5 Ways to Get Over Your Pity Party.

We all have those moments in life where it feels as if we are hit hard and knocked down by our circumstance.   We are cruising along doing pretty well for ourselves and all at once, something happens that takes us down and stops our forward momentum.   We hit a wall in our business, experience a health issue, or have a personal relationship failure.  Something happens that causes us to slide into negative thinking and feeling. 

What can we do to get ourselves out of this negative life space and avoid the pity party?

Live in the truth for a short time.  Give yourself a bit of time to feel bad or mourn your loss.  When you feel let down by someone, or something that didn’t happen for you, it is OK to acknowledge those bad feelings and really feel them.  If you avoid the bad feelings and try to push them away, they will become more powerful than they actually are. Give yourself a short time to feel negative emotion about the lost dreams.  Once you have felt the negative feelings all the way through, it will be easier to let go of them and move on.

Avoid a victim mentality.  Feeling like a victim for example, when a client yells at you for something beyond your control, destroys your self-confidence and removes your sense of empowerment over the circumstance. The more you dwell in disappointment and worry about that client’s feelings, the more difficult it will be to get into problem solving mode and overcome the difficulty.  Self-pity or victimhood can be destructive if you choose to dwell there. 

Get a little perspective.  We often feel sad or disappointed about something that we will not really remember in a month or so.  Think about the big picture.  Let your mind go to a place several months in the future and think about whether this disappointment will be relevant then.  Are there other more important things that you can think about now to move on?  Realizing that many of the things we experience in life will not be important months or years in the future, will help you to gain perspective about the issue at hand.

Remember that success does not always equal happiness.  Successes often feel great in the moment, but that happiness is not sustained over the long term.  Studies of lottery winners show that they are no happier one year after their lottery win than they were before the money.  Life has a tendency to even out with levels of negative and positive emotion.  There are times when a good failure is more important to your long-term success than an instant win.  You can choose to be happy with each moment regardless of the circumstance.

Identify your next opportunity. Focusing on the lessons that a failure brings will allow you to envision future successes. Knowing that each day offers renewed opportunity to try again will allow your brain to get beyond the self-pity and move on to future possibility. Focusing on your next move will help you let go of the current problem and use the lessons learned to propel you forward. 

When things don’t work out the way you originally planned, realize that nothing has gone terribly wrong.   Failure and disappointment are difficult for all of us to deal with, but you can face it with dignity and grace if you follow these five steps.  Treat yourself with compassion and see what you can learn from the situation.  Try not to judge yourself so you do not get stuck in a downward spiral of the prolonged pity party.  Let it go and move on.

Dr. Julie Cappel

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“It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” - Epictetus

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.” ― H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Let me talk to the boss!

Each day the lovely veterinary technicians at our practice call all of the clients from the previous day to see how they are doing after their vaccinations or surgical procedures. They politely call each one and listen to the owner’s reports, answering questions as they arise. It is usually a somewhat pleasant exercise.  Clients are often friendly, appreciative, and grateful for the fact that we care enough to call them for a progress report.

 

Not so on Friday.

On Friday I was working in the pharmacy area (where the call-back phone is located), getting ready to enter an exam room when I heard my technician Samantha making a follow-up call.  The gentleman had been in with his dog on Thursday for a routine annual examination and vaccines with one of the doctors.  When the client answered, Sam politely said, “Hello, this is Sam from Warren Woods Veterinary Hospital and I was calling to see how Fritz is doing after his vaccination appointment yesterday.”  What happened next was so fascinating that I had to stop what I was doing to listen to Sam’s side of the call. 

She repeated the entire sentence again but a little bit louder.  “This is Sam from Warren Woods, I was calling about Fritz, to see how he is doing after yesterday’s visit.”  Then, “Yes, I can hear you, can you hear me?” she said politely.  Then again in an even louder voice, “This is Sam from…………., perhaps I should call you again on another line.”  Sam kept getting louder and the gentleman kept telling her to speak louder.  After about the fifth or sixth time she repeated herself, each time upping the volume saying, “I am sorry, I cannot speak any louder, but I would be happy to call you back on a different line, if you like.”  “I AM SORRY but I CANNOT get any LOUDER, maybe we have a bad connection.”  Then she paused and said, “Of course, let me place you on hold for a moment so I can get her for you.”  She placed the phone on hold, looked at me with desperation in her eyes - as the rest of the team, now very interested looked on - and said: “He wants to speak to the boss because he said that I am very rude.”   

I could only laugh out loud and the absurdity of her situation.  I had heard the whole conversation and Sam was not rude at all.  In fact, she is one of the sweetest most patient people I know.  She was indeed talking very loudly, but not rude.  Hilarious!

So, what do you do when someone falsely accuses you of being rude or handling them (or their pet) in an unsatisfactory manner; especially when you know that you are in the right?  Our first instinct is to fight back.  Our natural reaction is to go into defense or fight mode; the automatic response - our fight or flight reaction.  The problem is that you can’t run away from your clients, so flight is off the table.

When someone falsely accuses you, stay calm and keep a positive mindset.  Getting upset or fighting has no place in this conversation. Give up the idea of being right.  There is no right or wrong, there is only understanding. If you become agitated or defensive you will not be able to diffuse or remedy the situation. 

Assume that what the client is telling you is true - to them - and try to understand why it is true.  Once you understand where they are coming from you can move into solution mode.  Agree on the facts of the situation and in this case the fact was that the client could not hear Sam properly.  No fault of Sam, but the client needed to know that her intentions were honorable because she just wanted to check on his dog.  Once we got past the confusion and moved to understanding, we were able to agree that the phone connection was the problem, not our sweet Samantha. 

“Seek first to understand and then to be understood.”     

Stephen R. Covey

Dr. Julie Cappel

Join Me on The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast!  Click the Link.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-veterinary-life-coach-podcast-with-dr-julie-cappel/id1451549730