The Three Mistakes We Make

As I work to research stress and anxiety in our profession and talk to veterinarians about their daily struggles, it becomes clear to me that most of our stress comes from our expectations about, and interactions with our clients.  I have been doing this job for a long time and it seems that client interactions have become more and more tense for us.  We stress about correct diagnosis, treatment success, and surgery skill, but the things that seem to hit us the hardest are the things our clients think about us, say to us, and how they treat us on social media.

 

As I have been working through these thoughts, it occurred to me that there are three main reasons that we mentally struggle with our clients.  Three assumptions that we make about them, that if we could think differently, we could do a better job at managing our stress. 

Our first mistake when dealing with clients is that we assume that they know more than they know.  Sure, they often “Dr. Google” their pet’s symptoms and sometimes they are in the ballpark, but they really don’t have medical knowledge to discern whether their research makes practical sense, or understand diagnostic tests will be needed to confirm that Dr. Google diagnosis.  When I ask them questions about diet, symptoms, length of illness, or past medical history, I often get answers that do not add up.  For example, I see a mammary mass on a dog that is encompassing one quarter of the abdomen and the client tells me that it just popped up in the past few weeks.  I know that this cannot be true.  I know that this really means that the client is busy with everyday life, so they did not see anything wrong until it was seriously wrong.  If I choose to be upset by this fact, I will cause myself undo stress.  If I accept that this is where we are, and I can do my very best to make proper treatment recommendations from this place in time, I can proceed without taking on any anxiety about it.

The second mistake that we make when dealing with clients is that we assume that they want the very best and will do the very best for their pet.  We think we know “best”, but clients get to decide what is best for their pet and their situation.  Best is a matter of opinion.  We may not always agree with the choices that our clients make when it comes to their pets, but our job is to give them the options that we have been trained to give.  We need to allow them to make the choices for their pet and their family.  It is not up to us to judge their decisions.  We are there to support them in whatever decision that they make, without taking on the emotion.  We should assume that they will do what they believe is best for their pet.  We can love them through any “best” decision.

The third mistake that we make is that we assume that clients know how difficult our job can be.  We know that we are not God and cannot save every life. We understand our limitations.  We assume that clients realize this as well.  We think that they know we are doing our very best to help them in every situation.  They may actually think that we make a lot of money and are living richly off of the dollars that they spend in our hospitals.  They may think us uncaring when we give them a treatment plan that they cannot afford.  In reality, we are caring individuals that are doing a very difficult job and taking this all home with us.  We are causing ourselves undo stress and anxiety over every one of their pets’ problems. They do not see our pain.  Continuing to communicate with the public about how difficult some of our days can be is the first step in bridging this gap.

So, if you are a veterinary client reading this, or a working veterinarian, realize that we all care about the same thing: loving and healing pets.  Clients, you need veterinarians to be healthy and whole to help you. Veterinarians, you need your clients to continue the valuable work that you are passionate about.   We have a difficult job as veterinarians, but pet owners have a difficult job as well.   We are on the same team and we should treat each other with respect, compassion and understanding.

Being open to each other makes us better humans.

Dr. Julie Cappel

If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans.

— James Herriot

Truly caring people know they have to take care of themselves first.
 - Marty Rubin

Join me on the Podcast!!

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-veterinary-life-coach-podcast-with-dr-julie-cappel/id1451549730

Episode #45 - Emotional Childhood/Emotional Adulthood

On this episode of the podcast Julie and her daughter Bridget have a back and forth discussion on the topic of emotional childhood.  Often when we are feeling stress in our lives, we have a tendency to attempt to avoid our negative emotions.  Instead of feeling them and owning them, we want to blame our circumstances or the other people in our lives for our suffering. When you show up as an emotional adult, you will no longer blame others for the way you are feeling.  

Check out this episode!

Committing to self-care – A lesson to myself

Let’s face it, veterinarians and veterinary technicians are terrific at caring for everyone around them. They are not, however, terrific at caring for themselves.

I was reminded of this fact so many times in the past few weeks, as I was navigating a myriad of emotional, mental, and physical challenges.  Our hospital computers crashed and have been down for the past two weeks.  We were able to get one working, but one machine for 28 employees does not make things run smoothly.  We have been going at it “old-school” with pen, paper, and calculators for 14 days now.  In addition, several of my friends are dealing with health issues, which is always draining and emotionally challenging.  And, to top it all off, things around my house have been breaking down as if I invited Murphy himself to move in.  

I was juggling all of these things - I thought somewhat successfully - but I was totally neglecting to care for myself.  I was not sleeping well, eating poorly, skipping exercise, and concentrating on caring about everyone but me. We all do it – postponing our own care, to care for our patients, clients, families and our homes.   

So, as a reminder to myself and to all of you hard working, self-sacrificing veterinarians and veterinary technicians out there, I want to give us all a little reminder lesson about self-care.

Self-care is an activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health.  It is often thought of as some simple indulgence like taking a bubble bath to unwind, or having a glass of wine, but it is far from that. Self-care is something that needs to be deliberate and practiced – a part of our daily schedule.  It needs to be a commitment to our health and our life that is practiced regularly. 

Waiting until you are stressed out and wound up to take care of yourself is not self-care.  Routine things like, healthy eating, regular exercise, saving money, and setting boundaries around your time, are the things that really constitute self-care.  It takes commitment to do the things that are good for you every day without distracting your brain with food, wine, social media, or burying yourself in Netflix.  You have to have resolve and determination to put yourself and your needs first.  It takes some concentrated work to get to know yourself well, and to understand what your body and brain truly needs.  

Commit to understanding your priorities.  What do you really want from your life and how are you going to go about getting it?  Once you have your priorities in mind, commit yourself to them. What does your self-care routine look like when you invest in your priorities?  It takes a lot of commitment to say “no” to someone else, setting a boundary to protect your time.  It takes commitment to yourself, to allow your associates to cover for you while you go to therapy or attend an event at your child’s school.  Your priorities will help you separate the urgent and important from the urgent and unimportant.

Taking full responsibility for our own self-care will cause us to develop the energy and capacity to truly care for others without compromising our emotional and physical health.  We will be happier friends, better spouses, and better veterinary care professionals. 

Self-care is not something that you practice occasionally when you feel stressed or overwhelmed.  It is a daily commitment to your mind, your health, and your priorities.  

Practice some self-care every day.  This is the lesson that I want to share with you and myself today. 

It is a coach, coach thyself moment. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Self-care is giving the world the best of you instead of what’s left of you.”  Katie Reed

“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.”  Brene’ Brown

“The most powerful relationship that you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.” Diane Von Furstenberg

Episode #44 - Interview with Veterinary Moms

On this episode of the podcast Julie sits down with two of her associate veterinarians at Warren Woods Veterinary Hospital to discuss the challenges of being a veterinarian and mother.  Dr. Laura VandeGrift and Dr. Jayme Cicchelli are both new mothers with beautiful babies and are also working as veterinarians.  The three doctors discuss the unique challenges that come with being young veterinarians and also new mothers.  

Check out this episode!

Episode #44 - Interview with Veterinary Moms

On this episode of the podcast Julie sits down with two of her associate veterinarians at Warren Woods Veterinary Hospital to discuss the challenges of being a veterinarian and mother.  Dr. Laura VandeGrift and Dr. Jayme Cicchelli are both new mothers with beautiful babies and are also working as veterinarians.  The three doctors discuss the unique challenges that come with being young veterinarians and also new mothers.  

Check out this episode!

Why are you not moving forward?

This week I am working on creating a new veterinary program on goal setting and creating results.  I have been studying and building a power point presentation for my MVMA Power of Ten group.  Ironically, while working on this program on “goals”, so many things have come up for me.  I have been struggling to move forward and just get it done.

The week has been filled with challenges that I have used as an excuse to not move forward.  Our computers went down at the hospital and we are having to do everything by hand.  I discovered a leak and mold problem in my basement and my dog developed a gastrointestinal illness, ruining my carpet.  Those were just some of the things.   My circumstances have been many, and they have created quite a challenge for my easily distractible brain.  Instead of focusing on developing my program, I have been letting myself become absorbed in the challenges that my life is offering. 

Why should we set goals and move forward?

We need to set goals and move forward, because our brain needs direction and focus.  If you let your brain decide what you are going to do, it will take the path of least resistance and have you eating cookies and watching Netflix all day.  Your brain wants to keep you safe, so when you set a big goal that you do not currently know how to accomplish, your brain reacts with fear and distraction.

What can we do to create focus and achieve our goal?

We all have a tendency to focus on the drama around us instead of focusing on achievement.  This is the most common reason that we avoid working on big things.  In order to focus and overcome the fear that our brain creates, we need to learn to be uncomfortable on purpose.  Realize that feeling bad is part of the deal when doing something big. Big goals will cause uncomfortable feelings, and that is OK.  Expect them so you won’t be surprised when they occur.

Be on to yourself.  I know that if something comes up in my day that will help me escape from working on my goal, my brain is going to want to lose focus.  Knowing ahead of time that I am easily distracted, helps me to catch myself when it happens and redirect my attention back to the goal.  It happened to me while writing this – I was distracted by my dogs, but I caught myself and came right back to the writing.

Be willing to fail.  Failure is a part of achieving any worthwhile goal.  It will be a rare occurrence that you will get it right the first time you try, so expect to fail.  Failing and trying again, will always be more useful that sitting back and waiting for things to happen. 

Commit to yourself.  You have to decide on purpose that you want something and then figure out how to get it.

Set a goal. 

Expect your brain to freak out.

Feel the fear and move forward anyway.

Commit to yourself and do not quit.

Fail until you achieve the goal. 

Believe that you can do it and move forward.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“You have to set goals that are almost out of reach. If you set a goal that is attainable without much work or thought, you are stuck with something below your true talent and potential.” —Steve Garvey