We All Need Friends!

I had a particularly busy week working, coaching, and the absolute best part of my week, visiting with my friends. Workdays were packed, and on top of that, getting my house and myself ready for the visits from friends was hectic. Do you ever want to curl up on the couch and avoid all human contact? I do. I feel it, especially after I have had a busy week at work. I don’t really want to socialize, but I know how good it is for me mentally. 

So I pushed through and ended up having a fabulous time eating, drinking, and catching up with my friends.
I spent time with my best friend on Friday and my favorite neighbors on Saturday. So much fun and such a treat after the isolation of the pandemic last year. 

 

Why is it that nurturing friendships is so important to us?

Many studies have shown that close friendships keep you healthier both mentally and physically. Loneliness and lack of social connection can lead to depression and isolation. We do need alone time to recharge our batteries after a long day of caring for clients, but friendships and relationships need to be nurtured to enhance our quality of life. 

Friends teach you about yourself and challenge you to be better. Being around a friend that starts exercising or volunteering may challenge you to take up the positive habit. They will also express their concern if you are not resting or caring for yourself properly. They are more concerned with your wellbeing than what you can bring to them. Friends will also call you out when you are crabby or acting like a jerk and help you adjust your attitude. Nothing like brutal honesty from a good friend to mend your ways.

Friends encourage and support you when negative things come up in your life. We all deal with disasters; death, trauma, divorce, job loss. Friends will help you deal with the grief. A friend will listen while you cry and support you as you dig yourself out of the ditch. They allow you to wallow without judgment and, when you are ready, help you get up and move on.  

Friends celebrate our victories and support during our challenges. Being there for a friend in need also allows you to forget your worries in order to offer support to your friend. 

Friends increase the joy in your life. There is nothing like having a good laugh with someone that you trust and admire. Laughter with friends distracts you from your worries and refocuses your mind on important relationships. They allow you to prioritize your time and remind you of what is really important. 

If you have a friend you have not seen in a while, contact them and nurture that relationship. It may be just what they need at this moment.  If you need a friend reach out and meet one, there are many people in this community of veterinarians that would love to meet you.  

Big thanks to my friends, Karen, Kathy, and Steve, for the great company this weekend, allowing me to laugh, and for making my life infinitely better.  I am blessed to have you as friends. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.” — Tennessee Williams

Start now

One huge lesson that I have learned over the years is that you have to act. I don’t mean acting like “Meryl Streep acting,” I mean taking action, like Rambo. Procrastination is the enemy of progress and success. If you want to do anything in your life, you must take action. 

It may sound pretty straightforward, but so many of us do not do what we say that we want to do. We spend much of our life talking about what we want but never actually accomplish many of them. Someday I want to travel to Italy, take an Alaskan Cruise, or write a novel. Eventually, it will be too late unless I take steps to get there. We all have a limited amount of time here on earth, and time does not slow down while we procrastinate.

I find myself making excuses about why I am not getting things done. I am tired, I worked a lot today, I don’t have an idea, I am not motivated, and the proverbial, I don’t feel like it. Really? What does that mean? Do you need to feel like doing something to do it? Most of the time, we don’t feel like doing anything useful, but if we obeyed that thinking, we would be living in filth, never bathing, and watching our life go by while scrolling through social media. How many times have you said, “I want to get into better shape, or I want to eat healier and lose weight.” We decide that we want to do something, then we do not take actual steps to make it happen.  

To turn your passive dream into a reality or change a decision into a goal, we have to start doing something. Like many of us, you may need a push, so here are some ways to start.

Stop overthinking. We procrastinate because we want to get it right. We want to be sure that conditions are right and that our results will be perfect. Perfection is the enemy of action.  Overthinking will cause you to question all actions and prevent you from progress. One of the best things that I ever heard from “The Life Coach School” is the statement that, “B minus work out into the world is better than A+ work in your head.” Working on things to make them better is the key, but you have to get something out - anything out - even if it is B minus. This statement is the thing that got me writing in the first place. I decided it was better to put out some writing than no writing, even if it was not perfect.

Stop waiting for the “right” time. This is something that we do. I have heard of people waiting to have children until things are right, starting a business when things are right. If we keep waiting for the right time, the days, weeks, months, and years will pass. We will wake up one day and discover that we have accomplished nothing or have missed some golden opportunity. We wait for the “right” time because we think when the time is right, things will be easier, or we will be more successful. Never true. Negative things will happen even when the time is right, so do not wait. I am not telling you to be reckless and leap without thinking things through, but so many of us spend our time thinking that we neglect to get busy doing. Action is the only way to get something that you want. 

“Just do it!” Work on becoming someone that speaks an idea and then acts it into reality. If you say, “Today is a great day to take a run.” Get up, put on your shoes, and go. Become someone that moves. Movement creates momentum towards any goal. If you want to make a million dollars, get up and go to work doing something. Start by making a dollar and keep acting and saving until you have a million. Sitting around wishing that you had a better job or more money will not get you that million. People make money one dollar and one day at a time. If you start today, you will wake up one day with that million in the bank. If you don’t start working, you will never have it.

Once you get started with action, keep going. Many of us quit because good things take time to develop. The only people that do not get ahead are those that stopped trying. I know that failure is hard, but action creates failure and success. You cannot do either by standing still. Step out and take action, and when you fail, correct course and take another action. Learn from your mistakes and let them push you in the direction that you need to go. If you plan to “do” something for 15 minutes a day, that will turn into progress that will create momentum. Seeing your accomplishments will encourage you to keep working. 

This week, vow to take some action towards your goals. Join me by setting your sights on something then promising to do a small action step. Dare yourself to get over your fears and do it. Let me know what you do.

Dr. Julie Cappel  

“Well done is better than well said.” ― Benjamin Franklin

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” –Confucius

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Getting a fresh perspective — thanks, Brianna!

I am frequently reminded that my life and my attitude are what I make of it. There is no outside force in the world holding me down and keeping me back. It is my responsibility and mine alone to make my life enjoyable and valuable. I choose the way that I think and feel. 

There were two examples for me this week that hit me over the head and helped shine a light on my attitude, and refocused my perspective.

There was a building collapse in Surfside, Florida. Over a hundred people died suddenly when their condos collapsed while they were safely home sleeping in their beds. Horrendous! What hit me the hardest and affected me almost more than the loss of life was watching the first responders as they worked tirelessly digging through the rubble to rescue and recover the people who suffered this tragedy.  The work that those people were doing was unimaginable to me. How is my veterinary job so difficult again? A client is frustrated and leaves after waiting 50 minutes. That client leaves me a bad review. I feel stressed during a surgery that is difficult to complete. Seriously Cappel? My life is cake compared to the folks' search in Florida.

The other thing that altered my attitude was Brianna. Brianna is a beautiful young veterinary student who came to my practice for an externship from Mississippi State University. Brianna is a young, intelligent, kind, "baby" veterinarian. (aka, almost a vet).  She was assigned to spend two weeks learning veterinary medicine from me and I, in turn, got to learn to see my job through the eyes of someone just getting started. She was enthusiastic about everything and took pride in every detail of the day-to-day experiences in my hospital. All the details of veterinary medicine were exciting. Looking at my job through the eyes of Brianna reminds me of my passion for this job. I always want to have a great attitude like a new veterinarian. 

Many veterinarians have a very negative story about our job and career, especially when we are understaffed and in high demand. We can easily slip into a pity party mentality if we let ourselves fall into that trap. The truth is that we can control all of it. Not the over-demand or the crabby clients, but we can control our attitude about it.

How do we take a clue from my new friend Brianna and honor our wonderful profession?

Know your reality. Our brain wants to tell us that everything is crap and falling apart all the time. It is our natural protective mechanism. In fact, our job is sometimes difficult, and bad things do happen, just like in life. We get to decide how we want to respond to negative situations —keeping in mind that we are trained to do difficult things and were once excited about that. Hard things often bring more significant rewards. Learning to question negative thoughts and changing our perspective will help us feel gratitude for the blessings in our work.

Watch your language. The more I complain about my life, the worse I feel and the poorer my overall attitude becomes. When you speak negatively about your life and your work, it will dictate your attitude. Your self-talk applies here as well. If you run yourself down internally, you will destroy your mood. Try to use more upbeat and positive language when things are difficult. Calling something a "challenge" feels much different than calling it a disaster.  Try to use humor to lighten the mood and create a more positive atmosphere. If you edit your negative words about yourself and others, it will help you change your mind.

We, veterinarians, have it good — not easy, but good. We are doing the job that we dreamed about for most of our lives. Let's try to remember what we love about our work and help each other stay positive. Lean on your fellow veterinarians and take care of yourselves, so you have the energy and attitude to show up as your best self. Your health and our profession depend on it.

Thanks for the reminder — all of you young veterinary students — especially Brianna.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Things turn out the best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.”  John Wooden

What about now?

The busier I get in my life, the more I work to live in the moment.  Life is fast and fleeting so learning to live in the moment is a personal skill that it pays to develop. It is a difficult concept to remember as we go through our day-to-day life because our thoughts are usually consumed with past regrets and future worries. Learning to overcome regrets, remaining in the present moment, and appreciating your life will be the most important skills you will ever know if you want to be more productive and fulfilled.

So then you ask, how do I do it? How do I stop ruminating on past adverse events and worrying about the future?  

It takes work and focus. Work to understand yourself and the stories about your past, and focus on getting your mind in a place of calm concentration so you can be open to the moment in front of you. If you think you are hopeless and cannot control your thoughts, you are so wrong. We have the capacity to work hard to get stronger and better in every aspect of our lives. 

Start with noticing your story. We all have stories that we have held onto for a very long time. Things that we think are continuing to affect us and holding us back. One of mine is that I do not know how to cook. Just yesterday, I was planning a meal, and I had to fight my story that I could not cook well. I decided to stay in the moment of preparing the meal and shopping for the ingredients without judgment or fear of failure. Working to let go of my story allowed me to stay in the moment with my meal planning.  I actually enjoyed my shopping trip, and I usually hate grocery shopping. 

Pay attention to your thoughts. When you want to feel more connected to the present, notice what you are thinking. If the thoughts are about something other than what you are doing, refocus on the present. Pay attention to the details of your experiences. Open yourself up to staying in touch with the emotions that come in each moment. If you are in control of your feelings, you are grounded in the present.

If you feel yourself spinning in thoughts of the past or future worries, calm your mind by controlled breathing or simple meditation. Quiet your brain to get more focus, then allow yourself to notice the moment. Remember that staying in your present is how life gets better. You cannot change the past or predict the future, but you can enjoy your now. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Forever is composed of nows.” ― Emily Dickinson.

 “Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.” ― Eckhart Tolle,