Better than Happy

Is there something better than happiness? This is a strange question coming from someone that makes a living trying to make both pet owners and veterinarians feel happy. I work to help veterinarians love their work and owners to keep their healthy pets, so you would think that happiness is a primary goal of mine, right?  

In reality, studies have shown that chasing happiness makes us feel stressed and disappointed when circumstances don’t go as planned - when life happens. In her article in Atlantic Monthly, Emily Esfahani Smith writes, “The single-minded pursuit of happiness is ironically leaving people less happy.” She goes on to say, “Research has shown that having meaning and purpose in life increases overall well-being and life satisfaction, improves mental and physical health, enhances resiliency and self-esteem, and decreases the chances of depression.” I would also add the skill of handling human emotion to the list that helps us create a stable and purposeful life. 

This week I had the pleasure to speak to a group of young veterinarians at the Michigan Veterinary Medical Association’s Power of Ten Leadership Academy. This group helps young veterinarians interested in leadership gain the tools they need to feel confident and competent in all aspects of leadership. I spoke about “feeling better” in my morning session. I taught them thought work techniques and basic coaching principles to increase their emotional capacity. Training yourself to be willing to feel any emotion without fear and building skills in emotional intelligence is a powerful tool. The power is to be willing and able to feel grief, anger, frustration, and stress - all the things we try so hard to avoid. The more we are willing to feel negative emotions, the better our life will be.

Meaning, purpose, and emotional competence are much more important than happiness. That is not to say that happiness does not come from doing meaningful things, but true happiness comes from creating your best life. I mean accepting the things that come, handling the emotions, and pushing forward anyway. You cannot achieve your best life without experiencing many ups and downs, successes and failures.  

How do we start working towards emotional competence and purpose?

Belong to a group. It may be family, friends, church, or charity, but purpose comes from feeling a sense of belonging. Find some people that value you for who you are. If that seems difficult, work on your thoughts about your current relationships. Is it possible that you do belong? Reach out to those of us in the veterinary community. So many of us are working to improve the profession, and we would love to have one more person involved in that mission.  

Set some personal goals and create your life mission. Goal setting pushes us forward and keeps us from stagnation. Expect some obstacles and failures and embrace them. Each minor setback will make you stronger and teach you how to manage your mind around obstacles. Overcoming failure creates success. Connecting to a goal and something bigger than yourself is a great way to build meaning and purpose in your life.

Work on your thoughts to create a better self-image. So much of our unhappiness comes from our lack of self-confidence and impostor syndrome. Thought work can help you see where your brain is leading you astray and help you feel your real value. We are all worthy of outside respect and love, but our feelings always start within. Creating a better opinion of yourself will help you push forward towards happiness, fulfillment, self-worth.  

We all have the power to change our life and create more happiness. Whatever your current circumstances are, know that they are better than happiness and choose your attitude. Your feelings will not change in a day, but if you work towards purpose and emotional competence, you will be working towards a meaningful life. 

You can be better than happy.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Happiness is not the absence of problems; it’s the ability to deal with them.” - Steve Maraboli.