You are not alone – getting beyond the trolls

This weekend I am on my semi-annual scrapbooking retreat with a group of my long-time girlfriends.  We have been friends for over twenty years and met each other in a variety of ways – dog training, kid’s school, work associations, camping and marching band.  We gather twice a year to visit, eat good food, watch movies, and work on various craft projects.  The crafting is real, but the focus is actually to maintain our longtime friendships with time spent together.  We spend time chatting about our various family and work dramas, life changes with our parents, and successes with our children.  One of us is soon to be a Grandmother, which is exciting and amazing.
 

Trent and Parker at the kennel while I am away.

While taking a break from my scrapbook, I had a lot of time to do research on social media for my veterinary coaching clients.  I have been reading many discussions on the veterinary Facebook page “Not One More Vet”.  This organization was designed to support veterinarians that are feeling alone and desperate about their career and circumstances in their life. It is supposed to be a place where people can safely air their problems and seek support from others.  As is common with so many online places in social media, there are those that fail to understand the purpose of support. The trolls. They offer judgment and criticism in place of the much-needed understanding and support.  Today I read a beautiful post by one of my good friends. Her post was supportive and beautiful, and then in the next moment I read a snarky post about some “older” veterinarians that were expressing judgment about the “younger” veterinarians.  Exactly what this site was designed against.
 

I became a certified life coach in order to assist with the overarching problem of anxiety, depression and suicide in our profession.  I am in a great place in my life, but I have had my fair share of struggles in this profession and with my own family.  I know all too well how difficult it is to work in a field where many of our decisions are not really ours.  We are at the mercy of the client, the uncertainty of medicine, and the ever-powerful dollar.  We are now also at the mercy of these internet trolls – but only if we let ourselves be.
 

How can we, as a profession, promote strength and progress without all the judgement?  How can we overcome and ignore the trolls?
 

There is a quote that I love from John Maxwell, he says, “Hurting people hurt people.”
 

The way we can continue to support our fellow veterinarians is by realizing that there will always be trolls.  People who for some reason feel better about themselves if they hurt others. When we accept the fact that they will always be there and understand something about them, we can embrace the concept that they are suffering, as much or more, than we are.  We will be able to see their comments as more of a cry for help than a reflection of us or our profession.  Rather than feeling bad about ourselves when they judge, we can feel sad for them.


 I realized this weekend that there are always people in your life that want the best for you.  The people, like my group of friends, that will be there when you need them.  We all have someone in our corner that understands and loves us.  Acknowledging the fact that you are not alone is the first step in feeling better.  Family, friends and even strangers that know your situation, like me, will support and help you move forward in your life.   

Let go of the internet trolls and see them for what they are.  Hurting people that hurt people.   

Trolls will be trolls, but you never walk alone.

Dr. Julie Cappel

Join me on the Podcast!!

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-veterinary-life-coach-podcast-with-dr-julie-cappel/id1451549730


    

Episode #42 - Self-Acceptance

On this episode of the podcast Julie discusses the concept of self-acceptance. Can you (and will you) believe that you have everything that you need right now in this moment?  If you achieve self-acceptance, you will create a true sense of self-confidence and self love - letting go of your doubt and judgment.  Once you have embraced yourself in this moment, you will be well on your way to taking the action that you need to progress in your personal development.   

Check out this episode!

Getting Unstuck

Today, I was “coached” by my husband.  Yep - I was complaining about feeling stuck in the cold wet Michigan weather with a huge pile of things to do, and he turned my “coach” words back on me.   He said, “Why are you choosing to think about it in that way?”  then, “I was outside yesterday working, and I was thinking how beautiful the plants and trees looked with some rain on the leaves and the changing colors.”  Thanks Scott; those are beautiful thoughts!  Thank you for pulling me out of my pity party and showing me how my mind is working against me.    That negative “Chihuahua brain” of mine is always trying to bring me down.  

Why is it that we often feel stuck in the negative?  Why can’t we be more optimistic and take action towards what we really want? 

We look at our feelings about our job, our relationships, our weight, or our money and we feel like they are not under our control.  We feel at the mercy of the things that happen “to us” in the world.  The truth is that we cannot control any of the things.  Not the weather, not our past, even the things that others say to us or about us -   none of this is anything that we can control.

The only thing that is totally in our control is the way we think about all of the things that happen.  We are in control of our thoughts, and we are in control of our actions.  This is great news, because we all have power to get ourselves unstuck.

We don’t always want to take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings and actions because it seems easier to hide within the victim narrative that our brain creates for us.  If feels safer than doing the hard work that it takes to create our better life.  We spin in confusion and think, “I don’t know how to do it.”

Getting unstuck requires some motivation to feel better.  Why is it that you want to change and what are some solid reasons that you need to change?  Your reasons will provide you with the motivation to do something – to take action.  Having a compelling reason to manage your mind and then funnel those thoughts into actions, is the first step to get moving forward.

When you take your first step towards getting unstuck, you will probably feel some negative emotion.  Your brain will resist and fear failing.  Understand that this is normal and is the way getting unstuck feels.  It is often terrifying, but negative emotion is the pathway to change.  If you can feel the negative feelings and persevere anyway, you will begin to break down the walls that are keeping you stuck.

When you feel stuck, like I was today, tell your husband.  No, I am kidding - unless your husband will school you like mine did. 

When you are feeling stuck in anything, first look at your thoughts about it.  Realize that your thinking is a choice, and in order to feel better you are going to have to work to think better.  Try to come up with a solid reason that you want to change to provide yourself with some motivation.  Once you have a reason to change, take one action towards the thing that you want to change.  Prepare for some negative feelings and perhaps a few failures.  Resolve to move through the negative feelings and continue to push towards your goal.

That is how you will begin to become unstuck.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Being unstuck is not only about having momentum and moving along with minimum friction. It also has to include the ability to endure difficulties and even hard slogs” - Matt Perman

Episode #41 - Client Expectations

On this episode of the podcast Julie discusses the problems that we face when client expectations do not align with the reality of a busy veterinary hospital.  We want to give excellent service to our clients, but all too often they have an unrealistic view of our capacity to please them during the course of a typical veterinary day.  Our ability to have some balance between life and work depends on our capacity to serve clients without sacrificing ourselves.  Julie gives some examples of clients that she has dealt with and how to set some boundaries to protect yourself when clients over expect. 

Check out this episode!

How Much is Reasonable?

Yesterday I received a client’s email that was as interesting as it was disturbing.

I became a life coach for veterinarians because the people in our profession are stressed out, overworked and underpaid.  They have many daily stresses that “normal” people, like our clients, do not understand.  They are peed on, pooped on, bitten, scratched, and disrespected by pets and people alike.  They are yelled at by clients that wait 30 minutes to be seen, because the person in front of them waited a week to bring in their pet that now is in an emergent situation.   Veterinarians are yelled at by people that want them to schedule a last-minute appointment 10 minutes before closing so they do not have to go to an emergency clinic on a Friday evening.  If the receptionists try to send them to an emergency clinic (the equivalent of urgent care for people) they get angry and demand to be seen.  Veterinarians stay after hours most evenings to return phone calls to clients who often either don’t answer the phone, or yell at them because they didn’t call earlier.  They have friends and family call or text on their days off asking for free advice, when the veterinarian should be spending time with their families.  Veterinaries drive into the clinic to check on pets late at night or on the weekends if clients refuse to take their pets to a more appropriate 24-hour center because you want to save them money.

Back to the interesting email.  It said, “I am extremely disappointed in your charges for service.  We are seniors living on a fixed income.”  The client then listed the three charges that he incurred for his very ill parrot when the couple visited the hospital three times in the last four months.  He listed each visit, and the charges that he paid, then listed the total.  The last line of the email said, “Please look into this and adjust payment to a reasonable amount.”

So, this begs the question, “What is a reasonable amount?” 

What should you pay for a veterinarian’s services who studied eight years in college and spent $40,000 - $50,000 per year to learn everything they need to know to treat your pet? What do veterinarians deserve to be paid in order to eat, live and have the money to pay back their $100,000s of student loan debt?  When that veterinarian attends continuing education each year, often paying for it out of pocket -- to get special training in exotic medicine, what should they charge? How much to learn to interpret the blood tests and treat the disease that they see in your parrot? 

What should the veterinary hospital charge to purchase the supplies that are used to draw and process the blood?  What should they charge for the $30,000 blood machines and $60,000 radiograph machines, that are in hospital so you can get quick results?  What about the building rent, the $500/month electric bills, and the heat and air conditioning that you enjoy when you are in our office? 

What should we charge to pay the 28 employees?  To provide their medical insurance, payroll taxes, vacation pay, sick leave, uniforms and medical training?  How much is reasonable to charge to pay the people that answer your calls, return your emails, pay bills, schedule appointments, clean the office, mow the lawn, scoop the dog poop that your pets leave in our garden?  How much is reasonable to pay the people that clean the bathrooms that are provided for you to use when you are in our office? 

How much is reasonable?

I will answer this email in a kind professional manner because I know that this person does not understand anything about veterinary medicine.  I will however ask him what he thinks is reasonable and will be very interested in his answer.

Veterinarians and the people that work for us are underpaid and overworked.   

What is a reasonable amount?  A lot more than we actually charge. 

Perhaps tomorrow, I should raise prices.

Dr. Julie Cappel