Tired Body, Happy Mind

Over last weekend, I went for a long bicycle ride with a couple of friends on the Macomb Orchard Trail.  I love this trail as it has options for long rides and several small-town destinations.  There are places to stop to take photos, and the shaded trail is well maintained and beautiful.  My friend Karen is a more hard-core rider than I am, so I always know when I go for a ride with her, it will be longer than I usually go on my own.  I love her can-do spirit and her ability to enjoy the entire process and the fabulous scenery.  She often stops to take photos and selfies; as you can see, I have shared some here in this blog.  In the pictures are Karen, Colleen, and I on the ride. 

We rode 30 miles, ten to fifteen miles more than I usually ride on any given day.  The day was pure sunshine, cloudless blue sky, a cool breeze, and comfortable riding conditions.  We met at our local bike shop near the trail entrance and took off around ten o’clock AM.  The ride was excellent, we stopped a few times to take photos, use the restroom, and buy water and snacks at a local store, so it was an enjoyable day. 

When I returned home more than four hours later, I quickly showered, got ready, and went to a graduation party.  After the graduation party, I was exhausted.  Not sleepy, but that kind of tiredness that tells me I may have overdone it a little with my great workout.  My muscles were drained of energy, and I knew I would be sore in the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours.  I love that tired feeling.  “Good pain,” my high school volleyball coach said.  My kid’s fencing coach would tell them, “Pain is weakness leaving the body.”  

As I was lying on the couch, watching television with the weakness leaving my body, I started to think about how important exercise is to our physical and mental health.

According to the CDC website: “Some benefits of physical activity on brain health happen right after a session of moderate-to-vigorous physical activity.  Benefits include improved thinking or cognition for children and reduced short-term feelings of anxiety for adults.  Regular physical activity can help keep your thinking, learning, and judgment skills sharp as you age.  It can also reduce your risk of depression and anxiety and help you sleep better.”

The Mayo Clinic sites research that says that exercising boosts your energy levels by increasing the oxygen-carrying capacity of your heart and lungs.  More oxygen helps your muscles and brain work better, increasing your ability to handle daily tasks and stressful emotions.  

Immediately after a long ride, I feel tired as my muscles rest and restore, but soon after, I have more energy to tackle tasks than I do on days I don’t get exercise.  Short exercise sessions clear your head and help you focus on things you want to do.  Just taking a brisk walk around the block will help you reduce your stress levels and help you let go of some of your worrying thoughts. 

Last week I was working with one of my coaching clients, and we were talking about stress management techniques and things we can do to manage stress before it reaches anxiety level.  We started to talk about our likes and dislikes regarding exercise.  I told her that exercise is one of the best ways to clear your head and manage stress.  Doing something you like is even better, but you don’t have to love exercise to choose something and just do it.  (Thanks, Nike)  

So, spend a little time this week thinking about the activities that are available to you.  Do you like to walk, hike, dance, or do yoga?  If you tell me you don’t like any exercise, I will challenge you to choose one anyway.  Whether you currently exercise or not, take a vow to add one thing into your daily routine.  It can be as simple as taking a short walk at lunch or as complex as dance classes, or interval training with a professional trainer.  Commit to one activity to help you improve your body and change your mind into one that handles stress just a little bit better.  

When you feel the physical pain, think of it as stress leaving your body.  

Dr. Julie Cappel

“When you exercise, it increases endorphins, dopamine, adrenaline and endocannabinoid — these are all brain chemicals associated with feeling happy, feeling confident, feeling capable, feeling less anxiety and stress and even less physical pain.” - Dr. Kelly McGonical

Stuck in Busy

Like many other mornings, today I sat down to drink my coffee and make my bullet journal list of the things I wanted to accomplish. As I wrote, it occurred to me that I frequently judge the success of my day based on the number of things I can check off on my lengthy to-do list. 

Why do I do this when I know that being busy does not equal happiness or success?

When I think about the people I admire and consider successful, I think of those who are free and generous with their time and money. People who know their priorities and spend time doing things that matter to them. People that live to serve their families and help others. I feel most successful and settled in my life when I care for myself and contribute to someone else, either by connecting with friends or family, life coaching my clients to feel better, or helping pet owners make their pets feel better. My time and dedication to myself and others are what feel most authentic and successful to me. So, why the morning list?

Society teaches us that collecting material things and listing accomplishments is what makes people most happy and successful. However, we can prove that this is not true as we accumulate things or accomplishments and find ourselves wanting more. 

Have you ever felt stuck thinking that you are “too busy”?

The feeling that comes from thinking of the long list of tasks causes our brain to become overwhelmed with stress. When our brain feels overwhelmed, it tries to protect us from pain and shuts down. Then we turn to distraction and pleasure to avoid our to-dos. Now we are stuck in inaction getting nothing done except maybe watching Netflix or eating a package of Oreos. Those actions do not bring joy or success.

Feeling stuck is a function of your thoughts about your current circumstances. You may be overwhelmed with work stress, adverse life events, or pressure to make big decisions—the chronic stress will cause you to retreat into yourself and stop moving. You may begin comparing yourself to others you think are accomplishing great things and shaming yourself. That shame is not a motivating emotion. When you feel that you are stepping out of your comfort zone, you will feel fear that also holds you back. Perfectionism will also keep you stuck.

How can you become unstuck from busy?

Start by identifying what you truly want. Who are the essential people in your life, and are you prioritizing them? What do you want to do? What is your next big goal? Work on your mindset about your priorities so you can begin to place the most important things at the top of the list. Challenge the thoughts that make you feel stuck. Today I spent time talking to my cousin and son and texting with my daughter. I spent time concentrating on those relationships as my priority before crossing anything off the to-do list.

Just take one small action step. Sometimes just starting with a little effort will motivate you to do more if you have a big goal you have been avoiding. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling stuck. The more you shame yourself, the more you will stay in indecision. Appreciate yourself when you do something that brings you joy. Busy is fine if it doesn’t cause you to feel overwhelmed, but the more important thing is to take actions that bring you closer to your values and joy. 

Get some rest and care for yourself. Self-care is an action step towards progress. Successful people know themselves well and put themselves first. When I finished my long bike ride this morning, I felt better about tackling my bullet journal list. 

Get help if you feel bogged down and overwhelmed. Having someone help you work through your inaction will help you get your brain out of stuck mode and move towards happiness. 

Now that I have this blog checked off my list, I will relax for the evening and spend some more time with my husband and my dogs. The remainder of the items will be there tomorrow.  I can feel happy and successful because I choose to.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” - Wayne Dyer.

“There is pain in staying the same and there is pain in changing. Pick the one that moves you forward.” ― Lee Rose & Kathleen McGhee-Anderson

Change in Thinking

Today I had a fantastic time visiting with my best friend, her family, my parents and sister, my husband, and my children from out of town. We had fun catching up and telling stories about our past adventures together. We laughed and ate and had a wonderful father’s day, which completely contrasted with something I heard while shopping yesterday. 

This interaction and the contrast with my day today reminded me of a previous blog about relationships. So I am reworking that blog again here for you tonight. 

 

Yesterday, I heard someone complain about one of their co-workers. I listened to them grumble about the other person’s personality, work ethic, and intelligence. They had an idea about how the person should behave, and it was not happening for them, so they felt frustrated, leading to complaining and gossip.

Complaining about a co-worker, family member, or friend is not a practical or productive exercise. Wouldn’t life be easier if we could accept and love everyone? What would your day be like if other people did not bother you but pleased you? What if every day was like today, and you enjoyed being with others?

It is totally up to you.

Your relationship with others is about how you choose to think about them. It has nothing to do with them or their behavior; your thoughts about them or their behavior determine your relationship. 

The first step towards accepting others is to learn about and understand yourself. We are all wired in different ways, and we all think differently. There are many tools to help you understand your personality and behavior styles.  I like Myers-Briggs and DISC, but there are many others that you can use. Through these tools, I know I am an extrovert who enjoys harmony and getting things done. I love days like today when I bring people together to socialize and build relationships. 

Once you understand yourself, you will have more capacity to look at others and understand their personality preferences. You will better appreciate their usefulness in your world and your relationship.

The second step towards acceptance is to let go of your script. We all have these scripts in our heads that we write for others. How we think they should behave. How do we think they should do their job. How we think they should treat others. The scripts keep us from allowing others to be. The truth is that adult people get to behave in any way they want, and nothing in our script can prevent them from doing exactly as they wish. Once you accept that, you can let go of your preconceived notions about their behavior and appreciate the things they do well. They have their plan, which has nothing to do with your script. 

The third step is practicing unconditional love. Once you accept yourself the way you are, you can move on to any self-improvement project without boundaries and the trappings of your past failure. You are free to explore anything that your heart desires. When you accept and love others unconditionally, your relationship is free of expectations. You no longer have to try to control their behavior because you realize that they are perfectly perfect the way they are. This does not mean that you have to put up with abusive behaviors. You can love someone and still set boundaries around yourself. If the other person violates your boundaries, you can let them go without guilt or anger. You can set them free and complete the relationship with love.

How you feel about another person is dependent on how you think of yourself and think of them.

“As you think, so shall you be! Your relationships are all in how you think about other people in your life.” Wayne Dyer

Dr. Julie Cappel

Do What Matters

It is Sunday evening, and I have not spent any time writing this blog or anything else. I have cleaned the house (a little), painted the front door, grocery shopped, walked the dogs, and connected with my family and friends. We ordered dinner out, so that is a big bonus, and now I feel pressed to write this blog for you. No one is forcing me to do it, but I promised myself that I would blog on Sunday evening to keep up with my writing skills and try to develop some coaching wisdom for my reader (you). I used to blog every Sunday, and I may do so again, but my life coach challenged me to skip a few weeks to challenge myself to focus on another project that I am working on. Blogging is part of my to-do list on Sunday, and that list is often very long. 

Did I get my whole to-do list done today? Nope. Did I get the blog written? Yes, if you are reading it now, I guess I did. Why am I feeling stressed about the things left on the to-do list? Because I think that I should have done more. This thought is very familiar; my brain offers it to me almost daily. 

Another interesting fact about today is that it is my birthday. So, what can I say about today? It was great! As I get older and another birthday comes and goes, I need to focus on what matters more than work and my to-do list. Those things are me, my family, and my friends.

The thought that I “should” do anything is totally optional. We waste a lot of time shaming ourselves over “shoulds.” Try to let that go and replace it with more encouraging thoughts like, maybe I did everything I wanted to do. I did the most important things today. The time I took out of my day to connect with family and friends is most important to me, so today was a practically perfect day. The fact that I survived another year is pretty cool too. I hope to keep that one going.

When you think about what you want to do each day, take time to plan some family and friend time. Text your kids, phone your parents, or invite a friend over for dinner. Work will always be available to you, with your to-do list that is a mile long. Time and connection with people you love and love you, will fade away if you don’t take some time to build those relationships. 

Plan to do what matters.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“The things that matter most must never be at the mercy of the things that matter least.” - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“In the end, these thing matter most. How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go?” - Buddha

Focus In

“Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.” Greg Anderson

This quote spoke to me this morning as I was preparing to write this blog. I tend to think that the weekends are for accomplishment and not self-care or rest. How much can I get done? I have a to-do list as long as my arm and as a new week begins, I feel overwhelmed as the list of things unaccomplished hangs over my head.  

For example, today, I planned to get some flowers planted in my yard, but it is raining outside. This is disappointing. Hopefully, it will clear up this afternoon so that I can plant, but I can choose to feel happy anyway. I also wanted to exercise, and I had my heart set on a long bike ride, but there is the rain, and my hip is bothering me from last week’s ride; I feel as if I am missing out by resting or staying indoors.  

What would my life coach say? Good thing I have a life coach easily accessible, wink. I will share with you the advice that I am offering to myself, just on the off chance that you are feeling overwhelmed this week.

When you feel overwhelmed with life, the best thing you can do is “focus in” on yourself. I mean being present in the moment and present with yourself - feeling grounded and getting reacquainted with your wants and needs. Focus on what you want, not just what your family, society, or workplace expects from you.  

Am I overwhelmed because I have thoughts that I “should’ be productive? Do I need flowers today, or do I want to have the pleasure of choosing and planting them? There is a difference, and planting to make my neighbors think my house looks great is a different goal than I want to plant because I enjoy it.

When you are overwhelmed, focus in on your self-care plan, or if you don’t have one, make one. Healthy foods, sleep, relaxation, reading, or meditation will help you feel less stressed by that giant to-do list. With my hip upset by biking, what else can I do to accomplish my exercise goal? Maybe a little yoga? That sounds nice, or maybe I can just rest.  Self-care is much more critical than any line item on my list.  

Take a break from self-judgment. It is a reality that we all have days when we are not feeling strong, and then we are required to slow down and focus on getting healthy by resting or whatever it takes to care for our body. Practice a little compassion and love for yourself.

Do something that you enjoy to help get yourself back on track. I may be feeling overwhelmed by my thoughts on my to-do list, but if I schedule a break into my day and do something that I love, I will have a better attitude when I face my list. Overwhelm does not inspire action, but a relaxed, rejuvenated mind will. Take a walk, clear your head, then work on one thing on that list, staying present in the activity.

Do not compare yourself to others. Comparison is a big one for me. I have this competitive thought that everyone is more productive and focused than I am. The comparison game is not helpful. Remember the story of the tortoise and the hare? Slow and steady wins the race, creates focused action, and eliminates stress. When I put the social media away and decide to focus on the life in front of me, I am living with much more joy.

Remember to honor your values and make sure you are living “focused in” on them. Do not trade your life for your to-do list.

It has stopped raining, so maybe I will enjoy some planting today or maybe I will focus on rest.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.” Eckhart Tolle

Celebrate All Mothers

Today is Mother’s Day, and I am happy to say that it was a sunny, beautiful day here in Michigan. Trees are blooming, and flowers are popping up all over, the perfect kind of day to celebrate. Spring is finally here, so I am optimistic about the summer ahead.

As I think about and celebrate Mother’s Day, I feel joy for children and parents that have healthy relationships and feel happy on this day of appreciation for Motherhood. I also feel empathy for those that do not have a reason to celebrate. Children that have lost parents or those that have poor relationships with their mothers. Many people may feel grief on this day.

I have two incredible children, which makes me a fortunate Mom indeed. They are why I do everything, and I would step in front of a bullet for them. I cannot imagine my life without my kids, and I know how blessed I am to have them. I also have an amazing mother (who would probably take a bullet for me), and today I got to spend Mother’s Day with her.

 

It would be a perfect world if all mothers felt loved the way I do, but sadly that is not the case. 

On this day, I want to offer support to and celebrate all mothers and all children of mothers that do not necessarily feel loved on this day in May. They are all superheroes regardless of their situations, so let’s honor all mothers today.

Let’s celebrate mothers like mine, who had their children as teenagers and raised them with their spouses while working multiple jobs to make ends meet. They raised children as they were growing up themselves, and they struggled to work or put themselves through college while staying committed to raising their families. 

Celebrate working mothers like me who juggle careers, run businesses, keep homes, and struggle with those nagging feelings of guilt that seem to come along with working Motherhood.

Celebrate birth mothers, like my husband’s, that gave up their children for adoption as infants hoping to gift them a better life than they had to offer. These mothers may have never gotten to know their children’s outcomes, and they spend their lives hoping that they did right by giving them up for adoption. 

Let’s also celebrate moms by adoption (also like my husband’s) who choose to adopt and raise a child that was not their own, loving and treating them like birth children, including stepmoms that marry into and run blended families. Stepmoms may share custody of their children with other moms, which adds another increased pressure. 

Celebrate mothers who suffer the loss of children to miscarriage, genetic defects, or birth accidents. They carry love for their unborn children and mourn them for life. Mothers of loss love their children as fiercely as if they held them in their arms and carry them forever in their hearts.

Let’s celebrate and support the mothers that lose children to accident, disease, or mental illness. Those moms are left with a hole in their hearts where their child once was, and they mourn that horrific loss for the rest of their lives. They miss the potential future they will never experience but hold on to precious memories of their beloved child.

Celebrate potential mothers. Those who long to raise children and cannot experience Motherhood for one reason or another. Potential mothers may take on the responsibility of mentoring children that are not their own, becoming mothers in their hearts.

And lastly, let’s celebrate the pet mothers. They are the people that give us our careers as veterinarians, and they share an unconditional love for the voiceless, dogs, cats, horses, birds, and other creatures that we adore. 

As this day comes to a close and passes, try to remember that mothers are superheroes without the cape. Please thank and celebrate all mothers, offer them the love and support they deserve, and thank them for all they do and all they are.

Happy Mother’s Day everyone! 

I love you, Mom!!

Dr. Julie Cappel

“[Motherhood is] the biggest gamble in the world. It is the glorious life force. It’s huge and scary – it’s an act of infinite optimism.” — GILDA RADNER.

“Making a decision to have a child–it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” – ELIZABETH STONE.

Grief Teaches Us

This weekend we lost a close family friend to heart disease. It was not unexpected as she had lived with a failing heart for the past few years. Expected but still devastating for her family and friends, who will miss her presence every day. Sadly, I will not attend her memorial service tomorrow as I am in California on a trip with my husband to visit our son and his girlfriend and meet her family and friends. I will be there in spirit with the grieving family as they mourn the loss of their mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and dear friend. 

When life brings us grief, whether it is the loss of a family member or close friend, we are left with a broken heart and a void in our life. The void once contained a loving relationship, and all the feelings and memories we shared with the person lost. 

Our grief will be felt and processed, and through that processing,  we may be reminded that we have lessons to learn and changes to make in our lives. 

We may learn to appreciate our friends and family more. If you look around and realize that there are people in your life that you are taking for granted or have not seen in a while, you may be reminded to reach out to them and spend more time with those you love. Little moments count.

You may realize that life is short, and you need to appreciate your small blessings. You may quit wasting time worrying about little problems or minor disappointments. You may choose not to dwell on mistakes and learn to move on.

You may make changes that reignite your passions in life so you do not miss the time you do have to enjoy. Grief may be carried forward while creating more joy in your life. Both negative and positive emotions may co-exist.  

You may learn to simplify your life. You let go of grudges, envy, and anxiety. You may learn to replace those negative emotions with more gratitude and love. Gratitude is a daily practice that will turn your life in a more positive, optimistic direction.

You may learn to remain present daily and see your life for what it is. You may work harder to get what you want from your life and do what it takes to create your dreams. Grief is not weakness; it creates an ability to be present. It creates more strength. 

You may realize the importance of your memories and the value of appreciating your time with loved ones. Take more photos, share more meals, and create more experience with those that you love. Grief can help you create new and stronger relationships with those still here.  

Check-in with yourself today and reach out to someone special to you. Making relationships a daily practice will increase the beauty and love in your life. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”― Jamie Anderson.

Big Benefits from Journaling

Have you ever heard someone talk about journaling and thought, “I have no idea why I would want to journal or how I go about it.”? I used to think that journaling was something that only very creative, intelligent people routinely did. Great writers, scholars, and big thinkers were the only people that kept journals. Now, I know better. The more I journal and write, the better my life becomes. 

Journaling is about unloading the junk cluttering up your mind and getting it out where you can either leave it, learn from it, or use it to change and grow.  

The best thing about journaling is that there is no right or wrong way to do it. The second best thing about journaling is that we all can do it.

Why journal?

Journaling will reduce stress, increase self-awareness, and improve mental health. A study by Baikie and Wilhelm, 2005 found that journaling enhances working memory and helps people recover from past traumas. Journaling also has the short-term effect of boosting your mood and the long-term impact of improving your sense of well-being. 

Journaling has an impact on physical well-being. An avid journal writer and journalist, Michael Grothaus notes that “studies suggesting journaling can strengthen the immune system, drop blood pressure, help you sleep better, and generally keep you healthier.”

Journaling promotes your creativity, especially if you commit to it every day. It will also facilitate creative learning by establishing a record of important lessons presented to you and allowing you to explore your feelings about those lessons.

Gratitude journaling will boost your overall sense of gratitude and sensitivity to positive experiences. As you look for experiences to be grateful for, you will gradually become more optimistic, and your days will become filled with increasing positivity. 

Journaling may help you meet goals, organize time, prioritize tasks, and improve motivation. I use a “bullet journal” as a daily planner to keep track of what I accomplish each day. The bullet journal contains short (bullet) points to help organize my tasks, capture thoughts, and help complete my daily goals. 

Your journal is for your personal use only, so feel free to put your true self on each page. If you do not already have a journal, start one this week and tell me how it goes. It may feel awkward at first, but write anything that comes to mind. Getting thoughts out of your head will allow you to examine, organize, and grow your life.

Happy journaling! 

Dr. Julie Cappel

References:  Journaling is a good for your mental health - Family Care .... https://www.fcsprings.com/media/journaling-is-a-good-for-your-mental-health 

5 Helpful Journaling Methods to Calm Your Anxious Mind - Calming Grace. https://www.calminggrace.com/journaling-to-calm-your-mind/

Calming my Sunday Stress

Sometimes I tend to feel a little stressed on Sunday evenings, thinking that I need to “get things done” to feel accomplished for the weekend. I don’t believe that I am alone in this thinking; we all do it on some level. We waste our valuable time worrying or stressing about all the many things we want to get done. All the stress and worry that we feel distracts us from doing the things we want to do. It is Ironic. Equally ironic is that we do not need to do anything to feel calm and accomplished. We can choose to feel relaxed on Sunday regardless of how our weekend went or how many things got done. 

This weekend was jam-packed for me because I traveled to Norfolk, Virginia, to visit my daughter and son-in-law. My son-in-law, Erik, performed in an Opera, The Marriage of Figaro, starring as the title character. My daughter, Bridget flew in to spend time with Erik and see the show with me. We attended the show opening night, Friday, and again on Saturday night. Erik did a terrific job performing, as did all of the singers. Bridget and I had a fantastic time! 

Note: If you have not been to an Opera, The Marriage of Figaro is a great one to see. The music is fantastic, and the story is funny and entertaining, and you will enjoy it.

Now that I have arrived home, I have stressed over the many things I want to do, including this blog. So how do I remain calm and get something done or choose not to get anything done and still feel accomplished?

To calmly accomplish any task, we first have to stop thinking about how to do it perfectly and start working. If you wait for the perfect idea or time, you will “wait” your time away. Thinking about doing something creates confusion and keeps us from taking action to get it done. If you have a mile-long list in your head and cannot decide where to start, pick something and start. If the idea of choosing something makes you freeze or feel overwhelmed, take a few minutes with a blank sheet of paper and write everything that pops into your head onto the paper. Once you have your brainstorming session out of the way, pick the one thing that is most important to you. This will help you focus and get started. I did this tonight and chose to write this blog first.  

My suitcase, vacuuming, laundry, and calendar planning for this week will be next in line once I get this done. I also have the option to feel good about not getting any of it done. Choosing to cut me some slack and plan some of these tasks for tomorrow is part of caring for myself. It does not all have to be done tonight. Maybe I have done enough today, and that is fine. No one will judge me if I don’t unpack my suitcase and do my laundry tonight. I want to spend my time getting the blog done and not waste my time beating myself up for putting other things off. 

If you have some goal or task that has multiple steps to it, plan those out ahead of time, so you have steps. Small steps are much easier to face than big goals. I also like to set a timer for myself when working on something. If I decide that I will work on blogging, I give myself 1 hour, and I set my cell phone timer for an hour and start writing. The timer keeps me focused, so I do not get distracted by the other things on my list. 

Focus on one project at a time and take one small step. Do not try to wait till the timing is perfect. Just take action and get something started. You do not have to finish any of it, so let go of your need to do everything on your list to feel accomplished. Know that your confusion and stress are optional.  You are perfectly capable of doing more than you think you can do, and also capable of feeling calm while you do them. 

 

Now that my blog is done, I will plan out the rest of my week, with a relaxed attitude, my planning and working will all go better. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

Old Friends

Today is the final day of my biannual scrapbooking/crafting weekend with my girlfriends. To call us “girls” is probably a bit of a misnomer. We have been friends since we were in our twenties and now we are parents of adult children in their twenties. We are older and wiser now than when we met, and we have a long-term bond from the years of experiences we have lived through together. We have seen marriages, divorces, babies, pets, teenagers, college journeys, kids’ weddings, illness, loss, vacations, and years of scrapbooking weekends. The conversations we had over these three to four-day weekends could solve all the world’s problems if anyone listened to us. This band of “girls” has seen me through many events in my life, and I know that they will always have my back if something tragic happens.

According to an article written by the Mayo Clinic staff and published on their website, “Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health.” I agree with that wholeheartedly, and there are so many benefits of making and keeping friends.  

Friends prevent us from feeling isolation or loneliness, providing companionship in times of need. They give us a sense of belonging and help us create purpose in our life. Friends boost our sense of happiness and reduce stress. They improve our self-confidence help us cope with trauma and illness. They encourage us to try new things and get out of our comfort zone. 

They may help you create better health habits by offering challenges. Just last night, I was marching up and down the stairs of the scrapbooking house trying to put in 5000 steps. Two women challenged me to join their stair walking loop to get to the 5000 steps they had decided to set as a goal while being stuck inside. Had they not challenged me to that goal, I probably would not have walked or exercised at all. We usually walk outside, but we experienced blowing snow and seventeen-degree temperatures this weekend, so no one wanted to step outside.

Although it may be challenging to maintain friendships as a busy adult, it pays to meet new friends and keep your relationships with friends from your past. It may take some effort from you to reach out to those you have not seen in a while but persist because it is worth it.

Stay in touch with people you work with or have worked with in the past. Nurture existing friendships by planning events together. These scrapbooking weekends are something that we all look forward to each spring and fall. If these weekends did not exist, I fear that we would not see each other for years. Setting up regular meetings with friends is the best way to nurture close relationships. 

If you feel “short” on friendships, join a club or take a class. I met one of my best friends twenty years ago because we took the same tap dancing class. We met on the first day as we were dancing next to each other, and we have been friends ever since. And we still take tap dancing class.

You can also meet people anywhere people are gathered. Charity events volunteer and opportunities are places to meet a friend. Don’t despair if you strike out the first few times you reach out to try to make a new friend. Be persistent, and you will be surprised how you can create a community for yourself. 

Accept invitations from neighbors or “new” friends. If you are not a theater geek, go to a show with someone. You may be surprised that you enjoy the company, even if you don’t love the show. Expand your horizons to expand your family or friends. 

Friends are essential to health and wellbeing; however, one of the best reasons to make and keep friends is that your life will be more fun. 

Enjoy the time you spend with your friends - laugh, challenge, love, and support. You will be better for the company of old friends. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

"Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together."  - Woodrow Wilson

Be Happy

Today while walking my dogs, Trent and Parker, through the neighborhood, I received a little message from the universe. (It was a chalk drawing on the sidewalk.) It said, “Be Happy.”

We often forget that it is up to us to choose to be happy, so today’s message was an excellent reminder for me. Happiness does not come from outside sources; it comes from within. How you think about your life’s circumstances determines your level of happiness. If you choose to think happy thoughts or take happy action, you can feel more joy.

That being said, there are some ways that you can work to increase your capacity to feel happy.  

Take a walk or run outside. In his book, The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor, teaches that spending time outdoors in the fresh air can improve your happiness. A study found that spending 20 minutes outside in good weather broadened thinking, improved memory, and increased happiness. The American Meteorological Society published another study that found that happiness is maximized at 57 degrees, the exact temperature today when I walked the dogs. 

Spend some time with family and friends. Spending time with people we care for is a fast path to happiness. Smiling, laughing, and sharing life’s stories add to feelings of security and belonging. Daniel Gilbert, a Harvard psychology professor, says, “We are happy when we have family, we are happy when we have friends, and almost all other things we think make us happy are actually just ways of getting more family and friends.” 

Spend time helping others. Spending time and money helping others has been shown to help us feel more happiness. Living generously brings feelings of satisfaction and wellbeing, making us feel happier than people doing things for us. Martin Seligman explains that helping others can improve our own lives; he says, “scientists have found that doing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in wellbeing of any exercise we have tested.” Think about different ways to serve and give, including your time and money. Helping other people will ultimately help you.

Work on your smile. Today, when I saw the sidewalk chalk, I smiled. The surprise of finding the “Be Happy” message, and the lovely day with my dogs, made me feel happier. It has been proven that smiling improves your mood and even the fake smiling that we do when acting friendly and social causes more happiness. There is a link between your face smiling and the thoughts that cause you to feel increased joy. So try on a smile or laugh to be happy. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” —Omar Khayyam.