Today I had a fantastic time visiting with my best friend, her family, my parents and sister, my husband, and my children from out of town. We had fun catching up and telling stories about our past adventures together. We laughed and ate and had a wonderful father’s day, which completely contrasted with something I heard while shopping yesterday.
This interaction and the contrast with my day today reminded me of a previous blog about relationships. So I am reworking that blog again here for you tonight.
Yesterday, I heard someone complain about one of their co-workers. I listened to them grumble about the other person’s personality, work ethic, and intelligence. They had an idea about how the person should behave, and it was not happening for them, so they felt frustrated, leading to complaining and gossip.
Complaining about a co-worker, family member, or friend is not a practical or productive exercise. Wouldn’t life be easier if we could accept and love everyone? What would your day be like if other people did not bother you but pleased you? What if every day was like today, and you enjoyed being with others?
It is totally up to you.
Your relationship with others is about how you choose to think about them. It has nothing to do with them or their behavior; your thoughts about them or their behavior determine your relationship.
The first step towards accepting others is to learn about and understand yourself. We are all wired in different ways, and we all think differently. There are many tools to help you understand your personality and behavior styles. I like Myers-Briggs and DISC, but there are many others that you can use. Through these tools, I know I am an extrovert who enjoys harmony and getting things done. I love days like today when I bring people together to socialize and build relationships.
Once you understand yourself, you will have more capacity to look at others and understand their personality preferences. You will better appreciate their usefulness in your world and your relationship.
The second step towards acceptance is to let go of your script. We all have these scripts in our heads that we write for others. How we think they should behave. How do we think they should do their job. How we think they should treat others. The scripts keep us from allowing others to be. The truth is that adult people get to behave in any way they want, and nothing in our script can prevent them from doing exactly as they wish. Once you accept that, you can let go of your preconceived notions about their behavior and appreciate the things they do well. They have their plan, which has nothing to do with your script.
The third step is practicing unconditional love. Once you accept yourself the way you are, you can move on to any self-improvement project without boundaries and the trappings of your past failure. You are free to explore anything that your heart desires. When you accept and love others unconditionally, your relationship is free of expectations. You no longer have to try to control their behavior because you realize that they are perfectly perfect the way they are. This does not mean that you have to put up with abusive behaviors. You can love someone and still set boundaries around yourself. If the other person violates your boundaries, you can let them go without guilt or anger. You can set them free and complete the relationship with love.
How you feel about another person is dependent on how you think of yourself and think of them.
“As you think, so shall you be! Your relationships are all in how you think about other people in your life.” Wayne Dyer
Dr. Julie Cappel
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