Perfect Christmas

Yesterday was Christmas Day and mine was quite extraordinary. Most of my family was together - some via zoom. Everyone stayed healthy, and the weather cooperated - we are in Florida, so the weather is terrific. As I write this, my adult children play video games (silly Fortnite dances flash on the screen), eat pizza, and laugh like silly ten-year-olds sitting next to me on the sofa. These are the holiday memories that mothers long to experience.

Christmas is not always this kind to everyone. I have been lucky for the most part this year, but I know many have experienced significant loss, financial strains, long work hours, and disappointment during the holidays. Then there are the stresses we put on ourselves to provide the ideal holiday experience for our families: the perfect decorations, the perfect tree, the best gifts, the most delicious food. Our brains tell us Moms are supposed to provide all these things, but we never seem to feel accomplished. 

It is so easy to feel like a failure during the holidays. Scrolling through social media adds to the feeling because every other post is of a beautiful family dressed impeccably and looking perfectly happy. This morning I read a social media post from a veterinary Mom, extremely upset (enough to write a long raving post), that she worked herself to the bone to buy and wrap all the family gifts. Her husband didn't purchase a gift to put under the tree or anything for her stocking. She felt under-appreciated, disappointed, and distraught that she worked so hard to make everything perfect and no one thought of her. (I hear you and have been there, sister!)

How can a Mom live up to everything that a "good Mom" is supposed to do for the holidays and feel appreciated? Is there a way to anticipate the holiday, handle the responsibilities, and enjoy the day, even if it does not go as well as a Hallmark Christmas movie? 

Many emotions come with the buildup to the holidays, and the best thing that we can do is expect them. Spend some time in thought and meditation so that you can sort out your feelings. If something disappoints, don't forget that disappointment is part of living. Embrace your imperfections and find humor in the situation. Remember that some of the best memories come from failures. My kids have the best time laughing at the memories of awkward Christmas photos or gifts that did not go over well. Young children may not get it, but when your kids grow up, they will realize that the magic of Christmas is all about their parent's efforts to make them feel loved, not about any gift that they receive.

Remember that children cry, throw tantrums, and people fight behind the scenes for every beautiful family photo. Those photos don't make it to social media. Turkeys dry out, lights go out, and cookies burn in every home. Every time you feel as if you dropped the ball, another mom is out there doing the same. You are in good company. We have all failed at many things during the holidays and will continue to do so. Look around, take it in, laugh, and remember it all when you fail. Hang in there, mama; you have 364 days to prepare for the next Christmas.  

While I have been writing this blog, each family member has hugged me goodnight and retired to their bed. The house is quiet, and the dogs are lying by my feet. Tomorrow will be another day to enjoy my family together before they all fly back to their own homes. I want to appreciate all of it, the laughter, the cooking, the cleaning, the dirty dishes, and even the disagreements. While I tear down the decorations, I will remember the people that are no longer here that made my past Christmases great: My grandparents, my brilliant father-in-law, my favorite uncle, and my beautiful nephew. The memories that we hold and continue to create are what a well-lived life is all about. 

Christmas is not about perfection; it is about love. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

"It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” -
Mother Theresa

A Christmas miracle comes through work and persistence.

The hospital I have worked for the past 30 plus years, Warren Woods Veterinary Hospital, is a fantastic place with incredible people. Dr. William Mullan, our founder, created a veterinary hospital where the medicine was exemplary, and the team always felt supported and valued. I always believed that people make a workplace culture, and people create a safe space for clients and pets. That is Warren Woods. 

The pandemic affected our hospital and the profession in many crazy ways. The changes that we experienced contributed to us losing most of our doctors for reasons, including childbirth and retirement. Also, losing technicians and other team members for various reasons as well. One of our technicians landed her dream job working for a zoo. We were sad to see her go but thrilled for her opportunity.  

For the past year, we have been interviewing and struggling to rebuild our team with the quality team members that have always made Warren Wood Veterinary Hospital a place for pets to get the best care. Thanks to the persistence of our incredible hospital manager and our recruiter, who both worked tirelessly to set up interviews and hospital visits, we are happy to announce that we have two new veterinarians signed on to start work with us in the new year. Along with our current fantastic team, we will be in a much better place to handle all of the client demands and do better for years to come.  

We can all embody the persistence of this team when life becomes difficult, and the outlook for success seems bleak. Our hospital manager and recruiter practiced their persistence as we searched for the right fit for our practice team month after month, and their persistence ultimately resulted in our success.

Persistence makes the difference between success and failure. 

Persistence is “the firm or obstinate continuance in a course of action despite difficulty or opposition.” Most people do nothing or quit in the middle of their journey, and the quitting comes from the need to avoid the discomfort of pushing through when nothing seems to be working. Had our manager given into her discomfort of interviewing, scanning resumes, setting up zoom meetings, placing ads, and all the things she had to do to find our excellent new doctors, she would have never been successful in adding to our team. Without persistence, she would just quit and move on to another job herself.  

Developing your persistence will allow you to reach any goal that you desire. When the uncertainty or discomfort of the work arises, it is your persistence that will enable you to follow through to your miracle. 

Know what you want and why. Before you can practice your persistence, you need to know what you want. We wanted terrific veterinarians to join our team, and we went after them. Understanding your needs, wants, and your why is the basis for building your ongoing mission.

Pull out your passion. If you are not passionate about your workplace, you will have difficulty persuading others to work with you. Passion breeds persistence by opening up your mind to innovative ideas while recruiting. If you are not passionate about your job, why would others want to join you? 

Take some small action daily. When creating something big, you need to work on it persistently. Small actions taken over days, create weeks of results. Discipline to activity leads to persistent work on your goal. 

 

Keep growth as your mindset. If you work to grow yourself from the inside out, there is nothing that you cannot do.  A growth mindset will keep you working when others want to quit.  Be aware of your negative thoughts, they will keep you stuck.

Christmas miracles are magic, but practicing persistence will help you create the magic to fuel your miracles.  Congratulations Warren Woods Veterinary Hospital!  Keep up that great work. 

Have a very Merry Christmas everyone.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.” - Vidal Sassoon

“No great achievement is possible without persistent work.” – Bertrand Russell.

As the year ends, don't give in to procrastination.

"There are so many things to do and not enough time to do them." I often think this thought throughout the year, but it seems to fit even more in December. Something about the approaching year-end makes me feel pressured to get everything done quickly and efficiently. I need to accomplish big goals that I had set for the year and the day-to-day tasks and the immediate responsibilities that come with the holidays. Shopping, planning, parties, and family all add to the stress of the year's end. 

When we feel overwhelmed with daily chores and work tasks, our first instinct is to procrastinate. Procrastination is an act of fear, fear of failing, and everyone does it. We fear making a poor decision about any number of things, and so we avoid making any decision at all. We turn our attention to something that requires less focus and find ourselves deep in procrastination. I procrastinate this time of year by turning on the Hallmark channel to watch a Christmas movie. It does not matter which one, because they are all the same. The cheesy movies are my way of avoiding decisions and working on goals.  

We know that we are likely to procrastinate at the most stressful time of the year. How can we focus and overcome our fear of failure, make firm decisions, and get our work done?

Start with making a list (and checking it twice). Get all the things that need to be done out of your head and onto that list. What tasks do you need to complete to achieve your goals? If it is gift shopping and wrapping, decide which is the priority. Usually, shopping comes first, so complete it all before moving on. Then get to work on the wrapping. Once you know what you want to get done, you can prioritize the tasks and achieve the end goal. If you start to feel paralyzed in fear and procrastination, take the next small step from your prioritized to-do list.  

Avoid your distractions. It takes some level of determination to keep yourself from getting distracted. Distraction is the enemy of focus. If you know your triggers and catch yourself when you become unfocused, you can quickly turn yourself around. For me, that means staying away from the Hallmark channel. Remember that the decisions are what you are afraid of. If you can make solid and quick decisions, it will keep you from procrastination. Do the next thing on the list when you begin to feel overwhelmed. 

Beware of your excuses. My favorite is blaming others for my lack of focus. "Someone texted me and interrupted my work time, and why does everyone keep bugging me when I am busy?" These are the excuses that you will invent when trying to avoid doing the work that needs to be done. Your excuses are brain drama, and brain drama is just noise. Please don't listen to your drama and stay on track. Growth comes from knowing yourself well enough to ignore your excuses. Take responsibility for yourself and get to work. 

Get support. My best work comes after I have been coached by another driven person. Coaches and mentors have a way of helping you sort through your brain drama and get to the root of the procrastination. Reach out for help when you feel stuck in procrastination. You can change if you put in the effort to do it.

Get something done this week and share with me what you do.

Dr. Julie Cappel

"If you have goals and procrastination, you have nothing. If you have goals and you take action, you will have anything you want." - Thomas J. Vilord.

Respectful Disagreement

This week, there was a lot of uproar on veterinary social media about an article published in the Juneau Empire called “Veterinarian shortage dogs Juneau.” If you haven’t read the article, you may want to save yourself some time and skip it, but if you read it and have an opinion about it, you are not alone.  

The basic premise and intention of the article were to highlight the struggles of veterinary practices in Juneau, Alaska. Like many other states, veterinary practices are experiencing a shortage of veterinarians and increased client demands. The article started innocently enough, but then some things were said (allegedly/maybe, taken out of context) that set off a firestorm of comments - not so kind words - on social media sites. 

Here are a few of the comments that I read.  

“Dr. S… forgets that, “leftists female veterinarians” can castrate giant jack asses.” ,  “misogynistic right-wing (probably racist…) cis white male…”, “Old White Man.” and lastly, “He can f—-ing twist in the wind.”

Fine, I get it; I was briefly offended by some of it too, but should veterinarians attack other veterinarians? What have we become when our need to be right causes us to degrade and insult another human being, especially one of our fellow professionals that we profess to care about so deeply?

My point in bringing this to my blog is not to shame anyone for their anger. Anger is a valid emotion that we all feel at times. We need to feel the insult and become angry about it, but then better handle our negative emotions. We can do better than lashing out. If we lash out with a personal attack, we repeat the same mistake of the person who insulted us. 

How do we disagree without lashing out?

Do not blame other people for your emotion. Other people don’t make you mad; your thoughts about their comments and opinions make you mad. You have control over how you react to that anger and how you express your differing opinion. You can disagree in a calm, logical manner and probably get your point across better than when you hurl insults.  

Work through your anger before responding to a post or comment online. When clients leave a negative review about me or my practice, it hurts, and I may react by becoming angry or sad about their unkind words. If I act on that anger, I will not respond as my best self. Take some time to process your anger before you respond. Work through it, meditate on it, or feel it all the way through.  I call it the 24-hour rule, and it means that you need to process your feelings overnight so your response will be well thought out. Wait 24 hours before commenting on a Facebook post if you feel yourself typing insults.

I am all for disagreement and debate; it is part of healthy communication. As part of keeping our profession healthy and intact, I would love to see all of us come together and support each other even in our disagreements and diverse opinions. I hope that the veterinarians involved with this article and the ensuing comments are safe and well. I hope that all of them feel heard and valued.

I wish that we will keep working to feel better and do better for the sake of our noble profession.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“I don't have to agree with you to like you or respect you.” ― Anthony Bourdain

“Love is wise; hatred is foolish. In this world, which is getting more and more closely interconnected, we have to learn to tolerate each other, we have to learn to put up with the fact that some people say things that we don't like. We can only live together in that way. But if we are to live together, and not die together, we must learn a kind of charity and a kind of tolerance, which is absolutely vital to the continuation of human life on this planet.” ― Bertrand Russell

Thankful, Grateful, and a little "SAD."

This week we celebrated Thanksgiving, better for most of us this year because we are moving beyond Covid and living a more normal life. Gatherings are now acceptable, and there is far less fear and uncertainty with the vaccines and many more effective treatments. As I cooked my turkey and got my Christmas lights in order, I began to think about the year that passed and how I was feeling a little sad overall. How did this year go by so fast? Why is it winter already? I love Christmas lights, my family, turkey, and even a little snow, so why am I feeling low? 

I must admit, as the days are shorter and the weather gets colder, I start to feel a bit trapped and a little down. As I get up in the morning, it is dark, and as I leave work in the evening, it is dark. I start to feel less energetic. I love bike riding and hanging outdoors in the summer, but it is not the same for me when Michigan's weather gets ugly and cold.

I look forward to Christmas, but the change in seasons can get to me, and I feel slow and less ambitious. I want to arrive home, put on my stretchy pants, and crawl under a blanket on the couch to watch some lame competition show like Dancing with the Stars or maybe binge-watch a Netflix series. 

There is a thing called Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD that many people deal with each year, and because I am feeling a bit similar now, I thought I might do a little research on SAD to see what I could learn, and in turn, share with you in my blog. 

According to Norman Rosenthal, MD, who coined the term "Seasonal Affective Disorder" in 1986, 6% of people that live in the northern parts of the United States have SAD. Another 14% deal with a lesser form of SAD, called the "winter blues." I would add that some of us feel a bit off and struggle more with our ambition in the winter.  

The symptoms of SAD, as listed by The National Institute of Mental Health, are lack of energy, feeling sleepy, weight gain or loss, overeating, social withdrawal, restlessness, anxiety, irritability, and insomnia. It differs from major depression in that people don't often feel hopeless or worthless with SAD, most still function well during the day, and of course, it does not stay with them all year. 

To combat SAD or winter blues, you must get some good quality sleep. As I tend to do, staying up too late feels productive but can add to your anxiety by disrupting the hours that you should be resting. It works best to adopt an evening routine by making tea or reading before bed. Pick a bedtime and stick to it; Netflix will still be there tomorrow. 

It would help if you also had healthy food, exercise, vitamin D supplementation, and sunshine. SAD is thought to be associated with increased melatonin and decreased serotonin. You can increase your serotonin levels by natural sunlight exposure (even if you have to walk outside in the cold) or artificially with a lightbox designed to mimic sun exposure. The lightboxes have 20 times greater light than your regular indoor lighting. You can do both if you feel inclined, but get yourself in some light, eat well, and move your body.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy and coaching can help you change your thoughts and behaviors to bring you out of your funk. Working on yourself to set goals and prevent yourself from couch surfing all evening enables you to feel better. I know that if I do some thought work, practice yoga, or get my butt on my stationary bike for 30 minutes, I will think, sleep, and feel so much better. 

Now that I know why I may be feeling low, I am thankful that I have good information, access to that information, and the tools to implement change. I am grateful that I will spend a few weeks in Florida this year, where the sun shines brighter, and it is easier to get outside. I am thankful that I have Christmas lights, turkey, and friends who read this blog each week to encourage me to research and learn about things like SAD and "winter blues." 

I vow to work on myself this winter to do better. Let me know if you want to join me by setting some goals to feel less "SAD."  

Please leave me a comment or email @jacappeldvm@gmail.com.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“With every new day comes new strength and new thoughts.” Eleanore Roosevelt

“The best way out is always through.”  Robert Frost

Better than Happy

Is there something better than happiness? This is a strange question coming from someone that makes a living trying to make both pet owners and veterinarians feel happy. I work to help veterinarians love their work and owners to keep their healthy pets, so you would think that happiness is a primary goal of mine, right?  

In reality, studies have shown that chasing happiness makes us feel stressed and disappointed when circumstances don’t go as planned - when life happens. In her article in Atlantic Monthly, Emily Esfahani Smith writes, “The single-minded pursuit of happiness is ironically leaving people less happy.” She goes on to say, “Research has shown that having meaning and purpose in life increases overall well-being and life satisfaction, improves mental and physical health, enhances resiliency and self-esteem, and decreases the chances of depression.” I would also add the skill of handling human emotion to the list that helps us create a stable and purposeful life. 

This week I had the pleasure to speak to a group of young veterinarians at the Michigan Veterinary Medical Association’s Power of Ten Leadership Academy. This group helps young veterinarians interested in leadership gain the tools they need to feel confident and competent in all aspects of leadership. I spoke about “feeling better” in my morning session. I taught them thought work techniques and basic coaching principles to increase their emotional capacity. Training yourself to be willing to feel any emotion without fear and building skills in emotional intelligence is a powerful tool. The power is to be willing and able to feel grief, anger, frustration, and stress - all the things we try so hard to avoid. The more we are willing to feel negative emotions, the better our life will be.

Meaning, purpose, and emotional competence are much more important than happiness. That is not to say that happiness does not come from doing meaningful things, but true happiness comes from creating your best life. I mean accepting the things that come, handling the emotions, and pushing forward anyway. You cannot achieve your best life without experiencing many ups and downs, successes and failures.  

How do we start working towards emotional competence and purpose?

Belong to a group. It may be family, friends, church, or charity, but purpose comes from feeling a sense of belonging. Find some people that value you for who you are. If that seems difficult, work on your thoughts about your current relationships. Is it possible that you do belong? Reach out to those of us in the veterinary community. So many of us are working to improve the profession, and we would love to have one more person involved in that mission.  

Set some personal goals and create your life mission. Goal setting pushes us forward and keeps us from stagnation. Expect some obstacles and failures and embrace them. Each minor setback will make you stronger and teach you how to manage your mind around obstacles. Overcoming failure creates success. Connecting to a goal and something bigger than yourself is a great way to build meaning and purpose in your life.

Work on your thoughts to create a better self-image. So much of our unhappiness comes from our lack of self-confidence and impostor syndrome. Thought work can help you see where your brain is leading you astray and help you feel your real value. We are all worthy of outside respect and love, but our feelings always start within. Creating a better opinion of yourself will help you push forward towards happiness, fulfillment, self-worth.  

We all have the power to change our life and create more happiness. Whatever your current circumstances are, know that they are better than happiness and choose your attitude. Your feelings will not change in a day, but if you work towards purpose and emotional competence, you will be working towards a meaningful life. 

You can be better than happy.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Happiness is not the absence of problems; it’s the ability to deal with them.” - Steve Maraboli.

Motivation to Get Going

I spent the better part of this week struggling with the time change and the cold weather here in Michigan. I love the fall weather, but when November comes and we lose our daylight savings time, things seem to get a bit depressing, and I lose all motivation. Something about the change of seasons and the idea of the upcoming winter (with the holidays) adds stress to my brain. Then all I want to do is curl up and do nothing. As I write this, it has started snowing outside, which is very beautiful, but it reminds me I have Christmas lights to put up, Thanksgiving to shop for, Christmas presents to buy, housework to do, and there are still leaves on the ground to be raked. 

My brain is spinning, and I am overwhelmed. The overwhelming feelings lead to procrastination, but what I need is motivation!

Motivation is “the process that initiates, guides, and maintains goal-oriented behaviors.” Motivation can be external, as in a looming deadline, but it is more often something we need to work on internally.

So what can I do to get myself motivated when things seem overwhelming?

I first need to understand why I feel unmotivated. It stems from my thoughts about all the things that I have put on my plate. Fear and self-doubt creep in when I start to list them out in my head, and I don’t know where to start. 

I can start by focusing on one small task at a time. If you have many things on your mind getting motivated requires action. Choose one goal, then break that goal down into small tasks. Pick the most urgent or vital step and vow do it. Small steps are much less overwhelming to your brain, so the tiny step will be easier to accomplish. Beware of your brain wanting to pull you off or that task to do something more fun. You must vow to get it done. Once you have the first step under your belt, the second one will feel a bit easier.

Try not to focus on your entire situation. Negativity breeds more negativity, and that is how depression starts. Thoughts of self-pity or fear will pull you off task, so when you hear those negative voices in your head telling you that you can’t do it all, reject that voice. You may need to read something motivational or listen to an uplifting speech, but kick yourself in the butt and think something positive. I like to play uplifting music when I am feeling self-pity. You may not erase the negative thoughts altogether, but replacing them with positive thoughts and feelings certainly helps.

When you get something done, reward yourself. You can tell someone that you did something good so that they will give you a little acknowledgment. You can plan any small reward; make sure it does not sabotage your progress. For example, don’t spend three hours on social media to reward yourself for a baby step.  I like to “power pose” like Rocky or dance around a little when I get something difficult done. That way, my brain looks forward to what I am doing instead of back and what I missed. Giving yourself that little “high five” when you get something done is a tremendous mental reward. Then, start on step two; even if there is an internal struggle with your negative self, push through anyway. The more small steps you can get through, the more positive momentum you will create. 

If you are anything like me, you have taken on too much. I always overestimate what I can do on any given day. If that is the case for you, cut yourself some slack. Don’t think you are a failure if your list is longer than you can achieve. Try to be realistic with yourself and your goals. Think of your glass as half full, not half empty. Continue to push to excel. You may surprise yourself with the number of things you can get done.  

You can motivate yourself internally or externally, but either way, motivation is up to you. Setting goals, doing thought work, and taking action are ways to increase your motivation. You can do this! Pull yourself out of your funk and take control of yourself.

Now that my blog is complete, I can dance and get on to step two.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.” - Carol Burnett.

“Every job — whether you’re washing dishes or performing kidney surgery — provides us with the opportunity to affirm our identities as capable, respectable individuals, upon whom the most important people in our lives can rely.” - Nick Tasler.

Listen to the Podcast!!  

The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast with Dr. Julie Cappel

 

Put yourself around those that raise you up.

It has been my experience that energy creates energy. When I am around happy people that work hard, I naturally feel more ambitious and optimistic. This phenomenon has been called proximity, or the proximity principle depending on who you read.

Jim Rohn says that we are the product of the five people we spend the most time with. Ken Colman says that seven out of ten workers report being unhappy at work, so there are many unhappy people that you may be hanging around in your workplace. If that is true in our veterinary hospitals, it makes sense that veterinary practices may feel toxic. I hear this complaint all the time from my coaching clients about different work situations. We spend a lot of time with our coworkers, and if they are a stressed mess, we will be stressed too. 

With this in mind, we need to understand that we have some responsibility for the energy that we bring to our practices. We may not have the power to choose our coworkers or immediately change jobs, but we do have the ability to influence the culture and the people.  If others influence our mood, we can directly influence theirs. You can use the power of your proximity to change the energy of your practice. Proximity can work both ways. Bring positive energy to every day and see if those around you change.

You may also use proximity to achieve goals. Tony Robbins said, “Proximity is power.” In other words, surround yourself with people who have already accomplished your goals and dreams. If you want to make a million dollars, you need to associate yourself with those that have made significant money and learn from them. Ask them about their financial philosophy, budgeting, and how they invest. Watching and imitating them will help you get your finances in order and increase your income. The money will not fall from the sky, but you will be more likely to make that million if you put in the work and learn from their example. 

If you want a new career, associate with someone that works in your chosen field. Getting to know people that already have what you want allows you to see how they got there. Be sure that your goals align with your morals and values, then put yourself where you can get involved in the area of your choice. If you feel intimidated, remember that everyone started somewhere, and even the most successful people were where you are now. Put yourself with those that you wish to be.

If you want to create more abundance or positivity in your life, find someone who has the attitude you want. People that work to create a positive mental attitude spend time and energy working on their minds. Do not be afraid or embarrassed asking for help to feel better. None of us are self-sufficient in all areas of our lives, so getting help when needed is a sign of strength. Putting yourself in the proximity of a good therapist or coach will help you achieve the energy and attitude you desire. 

Ask any successful person, and they will tell you that they didn’t get there alone. It takes a community to create any culture and proximity to the right people to create success. Find the right person to teach you what you need to know and be the right person to teach others. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“If you can get proximity with people that are the best in the world, things can happen because all of the people they know, the insights they have, and the life experience they have. They can save you a decade of time by one insight.” - Tony Robbins

Halloween Bust

Today is Halloween, a holiday that I have always enjoyed. In fact, after Christmas, I can honestly say it is my favorite. I'm not too fond of scary movies or haunted houses; fear is not fun. More specifically, I love the decorations, the costumes, the parties, and most importantly, the candy for the kids. My children are fully grown and living out of state, so I no longer experience costumes and trick or treating. (At least not until I have some grandchildren) I still decorate my house, buy candy, and wait in the doorway for the kids to come along with their cute costumes and proud parents. Tonight I was ready. I made little baggies full of candy tied with orange ribbons, three bowls of these pretty little packages. I put on the porch light, opened the door, and waited for the kiddies to arrive. When our neighborhood started moving at six o'clock, one young man and his Dad arrived. He was dressed as Fred Flintstone and was happy to say thank you three times to me. Twenty minutes later, I had a group of younger kids at my door, with their parents waiting out on the sidewalk. Most were dressed as cartoon heros and Disney princesses. Twenty minutes after that, my husband gave candy to three more children at the door as my dog Parker barked up a storm. Shortly after that, the wind started to blow, and the rain began to pour, and there were no other kids in view. I took a picture of myself and my candy to text to my kids, closed up the door, and turned off the lights. 

I wanted to feel disappointed in the Halloween experience. I miss my family, I miss the neighborhood kids from the past, and I am left with three large bowls of beautifully wrapped candy with nowhere to go.

The truth is that I still feel happy about this Halloween, even though it seems like a giant bust. I know I get to choose how I want to think about anything, but it is often difficult to see the upside when negative things happen. That is when I need to coach myself to let go of the negative story and move on to feeling happy with my Halloween day.

How can we decide to feel happy when things do not go as planned?

Take stock of what you do have. When things feel negative, one of the quickest ways to start to see differently is to think about what you do have. You have gifts and advantages that you mostly take for granted. Seeing them through a lens of gratitude changes things.  I have a house to decorate and cute decorations to put around my yard. I live in a neighborhood with many families that might enjoy my decorations. I enjoy my decorations because they make my house look warm and inviting. I have the financial stability to drive a car to take me to the store to buy the candy that I want to buy. I have the free time to spend waiting at the door for the kids. I also have a bunch of candy now that I can give to others or eat myself.

Let go of the past while remembering the joy it brought. Living in the present is the thing that makes us most happy; however, cherishing happy memories reminds us that we can and will be happy again. If I remember back to the great Halloween nights of the past, I may feel disappointed that this one was not as grand. However, if I remember the past but choose to value my present experience, I can find joy in what is happening now. The excitement of getting ready for Halloween was fun, so I decided to focus on that. I also was able to talk to and text with my family, which was fun as we shared photos of Halloween cards and our pets.

I loved everything about today in the big scheme of things; I didn't know it until I examined my story, coached myself, and decided that I enjoyed my entire Halloween experience.

Happy Halloween, everyone - now on to Christmas!!

Dr. Julie Cappel

Lemonade from Lemons

This week was interesting, like most weeks in veterinary practice. I experienced both ends of the client interaction spectrum — critical negative client and supportive positive client.

Hateful words, complaints, and negative reviews from our clients are often mentally harmful and feel terrible. If you have spent any time in this profession, you have had a negative client experience more than once. We usually take their words at face value and feel bad about ourselves based on their comments. As clients offer their opinions, I think we can take some of their negativity and use it to make us better and stronger people. Using critical and hateful words to create positive results is much like making lemonade from lemons.

On Monday evening, just as I was getting ready to life coach a veterinarian, I read an email from a loyal, longtime veterinary client. The email went something like but not exactly like this….Julie, I have been a client of the hospital for over 30 years. When I have a cat with a problem and call for assistance, I am told to go to emergency.  Is this how you “life coach” your veterinarians? Tell them to abandon their clients for time off?…. There was more, but you get a general idea. He was angry at the receptionists for not getting him into the schedule and made sure that I knew about it by email as soon as he could. No plea for help, no “sorry to bother you doc,” just sarcasm. When I politely returned his email saying that I would be happy to help when I was in the office on Tuesday, he answered with more sarcastic quips and negative comments about me and my team. 

When I read his first email, I had a difficult choice to make. Do I respond with an equally snarky comment — I have been known to be pretty good at sarcasm and passive aggression — or do I remain kind and try to help him? My epithetic better self told me that he was upset about his cat being ill on my day off. I chose to send a kind response offering help the next day and not respond to the snarky comment about my life coaching. When he refused to accept my help Tuesday, I decided to let it go, not respond, and allow him the space to determine his next move.

When people disagree with your policies or your level of access, they may become haters, and it is easy to allow them to bring us down on our profession. We have a choice to either let hostile clients stop us from offering our services, or use their comments as fuel to propel us forward to more success. 

Understand that your success brings exposure. Client criticism is a sign that you and your hospital are doing something right. If you do not create enough demand to be busy, you will not have upset people when you are unavailable. Seeing the angry client as bitter because you were not there to help shows how important he thinks you are.

Use the negative example to make you more tolerant of others. When you are frustrated with a situation beyond your control, do not respond with criticism and sarcasm. Use your empathy to show up in a better, more professional way. Kindness from you will not always be returned, but you will feel better knowing that you responded as your best self.

Understand that criticism may allow you to change and grow. If you remain open to some level of feedback, you may find something in yourself or your practice that you want to change. A humble look at the sentiment behind the critique may reveal some truth. If nothing else, you can practice your compassion and listen openly without judging the client or yourself. Both parties can be right without anything changing. My client is correct about wanting his cat seen, and I am right about wanting to have experiences outside of veterinary practice.  

Allow the negative client comments to teach you to appreciate the kind-hearted people. Saturday, I had a gentleman tell me that he deeply appreciates our team. He has two very high-maintenance allergy dogs that often have bouts of ear and skin infections. He said, “You and your staff have been amazing at helping me with my dogs this year; every time I call, the people are nice.”

Thank you, sir, for reminding us that lemons are rare, but when we get one, we can make lemonade.

Dr. Julie Cappel

Join me on The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast!

Do one good thing

The universe offered me a message this week wrapped up in three experiences. Happiness is created by helping others. 

I have always been one to believe and live by this statement. I love to give to others and try to help when and where I can. This week I received some reminders, loud and clear, from three different experiences. I decided to pass my message and those lessons on to you so you can create more happiness.

Monday, I was honored to record a podcast with some beautiful and brave women who shared their heartbreaking and inspiring stories of infertility, miscarriage, and infant loss. During that powerful podcast, they talked about how people need to be open to helping others in times of struggle and grief. So many times, we may know someone is grieving, but we are unsure of what to do. These women reminded me that just checking in with people you know are down will make them feel less alone. Doing simple tasks like providing a meal for them or doing laundry when you know they are sad goes a long way to help them work through grief. When we feel unsure how to help another, we often leave them alone, thinking they do not want to be bothered. In reality, when we do not reach out with support, we discount their grief and loss.  

Yesterday, I read a Facebook post from a veterinarian dropping out of a veterinary support group because many people were not offering needed support. She posted a case of hers asking for help from the group and experienced harsh critiques of her medical decisions and snarky comments in place of kind words. She was discouraged by the lack of consideration and the absence of support the group was formed to offer. What a shame that the same group that was supposed to help her had now turned on her. 

This morning, I attended a church service, and the message was all about the value of helping others. We were designed to need others' help and to help others in need. Whether you believe in God or some other universal spirit energy, it is evident that helping others feels good. Helping other people has been proven to provide the giver with more health, happiness, and purposeful existence. Acts of kindness and generosity stimulate the brain to feel great, so in a sense, it creates happiness.

Give by focusing on your passion. When you love what you do and give from a place of that love, your happiness will be multiplied. You do not always have to provide materially but be generous with your time. Just sitting with someone in their time of need will help them cope better and allow you to feel closer to them. Allow yourself to think ahead to what others may need. Being proactive in your giving will surprise the receiver and bring more joy. 

Try to look at your generosity this week and see if you can step it up. When you see others benefitting from your good works, you will open up to more feelings of happiness.

I believe that Goldie Hawn once said, "Giving back is as good for you as it is for those you are helping because giving gives you purpose. When you have a purpose-driven life, you're a happier person."

Do one good thing. 

Dr. Julie Cappel