide if the thing your worrying about is something that you can change or not.  Changing the worry into a problem that you can solve will make you feel less anxious. If the worry is about something that you can change, then you can take action on it.   If you cannot change it, you can let it go.

In his book, Dale Carnegie tells us to “Write out and answer the following questions when you are tempted to worry:  What is the problem?  What are the causes of the problem?  What are the possible solutions?  What is the best solution?”

Getting the problem out on paper in front of your brain where you can see it instead of in your brain, where you can blow it up into a bigger scarier problem, will help you see if for what it really is.  Creating possible solutions will help you start to take action to solve it and move on.  You can also do something similar by talking about your worries with a friend or family member.  Working the problem verbally will make it seem less serious.

Focus on the present and live in the moment.  Worry is always past or future focused.  Thinking about how you want to change yesterday or wondering what might happen tomorrow is causing you to miss your present.   If you said something that you wish that you had not said, there is no amount of worry or stress that can change it.  Allowing yourself to embrace yesterday’s failure and then learn from it allows you to let it go.

Recognize when you are worried, then work to either solve for the problem or release yourself so that you can enjoy the moment.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.” — Charles Spurgeon

Please join me each week on The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast with Dr. Julie Cappel!  

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Using Your Emotional Strength

“You have power over your mind – not outside events.  Realize this and you will find strength.”  Marcus Aurelius

Often in the day of a veterinarian we have the opportunity to experience pressure, stress, and self-doubt.  We can have feelings of distress when things are not going our way.  If our day takes a negative turn it is up to us to be emotionally tough and control our emotions to protect our minds from negativity.  That is when we need to use emotional strength.

Sadly, this week we suddenly lost one of our hospital cats to a blood clot secondary to his severe heart disease.   Jabba, named by our animal assistants because we did not know his real name, was a big fat tabby cat that was abandoned on our doorstep along with his sister (Leia) last summer.  Yep, just plunked into a cat carrier and left at our front door to be found in the morning.  Interesting because the cats were left in a place where our security cameras could not see the car or the people that left them in the early morning hours. It was almost as if the owners knew where to dump them.   Anyway, when Jabba arrived at the hospital and was examined by one of our doctors it was discovered that he had a heart condition and needed a visit to a cardiologist. That is how he managed to become our hospital cat.  We could not ethically adopt him out to a family with his need for repeated echocardiograms by a cardiology specialist and multiple medications daily, so we decided to keep him knowing that his life may be shortened by his heart disease.

The reason that I tell the story of Jabba is as an example of  our need for emotional strength.  We have the ability to exercise power over our mind – not being influenced by outside events.  The events of Jabba being first abandoned and then ultimately succumbing to his heart condition could send my team and I into negativity and depression.

Should we be upset that his owners abandoned him, or happy that he ended up with those of us that could care for him properly?  Should we be sad that he died suddenly or happy that he had a loving home with us for the last year of his life? 

If we embrace emotional strength we get to choose how we want to feel about it.

Emotionally strong people realize that they have the power over their thoughts, actions and emotions.  They acknowledge that their feelings are the result of the thoughts that they choose.  They can process negative emotions effectively in order to move their day in a more positive direction.

Emotionally strong people realize that life is both positive and negative.  They understand that there are negative things in life that are beyond their control.  They do not feel sorry for themselves when bad things happen because they know that it is part of the deal.

Emotionally strong people take responsibility for their attitude.  They understand how to control their reactions in order to navigate life more effectively.  They treat other people with respect and understand that human relationships involve accepting people as they are.

When you start to feel that you are a victim of your emotions and you are going into a negative space, think about your thoughts.  It is ok to be sad when bad things happen - you want to embrace and feel that emotion; however, it will not serve you to live there or spiral into negativity.  Embrace your emotional strength and choose better thoughts to help you feel invincible.

So here’s to the memory of our Jabba:  we loved you even if it was for a short time. Thank you for teaching us a lesson about emotional strength.

Dr. Julie Cappel

Please join me on my Podcast - The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast  http://theveterinarylifecoach.libsyn.com/

Embracing Personal Responsibility

This week I am traveling again so I have had time to observe many people.  Sit at any airport for a while and you will be entertained by a vast array of human behavior.

Today as I was waiting in line to board my flight to Dallas, a woman gifted me with a great example of a complete lack of common courtesy and personal responsibility.  As my plane was boarding she approached the woman at the counter who was working to get the passengers efficiently on the plane.  She and her husband approached the desk and asked the clerk about the next flight that would be boarding from that gate.  The clerk politely (as far as I could tell) asked the woman to wait until the current flight was completely boarded to address her issue with the later flight.  The woman insisted that she get assistance now because she was there and did not want to wait.  The clerk again asked her politely, and a bit more forcefully, to wait. “If you could just wait a few minutes to allow me to finish with this flight, I will be happy to help”.  After insisting for a third time and getting the same result, the woman turned away from the clerk, looked at her husband and said, “ That lady is a real bitch!” 

Wow I laughed, she has some balls to blame the clerk for the fact that she arrived at the gate an hour and a half early for her flight and she did not wish to wait.

That is when I started to think about personal responsibility.  The woman refused to consider that she might have been in the wrong - insisting that the clerk assist her before the other passengers.  She further negated her personal responsibility in the transaction by calling the clerk a bitch.

Personal responsibility is an important thing for a good leader or good human to possess. The tendency to want to blame others when things do not go our way is natural, but it will affect our ability to lead.

Why is personally responsibility so important in life and leadership?  How can you improve your own sense of personal responsibility?

Do not blame others.  Responsible people do not blame other people for their circumstances.  Becoming a strong leader involves making choices and then acknowledging that those choices, for good or bad are yours to own.  Your team will lose respect for you if you blame others, especially them or your clients, for your choices or situations.   When you own a problem you will earn your team’s respect.

Responsibility allows you to take control of your life. Honoring your commitments and taking responsibility for your actions allows you to make your own way in the world.  No one can affect your success as long as you have a handle on the steps that you chose to get there.  Understanding that you cannot control every circumstance in your life, but you can control the way you respond to those circumstances will cause you to make better decisions. 

Having a strong sense of personal responsibility will increase your feelings of self worth.  If you can drop excuses or blaming, you will feel more balanced and in control.  Once that balanced feeling is well established your self-esteem will grow.  You will honor your commitments to yourself and be more likely to put the work in to become more successful.

Taking personal responsibility in the exam room and owning the choices that you make with clients will make you a more likable and respected veterinarian.  The clients will feel assured that you are in control of any situation.  You will become more trusted and loved by your clients.  The confidence that you feel will cause the client to see you as the authority figure and strengthen your bond. 

Watch yourself in the area of personal responsibility and work to control your thoughts and feelings to overcome the need to blame others for your situation in life. 

Once you let go of blame, you can grab on to success.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“All of us have a tendency to blame others for our circumstances and even our choices.  We need to overcome that tendency if we want to increase our potential and live a life with no limits.”  John Maxwell, The Power of your Potential.