Like many other mornings, today I sat down to drink my coffee and make my bullet journal list of the things I wanted to accomplish. As I wrote, it occurred to me that I frequently judge the success of my day based on the number of things I can check off on my lengthy to-do list.
Why do I do this when I know that being busy does not equal happiness or success?
When I think about the people I admire and consider successful, I think of those who are free and generous with their time and money. People who know their priorities and spend time doing things that matter to them. People that live to serve their families and help others. I feel most successful and settled in my life when I care for myself and contribute to someone else, either by connecting with friends or family, life coaching my clients to feel better, or helping pet owners make their pets feel better. My time and dedication to myself and others are what feel most authentic and successful to me. So, why the morning list?
Society teaches us that collecting material things and listing accomplishments is what makes people most happy and successful. However, we can prove that this is not true as we accumulate things or accomplishments and find ourselves wanting more.
Have you ever felt stuck thinking that you are “too busy”?
The feeling that comes from thinking of the long list of tasks causes our brain to become overwhelmed with stress. When our brain feels overwhelmed, it tries to protect us from pain and shuts down. Then we turn to distraction and pleasure to avoid our to-dos. Now we are stuck in inaction getting nothing done except maybe watching Netflix or eating a package of Oreos. Those actions do not bring joy or success.
Feeling stuck is a function of your thoughts about your current circumstances. You may be overwhelmed with work stress, adverse life events, or pressure to make big decisions—the chronic stress will cause you to retreat into yourself and stop moving. You may begin comparing yourself to others you think are accomplishing great things and shaming yourself. That shame is not a motivating emotion. When you feel that you are stepping out of your comfort zone, you will feel fear that also holds you back. Perfectionism will also keep you stuck.
How can you become unstuck from busy?
Start by identifying what you truly want. Who are the essential people in your life, and are you prioritizing them? What do you want to do? What is your next big goal? Work on your mindset about your priorities so you can begin to place the most important things at the top of the list. Challenge the thoughts that make you feel stuck. Today I spent time talking to my cousin and son and texting with my daughter. I spent time concentrating on those relationships as my priority before crossing anything off the to-do list.
Just take one small action step. Sometimes just starting with a little effort will motivate you to do more if you have a big goal you have been avoiding. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling stuck. The more you shame yourself, the more you will stay in indecision. Appreciate yourself when you do something that brings you joy. Busy is fine if it doesn’t cause you to feel overwhelmed, but the more important thing is to take actions that bring you closer to your values and joy.
Get some rest and care for yourself. Self-care is an action step towards progress. Successful people know themselves well and put themselves first. When I finished my long bike ride this morning, I felt better about tackling my bullet journal list.
Get help if you feel bogged down and overwhelmed. Having someone help you work through your inaction will help you get your brain out of stuck mode and move towards happiness.
Now that I have this blog checked off my list, I will relax for the evening and spend some more time with my husband and my dogs. The remainder of the items will be there tomorrow. I can feel happy and successful because I choose to.
Dr. Julie Cappel
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” - Wayne Dyer.
“There is pain in staying the same and there is pain in changing. Pick the one that moves you forward.” ― Lee Rose & Kathleen McGhee-Anderson
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