Halloween Bust

Today is Halloween, a holiday that I have always enjoyed. In fact, after Christmas, I can honestly say it is my favorite. I'm not too fond of scary movies or haunted houses; fear is not fun. More specifically, I love the decorations, the costumes, the parties, and most importantly, the candy for the kids. My children are fully grown and living out of state, so I no longer experience costumes and trick or treating. (At least not until I have some grandchildren) I still decorate my house, buy candy, and wait in the doorway for the kids to come along with their cute costumes and proud parents. Tonight I was ready. I made little baggies full of candy tied with orange ribbons, three bowls of these pretty little packages. I put on the porch light, opened the door, and waited for the kiddies to arrive. When our neighborhood started moving at six o'clock, one young man and his Dad arrived. He was dressed as Fred Flintstone and was happy to say thank you three times to me. Twenty minutes later, I had a group of younger kids at my door, with their parents waiting out on the sidewalk. Most were dressed as cartoon heros and Disney princesses. Twenty minutes after that, my husband gave candy to three more children at the door as my dog Parker barked up a storm. Shortly after that, the wind started to blow, and the rain began to pour, and there were no other kids in view. I took a picture of myself and my candy to text to my kids, closed up the door, and turned off the lights. 

I wanted to feel disappointed in the Halloween experience. I miss my family, I miss the neighborhood kids from the past, and I am left with three large bowls of beautifully wrapped candy with nowhere to go.

The truth is that I still feel happy about this Halloween, even though it seems like a giant bust. I know I get to choose how I want to think about anything, but it is often difficult to see the upside when negative things happen. That is when I need to coach myself to let go of the negative story and move on to feeling happy with my Halloween day.

How can we decide to feel happy when things do not go as planned?

Take stock of what you do have. When things feel negative, one of the quickest ways to start to see differently is to think about what you do have. You have gifts and advantages that you mostly take for granted. Seeing them through a lens of gratitude changes things.  I have a house to decorate and cute decorations to put around my yard. I live in a neighborhood with many families that might enjoy my decorations. I enjoy my decorations because they make my house look warm and inviting. I have the financial stability to drive a car to take me to the store to buy the candy that I want to buy. I have the free time to spend waiting at the door for the kids. I also have a bunch of candy now that I can give to others or eat myself.

Let go of the past while remembering the joy it brought. Living in the present is the thing that makes us most happy; however, cherishing happy memories reminds us that we can and will be happy again. If I remember back to the great Halloween nights of the past, I may feel disappointed that this one was not as grand. However, if I remember the past but choose to value my present experience, I can find joy in what is happening now. The excitement of getting ready for Halloween was fun, so I decided to focus on that. I also was able to talk to and text with my family, which was fun as we shared photos of Halloween cards and our pets.

I loved everything about today in the big scheme of things; I didn't know it until I examined my story, coached myself, and decided that I enjoyed my entire Halloween experience.

Happy Halloween, everyone - now on to Christmas!!

Dr. Julie Cappel

Lemonade from Lemons

This week was interesting, like most weeks in veterinary practice. I experienced both ends of the client interaction spectrum — critical negative client and supportive positive client.

Hateful words, complaints, and negative reviews from our clients are often mentally harmful and feel terrible. If you have spent any time in this profession, you have had a negative client experience more than once. We usually take their words at face value and feel bad about ourselves based on their comments. As clients offer their opinions, I think we can take some of their negativity and use it to make us better and stronger people. Using critical and hateful words to create positive results is much like making lemonade from lemons.

On Monday evening, just as I was getting ready to life coach a veterinarian, I read an email from a loyal, longtime veterinary client. The email went something like but not exactly like this….Julie, I have been a client of the hospital for over 30 years. When I have a cat with a problem and call for assistance, I am told to go to emergency.  Is this how you “life coach” your veterinarians? Tell them to abandon their clients for time off?…. There was more, but you get a general idea. He was angry at the receptionists for not getting him into the schedule and made sure that I knew about it by email as soon as he could. No plea for help, no “sorry to bother you doc,” just sarcasm. When I politely returned his email saying that I would be happy to help when I was in the office on Tuesday, he answered with more sarcastic quips and negative comments about me and my team. 

When I read his first email, I had a difficult choice to make. Do I respond with an equally snarky comment — I have been known to be pretty good at sarcasm and passive aggression — or do I remain kind and try to help him? My epithetic better self told me that he was upset about his cat being ill on my day off. I chose to send a kind response offering help the next day and not respond to the snarky comment about my life coaching. When he refused to accept my help Tuesday, I decided to let it go, not respond, and allow him the space to determine his next move.

When people disagree with your policies or your level of access, they may become haters, and it is easy to allow them to bring us down on our profession. We have a choice to either let hostile clients stop us from offering our services, or use their comments as fuel to propel us forward to more success. 

Understand that your success brings exposure. Client criticism is a sign that you and your hospital are doing something right. If you do not create enough demand to be busy, you will not have upset people when you are unavailable. Seeing the angry client as bitter because you were not there to help shows how important he thinks you are.

Use the negative example to make you more tolerant of others. When you are frustrated with a situation beyond your control, do not respond with criticism and sarcasm. Use your empathy to show up in a better, more professional way. Kindness from you will not always be returned, but you will feel better knowing that you responded as your best self.

Understand that criticism may allow you to change and grow. If you remain open to some level of feedback, you may find something in yourself or your practice that you want to change. A humble look at the sentiment behind the critique may reveal some truth. If nothing else, you can practice your compassion and listen openly without judging the client or yourself. Both parties can be right without anything changing. My client is correct about wanting his cat seen, and I am right about wanting to have experiences outside of veterinary practice.  

Allow the negative client comments to teach you to appreciate the kind-hearted people. Saturday, I had a gentleman tell me that he deeply appreciates our team. He has two very high-maintenance allergy dogs that often have bouts of ear and skin infections. He said, “You and your staff have been amazing at helping me with my dogs this year; every time I call, the people are nice.”

Thank you, sir, for reminding us that lemons are rare, but when we get one, we can make lemonade.

Dr. Julie Cappel

Join me on The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast!

Do one good thing

The universe offered me a message this week wrapped up in three experiences. Happiness is created by helping others. 

I have always been one to believe and live by this statement. I love to give to others and try to help when and where I can. This week I received some reminders, loud and clear, from three different experiences. I decided to pass my message and those lessons on to you so you can create more happiness.

Monday, I was honored to record a podcast with some beautiful and brave women who shared their heartbreaking and inspiring stories of infertility, miscarriage, and infant loss. During that powerful podcast, they talked about how people need to be open to helping others in times of struggle and grief. So many times, we may know someone is grieving, but we are unsure of what to do. These women reminded me that just checking in with people you know are down will make them feel less alone. Doing simple tasks like providing a meal for them or doing laundry when you know they are sad goes a long way to help them work through grief. When we feel unsure how to help another, we often leave them alone, thinking they do not want to be bothered. In reality, when we do not reach out with support, we discount their grief and loss.  

Yesterday, I read a Facebook post from a veterinarian dropping out of a veterinary support group because many people were not offering needed support. She posted a case of hers asking for help from the group and experienced harsh critiques of her medical decisions and snarky comments in place of kind words. She was discouraged by the lack of consideration and the absence of support the group was formed to offer. What a shame that the same group that was supposed to help her had now turned on her. 

This morning, I attended a church service, and the message was all about the value of helping others. We were designed to need others' help and to help others in need. Whether you believe in God or some other universal spirit energy, it is evident that helping others feels good. Helping other people has been proven to provide the giver with more health, happiness, and purposeful existence. Acts of kindness and generosity stimulate the brain to feel great, so in a sense, it creates happiness.

Give by focusing on your passion. When you love what you do and give from a place of that love, your happiness will be multiplied. You do not always have to provide materially but be generous with your time. Just sitting with someone in their time of need will help them cope better and allow you to feel closer to them. Allow yourself to think ahead to what others may need. Being proactive in your giving will surprise the receiver and bring more joy. 

Try to look at your generosity this week and see if you can step it up. When you see others benefitting from your good works, you will open up to more feelings of happiness.

I believe that Goldie Hawn once said, "Giving back is as good for you as it is for those you are helping because giving gives you purpose. When you have a purpose-driven life, you're a happier person."

Do one good thing. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

Structure and Commitment

Here it is Sunday evening and time for me to write another blog. I have been writing my blog posts every Sunday since May 6, 2018. I have not missed one - 180 blogs today.

I am physically exhausted tonight because I spent most of the day, along with my husband, painting the molding and doors in our master bedroom. I am not a big fan of painting, and the last time I did it, I vowed never to do it again, but here we were, sanding, washing walls, taping, and painting the bedroom to match the new floor that we had installed Wednesday. Whenever you start a remodeling project, you have to expect that it will be twice as much work as you thought, and it will always lead to more projects as things snowball from one issue to the next.

So tonight, after cleaning up all the painting supplies, the last thing that I felt like doing was to start writing a blog. My self-imposed blog deadline is midnight, Sunday, and it is after nine o’clock now. It would be so much more fun to grab a snack, stretch out on the couch, and watch a movie. Maybe I could skip a week.  

Why do I feel as if I have to write every week? 

The answer for me is structure and commitment.

Whenever you decide to do something important to you, it requires structure in your schedule to create time to do it. That simple fact is the reason that so many of our goals go unaccomplished. We never feel as if we have enough time. Part of the goal-setting exercise that I do with my clients requires them to sit down every Sunday evening or Monday morning and plan out their week — structuring their schedule. Planning small steps towards your goals and scheduling time to accomplish those steps is vital to achieving any goal. We set priorities and break goals into small grouped tasks that help us stay in the zone. For example, I set aside time Sunday afternoon or evening to write my blog and upload it to my website. I carve out that time each week. Monday is podcast day, where I write, record, and edit podcasts. When I outline my week, these things must be accounted for, along with my work, coaching, and most importantly, self-care and family time. If I don’t commit to structuring my week, I will neglect myself and my goals.

Once you have your goals in mind and your structured schedule, you need the commitment to follow through. So many of us are great at planning and writing lists, even getting things on our calendar, but when it comes to the actual follow-through, we drop the ball. Commitment to yourself requires that you honor your hopes and dreams. Treat yourself as your priority, committing to your physical, emotional, and mental needs. There will be many days that you do not feel like following your schedule. You will want to do anything but your work. Creating the life that you ultimately want requires putting in the work and sticking to the plan. This evening, when I was tired and wanted to watch a movie, I had to commit to my blog because my goal is to become a better writer and because I want to help my fellow veterinary professionals feel better and do better.  

Writing this blog is part of that goal.

Now that it is done, I can get some rest.

Dr. Julie Cappel 

 “Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes… but no plans.” – Peter F. Drucker

Open to Learning

Have you ever made a mistake? I know, it is a ridiculous question. All humans make mistakes, and it is the number one thing that most of my veterinary clients worry about.

Mistakes can be quite upsetting when they are medical in nature, but the good news is that medical mistakes are rare. Business mistakes can cost money, and personal mistakes can damage relationships, but mistakes are a part of life. We cannot change and grow without accepting error.

Wednesday, I enjoyed recording a podcast with my talented friend and practice owner Dr. Susan Sayles. We planned to get together to offer a podcast about mistakes that we have made in our careers as veterinarians and leaders. We agree that there are so many lessons that we can learn from mistakes if we think about them a little differently.

Mistakes and errors are an important part of learning and growth. When I think of my many mistakes and failures, I think of my opportunity to learn from what I have done wrong. It is never easy, but most worthwhile things in life are complicated. My business would not have existed without the hard lessons of my first veterinary job, and I would not be the leader that I am without my mentor telling me that I was too impatient.

When you find yourself ruminating on an error, ask yourself some tough questions. It is not productive to beat yourself up, but reflecting on where you went wrong can help you glean the lessons offered to you. What happened and why? What would I change if this scenario presents itself again? How will I do better in the future? Opening yourself up to examining the experience does not mean berating yourself. An honest look at what you might do differently next time will allow the lessons to flow to you.  

If you feel stuck in perfectionism or fear error, you will never be open to success. All success involves some level of risk, so learning to embrace a minor imperfection will open you up to more accomplishment. Make a plan ahead of time to acknowledge the risk and plan for small failures.  If you are open to mistakes from the beginning, you will be more excited, more disciplined, and less fearful.  

When we work to see mistakes as a part of getting things right, we can relax and enjoy our life more. We will naturally make fewer errors when we are more relaxed and not caught up in the anxiety of perfectionism. Owning our mistakes makes us more human, relatable, and stronger as leaders in our practices.  

Cut yourself some slack and learn the lessons your mistakes want to teach you — you will feel better, stronger, and learn more. Also, don’t forget to listen to the podcast to learn from our mistakes.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“You don’t learn to walk by following rules; you learn by doing and by falling over.” - Richard Branson.