Let's become more Resilient.

Do you ever feel that everything that can go wrong is going wrong? Just as you think things are going smoothly, something shakes you up and brings you back down. That is life! That is veterinary life.

Springing back from disappointment or even tragic circumstances is one of the most difficult things. There are feelings of isolation and self-doubt that come with every setback, and if you don't work to deal with those negative feelings, you will continue down that road to despair.

I have had some of these feelings lately, so I want to discuss springing back from adversity or resiliency today. We all know that life is hard, and if we did not have challenges, we would not know to appreciate the good things when they happen. This is by design, but it stinks when things are not going well, and we need to practice skills to keep us from bending too far into negativity.

It is a common problem - Stuff happens, life happens, and we have a lot of stressful thoughts about the stuff happening, and then we need to be resilient to bounce back. It is not easy, but I wanted to bring you some research-based advice to help build that resiliency muscle. 

The definition of resiliency is "Springing back or rebounding ."Returning to the original form or position after bending, compressing, or stretching. Recovering from illness, depression, or adversity."

Resilience is a skill that you can develop and work to improve. Just like all things in life, if you take the time to work on any skill, you can improve. Remember that being resilient does not mean you have no stress or difficulty in your life, and it is not a cure but a way to help you better understand and manage your response to hardship.

The Harvard Business Review outlines three key factors that help to make people more resilient. They are high levels of confidence in their abilities, disciplined routines for their work, and social and family support.

To develop more confidence, a better routine, and build social support, here are some things that you can practice to become more resilient.

Get more connected. Connecting with others is the most important thing we can do to build a beautiful life. Building strong, positive relationships with family and friends will provide you with needed support and acceptance in good and bad times. You can work on your social connections, volunteer, join a club or church, and connect with your veterinary team outside of work. It may feel difficult for you if you tend towards introversion, but if you challenge yourself to step outside your comfort zone and attempt to make more friends, you will better overcome adversity when it hits. 

I joined a pickleball group last week and was super intimidated because I am new to the sport. I had to push myself to show up and join in the play. I didn't know anyone, so I just had to show up and ask to join. To my surprise, everyone was welcoming and helpful, and I had a great time. I played in three games and won one of them. So, get out of your head and push through that uncomfortable feeling of being a stranger in a group and try to connect. You will be surprised how great you feel when you find a new friend. 

Work to make every day more meaningful. Do something that allows you to feel accomplished or purposeful every day. It may be working on your mental and physical health or helping others. Set clear goals to help you look for the future meaningfully. You can also reach out to a friend to check on them, increasing your connection with them and bringing meaning for them when you make their day. 

Reflect on your past experiences. Remember how you've coped with hardships in the past. How you persevered and overcame. Think about the skills and strategies that helped you through those difficult times. You might even write about those past experiences in your journal to help you identify your positive and negative behavior patterns — If you analyze your past, it may help guide your future behaviors.

Embrace the feeling of hope. We sometimes need to remember that you can choose a different emotion when required. Hope is a beautiful one. You can't change the past but you can always look toward the future. Accepting and even anticipating change makes adapting and viewing new challenges easier with less anxiety.

Take care of yourself. This one always sounds simple to me, but it is one of the most challenging things for us to do. Tend to your own needs and work on your feelings. Participate in activities and hobbies you enjoy. Include some physical activity in your daily routine. Get outside more often. Get plenty of sleep and create consistent bedtime rituals. Help yourself "shut down" and leave work behind. Remember that it is OK to rest as long as you are restful and your mind is not spinning on what you "should" be doing.

  

Reframe your thinking. When things change, we sometimes default to our stress reactions without challenging them. To escape this cycle, track your responses to stress and consider whether they're valid. Is there that much work to do, or do you remember the last time work overwhelmed you and feel like that may happen again?

Becoming more resilient takes time and practice. If you need to make progress or help knowing where to start, consider talking to someone. Remember that there is no shame in asking for help, and there are many mental health professionals in the world that are ready to work with you. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

"Life doesn't get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient." ― Steve Maraboli

On this week's podcast I talk more about resilience.  Listen on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.  The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast.

Sunday Steps to Love Monday.

Have you ever dreaded Sunday evening because you know that tomorrow, Monday, you will have to get back into your week? With all of its activities, thoughts of the coming week cause Sunday anxiety. I used to spend many of my Sunday evenings stressing about the coming week. I was pre-stressing, and while doing that, I was missing out on exactly why I worked so hard all week, my family and leisure time. 

Most of us experience pre-stress when thinking about the day ahead. Here are a few ways to keep the pre-stress from ruining your Sunday.

Start by understand your thoughts about Monday. Take a little time before Sunday evening to anticipate your pre-stress thoughts. Imagine you are getting towards the evening, and you know that you will begin to feel anxious. Why are you feeling that way? What are you thinking? I used to think that I didn't get enough done at home, or I would run through the list of things that might happen Monday at work. Those anxious thoughts are precisely why you are not enjoying your Sunday evenings. Once you realize your unnecessary thoughts, you will catch them when they occur and stop spinning.

Plan for an enjoyable Sunday evening by getting your Monday morning prep work out of the way Saturday or early Sunday. Prepare the clothes, meal plan, pack lunches, and get everything together for a successful week. Have your kids participate in making it a family activity. Some people are great at prepping for their week, but others could be more skilled. I remember panicking on Monday morning, looking for that permission slip due at school. You will feel less stress if you get all that done and laid out. Practice makes perfect, so start somewhere. Start with something small, like pre-packing your lunch for Monday, then move on to something more complicated. Do a little prep work, so Monday is more manageable and enjoyable. 

Schedule something relaxing or fun for Sunday evening. Do not allow your thoughts to keep you from enjoying what you plan. It may be something simple like a game or puzzle with the family but do not scroll through social media. That crap makes you feel more anxious. Go to bed a little early (talking to myself here - a night owl), so you can set your Monday alarm 30 minutes ahead. That way, you can enjoy your long morning and ease into the week. However, do not use this as an excuse to procrastinate your weekend prep work.

Spend a little time over the weekend to plan some fun, exciting, or important things for Monday. It may be as simple as planning a walk with your co-workers or accomplishing a task you missed last week. If you schedule a time to finish something early on Monday, you will feel more in control of the remainder of your week. Planning a fun activity will give you something to look forward to and combat negativity.

You can change your Sunday and love your Monday by changing your mind and habits. Do not shame yourself when you start to stress, but understand that it comes from your anxious thoughts about the future. Stay in your present, enjoy your family, and let Monday come - It will, anyway.

Let me know if you need help!

Dr. Julie Cappel

“This should be the spirit every Monday. Know that something good will always happen.” - Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

The Problem with Perfection

Most veterinarians have perfectionist tendencies. Our profession encourages it because we need to adhere to high standards, but since perfection is impossible, our desire to be perfect may cause anxiety and lead to depression.

Clinical psychologist Simon Sherry and lecturer Martin M. Smith define perfectionism as “striving for flawlessness, a state which renders an individual sensitive to criticism and plagued by self-doubt when estimating their performance abilities.”

In their 2019 study, they found perfectionism has increased substantially since 1990. They suggest that this phenomenon may be fueled by everything from parents who are critical and controlling to boastful social media postings reflecting unrealistic images of other people living perfect lives.

How can we let go of perfectionism while still working to be the best we can be?

Remember that you are talented and unique; there is a difference between achievement and perfection. It took many years of hard work and dedication to get to where you are today. Remember that the clients appear in your exam room because they trust and respect you. They pay you for your education, discernment, and expert opinion, not perfection.

Realize that veterinarians, like all other humans, are not perfect. You can strive for excellence while knowing that the goal of perfection is impossible. You can accept imperfections or small failures as part of your learning process. Accepting that failure is part of the human experience may relieve some of the pressure you place on yourself.

Recognize your successes, focus on the positive, and celebrate your accomplishments. Keep a success journal. Read it every time you start to feel self-doubt in the face of imperfection. Hold on to the thank-you notes and cards your clients send you. Your clients know that you do everything in your power to help them, and they acknowledge it. Read a few of them the next time you feel anxiety or self-doubt creep in.

Set reasonable and achievable goals. Not to lower your pursuit of excellence but give yourself a break and reward yourself for your achievements. 

Confide in a mentor, coach, or therapist who understands why you are struggling. Seek help when you feel that the self-doubt is keeping you from being the best you can be. By understanding that everyone in this profession struggles with perfectionism, you will recognize that you are not alone and will be able to quickly accept your feelings when they arise.

Love yourself, warts and all.  

Dr. Julie Cappel

“The pursuit of perfection is frustrating and a waste of time because nothing is ever perfect. The pursuit of excellence is commendable and worthwhile. Therefore strive for excellence, not perfection.” - Alan Kulwicki.

Listen to The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast!

Working to get more organized.

This week I had multiple conversations with my coaching clients about organizing and scheduling their work and life. It is a common problem that plagues everyone, including me. We want to be more organized and efficient with our time, but somehow our thoughts, life challenges, and procrastination often get in our way. 

Most of us struggle with organizing because we have so many thoughts. The human brain is a busy place, and studies say that the average person has over 70,000 thoughts per day. With all those thoughts, many of them negative stories that we tell ourselves, we are distracted by the sheer volume of things on our minds. Until we learn to sort through our thoughts to separate them into "true and useful" or "untrue and distracting," we will struggle to organize our days.

Start by focusing on your priorities and understanding how you work best. If you become overwhelmed by complex tasks or are quickly bored when unchallenged, you must design your schedule to keep you in your best frame of mind to stay productive. Make lists of things that you want to accomplish, and notice when your thoughts tell you something negative or distracting about your list. Work within your strengths, not against yourself. 

Be sure to use a planner or calendar that works for you. I like an old-school paper calendar where I can see the entire month laid out before me when scheduling my week. For my daily schedule, I use a bullet journal to prioritize and plan each day. Some people use whiteboards, index cards, post-it notes, color coding, or planning apps. The system is not important as long as it works well for you. Try several different strategies until you find one that feels helpful.

Stuff happens to us, humans. Keep in mind that when you feel most organized, something will happen to pull you off task. You cannot keep life at bay; you will experience car trouble, pet vomit, family illness, and work troubles. The way to stay organized while working on your life is to plan for disruption. I try to schedule "catch-up" time in my calendar to allow for "stuff" to happen. If I need to edit a podcast, I will schedule it for one hour Monday morning. If something happens during that Monday hour, I have another hour planned in the afternoon to edit. If I get it done in the morning, I have a free hour in the afternoon to rest or do something else on my list. 

Here are some other ideas to help you become more organized and get things done.

1. Delegate what you can to help simplify your life. If you can get someone to clean your house once a week, do so.
2. Schedule email and social media time to keep it limited.
3. Reduce the clutter on your desk or workspace. Throw some stuff out!
4. Choose one or two daily priority tasks - do not overestimate what you can do.
5. Give yourself time limits to get each job done. I like to set my timer on my phone to keep me focused. 
6. Schedule breaks, family time, and self-care into your day. 
7. Get someone to help you work through your mind clutter and sort it all out.

We all struggle with organization, so remember that you are not alone. We all have days when nothing seems to get done. Remember that it is all ok, and you can start to organize your day again tomorrow. Cut yourself some slack because part of the problem is you believing your brain's negative thoughts that tell you how organized you should be. 

Look forward and not back as you work to organize your life.

Dr. Julie Cappel

"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can." - Arthur Ashe.

"It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan." - Eleanor Roosevelt.

Love and Football

Today is Valentine's Day, and this past Sunday was Super Bowl Sunday.  

I started writing this blog on Sunday to get it posted, but I stalled. I stalled physically and mentally. Stalling sometimes happens when we feel overwhelmed or distracted with life or just forget to concentrate on our goals. In the interest of becoming un-stalled, I am finishing this writing today. 

I decided to combine my thoughts from Sunday with my thoughts today, Valentine's Day. I finish this blog by concentrating on one thing we can learn from each of these "holidays." 

Persistence. 

When we are faced with something big, a big ambition, vision, or goal, we are expected to face obstacles that may test us in our pursuit. Stalling is common, and quitting is easier. To succeed, we must push toward that goal with patience and perseverance.

Persistence is "the obstinate continuance in the course of action despite difficulty or opposition."

Football players who make it to the Super Bowl exhibit a level of persistence. The Super Bowl is the single most significant event in the history of a football player's life. They start as young children in the game, play high school and college ball, and a select few make it to the NFL. Even fewer make it to the Super Bowl. As I watched the pregame show before the Super Bowl, they did story after story of great athletes competing at the highest level and told of their struggles before reaching the pinnacle of their chosen sport. The athletes have experienced many opportunities to give up and stop pursuing their dream, and they dealt with many failures along the way. They are the select few that faced challenges and decided to keep working anyway. They are one of our most remarkable examples of persistence.

Much like it is with love. (Bear with me here, this may be a stretch.) Love of our spouse, family, veterinary team, and even the profession as a whole. Love does not come easy. People are people, and to love them, you must work to cultivate that love. You have to persist with choosing to love despite the challenges people bring. You can also choose to continue to love your team and profession with a little focus on your original passion for veterinary medicine. 

How do we develop persistence in ourselves?

Be sure your pursuit is in your area of passion and interest. To push through when things are tough, you have to have a passion for the things that you are pursuing to stick it out. You must have a reason for doing what you love and loving those you choose to be spend your time with. Find that reason, and everything will feel more manageable.

Get some support. No one can do anything alone. That is true in love or football. It takes someone to throw a ball and someone to catch one. In the love of another human, it takes two. So when you want to give up, get someone to help you garner the fortitude to persist. You may choose a therapist, coach, family member, or friend. Reach out and ask them to help push you to your end goal. 

When you feel stalled, ask yourself, "Do I need a break, or do I need to quit?" Most of the time you will want to quit, but there is always a way to start again with a goal you are deeply invested in. Rest may be needed, and a break may be in order, but do not quit. Like anything else that is valuable, your goals are worth the wait.

When you commit to any goal, be prepared to stall and fail. If your goal is grand enough, focus on persistence to bring it to life.  

Dr. Julie Cappel

"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent." - Calvin Coolidge.

Routines Bring Returns

Do you ever wonder where your time goes? Why does it seem that our work days go so slowly and our home days go by so fast?

It could be because we have our work days carefully scheduled, and our days off are so loosely planned. We have "day off" giant to-do lists, but we do not take time to plan and schedule our tasks. 

You must examine where you are now to achieve more, accomplish more, and work towards personal growth. Are you using your time wisely? Do you have a dialed-in routine to help you achieve your goals? What are you doing to change?

Personal growth and change involve working on yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Most of us have some idea of what we want, but we must do the work to follow through. We need to work to change our daily habits and mindset to grow and change direction. Minor changes to your daily habits and routines will go a long way to producing change and bringing significant returns on your investment.

Check with yourself to identify what you want. Becoming mindful of what you are doing now will allow you to decide if you want to change. What is your mindset? Are you thinking optimistically about your day, or are you allowing the day's events to control you? The only control that you have over your day is to control yourself. 

So now that you know you want to change, what can you do to grow and accomplish more?

Establish a solid morning routine. Most successful people get up early and have a routine to start their day right. Begin your day calmly and avoid rushing. Make your bed, eat breakfast, and do some meditation or yoga to ease into your day. Take a few minutes to plan your tasks early in the morning, and give yourself time to think about how you want to approach the day ahead. Remember that working on your mindset for a few moments will do great things for your ability to handle stress.

Make your to-do list, prioritize it, and time block it. Take a few moments in your morning routine or if you are like me and plan better in the evening, do it the night before. Prioritizing will help you sort out the urgent and important things and let go of the not-so-important stuff. Remember to schedule your self-care tasks as a priority. It may be as simple as taking a moment to offer yourself encouragement and love. Caring for the caregiver is always top of the list. 

When I say time-blocking, I mean assigning a time to do the tasks and setting a timer for each task. In addition, schedule twenty minutes to clean or reorganize something you have put off. The organization feels better than a mess, so get motivated by organizing your workspace or home. We often avoid cleaning because it is no fun, right? But, if you do a small amount each day, it will become manageable. 

If you want to get more out of your life, manage your stress by planning for growth and change. Stress magnifies when you avoid your life, but peace comes from managing yourself and your time. Improve your routine to get bigger results. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

Contact me for Coaching

veterinarylifecoach.com

"The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine." - Mike Murdock.

New Year? So what now?

I have been working on writing this blog for the past two weeks, which is unusual for me as I often write my blogs in one day. I have been struggling with this because I have produced several blogs and podcasts about New Year's resolutions, goal setting, change, and how to start afresh in the new year. This time, I wondered what else I could offer to help you create your best new year? 

Here is what I came up with. 

I want to offer you the thought that every day can be a new start in your life. You do not have to wait till the new year to start anew. We all want to change something, our bad habits, physical or mental health, or we desire to do or learn something new. We do not need to wait until the new year to bring about change. It feels reasonable to choose January first, Monday morning, next week, or someday. 

That restrictive thinking keeps us stuck in our bad habits and "normal" life, and what we really want is an extraordinary life. Waiting till the time is right to start working on yourself will get you to the same place you are now, stuck. If you are anything like me, the "I will start tomorrow" thinking keeps me overeating, not exercising, and procrastinating my self-development because "starting tomorrow" does not work. If we do begin to work on a resolution, as soon as we experience a minor failure, we quit and never achieve it or vow to start again on Monday. 

So, it is January fifteenth, and we are two weeks into 2023. What resolutions are you keeping, and which have failed? If you have already quit those New Year's Resolutions, I encourage you to start again. NOW! Keep starting over and working towards what you want until you get it. Do not wait for tomorrow, next week, Monday, or 2024. Start again and work now.

The only way to overcome procrastination is to stop feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or stuck. Getting our brains to see the possibility of change is the work that needs to be done to persevere. If you find that you are doing everything but working on your goals, you are an average human; congratulations. We all procrastinate and struggle to achieve our goals, but here are a few ways you can work to get over that and restart for the new year. 

Start by understanding your motivation for your New Year's Resolution in the first place. Why do you want what you want? What pain are you experiencing by not getting it? Most of the emotional pain you are experiencing is shame and self-judgment when you do not take action. Once you understand yourself better, you will be on to yourself and your excuses. Know where you are currently and where you want to go. 

Next, list the steps required to get back on track with your resolution. What have you avoided and why? Do not list anything that does not involve your resolution. Having the daily, mundane tasks on your list will give you an excuse to avoid your resolution goal. Then, break it down into baby steps that feel easier. If it is a food goal, plan one meal at a time, not a whole week. If it is an exercise goal, take it one day at a time. Do one simple task and get moving forward.

The most important step is changing your self-talk. Thinking that this is too difficult or impossible will not serve you. Change your thinking with strong and capable statements about yourself. You will feel less overwhelmed if you decide that you can do it. You will build momentum towards your goal if you achieve one step at a time.  

Remember that when you avoid change, you are ultimately creating more pain for yourself in the future. If you accept a slight change and a little pain now, you will be so much happier later as you achieve your dreams.

It is January 15, and you stopped working on your New Year's Resolution. So what? Begin again right now. Take one baby step, and continue until you have whatever you want.

Call me if you need help.

Dr. Julie Cappel

Christmas Blessings

I am writing this on Christmas Day from my living room couch. I am grateful for all of my many blessings. I am healthy, my husband is healthy, my parents are healthy, my adult children are visiting from Los Angeles and Dallas, and they are in the kitchen preparing a Christmas Feast. As they work, the holiday music is playing, and they are all singing and laughing. The dogs, there are three and another one joining us later, are running around begging for treats. The noise and chaotic atmosphere are a treat after experiencing an empty nest for the past year. Those of you with small children do not understand missing noise, but once your kids are grown, you will have time to miss the laughter and even crying and arguments.

We have been through seasons of joy and loss, so I know that not every holiday is joyful. After two years of dealing with the pandemic, I know we all want to feel freedom and happiness again. If you are struggling to find something to be grateful for this year, here are some ways to stay positive and care for yourself and your feelings.

Spend some time looking for the year’s blessings. Even when things are not going well, we can work to find some small things to be thankful for. They may be very small things like a good night’s sleep, coffee in the morning, a sunny day, or even just a roof over your head. By searching for the good things, you can shift your focus away from your challenges. 

Call a friend. Reaching out to check on someone else will help you feel better when you feel down. Talking to another human about your problems or theirs will give you a feeling of community, knowing that you are not alone. Your friend may be suffering too, and just the act of you reaching out may bring them out of their negativity. Challenge each other to remember positive experiences and share good memories. Those memories may help get you both more joy.

If you are not having a healthy holiday season this year, I understand you are not feeling blessed. That is OK. We can feel the sadness or loss and know there will be better days ahead if we hang on. As 2023 approaches, try to look back on your blessings in 2022. Even if your year was challenging or your loss was devastating, you can resolve to remember the happy memories. Remember that life is a series of ups and downs; much of the joy is in the lessons we learn about ourselves through the challenges. Have a beautiful holiday season and New Year.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.” – Charles Dickens

Stop and look

Have you ever felt that you have difficulty being at peace with yourself? Do you feel anxious and unable to live in the moment and enjoy your life? I certainly have many times. No matter what is going on with us, we look forward with worry and not outward and inward with peace. We miss the present while we worry about the future.  

Stop and look where you are so you can be content.

 

One of the reasons I got interested and involved in mental health and life coaching is that I wanted to change myself and help others who consistently struggle with perfectionism, anxiety, and impostor syndrome. I want us all to get out of our way and become present.

I was reminding myself this afternoon about building contentment in my life. After a beautiful morning with my parents golfing and having lunch, I felt unsettled. It was a beautiful day, and I felt content, relaxed, and present in our golf game. As I worked around the house and filled out Christmas cards in the afternoon, I started to feel overwhelmed, unfocused, and ungrateful. When I think this way, it is best to stop and do the work to feel more content.

Contentment is an emotional state of satisfaction and ease in the mind and body. Feeling content with your life will allow you to be present and experience it. Feeling anxious about what comes next is a complete waste of time and energy.

I always like to start by challenging myself to feel grateful for something. When you ask yourself to look for something good, it helps you refocus on what is important in the present moment. If I feel grateful that I have a roof over my head and air in my lungs, I begin to bring myself back to the present moment. Boiling it down to simple gratitude works for me. Appreciating one thing you have daily will keep you present and content.

To feel content, you must create compassion for yourself and others by dropping the tendency to judge. As humans, we all want to judge others' lives by thinking that they should act differently or respond differently to us. If we can let go of our judgment and allow others to be, it will go a long way to helping us stop the judgment of ourselves. Today I was giving myself a hard time because my Christmas cards and shopping still needed to be finished. To feel content, I have to realize that I will get it done well before Christmas, and if I don't, no one will care. Feeling anxiety over it is not useful. 

Working on any skill takes focus and an open mind. We can all benefit from learning to be more content. When creating contentment for yourself, stop and ask yourself what you are anxious about; then, how can I be grateful in this moment? What experience are you missing while you worry? Be open to feeling peace and contentment in all situations to enjoy your life.

Stop and look - you can be content.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Contentment is the only real wealth.”- Alfred Nobel

Show up for yourself.

Today I was doing a yoga video on YouTube, “Yoga by Adrianne,” and she said something as she ended the video that sparked my interest. She said, “Show up for yourself today.” I loved her closing statement because we often forget to show up for ourselves. We show up for our family, clients, and friends, but we rarely think of ourselves. On the one hand, I love the unselfish nature of people who think of others before thinking of themselves. Still, if we continuously put others first, we eventually run out of energy and capacity to remain healthy enough to be of service.  

Showing up for yourself means honoring your time, loving yourself, and being your own advocate. It can mean different things to different people, but making your needs a priority, emotionally, physically, and mentally is all part of showing up for you. 

With self-love in mind, let’s talk about some things we can do daily to show up for ourselves.

Create some self-discipline. One of the best ways to show up for yourself is to be resolute in your values and disciplined in your goals. If I have a strong sense of what I want in life, I am more likely to make choices that align with my values and take steps to work toward my goals.  

When I first bought my veterinary hospital, I knew that I wanted it to be a place that honored honesty, cleanliness, family, and team. I wanted to have a life outside of veterinary medicine, and I wanted my team to do the same. With that in mind, I was able to schedule time to attend family events and be open to my team members attending to their home lives, goals, and dreams. In order to get what you want, you must first know what that is, then take steps to get there.  

Just ask yourself, what do I need, and what steps will I take to get it?

Speak up for yourself. One of the most challenging things for me is saying “no.” I am naturally a people pleaser, and I am usually most happy when those around me are happy. There is nothing wrong with this way of thinking until it keeps me from caring for my physical and emotional needs. If I serve others to the detriment of myself, that is when I become run down and lose my interest.  

Learning to speak up for yourself is a skill that you can practice. Once you admit that you have a people-pleasing problem, you can begin to plan your boundaries. I like to pre-plan boundaries so that I have the strength to decline when someone asks for my help. Plan to stay strong, speak up for yourself, and ask for what you need at least once a week as an act of self-care. 

Stop being so hard on yourself. One thing that keeps us from showing up for ourselves is our propensity for self-judgment. We beat ourselves up mentally and hang on to every mistake, using it as fuel against our self-confidence. This practice is not only unnecessary but keeps us from allowing success. When you hear your thoughts telling you that you are inadequate, be strong against your own judgment. Think of yourself as a beloved friend and speak to yourself the same way you would to that friend. Clean up your judgment so you can have your own back. 

Showing up for yourself is not always easy, but if you do the work needed to love yourself, you will build the capacity to create the abundant life you desire.  Work to take care of you!

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Nourishing yourself in a way that helps you blossom in the direction you want to go is attainable, and you are worth the effort.” – Deborah Day.

Louisiana Lessons

This weekend, I am in Shreveport, Louisiana, attending a performance of The Barber of Seville by Shreveport Opera. The female lead character, Rosina, was played by my daughter Bridget Cappel. I probably would not be in Shreveport except for this performance; however, my husband attended college here at Louisiana State University Shreveport, so he enjoys showing me around the town where he grew up. We are also getting to spend time with friends and family.

I could not be more proud of my children. They are the most unique, kind, and talented people, and they are both musicians and performers. While we are here watching Bridget perform in the Opera, my son Tristan is performing on tour with Post Modern Jukebox. (Check them out when they are in your city - they are fabulous.)

When you have children, people will tell you that your life will change, but they don't tell you how much those children will teach you and push you to grow. My children make me proud to be their mother every day, not only because they are amazing but because they exhibit the utmost tenacity and perseverance for me. Perseverance is a lesson they teach me as I watch them navigate their unusual careers. Perseverance is a lesson we all need to learn; It takes perseverance to turn any goal into a reality.

Perseverance is "Persistence in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success."

Opera singers, artists, and musicians like my kids, study music and performing for years, not just years, decades. It is a stringent discipline that must be studied and practiced every day in order to display their product (art) on the stage successfully. Any goal that you have for success in your life and career will require you to adopt discipline and perseverance, much as musicians do. A daily practice of the small steps to your goals will ultimately bring you to successful completion. 

When working on any goal, it is tempting to avoid it when feeling discouraged. Even as I write this blog, I think I want to quit. “Why can't I just sit here and watch Netflix?” It would be so much easier than writing this blog. My thoughts tell me, "Just give it up already; this blog sucks!" 

We all have setbacks as we work towards significance, but if we can learn to overcome our urge to quit, we can build resilience and persevere. 

How do we persevere?

Keep your eye on the prize. If you know where you want to go (and why) you will be much more likely to get there. Every goal requires a level of vision, so create a strong enough image for your success to keep you from quitting.

  

Try to embrace your failure. It takes many, many failures to get to big success. Much like the artists repeatedly auditioning to get the big part, you must expect that everything will not be easy. Continuously working, failing, and working again is what keeps you moving forward. 

Make small strides each day. Just complete one task each day that moves you along your success timeline. You do not have to accomplish big things every day to see progress. Steady small steps toward your goal without quitting will result in success. 

Build a growth mindset. When working on any goal, it helps to think of growing, not necessarily finishing. Every musician must continuously work on their craft to maintain their level of expertise and to get better. If you stop working, you will start regressing. With growth in mind, you will continue to make strides, see change, and develop. 

Lean on others for support. When you feel like quitting, you need someone to encourage you. Having someone who believes in you when you don't believe in yourself will add to your ability to be persistent and preserver.

It feels great to learn, grow, and finish amazing things. Do not give up! Success is waiting for you on the other side of your hard work. Now go get something done!

Dr. Julie Cappel

"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other."– Walter Elliot.