Thankful, Grateful, and a little "SAD."

This week we celebrated Thanksgiving, better for most of us this year because we are moving beyond Covid and living a more normal life. Gatherings are now acceptable, and there is far less fear and uncertainty with the vaccines and many more effective treatments. As I cooked my turkey and got my Christmas lights in order, I began to think about the year that passed and how I was feeling a little sad overall. How did this year go by so fast? Why is it winter already? I love Christmas lights, my family, turkey, and even a little snow, so why am I feeling low? 

I must admit, as the days are shorter and the weather gets colder, I start to feel a bit trapped and a little down. As I get up in the morning, it is dark, and as I leave work in the evening, it is dark. I start to feel less energetic. I love bike riding and hanging outdoors in the summer, but it is not the same for me when Michigan's weather gets ugly and cold.

I look forward to Christmas, but the change in seasons can get to me, and I feel slow and less ambitious. I want to arrive home, put on my stretchy pants, and crawl under a blanket on the couch to watch some lame competition show like Dancing with the Stars or maybe binge-watch a Netflix series. 

There is a thing called Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD that many people deal with each year, and because I am feeling a bit similar now, I thought I might do a little research on SAD to see what I could learn, and in turn, share with you in my blog. 

According to Norman Rosenthal, MD, who coined the term "Seasonal Affective Disorder" in 1986, 6% of people that live in the northern parts of the United States have SAD. Another 14% deal with a lesser form of SAD, called the "winter blues." I would add that some of us feel a bit off and struggle more with our ambition in the winter.  

The symptoms of SAD, as listed by The National Institute of Mental Health, are lack of energy, feeling sleepy, weight gain or loss, overeating, social withdrawal, restlessness, anxiety, irritability, and insomnia. It differs from major depression in that people don't often feel hopeless or worthless with SAD, most still function well during the day, and of course, it does not stay with them all year. 

To combat SAD or winter blues, you must get some good quality sleep. As I tend to do, staying up too late feels productive but can add to your anxiety by disrupting the hours that you should be resting. It works best to adopt an evening routine by making tea or reading before bed. Pick a bedtime and stick to it; Netflix will still be there tomorrow. 

It would help if you also had healthy food, exercise, vitamin D supplementation, and sunshine. SAD is thought to be associated with increased melatonin and decreased serotonin. You can increase your serotonin levels by natural sunlight exposure (even if you have to walk outside in the cold) or artificially with a lightbox designed to mimic sun exposure. The lightboxes have 20 times greater light than your regular indoor lighting. You can do both if you feel inclined, but get yourself in some light, eat well, and move your body.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy and coaching can help you change your thoughts and behaviors to bring you out of your funk. Working on yourself to set goals and prevent yourself from couch surfing all evening enables you to feel better. I know that if I do some thought work, practice yoga, or get my butt on my stationary bike for 30 minutes, I will think, sleep, and feel so much better. 

Now that I know why I may be feeling low, I am thankful that I have good information, access to that information, and the tools to implement change. I am grateful that I will spend a few weeks in Florida this year, where the sun shines brighter, and it is easier to get outside. I am thankful that I have Christmas lights, turkey, and friends who read this blog each week to encourage me to research and learn about things like SAD and "winter blues." 

I vow to work on myself this winter to do better. Let me know if you want to join me by setting some goals to feel less "SAD."  

Please leave me a comment or email @jacappeldvm@gmail.com.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“With every new day comes new strength and new thoughts.” Eleanore Roosevelt

“The best way out is always through.”  Robert Frost

Better than Happy

Is there something better than happiness? This is a strange question coming from someone that makes a living trying to make both pet owners and veterinarians feel happy. I work to help veterinarians love their work and owners to keep their healthy pets, so you would think that happiness is a primary goal of mine, right?  

In reality, studies have shown that chasing happiness makes us feel stressed and disappointed when circumstances don’t go as planned - when life happens. In her article in Atlantic Monthly, Emily Esfahani Smith writes, “The single-minded pursuit of happiness is ironically leaving people less happy.” She goes on to say, “Research has shown that having meaning and purpose in life increases overall well-being and life satisfaction, improves mental and physical health, enhances resiliency and self-esteem, and decreases the chances of depression.” I would also add the skill of handling human emotion to the list that helps us create a stable and purposeful life. 

This week I had the pleasure to speak to a group of young veterinarians at the Michigan Veterinary Medical Association’s Power of Ten Leadership Academy. This group helps young veterinarians interested in leadership gain the tools they need to feel confident and competent in all aspects of leadership. I spoke about “feeling better” in my morning session. I taught them thought work techniques and basic coaching principles to increase their emotional capacity. Training yourself to be willing to feel any emotion without fear and building skills in emotional intelligence is a powerful tool. The power is to be willing and able to feel grief, anger, frustration, and stress - all the things we try so hard to avoid. The more we are willing to feel negative emotions, the better our life will be.

Meaning, purpose, and emotional competence are much more important than happiness. That is not to say that happiness does not come from doing meaningful things, but true happiness comes from creating your best life. I mean accepting the things that come, handling the emotions, and pushing forward anyway. You cannot achieve your best life without experiencing many ups and downs, successes and failures.  

How do we start working towards emotional competence and purpose?

Belong to a group. It may be family, friends, church, or charity, but purpose comes from feeling a sense of belonging. Find some people that value you for who you are. If that seems difficult, work on your thoughts about your current relationships. Is it possible that you do belong? Reach out to those of us in the veterinary community. So many of us are working to improve the profession, and we would love to have one more person involved in that mission.  

Set some personal goals and create your life mission. Goal setting pushes us forward and keeps us from stagnation. Expect some obstacles and failures and embrace them. Each minor setback will make you stronger and teach you how to manage your mind around obstacles. Overcoming failure creates success. Connecting to a goal and something bigger than yourself is a great way to build meaning and purpose in your life.

Work on your thoughts to create a better self-image. So much of our unhappiness comes from our lack of self-confidence and impostor syndrome. Thought work can help you see where your brain is leading you astray and help you feel your real value. We are all worthy of outside respect and love, but our feelings always start within. Creating a better opinion of yourself will help you push forward towards happiness, fulfillment, self-worth.  

We all have the power to change our life and create more happiness. Whatever your current circumstances are, know that they are better than happiness and choose your attitude. Your feelings will not change in a day, but if you work towards purpose and emotional competence, you will be working towards a meaningful life. 

You can be better than happy.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Happiness is not the absence of problems; it’s the ability to deal with them.” - Steve Maraboli.

Motivation to Get Going

I spent the better part of this week struggling with the time change and the cold weather here in Michigan. I love the fall weather, but when November comes and we lose our daylight savings time, things seem to get a bit depressing, and I lose all motivation. Something about the change of seasons and the idea of the upcoming winter (with the holidays) adds stress to my brain. Then all I want to do is curl up and do nothing. As I write this, it has started snowing outside, which is very beautiful, but it reminds me I have Christmas lights to put up, Thanksgiving to shop for, Christmas presents to buy, housework to do, and there are still leaves on the ground to be raked. 

My brain is spinning, and I am overwhelmed. The overwhelming feelings lead to procrastination, but what I need is motivation!

Motivation is “the process that initiates, guides, and maintains goal-oriented behaviors.” Motivation can be external, as in a looming deadline, but it is more often something we need to work on internally.

So what can I do to get myself motivated when things seem overwhelming?

I first need to understand why I feel unmotivated. It stems from my thoughts about all the things that I have put on my plate. Fear and self-doubt creep in when I start to list them out in my head, and I don’t know where to start. 

I can start by focusing on one small task at a time. If you have many things on your mind getting motivated requires action. Choose one goal, then break that goal down into small tasks. Pick the most urgent or vital step and vow do it. Small steps are much less overwhelming to your brain, so the tiny step will be easier to accomplish. Beware of your brain wanting to pull you off or that task to do something more fun. You must vow to get it done. Once you have the first step under your belt, the second one will feel a bit easier.

Try not to focus on your entire situation. Negativity breeds more negativity, and that is how depression starts. Thoughts of self-pity or fear will pull you off task, so when you hear those negative voices in your head telling you that you can’t do it all, reject that voice. You may need to read something motivational or listen to an uplifting speech, but kick yourself in the butt and think something positive. I like to play uplifting music when I am feeling self-pity. You may not erase the negative thoughts altogether, but replacing them with positive thoughts and feelings certainly helps.

When you get something done, reward yourself. You can tell someone that you did something good so that they will give you a little acknowledgment. You can plan any small reward; make sure it does not sabotage your progress. For example, don’t spend three hours on social media to reward yourself for a baby step.  I like to “power pose” like Rocky or dance around a little when I get something difficult done. That way, my brain looks forward to what I am doing instead of back and what I missed. Giving yourself that little “high five” when you get something done is a tremendous mental reward. Then, start on step two; even if there is an internal struggle with your negative self, push through anyway. The more small steps you can get through, the more positive momentum you will create. 

If you are anything like me, you have taken on too much. I always overestimate what I can do on any given day. If that is the case for you, cut yourself some slack. Don’t think you are a failure if your list is longer than you can achieve. Try to be realistic with yourself and your goals. Think of your glass as half full, not half empty. Continue to push to excel. You may surprise yourself with the number of things you can get done.  

You can motivate yourself internally or externally, but either way, motivation is up to you. Setting goals, doing thought work, and taking action are ways to increase your motivation. You can do this! Pull yourself out of your funk and take control of yourself.

Now that my blog is complete, I can dance and get on to step two.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.” - Carol Burnett.

“Every job — whether you’re washing dishes or performing kidney surgery — provides us with the opportunity to affirm our identities as capable, respectable individuals, upon whom the most important people in our lives can rely.” - Nick Tasler.

Listen to the Podcast!!  

The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast with Dr. Julie Cappel

 

Put yourself around those that raise you up.

It has been my experience that energy creates energy. When I am around happy people that work hard, I naturally feel more ambitious and optimistic. This phenomenon has been called proximity, or the proximity principle depending on who you read.

Jim Rohn says that we are the product of the five people we spend the most time with. Ken Colman says that seven out of ten workers report being unhappy at work, so there are many unhappy people that you may be hanging around in your workplace. If that is true in our veterinary hospitals, it makes sense that veterinary practices may feel toxic. I hear this complaint all the time from my coaching clients about different work situations. We spend a lot of time with our coworkers, and if they are a stressed mess, we will be stressed too. 

With this in mind, we need to understand that we have some responsibility for the energy that we bring to our practices. We may not have the power to choose our coworkers or immediately change jobs, but we do have the ability to influence the culture and the people.  If others influence our mood, we can directly influence theirs. You can use the power of your proximity to change the energy of your practice. Proximity can work both ways. Bring positive energy to every day and see if those around you change.

You may also use proximity to achieve goals. Tony Robbins said, “Proximity is power.” In other words, surround yourself with people who have already accomplished your goals and dreams. If you want to make a million dollars, you need to associate yourself with those that have made significant money and learn from them. Ask them about their financial philosophy, budgeting, and how they invest. Watching and imitating them will help you get your finances in order and increase your income. The money will not fall from the sky, but you will be more likely to make that million if you put in the work and learn from their example. 

If you want a new career, associate with someone that works in your chosen field. Getting to know people that already have what you want allows you to see how they got there. Be sure that your goals align with your morals and values, then put yourself where you can get involved in the area of your choice. If you feel intimidated, remember that everyone started somewhere, and even the most successful people were where you are now. Put yourself with those that you wish to be.

If you want to create more abundance or positivity in your life, find someone who has the attitude you want. People that work to create a positive mental attitude spend time and energy working on their minds. Do not be afraid or embarrassed asking for help to feel better. None of us are self-sufficient in all areas of our lives, so getting help when needed is a sign of strength. Putting yourself in the proximity of a good therapist or coach will help you achieve the energy and attitude you desire. 

Ask any successful person, and they will tell you that they didn’t get there alone. It takes a community to create any culture and proximity to the right people to create success. Find the right person to teach you what you need to know and be the right person to teach others. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“If you can get proximity with people that are the best in the world, things can happen because all of the people they know, the insights they have, and the life experience they have. They can save you a decade of time by one insight.” - Tony Robbins

Halloween Bust

Today is Halloween, a holiday that I have always enjoyed. In fact, after Christmas, I can honestly say it is my favorite. I'm not too fond of scary movies or haunted houses; fear is not fun. More specifically, I love the decorations, the costumes, the parties, and most importantly, the candy for the kids. My children are fully grown and living out of state, so I no longer experience costumes and trick or treating. (At least not until I have some grandchildren) I still decorate my house, buy candy, and wait in the doorway for the kids to come along with their cute costumes and proud parents. Tonight I was ready. I made little baggies full of candy tied with orange ribbons, three bowls of these pretty little packages. I put on the porch light, opened the door, and waited for the kiddies to arrive. When our neighborhood started moving at six o'clock, one young man and his Dad arrived. He was dressed as Fred Flintstone and was happy to say thank you three times to me. Twenty minutes later, I had a group of younger kids at my door, with their parents waiting out on the sidewalk. Most were dressed as cartoon heros and Disney princesses. Twenty minutes after that, my husband gave candy to three more children at the door as my dog Parker barked up a storm. Shortly after that, the wind started to blow, and the rain began to pour, and there were no other kids in view. I took a picture of myself and my candy to text to my kids, closed up the door, and turned off the lights. 

I wanted to feel disappointed in the Halloween experience. I miss my family, I miss the neighborhood kids from the past, and I am left with three large bowls of beautifully wrapped candy with nowhere to go.

The truth is that I still feel happy about this Halloween, even though it seems like a giant bust. I know I get to choose how I want to think about anything, but it is often difficult to see the upside when negative things happen. That is when I need to coach myself to let go of the negative story and move on to feeling happy with my Halloween day.

How can we decide to feel happy when things do not go as planned?

Take stock of what you do have. When things feel negative, one of the quickest ways to start to see differently is to think about what you do have. You have gifts and advantages that you mostly take for granted. Seeing them through a lens of gratitude changes things.  I have a house to decorate and cute decorations to put around my yard. I live in a neighborhood with many families that might enjoy my decorations. I enjoy my decorations because they make my house look warm and inviting. I have the financial stability to drive a car to take me to the store to buy the candy that I want to buy. I have the free time to spend waiting at the door for the kids. I also have a bunch of candy now that I can give to others or eat myself.

Let go of the past while remembering the joy it brought. Living in the present is the thing that makes us most happy; however, cherishing happy memories reminds us that we can and will be happy again. If I remember back to the great Halloween nights of the past, I may feel disappointed that this one was not as grand. However, if I remember the past but choose to value my present experience, I can find joy in what is happening now. The excitement of getting ready for Halloween was fun, so I decided to focus on that. I also was able to talk to and text with my family, which was fun as we shared photos of Halloween cards and our pets.

I loved everything about today in the big scheme of things; I didn't know it until I examined my story, coached myself, and decided that I enjoyed my entire Halloween experience.

Happy Halloween, everyone - now on to Christmas!!

Dr. Julie Cappel

Lemonade from Lemons

This week was interesting, like most weeks in veterinary practice. I experienced both ends of the client interaction spectrum — critical negative client and supportive positive client.

Hateful words, complaints, and negative reviews from our clients are often mentally harmful and feel terrible. If you have spent any time in this profession, you have had a negative client experience more than once. We usually take their words at face value and feel bad about ourselves based on their comments. As clients offer their opinions, I think we can take some of their negativity and use it to make us better and stronger people. Using critical and hateful words to create positive results is much like making lemonade from lemons.

On Monday evening, just as I was getting ready to life coach a veterinarian, I read an email from a loyal, longtime veterinary client. The email went something like but not exactly like this….Julie, I have been a client of the hospital for over 30 years. When I have a cat with a problem and call for assistance, I am told to go to emergency.  Is this how you “life coach” your veterinarians? Tell them to abandon their clients for time off?…. There was more, but you get a general idea. He was angry at the receptionists for not getting him into the schedule and made sure that I knew about it by email as soon as he could. No plea for help, no “sorry to bother you doc,” just sarcasm. When I politely returned his email saying that I would be happy to help when I was in the office on Tuesday, he answered with more sarcastic quips and negative comments about me and my team. 

When I read his first email, I had a difficult choice to make. Do I respond with an equally snarky comment — I have been known to be pretty good at sarcasm and passive aggression — or do I remain kind and try to help him? My epithetic better self told me that he was upset about his cat being ill on my day off. I chose to send a kind response offering help the next day and not respond to the snarky comment about my life coaching. When he refused to accept my help Tuesday, I decided to let it go, not respond, and allow him the space to determine his next move.

When people disagree with your policies or your level of access, they may become haters, and it is easy to allow them to bring us down on our profession. We have a choice to either let hostile clients stop us from offering our services, or use their comments as fuel to propel us forward to more success. 

Understand that your success brings exposure. Client criticism is a sign that you and your hospital are doing something right. If you do not create enough demand to be busy, you will not have upset people when you are unavailable. Seeing the angry client as bitter because you were not there to help shows how important he thinks you are.

Use the negative example to make you more tolerant of others. When you are frustrated with a situation beyond your control, do not respond with criticism and sarcasm. Use your empathy to show up in a better, more professional way. Kindness from you will not always be returned, but you will feel better knowing that you responded as your best self.

Understand that criticism may allow you to change and grow. If you remain open to some level of feedback, you may find something in yourself or your practice that you want to change. A humble look at the sentiment behind the critique may reveal some truth. If nothing else, you can practice your compassion and listen openly without judging the client or yourself. Both parties can be right without anything changing. My client is correct about wanting his cat seen, and I am right about wanting to have experiences outside of veterinary practice.  

Allow the negative client comments to teach you to appreciate the kind-hearted people. Saturday, I had a gentleman tell me that he deeply appreciates our team. He has two very high-maintenance allergy dogs that often have bouts of ear and skin infections. He said, “You and your staff have been amazing at helping me with my dogs this year; every time I call, the people are nice.”

Thank you, sir, for reminding us that lemons are rare, but when we get one, we can make lemonade.

Dr. Julie Cappel

Join me on The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast!

Do one good thing

The universe offered me a message this week wrapped up in three experiences. Happiness is created by helping others. 

I have always been one to believe and live by this statement. I love to give to others and try to help when and where I can. This week I received some reminders, loud and clear, from three different experiences. I decided to pass my message and those lessons on to you so you can create more happiness.

Monday, I was honored to record a podcast with some beautiful and brave women who shared their heartbreaking and inspiring stories of infertility, miscarriage, and infant loss. During that powerful podcast, they talked about how people need to be open to helping others in times of struggle and grief. So many times, we may know someone is grieving, but we are unsure of what to do. These women reminded me that just checking in with people you know are down will make them feel less alone. Doing simple tasks like providing a meal for them or doing laundry when you know they are sad goes a long way to help them work through grief. When we feel unsure how to help another, we often leave them alone, thinking they do not want to be bothered. In reality, when we do not reach out with support, we discount their grief and loss.  

Yesterday, I read a Facebook post from a veterinarian dropping out of a veterinary support group because many people were not offering needed support. She posted a case of hers asking for help from the group and experienced harsh critiques of her medical decisions and snarky comments in place of kind words. She was discouraged by the lack of consideration and the absence of support the group was formed to offer. What a shame that the same group that was supposed to help her had now turned on her. 

This morning, I attended a church service, and the message was all about the value of helping others. We were designed to need others' help and to help others in need. Whether you believe in God or some other universal spirit energy, it is evident that helping others feels good. Helping other people has been proven to provide the giver with more health, happiness, and purposeful existence. Acts of kindness and generosity stimulate the brain to feel great, so in a sense, it creates happiness.

Give by focusing on your passion. When you love what you do and give from a place of that love, your happiness will be multiplied. You do not always have to provide materially but be generous with your time. Just sitting with someone in their time of need will help them cope better and allow you to feel closer to them. Allow yourself to think ahead to what others may need. Being proactive in your giving will surprise the receiver and bring more joy. 

Try to look at your generosity this week and see if you can step it up. When you see others benefitting from your good works, you will open up to more feelings of happiness.

I believe that Goldie Hawn once said, "Giving back is as good for you as it is for those you are helping because giving gives you purpose. When you have a purpose-driven life, you're a happier person."

Do one good thing. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

Structure and Commitment

Here it is Sunday evening and time for me to write another blog. I have been writing my blog posts every Sunday since May 6, 2018. I have not missed one - 180 blogs today.

I am physically exhausted tonight because I spent most of the day, along with my husband, painting the molding and doors in our master bedroom. I am not a big fan of painting, and the last time I did it, I vowed never to do it again, but here we were, sanding, washing walls, taping, and painting the bedroom to match the new floor that we had installed Wednesday. Whenever you start a remodeling project, you have to expect that it will be twice as much work as you thought, and it will always lead to more projects as things snowball from one issue to the next.

So tonight, after cleaning up all the painting supplies, the last thing that I felt like doing was to start writing a blog. My self-imposed blog deadline is midnight, Sunday, and it is after nine o’clock now. It would be so much more fun to grab a snack, stretch out on the couch, and watch a movie. Maybe I could skip a week.  

Why do I feel as if I have to write every week? 

The answer for me is structure and commitment.

Whenever you decide to do something important to you, it requires structure in your schedule to create time to do it. That simple fact is the reason that so many of our goals go unaccomplished. We never feel as if we have enough time. Part of the goal-setting exercise that I do with my clients requires them to sit down every Sunday evening or Monday morning and plan out their week — structuring their schedule. Planning small steps towards your goals and scheduling time to accomplish those steps is vital to achieving any goal. We set priorities and break goals into small grouped tasks that help us stay in the zone. For example, I set aside time Sunday afternoon or evening to write my blog and upload it to my website. I carve out that time each week. Monday is podcast day, where I write, record, and edit podcasts. When I outline my week, these things must be accounted for, along with my work, coaching, and most importantly, self-care and family time. If I don’t commit to structuring my week, I will neglect myself and my goals.

Once you have your goals in mind and your structured schedule, you need the commitment to follow through. So many of us are great at planning and writing lists, even getting things on our calendar, but when it comes to the actual follow-through, we drop the ball. Commitment to yourself requires that you honor your hopes and dreams. Treat yourself as your priority, committing to your physical, emotional, and mental needs. There will be many days that you do not feel like following your schedule. You will want to do anything but your work. Creating the life that you ultimately want requires putting in the work and sticking to the plan. This evening, when I was tired and wanted to watch a movie, I had to commit to my blog because my goal is to become a better writer and because I want to help my fellow veterinary professionals feel better and do better.  

Writing this blog is part of that goal.

Now that it is done, I can get some rest.

Dr. Julie Cappel 

 “Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes… but no plans.” – Peter F. Drucker

Open to Learning

Have you ever made a mistake? I know, it is a ridiculous question. All humans make mistakes, and it is the number one thing that most of my veterinary clients worry about.

Mistakes can be quite upsetting when they are medical in nature, but the good news is that medical mistakes are rare. Business mistakes can cost money, and personal mistakes can damage relationships, but mistakes are a part of life. We cannot change and grow without accepting error.

Wednesday, I enjoyed recording a podcast with my talented friend and practice owner Dr. Susan Sayles. We planned to get together to offer a podcast about mistakes that we have made in our careers as veterinarians and leaders. We agree that there are so many lessons that we can learn from mistakes if we think about them a little differently.

Mistakes and errors are an important part of learning and growth. When I think of my many mistakes and failures, I think of my opportunity to learn from what I have done wrong. It is never easy, but most worthwhile things in life are complicated. My business would not have existed without the hard lessons of my first veterinary job, and I would not be the leader that I am without my mentor telling me that I was too impatient.

When you find yourself ruminating on an error, ask yourself some tough questions. It is not productive to beat yourself up, but reflecting on where you went wrong can help you glean the lessons offered to you. What happened and why? What would I change if this scenario presents itself again? How will I do better in the future? Opening yourself up to examining the experience does not mean berating yourself. An honest look at what you might do differently next time will allow the lessons to flow to you.  

If you feel stuck in perfectionism or fear error, you will never be open to success. All success involves some level of risk, so learning to embrace a minor imperfection will open you up to more accomplishment. Make a plan ahead of time to acknowledge the risk and plan for small failures.  If you are open to mistakes from the beginning, you will be more excited, more disciplined, and less fearful.  

When we work to see mistakes as a part of getting things right, we can relax and enjoy our life more. We will naturally make fewer errors when we are more relaxed and not caught up in the anxiety of perfectionism. Owning our mistakes makes us more human, relatable, and stronger as leaders in our practices.  

Cut yourself some slack and learn the lessons your mistakes want to teach you — you will feel better, stronger, and learn more. Also, don’t forget to listen to the podcast to learn from our mistakes.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“You don’t learn to walk by following rules; you learn by doing and by falling over.” - Richard Branson.

Happy where you are.

This week I experienced some challenges that made me think about choosing happiness. When things are less than ideal, we have to realize that events will happen that are upsetting or annoying. We decide how we want to respond to those problems.

We had days and days of rain early in the week, and my house sits on a bit of a hill. We constantly develop a small pond in our back yard when we get lots of rain, but it is far enough from the house not to cause any issues. This week was different. We got such a large amount of rain over several days that the pond looked like a lake. I told my husband that I felt anxious about the rain, and he thought I was overreacting. I had a feeling that this rain was something of a concern. Friday morning, my husband went down to work in his basement office and found that the carpet was soaked with water. Our basement was flooding.

The first thing that I wanted to do was feel angry or upset at this crappy turn of events. I tried to blame the weather, to yell and stomp around, expressing my anger that our basement office was now ruined. I thought, now we have to tear it apart, pull out carpet and drywall, repair the area that leaked, then replace everything that got destroyed. What a mess!

My follow-up thought, which I had to work on, was to see some good in the situation to change my upset into optimism. I decided to think, "At least it is not the whole basement." "We found it before it got any worse." But, my favorite thought, the one that brought me happiness, was, "I have to work today, and that means I don't have to help pull up wet carpet and haul stuff out of the room." That thought made me feel happy, as I said goodbye to my husband and left him with the flood.

So let's talk about how we work to change a negative situation into a positive experience. How can we choose to be happy right where we are? 

Start with a growth mindset. Your mindset is your self-perception or belief. If you don't believe that you can change and grow, you have a fixed mindset. People believe that their talents and abilities can be developed through hard work and dedication in a growth mindset. If you have a fixed mindset about your happiness and think that you can only be so happy, you will stay stuck in your negative emotion and see the negative every day. If you work to develop a growth mindset, you will realize that your happiness can change, and it all depends on the work you are willing to put into that change.

Once you have decided to grow, you also need to explore what happiness means to you. If you know what you are looking for, it will be easier to find it. My definition of happiness has changed over the years. I used to think more about achievements, money, and things that would make me happy. I love activity, and I am most happy doing active things. As I have matured, I realize that happiness can show up in the routine and mundane. I am happiest when chatting with my family about their lives or walking a client through medical education. I am most happy when I am present in the moment - whatever it is. Spend a little time working on your definition of happiness. 

Create more balance for your life. I believe that happiness comes from within, but we must also understand our physical needs so our body and brain can work on happiness. Balance means knowing how to eat properly to fuel your body, how much sleep to get, using your days off work to refill your cup with activities that bring you joy. It does not mean that work is not also filled with joy and happiness. When I feel discouraged about going to work, I remind myself that my work is vital to the world, and I was given my talents and drive as a veterinarian to help people. I also know that if I don't have time to ride my bike or vacation with my family, I don't have balance/or harmony in my life. Work on your work-life harmony and schedule in your downtime - for self-care, physical activity, home care, relationships, and work. Work is a part of our self-care because it creates money to fund our lifestyle. We work so our brains can feel challenged and grow.  

My work gets me out of the house when our basement floods.  Oh happiness!

Let's all work to be a little more happy right where we are today.

Dr. Julie Cappel

"Happiness is a direction, not a place." – Sydney J. Harris.

"Happiness is a form of courage." – Holbrook Jackson.

Avoiding Work

This week I have felt a lot of resistance to work. I usually like going to work and doing what I do. I also love podcasting and doing my veterinary coaching work. However, this week I felt some negative feelings about working. Perhaps it was the beautiful weather we have been having — I want to be outside all day. Maybe it has something to do with curbside/covid dragging on and on with no end in sight. This week, I admit to feeling a little stuck. All I wanted to do was take a day off, be outside, and enjoy the sunny end of summer weather.

I often talk to my coaching clients about the difference between the need for self-care and using self-care as avoidance. Are we taking the day off from our responsibilities because we need some downtime and relaxation, or are we taking the day off to avoid something we don’t want to tackle?

If you are a student and need to study for a test and find yourself on social media all evening, you are probably avoiding studying. If you stop at Taco Bell on the way home from work, order two burritos, and eat them before you get home to make dinner, you are probably trying to numb your feelings.

By the way, we all avoid our feelings. You are not alone. It is a natural thing that we all do to avoid something painful. I don’t mean physical pain, like a headache or pulled muscle. (Although we would like to avoid those). We prevent our emotional pain, like sadness, stress, or confusion. We use things to numb out those feelings or avoid them. We do things like binge-watch Netflix for hours, scroll through social media, and overeat and drink. Sometimes relaxing and watching a movie is self-care, and sometimes we are avoiding. The trick is knowing the difference.

Self-care means doing things to take care of your mind, body, and spirit by engaging in activities that reduce stress and promote well-being. Self-care enhances our ability to live fully and effectively. Avoidance causes us to feel better at the moment but results in a compounding of the stress in the aftermath. 

So after my long day at work, if I come home feeling exhausted and try to wind down by watching a favorite TV show to give myself a break before I walk the dogs, it may be self-care. If I sit there for hours binge-watching, staying up way too late, and neglecting my dogs and other responsibilities. I am probably avoiding something in my life, sabotaging myself, and calling it self-care. 

The first thing to think about when you want to figure out if you are overindulging in self-care to avoid your life is to take a self-assessment. Spend a little time thinking about how many hours you spend thinking about what you should be doing but are not. Do you know more about strangers on Instagram than you do about your friends and family? Do you feel more stressed after your leisure activity? If self-care is distracting you from your goals and dreams, then you are stuck in avoidance.  

It is unrealistic to do away with avoidance behavior completely. There are times when a little “avoidance style self-care” is necessary to get your brain ready to process a big emotion. You don’t want to practice avoidance too often. If you feel yourself doing things that may be destructive, realize what you are doing. Take a moment to see your avoidance, then step up, step out, and get on with your life.  

Tonight I am back to work.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Pain in this life is not avoidable, but the pain we create avoiding pain is avoidable.” ― R.D. Laing.