Can we all just get along?

As a veterinarian who has spent my life helping people and pets, without any concern for their political leanings, it disturbs me how contentious this year has become.  With Covid-19 mandating that we change the way we practice veterinary medicine and the associated unrest in our country, we have been faced with some clients who disagree with our protocols and procedures regarding Covid-19.  This has caused increase cases of verbal and physical abuse being laid at the feet of receptionists, technicians and veterinarians.  There have been people swearing, threatening, throwing things, and destroying property at many of the veterinary hospitals in our area.

Why don’t we all just get along?

Douglas E. Noll, a lawyer and expert mediator, explains that, “Human beings are emotional not rational.  As the conflict develops, we perceive it as a threat, and we may blame, attack, or withdraw.”

The ugly nature of people is just bubbling beneath the surface at any given moment.  We are all capable of lashing out to another person when we feel that things are not going our way. The part of our brain that fears rejection, failure, or isolation, kicks in when we are in conflict.  We want to fight for our opinions to remain relevant and feel heard. 

We must train ourselves to be better.

Most of us had mothers that told us, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”   Our mothers knew that we needed to be reminded to be kind because it did not always come naturally.   Using our prefrontal cortex that allows us to think rationally —  along with some prompting from our mothers — we can overcome our need to react negatively to others.  

Practice compassion for all other humans and allow for differing opinions.  We all want to be free to live our lives as we wish, but freedom requires the ability to differ.  If a client wants to give their view on how you should practice, be open to listening.  Staying calm with compassion is always the best way to keep yourself from being sucked into an argument.  Appreciate differences and remain open minded to others’ views. 

Have realistic expectations that others will not always act kindly towards you and vow to not strike back.  If you understand that most of the people you encounter will be kind, but some will not, you will be prepared to let the bad encounters roll off your back and you can stay out of the mud.

Take care of your team during these difficult times.  Have frequent conversations with fellow veterinarians and your team members so they feel supported.  Associating with others that are experiencing the same situations will allow all to feel understood, supported, and safe.

Humans are emotional and also beautifully unique.  Let’s value our differences and try to get along.

Dr. Julie Cappel

The power of self-awareness.

This week I had the distinct privilege to work with a group of young Michigan veterinarians and veterinary students as a mentor for the Power of Ten Leadership Academy.  I have been a supporter of this program for years and for the past two classes have been one of their two veterinary mentors.  The program is filled with fresh veterinary faces eager to improve their skills as leaders in the veterinary profession. Speakers are brought in each quarter to challenge us in new ways to develop ourselves into better leaders and better humans.  I love the program because each session I learn something new from the speakers and from the students that I mentor. 

The program that we attended on Friday and Saturday revolved around leadership development through self-awareness. Self-awareness is defined as, “conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires.”  Working to become a better leader starts with looking inward.

Dr. Travis Bradberry, author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0, describes self-awareness as the core component of emotional intelligence.  He defines emotional intelligence as the ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and the ability to manage those emotions. 

How do you create more self-awareness and learn to manage your emotions?

The first step that we took was to work through a personality assessment.  I love personality profiling systems as tools to get to know myself better and to learn more about others.  We used the DISC profiling system, taught to us brilliantly by John, our MVMA CEO.  The DISC system helps identify our preferred behavioral styles by looking at a combination of the four DISC styles.  Whether you use DISC, Meyer’s Briggs, Enneagram or The Big Five Personality tests, getting to know yourself on a deeper level will help you understand how you react to situations, and help you to understand the people that you lead. 

Self-awareness requires that you to understand your emotions.  Learning that your emotions are created by your thinking and learning not to fear your emotions, is a key step in developing leadership maturity.  Staying on your toes with regards to self examination in your response to all circumstances will allow you to change and grow in the areas of your greatest emotional strengths.

Self-awareness requires you to stay curious.  One of the primary attributes of a good leader is a healthy curiosity and thirst for life long learning. Looking to other strong leaders to learn from their experiences will open up your mind to ideas that will help you develop your leadership skills.  The Power of Ten Leadership Academy is a group filled with healthy curiosity. 

If you work to understand yourself, learn to feel your emotions, and remain curious you will embody the power of leadership self-awareness. Knowing yourself well is the most important step in becoming an authentic powerful leader.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Strong people have a strong sense of self-worth and self-awareness; they don’t need the approval of others.” ― Roy T. Bennett 

Taking time to grow.

Did you know that many people never read for the purpose of learning after they graduate from high school or college?  They study to obtain their diploma, but never continue to study to personally grow.  That concept may sound foreign to the veterinary community because we continue study to keep up with medical changes;  however, it is just as important for us to continue our studies to foster personal growth.  Whether you want to develop your leadership skills, communication skills, or learn to sing and dance, working towards growth in those areas will keep you energized and avoid stagnation. 

How can you embrace growth and self improvement?

Just get started.  Any self-improvement journey starts with a beginning. There is no right way or wrong way to start but you need to work at something — take one baby step  —  to get going.  Because our brains are naturally programed to fear change, the first step is always the most difficult.  If you want to make a million dollars, you have to start with one.  If you want to create a podcast, you have to start recording.  Anything worth doing and learning will feel scary to you at first, but understand that you have the capacity to overcome your fear.  If you just get started you will be on a path to personal growth and each successive step will become easier.

Create a list of goals.  If you don’t do some self assessment and decide where you want to end,  you will never begin.  Take some time to explore your deepest desires and goals.  Start by writing a list of all the things that you have always wanted to do, then pick your top priority and plan the steps needed to accomplish that goal.  If you don’t know how to do something, do not despair.  There are plenty of people that can teach you to do anything and plenty of places to research.  Get over your fear and commit to a goal.

Create a new growth habit.  Stop spending time on social media unless you are using it to work towards your new goal.  Examine where you spend your time and resolve to carve out time for your new personal growth journey.  We waste so many hours in our day focused on what others are doing and allowing ourselves to coast through life.  Choose some time in your day for your mental and physical development so you can grow.

A commitment to personal growth will lead you to many successes if you choose to embrace it as part of your lifelong journey.

Dr. Julie Cappel

Benjamin Franklin said, “By improving yourself the world is made better.  Be not afraid of growing too slowly. Be afraid only of standing still. Forget your mistakes but remember what they taught you.”

 

Getting Unstuck

Today, I was “coached” by my husband.  Yep - I was complaining about feeling stuck in the cold wet Michigan weather with a huge pile of things to do, and he turned my “coach” words back on me.   He said, “Why are you choosing to think about it in that way?”  then, “I was outside yesterday working, and I was thinking how beautiful the plants and trees looked with some rain on the leaves and the changing colors.”  Thanks Scott; those are beautiful thoughts!  Thank you for pulling me out of my pity party and showing me how my mind is working against me.    That negative “Chihuahua brain” of mine is always trying to bring me down.  

Why is it that we often feel stuck in the negative?  Why can’t we be more optimistic and take action towards what we really want? 

We look at our feelings about our job, our relationships, our weight, or our money and we feel like they are not under our control.  We feel at the mercy of the things that happen “to us” in the world.  The truth is that we cannot control any of the things.  Not the weather, not our past, even the things that others say to us or about us -   none of this is anything that we can control.

The only thing that is totally in our control is the way we think about all of the things that happen.  We are in control of our thoughts, and we are in control of our actions.  This is great news, because we all have power to get ourselves unstuck.

We don’t always want to take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings and actions because it seems easier to hide within the victim narrative that our brain creates for us.  If feels safer than doing the hard work that it takes to create our better life.  We spin in confusion and think, “I don’t know how to do it.”

Getting unstuck requires some motivation to feel better.  Why is it that you want to change and what are some solid reasons that you need to change?  Your reasons will provide you with the motivation to do something – to take action.  Having a compelling reason to manage your mind and then funnel those thoughts into actions, is the first step to get moving forward.

When you take your first step towards getting unstuck, you will probably feel some negative emotion.  Your brain will resist and fear failing.  Understand that this is normal and is the way getting unstuck feels.  It is often terrifying, but negative emotion is the pathway to change.  If you can feel the negative feelings and persevere anyway, you will begin to break down the walls that are keeping you stuck.

When you feel stuck, like I was today, tell your husband.  No, I am kidding - unless your husband will school you like mine did. 

When you are feeling stuck in anything, first look at your thoughts about it.  Realize that your thinking is a choice, and in order to feel better you are going to have to work to think better.  Try to come up with a solid reason that you want to change to provide yourself with some motivation.  Once you have a reason to change, take one action towards the thing that you want to change.  Prepare for some negative feelings and perhaps a few failures.  Resolve to move through the negative feelings and continue to push towards your goal.

That is how you will begin to become unstuck.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Being unstuck is not only about having momentum and moving along with minimum friction. It also has to include the ability to endure difficulties and even hard slogs” - Matt Perman

Everything comes down to poo….

I was sitting drinking my coffee this morning, talking to my family, and trying to come up with an idea for the blog.  Both of my adult children were home and we were chatting about ideas concerning leadership, positivity, and self-improvement.  As we batted around these ideas, my younger dog Parker pooped right in front of us on my living room carpet.  He has been house trained for at least eight months now and never pulls this kind of stunt, but I recently changed his yard routine - I fertilized his backyard and have been taking him out in the front yard.   I guess he is thinking, you change my routine I poop on your carpet. 

As I cleaned up the odiferous mess, my daughter jokingly said, “Life be like that some time.” Then I added, “Everything comes down to poo.”  Referring of course to the “Scrubs – My Musical” episode that aired in 2007 featuring a song about poo.    If you have not seen the episode, look it up and listen to it on YouTube.  It is funny and so relatable to veterinary medicine.

The talk and laughter that ensued as we listened to that song again, got me thinking about how a veterinarian’s and veterinary team’s life involves a lot of poo - both literally and metaphorically.   If we can retain the correct attitude about it, we can remember to laugh and enjoy our job in spite of the fact that much of our job revolves around poop.   

Veterinary life is like puppy poop on your carpet.  A blog is born…

There are so many opportunities to deal with literal “poo” in our profession and we actually make some money as we deal with it.  We have the fecal smear, the fecal flotation, fecal gram stain, and fecal culture. We deal with dog poo, cat poo, rabbit poo, lizard poo and the ever so frequent bird poo on my white lab coat. 

Everything does indeed come down to poo. We also deal with a lot of other negative stuff (poo) daily.

Poo is inherently negative right?  Wrong!  Our thoughts about it can be negative.  Sorry, I keep using the “poo” as a metaphor and you are probably tired of reading that word.  What I really mean is, the negative thoughts that you choose about your day cause your feelings of stress and negativity.

You can choose to think about anything differently in order to experience better feelings.

When something happens, it is a fact.  It happened and you can’t change it.  You get to choose how you want think about it.  If you think the fact is sad or negative in some way, you will create sad, negative feelings in your body.  If you find a different way of looking at it, thinking a more positive thought, you will feel more positive about it. 

For example, a client’s dog is severely ill, and you don’t think you can save it.  That is a sad fact. You can either choose to feel helpless and sad, or you can change your focus to one of helping the client navigate the decisions that need to be made.  Focus on your talent for working with clients, not saving the patient.  If you can focus on the conversation and counsel the client and your abilities therewith, you will feel useful, not useless.  If you focus on what you can’t do, you will feel helpless. If you focus on what you can do for the client, you will feel helpful.

Remember that every veterinarian and veterinary technician has insecurities.  It is totally normal to feel negative emotion.  Just realize that the negative emotions come from your thoughts about any given situation.  You get to choose those thoughts.  Your brain is powerful! 

This is your life and you are in charge of your satisfaction.  If you are not happy, work to change your mind.  You may not be able to change your situation, but you can change your thoughts about your situation.

If you are experiencing difficulty seeing the humor in the “poo” in your life reach out for help. We all get stuck and need someone to help us out of our negative emotions. There are plenty of great therapists and life coaches (like me) that would love to help you get through it.  Taking care of yourself is always your first priority.

So, thank you to Bridget, Tristan, Scott and of course Parker for interrupting our blog brainstorming session to poop on the carpet.  You saved me some time by giving me a great example for creating positive thoughts. 

Stay positive this week!

“I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.”  -  Joan Rivers

Dr. Julie Cappel

Join me on the Podcast!  The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast. 

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-veterinary-life-coach-podcast-with-dr-julie-cappel/id1451549730