My Abundant Life

Today is Sunday, and I am off work — no veterinary work, no coaching — for the first time since I returned from my vacation last weekend. It seemed like a long hard week, probably because I am still tired from my vacation, the time change, and catching up with everything at home and work. There was laundry, housework, paperwork, phone calls, and all the other errands that I neglected while out of town. I might have started to feel a little sorry for myself if I were not given so many lessons in abundance and gratitude throughout the week.  

When I returned home, the first thing I did was get on my computer and order groceries. Online grocery order and delivery is the most exciting thing that I learned during the pandemic. I had never used that service before, but now I am addicted. You set up an order, choose a delivery time, and like magic, some beautiful person comes to your door with groceries. Incredible! Insta-cart is one of the best things ever created. 

The delivery time offered that evening was between 9:00 to 11:00 pm, and I was okay with that as I was still on pacific time. When the woman arrived at my door, ten minutes before 11:00 pm, the first thing she did was apologize for being so late. I thought that was interesting since she was well within the time frame offered, and she was magically delivering food to my front porch. If anything, I should be the one to say that I am sorry for bringing her out ten minutes before her scheduled time to go home.

The second lesson happened Friday. One of our veterinary technicians has an amazing husband who ordered and delivered Mexican food to all of us at the hospital. Unprompted, he just told his wife to expect lunch for the whole team. Surprise! So much food and so much fun opening each container to see our choices, then having a sit-down lunch together. Just what a tired team needs right now.

Today, I also saw a great example of abundance when I accompanied my husband to Sam's Club. He usually likes to take his bi-monthly trip alone, but today I decided to tag along to see just what I could find to buy. The place was jammed with patrons, not one empty cart in the lobby, and families were making an outing of it. My husband gets one of those giant pallet-type carts so that he can load it up. As I walked through the massive store with the shelves stacked and isles packed with almost everything you could ever want or need, I looked at the people there and realized that we could take all this for granted. We need to notice how awesome this is.

My amazing vacation (Arizona, Sedona, Lake Powell, Grand Canyon), all the things that I returned to; Insta-cart, free lunch, and Sam's shopping, made me think how fortunate I am to live in the United States. A place where I can travel to beautiful places and then have the ability to get whatever I want whenever I want it quickly and easily. 

If I feel tired and overwhelmed, the first thing that I want to do is complain, but what is there to complain about when you have everything that you want and need? My home, work, dogs, family, and friends are all a part of my abundant life.

An abundance mindset is an outlook or attitude that allows you to notice and welcome the world's possibilities. It does not mean that you have everything that you want. It is more about enjoying what you already have and being open to whatever comes—knowing that there are plenty of opportunities out there just waiting for you. 

What can we do to notice the abundance around us and foster a positive mindset when feeling tired, stressed, or overwhelmed?

Focus on the positives in your life more than on the things that may be going wrong. My tired body and mind will give in to negative thinking if I let myself forget about abundance. Your worry about being short-handed at work, can turn into gratitude for the people who show up each day. Look around you and see what is there — running water, sunshine, or a happy pet is all you need to feel a bit of your life's abundance. 

Practice gratitude. I say this frequently, but it is so easy to do and makes all the difference in how you see yourself and your world. We have a negative bias, so it takes practice and works to find the things in your life for which to be grateful. 

Surround yourself with people that have a great outlook. When your brain does not want to see the blessings, hang out with others that do. If you spend time with positive people, it is tough always to see negative. Practice watching and emulating people that you admire.  

If you accept that there is enough happiness for you and everyone to share, you will look for your blessings and appreciate all you have in your life.  

Dr. Julie Cappel

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." Albert Einstein

"Choose joyful abundance in your heart and be unbounded, free, and relaxed. Be relentless with your choice, and you'll make your mark." 

― Amy Leigh Mercree

"Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into." Wayne Dyer

Commit to yourself and your dreams!

Today the Olympic Games in Tokyo are coming to an end. I have watched some of the competitions as I always love to do. Something about watching people achieve a lifelong dream is exhilarating and motivating. The athletes have committed much of their life to a single goal. The dreamer and a believer in me are encouraged by those commitments. All people indeed have difficulties and challenges that work to hold them back, so what can we learn from the world’s best athletes?

Commitment.

Commitment is “the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause or activity.”    

One of the things that we talk about in Life Coaching is goal setting and working towards what you want in life. We often have hopes and dreams, but making them happen is the actual work. Commitment to your goals makes the difference between wanting something and getting something.

Why is commitment so tough? We have good intentions, but we also have a human brain that holds us back for many reasons. The most potent reason is our self-doubt.  Procrastination happens when we doubt our abilities and fear the failures that come on the path to big results. Self-doubt makes action steps challenging to take. If we do not believe in our abilities to recover from failure, we will abandon our goals.

So, how do we commit?

Start with a big reward. Whether you want to start a new habit or kick an old one, you need to have a strong reason for doing it. If your end goal is weak, so will be your resolve. When your self-confidence starts to wain, you need that goal picture to focus on. If an Olympic athlete does not have a strong reason for working for years — the gold medal and the career success that comes from that —they will never have the resolve to do the hard work it takes to succeed. 

Break it down into steps that feel more attainable. When we have a large dream that seems impossible, working at it in small steps is the only way to overcome your doubt. Running a marathon is best done by starting with one mile at a time. Losing weight can be achieved by changing one small habit at a time. Small steps create momentum, and momentum builds increased motivation as you see your dream taking shape. 

Put the steps into your daily plan. Planning for change is the only way to stay committed to the process. If you do not add the steps into your daily routine, you will easily get distracted by life. Start by deciding on the time commitment you need to dedicate to your efforts each day. Then assign a specific time to work on them—plan for the inevitable obstacles that will come up and create a backup plan for these obstacles. For example, if you need to work out three times a week, scheduled for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, leave Saturday as your backup plan if you miss one of the other days. This way, you will plan for interruptions to your process. 

Be prepared to fight with yourself for yourself. There will be a strong urge to skip steps just because you do not “feel like doing it.” Your brain will try to push you offline and take the easy way out. If you know that it is coming, you can prepare for the urges and have a plan in mind to fight those urges. Knowing that you will have to fight for your commitment and being OK with that, is essential to staying committed.

Challenge yourself to think about a change you want to make this week and start working on your commitment. You will be surprised what you can do if you commit to starting.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Commitment is what transforms a promise into a reality.” - Abraham Lincoln

“You always have two choices: your commitment versus your fear.”- Sammy Davis Jr

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Self-Care Saturday

Today, Saturday, I coached a few of my veterinary life coaching clients, and the theme with most of them was self-care. I enjoy talking about self-care because I have realized that many of us do not understand what it means and thus struggle to achieve it. Proper self-care requires taking action to know yourself and then designing your life so that you are protected, successful, and happy. Caring for yourself physically, emotionally, professionally, spiritually, and financially is all part of self-care. 

The dictionary definition of self-care is “the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s health.” “The practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s wellbeing and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.”  

Self-care means taking action for yourself - whatever that means to you.

Later in the day, still Saturday, I was sitting in a massage chair at the nail salon, getting my pre-vacation manicure and pedicure. I started thinking more about today’s self-care discussions. As relaxing as the mani/pedi is, the actual salon visit is not self-care for me. I get stressed going and thinking about going. For me, it is more about the way I feel when my nails are done and beautiful. If I could get the look and feel of the freshly done nails without spending any time in the chair, I would be a happy camper.  It takes energy for me to relax into the process. I have to take action to get the result that makes me ultimately happy. That’s what self-care is.  

When we feel overwhelmed or stressed, the first thing that comes to mind is that we need more self-care. When I ask individuals what they mean by that, they often struggle to answer other than they need to work less. “I am physically and mentally exhausted,” they say. “I need to sleep in or take a day off.” While I generally agree with the sentiment, I disagree that all self-care involves not working. I see it as an action step. You need to plan for your self-care physically. You need to know your needs and then schedule them in. 

I have clients that have big goals and dreams that I am helping them to reach. They want to improve emotionally, physically, professionally, and financially. Many of those dreams require that they increase their “self-care” in that area. To be physically healthier, you need to eat well and work out. To pay off loans, take family vacations, and generally have a fantastic life, you may have to make money. It requires action and works to make all of these things happen.

That idea flies in the face of the self-care movement where self-care often equals relaxing. I think of self-care more as balancing my dreams with my reality, creating a balance between my work (which is very important to my wellbeing) and my life (which is equally important). I am not saying that you don’t need time off; I am just saying that you may sometimes have to define self-care as work to care for your hopes and dreams.

Self-care is all about you! Get to know your wants, needs, plans, and dreams. Once you have those mapped out, you can begin planning your actions to meet all of your needs to get to balance and wellbeing. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

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We All Need Friends!

I had a particularly busy week working, coaching, and the absolute best part of my week, visiting with my friends. Workdays were packed, and on top of that, getting my house and myself ready for the visits from friends was hectic. Do you ever want to curl up on the couch and avoid all human contact? I do. I feel it, especially after I have had a busy week at work. I don’t really want to socialize, but I know how good it is for me mentally. 

So I pushed through and ended up having a fabulous time eating, drinking, and catching up with my friends.
I spent time with my best friend on Friday and my favorite neighbors on Saturday. So much fun and such a treat after the isolation of the pandemic last year. 

 

Why is it that nurturing friendships is so important to us?

Many studies have shown that close friendships keep you healthier both mentally and physically. Loneliness and lack of social connection can lead to depression and isolation. We do need alone time to recharge our batteries after a long day of caring for clients, but friendships and relationships need to be nurtured to enhance our quality of life. 

Friends teach you about yourself and challenge you to be better. Being around a friend that starts exercising or volunteering may challenge you to take up the positive habit. They will also express their concern if you are not resting or caring for yourself properly. They are more concerned with your wellbeing than what you can bring to them. Friends will also call you out when you are crabby or acting like a jerk and help you adjust your attitude. Nothing like brutal honesty from a good friend to mend your ways.

Friends encourage and support you when negative things come up in your life. We all deal with disasters; death, trauma, divorce, job loss. Friends will help you deal with the grief. A friend will listen while you cry and support you as you dig yourself out of the ditch. They allow you to wallow without judgment and, when you are ready, help you get up and move on.  

Friends celebrate our victories and support during our challenges. Being there for a friend in need also allows you to forget your worries in order to offer support to your friend. 

Friends increase the joy in your life. There is nothing like having a good laugh with someone that you trust and admire. Laughter with friends distracts you from your worries and refocuses your mind on important relationships. They allow you to prioritize your time and remind you of what is really important. 

If you have a friend you have not seen in a while, contact them and nurture that relationship. It may be just what they need at this moment.  If you need a friend reach out and meet one, there are many people in this community of veterinarians that would love to meet you.  

Big thanks to my friends, Karen, Kathy, and Steve, for the great company this weekend, allowing me to laugh, and for making my life infinitely better.  I am blessed to have you as friends. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.” — Tennessee Williams

Start now

One huge lesson that I have learned over the years is that you have to act. I don’t mean acting like “Meryl Streep acting,” I mean taking action, like Rambo. Procrastination is the enemy of progress and success. If you want to do anything in your life, you must take action. 

It may sound pretty straightforward, but so many of us do not do what we say that we want to do. We spend much of our life talking about what we want but never actually accomplish many of them. Someday I want to travel to Italy, take an Alaskan Cruise, or write a novel. Eventually, it will be too late unless I take steps to get there. We all have a limited amount of time here on earth, and time does not slow down while we procrastinate.

I find myself making excuses about why I am not getting things done. I am tired, I worked a lot today, I don’t have an idea, I am not motivated, and the proverbial, I don’t feel like it. Really? What does that mean? Do you need to feel like doing something to do it? Most of the time, we don’t feel like doing anything useful, but if we obeyed that thinking, we would be living in filth, never bathing, and watching our life go by while scrolling through social media. How many times have you said, “I want to get into better shape, or I want to eat healier and lose weight.” We decide that we want to do something, then we do not take actual steps to make it happen.  

To turn your passive dream into a reality or change a decision into a goal, we have to start doing something. Like many of us, you may need a push, so here are some ways to start.

Stop overthinking. We procrastinate because we want to get it right. We want to be sure that conditions are right and that our results will be perfect. Perfection is the enemy of action.  Overthinking will cause you to question all actions and prevent you from progress. One of the best things that I ever heard from “The Life Coach School” is the statement that, “B minus work out into the world is better than A+ work in your head.” Working on things to make them better is the key, but you have to get something out - anything out - even if it is B minus. This statement is the thing that got me writing in the first place. I decided it was better to put out some writing than no writing, even if it was not perfect.

Stop waiting for the “right” time. This is something that we do. I have heard of people waiting to have children until things are right, starting a business when things are right. If we keep waiting for the right time, the days, weeks, months, and years will pass. We will wake up one day and discover that we have accomplished nothing or have missed some golden opportunity. We wait for the “right” time because we think when the time is right, things will be easier, or we will be more successful. Never true. Negative things will happen even when the time is right, so do not wait. I am not telling you to be reckless and leap without thinking things through, but so many of us spend our time thinking that we neglect to get busy doing. Action is the only way to get something that you want. 

“Just do it!” Work on becoming someone that speaks an idea and then acts it into reality. If you say, “Today is a great day to take a run.” Get up, put on your shoes, and go. Become someone that moves. Movement creates momentum towards any goal. If you want to make a million dollars, get up and go to work doing something. Start by making a dollar and keep acting and saving until you have a million. Sitting around wishing that you had a better job or more money will not get you that million. People make money one dollar and one day at a time. If you start today, you will wake up one day with that million in the bank. If you don’t start working, you will never have it.

Once you get started with action, keep going. Many of us quit because good things take time to develop. The only people that do not get ahead are those that stopped trying. I know that failure is hard, but action creates failure and success. You cannot do either by standing still. Step out and take action, and when you fail, correct course and take another action. Learn from your mistakes and let them push you in the direction that you need to go. If you plan to “do” something for 15 minutes a day, that will turn into progress that will create momentum. Seeing your accomplishments will encourage you to keep working. 

This week, vow to take some action towards your goals. Join me by setting your sights on something then promising to do a small action step. Dare yourself to get over your fears and do it. Let me know what you do.

Dr. Julie Cappel  

“Well done is better than well said.” ― Benjamin Franklin

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” –Confucius

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       Practice Culture and Leadership with Dr. Susan Sayles     

Getting a fresh perspective — thanks, Brianna!

I am frequently reminded that my life and my attitude are what I make of it. There is no outside force in the world holding me down and keeping me back. It is my responsibility and mine alone to make my life enjoyable and valuable. I choose the way that I think and feel. 

There were two examples for me this week that hit me over the head and helped shine a light on my attitude, and refocused my perspective.

There was a building collapse in Surfside, Florida. Over a hundred people died suddenly when their condos collapsed while they were safely home sleeping in their beds. Horrendous! What hit me the hardest and affected me almost more than the loss of life was watching the first responders as they worked tirelessly digging through the rubble to rescue and recover the people who suffered this tragedy.  The work that those people were doing was unimaginable to me. How is my veterinary job so difficult again? A client is frustrated and leaves after waiting 50 minutes. That client leaves me a bad review. I feel stressed during a surgery that is difficult to complete. Seriously Cappel? My life is cake compared to the folks' search in Florida.

The other thing that altered my attitude was Brianna. Brianna is a beautiful young veterinary student who came to my practice for an externship from Mississippi State University. Brianna is a young, intelligent, kind, "baby" veterinarian. (aka, almost a vet).  She was assigned to spend two weeks learning veterinary medicine from me and I, in turn, got to learn to see my job through the eyes of someone just getting started. She was enthusiastic about everything and took pride in every detail of the day-to-day experiences in my hospital. All the details of veterinary medicine were exciting. Looking at my job through the eyes of Brianna reminds me of my passion for this job. I always want to have a great attitude like a new veterinarian. 

Many veterinarians have a very negative story about our job and career, especially when we are understaffed and in high demand. We can easily slip into a pity party mentality if we let ourselves fall into that trap. The truth is that we can control all of it. Not the over-demand or the crabby clients, but we can control our attitude about it.

How do we take a clue from my new friend Brianna and honor our wonderful profession?

Know your reality. Our brain wants to tell us that everything is crap and falling apart all the time. It is our natural protective mechanism. In fact, our job is sometimes difficult, and bad things do happen, just like in life. We get to decide how we want to respond to negative situations —keeping in mind that we are trained to do difficult things and were once excited about that. Hard things often bring more significant rewards. Learning to question negative thoughts and changing our perspective will help us feel gratitude for the blessings in our work.

Watch your language. The more I complain about my life, the worse I feel and the poorer my overall attitude becomes. When you speak negatively about your life and your work, it will dictate your attitude. Your self-talk applies here as well. If you run yourself down internally, you will destroy your mood. Try to use more upbeat and positive language when things are difficult. Calling something a "challenge" feels much different than calling it a disaster.  Try to use humor to lighten the mood and create a more positive atmosphere. If you edit your negative words about yourself and others, it will help you change your mind.

We, veterinarians, have it good — not easy, but good. We are doing the job that we dreamed about for most of our lives. Let's try to remember what we love about our work and help each other stay positive. Lean on your fellow veterinarians and take care of yourselves, so you have the energy and attitude to show up as your best self. Your health and our profession depend on it.

Thanks for the reminder — all of you young veterinary students — especially Brianna.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Things turn out the best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.”  John Wooden

What about now?

The busier I get in my life, the more I work to live in the moment.  Life is fast and fleeting so learning to live in the moment is a personal skill that it pays to develop. It is a difficult concept to remember as we go through our day-to-day life because our thoughts are usually consumed with past regrets and future worries. Learning to overcome regrets, remaining in the present moment, and appreciating your life will be the most important skills you will ever know if you want to be more productive and fulfilled.

So then you ask, how do I do it? How do I stop ruminating on past adverse events and worrying about the future?  

It takes work and focus. Work to understand yourself and the stories about your past, and focus on getting your mind in a place of calm concentration so you can be open to the moment in front of you. If you think you are hopeless and cannot control your thoughts, you are so wrong. We have the capacity to work hard to get stronger and better in every aspect of our lives. 

Start with noticing your story. We all have stories that we have held onto for a very long time. Things that we think are continuing to affect us and holding us back. One of mine is that I do not know how to cook. Just yesterday, I was planning a meal, and I had to fight my story that I could not cook well. I decided to stay in the moment of preparing the meal and shopping for the ingredients without judgment or fear of failure. Working to let go of my story allowed me to stay in the moment with my meal planning.  I actually enjoyed my shopping trip, and I usually hate grocery shopping. 

Pay attention to your thoughts. When you want to feel more connected to the present, notice what you are thinking. If the thoughts are about something other than what you are doing, refocus on the present. Pay attention to the details of your experiences. Open yourself up to staying in touch with the emotions that come in each moment. If you are in control of your feelings, you are grounded in the present.

If you feel yourself spinning in thoughts of the past or future worries, calm your mind by controlled breathing or simple meditation. Quiet your brain to get more focus, then allow yourself to notice the moment. Remember that staying in your present is how life gets better. You cannot change the past or predict the future, but you can enjoy your now. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Forever is composed of nows.” ― Emily Dickinson.

 “Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.” ― Eckhart Tolle, 

What is happening to veterinary medicine?

Negative reviews, impatient clients, increasing pet numbers, overworked teams, understaffed clinics, pressure for profits, and personal overwhelm; this is the state of our profession now. I don't see an end in sight or an easy solution. Clients have to wait months to get their pets in for surgery or vaccinations. Many pets with non-life-threatening but urgent conditions are being referred to emergency clinics that suffer the same problems of being overworked and understaffed. People do not like it, and neither do we, but what are we to do?

This week my friend and hospital manager was tasked with responding to several online reviews from ticked-off clients that were turned away from our hospital because we are so overworked and understaffed that we are no longer taking on new clients. When we turn people away, their first thought seems to be, "Maybe I should put a nasty review on the internet to make me feel better about not getting what I want -- that will teach them." People, we are not turning you away to be mean or rude; we just are trying to keep our team safe and keep them from being so overworked that they quit the profession or go to another job that shows more respect for their time and skills.

I was excited to receive my Michigan Veterinarian Magazine this week because I had contributed an article and, I was excited to see the layout. After I admired my work, I flipped to the advertisement section of the magazine out of curiosity. I counted twelve pages of advertisements looking for veterinarians. Twelve pages! There were at least eight ads on each page. That is one hell of a lot of hospitals looking for veterinary help, so I guess we are not alone.  

Employment projections by the Bureau of Labor Statistics show veterinary occupations are expected to add 51,700 new jobs and grow at a rate of 19% by 2026. 2.5 times faster than the 7% average projected for all occupations.

Many of our clients do not understand that we have up to 30 plus patients per doctor, scheduled every day. Another 30-40 clients are calling and coming in for drug refills and technician appointments. We have been seeing 4.5 patients per hour, which works out to be 13.3 minutes per pet. Hardly a long time to weigh, temp, examine, draw blood, give vaccines, do a nail trim, anal glands, then talk to the client, fill out records and paperwork, write up the exam in the computer, charge for services, and get the pet out the door. That is not to mention the pets that need to be muzzled, drugged, or restrained by multiple people because they are uncooperative or downright dangerous. I don't say all of this to complain. I love this profession and what I get to do every day. Still, I fear that the shortage of veterinarians and veterinary technicians will eventually result in poor care for the pets and people that we serve. 

I know that we can change this profession's outlook and the downward spiral if we start to work together. Veterinarians are brilliant, and I have been blessed to have many great veterinary colleagues. These great minds are capable of changing the work that we do to make it more efficient. We need to change the negative narrative and the hospital schedules to serve everyone better. This is one of the main reasons that I became a life coach for veterinarians. Changing the way we see ourselves can go a long way to changing public perception and improving our overall earning capacity and quality of life. 

If you are a veterinarian, veterinary technician, or support staff, please take care of yourself and your mind first. I believe that we can do this together. If you are someone that knows a veterinarian, please give them your love and support. This profession is struggling to do our job and do it well. We love you and your pet and are doing our best to care for ourselves and them all. Be kind to each other.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.” – Barbara De Angelis

The Generosity of Opera Mississippi

This week I traveled to visit my daughter and hear her sing in several performances with Opera Mississippi. I live in the Detroit area, and my daughter lives in Dallas, so I take any chance that I can travel to see her. Besides, I am a true “fan, Mom.” I love to attend every performance to see her perform. I have seen the years of work that brought her to this level of success, and I love to share in her victories.  

I have been to Mississippi before, but I had the chance to interact with people in different cities this time. I visited their homes, businesses and was invited into their local opera circles. When artists are hired to perform in various cities, the patrons of the arts organizations often open their homes to the performers. In place of hotel rooms, they host and house the performers for several days, before and after the events. We were even invited to attend an after-party at a beautiful sprawling southern home - well, maybe I was not asked, I crashed the party — but I was graciously welcomed anyway.

The people that I met in all circumstances were next-level lovely. They were so kind and generous. Many of them asked me where I was from because the Detroit accent is very different from the Jackson Mississippi accent. As I watched how these people treated me (an obvious outsider) and others, including the opera singers and musicians, I had some thoughts about their generosity. They were so friendly and seemed so happy. 

Is there a way to make our lives better if we practice being more generous? 

According to a recent survey of 1010 people, done by The Ascent, high-generosity people were 23% more likely to be satisfied with their lives overall, and were happier with their relationships, jobs, and possessions. Generosity makes us more likely to feel optimistic about the world around us. Instead of reading the negative news and feeling helpless, practicing generosity makes us feel as if we can make a difference in our community and others’ lives. Charity creates a possibility mindset in the giver and the receiver. Instead of seeing resources as stagnant and scarce, generous acts open up an abundance mindset for everyone.

Take some time to think about your generosity. You do not have to spend money to contribute generously to others. Start with a grateful heart and recognize your own blessings, talents, and resources. Start small and do one small act of kindness by giving a big tip to a waiter or pay for someone’s coffee in a food line. If you are not used to giving away your money, try a small donation to a favorite charity. Give up one luxury item and use that money to donate. I promise that those few dollars will make you feel so good that you will get every penny’s worth back.  

If you do not want to give money, spend a little of your time giving to others. Generosity of time is one of the most valuable things that you have to offer. Do a chore for a neighbor or offer to allow someone to go before you in a line. These small acts will add to your overall well-being and lead to other opportunities to give to others. You can even be generous in your words. Saying one kind thing to another person is an act of generosity. For example, tell a frazzled pet owner that they are doing a great job or compliment your friend on their parenting skills. Kindness shared may change a life. 

Practicing your generosity with words, with time, or with money will add great dividends to your life and the life of those around you. If we all did a few more generous acts, our world would be a much richer place.  

Take a lesson from my new Mississippi friends and be more generous, Y’all. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.” ―Henry Longfellow.

“You have not lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.” — John Bunyan.

Storms and Rainbows

One of my occupational hazards as a life coach and a veterinarian is becoming attached to my clients. I feel for them. My heart aches for them when they struggle with their families, pets, health, and other challenging situations. One of the myths we hold about veterinary medicine is that it is not supposed to be this way. We should never take on others' emotions, and if we do, it somehow means that we are unwell. The real problem is that we "think" we should not feel for others, and we fear feeling our own and others' negative emotions. 

One of the best life skills that I was ever taught by my life coach and continue to work towards daily is not to fear negative emotions—working with challenges to feel all of the feelings.

This week I experienced an excellent opportunity to remind myself that empathy is good. I was preparing to go for a quick bike ride after work, and I stopped for a moment to check my email. I rarely check email while I am at work, and sometimes I miss things if I don't do a quick check when I get home. It happened that one of my coaching clients had emailed me that afternoon outlining some of the struggles that they were wrestling with that week. As a life coach, I love it when my clients reach out in times of trouble, and I do my best to offer them encouraging words and suggestions for easing their stress and processing their emotions. As I finished reading and thinking about my response, my husband reminded me that it looked like rain, and I better get my bike ride before the storm. I resolved to think through the email and get to my answer when I returned. 

As I rolled down the driveway, I could see that the sky to my west looked threatening with dark swirling clouds off in the distance and the sky to the east was more friendly-looking with some less threatening clouds and a little sun. I started thinking about answering my client's email with some words to help her get through her week. As I turned the third corner on my way through the neighborhood, I saw a beautiful rainbow off in the distance. I was surprised to see it because I think of rainbows coming after the rain, but this one was opposite the storm clouds. It was a stark contrast of the dark threatening sky behind me and the rainbow in front of me; it occurred to me that I had my answer.  

There are rainbows in the storms.

Challenges causing negative emotions allow us to appreciate our blessings when they do come. Why can't everything be easy? Because we need to experience bad to appreciate good. "That's life," my father-in-law, a general surgeon, frequently would say. He was a very empathetic man, so I know that he felt the emotion of his patients, but he took them calmly and without question as a normal part of life. He appreciated everything in his life because of his stressful, emotion-filled occupation.  

Challenges give us essential feedback for our personal growth. When we face challenges in our daily life, we are gaining strength and wisdom. Many of the best things that I have created in my life have come out of intense struggle. Overcoming adversity is a life skill. The more hardship you have experienced, the more you can use the lessons to grow. Embracing all of our emotions brings us strength. 

Challenges allow us to take responsibility for our own emotions and work on our ability to enjoy our empathy. Empathy can be challenging for us because it causes us to feel our own and others' negative emotions. Practicing allowing the full range of our feelings would change this profession if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. The contrast of the approaching storm is what makes the rainbow beautiful.  

On this stormy day, I allowed my feelings of empathy for my struggling client and allowed myself to feel the uncertainty of the approaching storm. 

It is through the storms that we create our rainbows. 

Dr. Jule Cappel

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Willing to Push

Today I rode my bicycle along the Macomb Orchard Trail, which is a 23-mile path that goes from Rochester to Richmond, Michigan. It is one of my favorite bike trails because it is paved, has a nice mixture of shade and sunshine, and various things to see, including wildlife, water, farmland, and some small-town areas.  

I did not attempt the whole 23-mile stretch, but I did put in a solid twenty miles, ten miles out and back. It was a very warm — I might say hot — sunny day, which was great, but the sun and wind takes a lot out of me when I am riding. The last five miles tested my mental resolve and my physical body. I had to push myself to continue the ride back to my car parked at the end of the trail. Ironically, as I was riding, I listened to an audiobook about resilience and positive change. It made me think about the parallels between my challenging bike ride and the more considerable challenges that I face in life. Success in anything comes down to our willingness to push ourselves when faced with challenges —physical challenges like my bike ride or mental challenges like complicated relationships or work failures.

What do successful high achieving people have that keeps them from avoiding challenges? Tony Schwartz, in his Harvard Review article, says, “It’s the willingness to push themselves beyond their current limits day in and day out, despite the discomfort that it creates, the sacrifice of more immediate gratification, and the uncertainty they’ll be rewarded for their efforts.” They are willing to push. 

The willingness to push yourself when things are difficult is a key life skill that we need to develop to bring about positive change. Our brain has this thing called the motivational triad, which drives us to conserve energy, avoid pain, and seek pleasure. This does not align with the need to push through the pain to get to bigger goals. For example, if I want to get into better biking shape, I have to be willing to have a difficult last five miles, pushing my body to be stronger. Overcoming my innate desire to avoid pain requires me to do some mental work to keep from quitting. 

Anytime you feel resistant to some painful task, you are probably battling with your primitive brain. Even while I am writing this, my brain keeps on telling me to get a snack or check my phone—anything to avoid the pain of writing. My writing and biking are both exercises in discipline. Do I fail? Of course, over and over again. The real trick to success is in not giving up until my blog is finished. Each week my willingness to push myself to the end allows me to create another inspiring blog for your reading pleasure. ;)

There are some things that you can do to increase your ability to push through.

Create a strong why. If you don’t like your reason for doing something, your brain will talk you out of taking the steps needed to accomplish it.  Work on the way first. What is your reason for setting the goal? What will you get at the end? How will it make you feel when you get it?  Keeping your focus on your “why” will allow you to plan and then take steps to get it done willingly. 

Understand and avoid your temptations. Get to know the things that you do to avoid pain. I know that I check email, watch television, or eat unhealthy snacks to avoid some of my pain. You may surf the internet, play video games, or even blame others for your lack of focus. If you want to get something done, you need to keep those distractions in mind but out of your reach. For example, when I am writing, I have to turn off my phone or set the timer to keep me from checking it while I am writing.  

Set the goal but ask for help. In my bike riding case, taking a bike trail in one direction ten miles forces me to ride the entire way back without quitting. Having a friend along to push me might also help if I feel fragile and vulnerable on any given day. Having a coach or accountability partner will help keep you on track by breaking down your goals into smaller steps, then help you work through your unwillingness to feel the pain when it comes up.

Practice increasing your willingness to push by setting small goals for yourself daily. Try to push yourself just a bit harder than you did the day before. Whatever your big goal is, you will begin to reach it as you take steps to train your brain to be willing to push.   

Dr. Julie Cappel

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