Happy where you are.

This week I experienced some challenges that made me think about choosing happiness. When things are less than ideal, we have to realize that events will happen that are upsetting or annoying. We decide how we want to respond to those problems.

We had days and days of rain early in the week, and my house sits on a bit of a hill. We constantly develop a small pond in our back yard when we get lots of rain, but it is far enough from the house not to cause any issues. This week was different. We got such a large amount of rain over several days that the pond looked like a lake. I told my husband that I felt anxious about the rain, and he thought I was overreacting. I had a feeling that this rain was something of a concern. Friday morning, my husband went down to work in his basement office and found that the carpet was soaked with water. Our basement was flooding.

The first thing that I wanted to do was feel angry or upset at this crappy turn of events. I tried to blame the weather, to yell and stomp around, expressing my anger that our basement office was now ruined. I thought, now we have to tear it apart, pull out carpet and drywall, repair the area that leaked, then replace everything that got destroyed. What a mess!

My follow-up thought, which I had to work on, was to see some good in the situation to change my upset into optimism. I decided to think, "At least it is not the whole basement." "We found it before it got any worse." But, my favorite thought, the one that brought me happiness, was, "I have to work today, and that means I don't have to help pull up wet carpet and haul stuff out of the room." That thought made me feel happy, as I said goodbye to my husband and left him with the flood.

So let's talk about how we work to change a negative situation into a positive experience. How can we choose to be happy right where we are? 

Start with a growth mindset. Your mindset is your self-perception or belief. If you don't believe that you can change and grow, you have a fixed mindset. People believe that their talents and abilities can be developed through hard work and dedication in a growth mindset. If you have a fixed mindset about your happiness and think that you can only be so happy, you will stay stuck in your negative emotion and see the negative every day. If you work to develop a growth mindset, you will realize that your happiness can change, and it all depends on the work you are willing to put into that change.

Once you have decided to grow, you also need to explore what happiness means to you. If you know what you are looking for, it will be easier to find it. My definition of happiness has changed over the years. I used to think more about achievements, money, and things that would make me happy. I love activity, and I am most happy doing active things. As I have matured, I realize that happiness can show up in the routine and mundane. I am happiest when chatting with my family about their lives or walking a client through medical education. I am most happy when I am present in the moment - whatever it is. Spend a little time working on your definition of happiness. 

Create more balance for your life. I believe that happiness comes from within, but we must also understand our physical needs so our body and brain can work on happiness. Balance means knowing how to eat properly to fuel your body, how much sleep to get, using your days off work to refill your cup with activities that bring you joy. It does not mean that work is not also filled with joy and happiness. When I feel discouraged about going to work, I remind myself that my work is vital to the world, and I was given my talents and drive as a veterinarian to help people. I also know that if I don't have time to ride my bike or vacation with my family, I don't have balance/or harmony in my life. Work on your work-life harmony and schedule in your downtime - for self-care, physical activity, home care, relationships, and work. Work is a part of our self-care because it creates money to fund our lifestyle. We work so our brains can feel challenged and grow.  

My work gets me out of the house when our basement floods.  Oh happiness!

Let's all work to be a little more happy right where we are today.

Dr. Julie Cappel

"Happiness is a direction, not a place." – Sydney J. Harris.

"Happiness is a form of courage." – Holbrook Jackson.

Avoiding Work

This week I have felt a lot of resistance to work. I usually like going to work and doing what I do. I also love podcasting and doing my veterinary coaching work. However, this week I felt some negative feelings about working. Perhaps it was the beautiful weather we have been having — I want to be outside all day. Maybe it has something to do with curbside/covid dragging on and on with no end in sight. This week, I admit to feeling a little stuck. All I wanted to do was take a day off, be outside, and enjoy the sunny end of summer weather.

I often talk to my coaching clients about the difference between the need for self-care and using self-care as avoidance. Are we taking the day off from our responsibilities because we need some downtime and relaxation, or are we taking the day off to avoid something we don’t want to tackle?

If you are a student and need to study for a test and find yourself on social media all evening, you are probably avoiding studying. If you stop at Taco Bell on the way home from work, order two burritos, and eat them before you get home to make dinner, you are probably trying to numb your feelings.

By the way, we all avoid our feelings. You are not alone. It is a natural thing that we all do to avoid something painful. I don’t mean physical pain, like a headache or pulled muscle. (Although we would like to avoid those). We prevent our emotional pain, like sadness, stress, or confusion. We use things to numb out those feelings or avoid them. We do things like binge-watch Netflix for hours, scroll through social media, and overeat and drink. Sometimes relaxing and watching a movie is self-care, and sometimes we are avoiding. The trick is knowing the difference.

Self-care means doing things to take care of your mind, body, and spirit by engaging in activities that reduce stress and promote well-being. Self-care enhances our ability to live fully and effectively. Avoidance causes us to feel better at the moment but results in a compounding of the stress in the aftermath. 

So after my long day at work, if I come home feeling exhausted and try to wind down by watching a favorite TV show to give myself a break before I walk the dogs, it may be self-care. If I sit there for hours binge-watching, staying up way too late, and neglecting my dogs and other responsibilities. I am probably avoiding something in my life, sabotaging myself, and calling it self-care. 

The first thing to think about when you want to figure out if you are overindulging in self-care to avoid your life is to take a self-assessment. Spend a little time thinking about how many hours you spend thinking about what you should be doing but are not. Do you know more about strangers on Instagram than you do about your friends and family? Do you feel more stressed after your leisure activity? If self-care is distracting you from your goals and dreams, then you are stuck in avoidance.  

It is unrealistic to do away with avoidance behavior completely. There are times when a little “avoidance style self-care” is necessary to get your brain ready to process a big emotion. You don’t want to practice avoidance too often. If you feel yourself doing things that may be destructive, realize what you are doing. Take a moment to see your avoidance, then step up, step out, and get on with your life.  

Tonight I am back to work.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Pain in this life is not avoidable, but the pain we create avoiding pain is avoidable.” ― R.D. Laing.

Tough decisions: Why is Veterinary Medicine Difficult?

One of the main reasons that Veterinary Medicine is considered such a stressful occupation is that there are so many difficult decisions to make. Some are life and death, and some are as simple as refilling a pet's medication. The questions start the minute that we walk into the door each morning. Questions like, "Doctor, can we squeeze in one more appointment today?" "Will you look at this pet's record to approve medications?" "Does this tooth need to be pulled?" "Is this blood work ok to do surgery?" "Do I need another suture to close this incision, or will it be ok?”  And the questions from clients, 

"What kind of food should I feed my puppy?" "Why does my dog lick his feet?”, and "What should I do about treating my cat's recent illness?" 

When we are continuously making decisions day-to-day, it can become overwhelming. The weight of the constant barrage of difficult decisions causes a type of decision fatigue. It is like overworking a muscle when you lift weights — at some point, our muscles will fatigue. Our decision-making "muscle," our brain, starts to tire and may even quit working properly like a spent muscle. We have such a responsibility to our patients and clients to make the best decisions for the pet's health and collaborate to help them make the right decisions for their families. 

 

Here is an example that created multiple decisions from this week at Warren Woods Veterinary Hospital.  

Saturday, during a busy workday, we had a plastic Rubbermaid container left on our doorstep, sealed with duct tape and containing a very young, terrified pregnant cat. She had fleas, tapeworms, and giardia (an intestinal parasite). She was abandoned with a note written in sharpie on the container's lid to please find her a home. We realized that she was pregnant as soon as we saw her and confirmed it with an abdominal ultrasound exam. Now we have decisions to make. Do we keep her until she has her kittens, spay her before she has them, turn her over to animal control to take care of her, how do we treat her worms and fleas without harming her kittens? Where do we keep her that will be low stress in a busy veterinary hospital?  

So many difficult decisions and responsibilities just because someone cowardly dumped her on our doorstep. Caring for a cat-like this takes money, time, and resources. We are not an animal shelter, but sometimes people treat us like one. What to do?

Are there ways that we can improve our decision-making ability and protect ourselves from decision fatigue?

Create routines and delegate simple decisions. If you set some rules and guidelines for your team, you can decrease the number of questions asked. We have a system for refilling prescriptions so that refills can be ok'd ahead of time for a year. There are protocols for blood testing, vaccine recommendations, and surgery protocols to make it easier for the team to stay ahead without asking for permission. If your team knows your morals, values, and the rules of the practice, they can make some of the decisions without involving you in every little thing. 

Schedule your day and decrease your options. If you always wear the same thing or pack the same lunch, it will reduce the brainpower needed to start your day. Have a routine that you follow each morning, so there is no reason to make any decisions. Leave at the same time and take the same route to work. Answer your email only once per day for a limited time, and have a specific scheduled time to make phone calls.  

Don't second guess yourself. There are no perfect decisions, so once you decide, try to move on to something else. Try not to rehash each choice to predict if you made the "right" decision. Self-doubt will create confusion that adds more decisions and creates stress. Just make a well-thought-out choice, take a breath, and vow to move on. 

The solution to difficult decisions is to retain your capacity for decision-making. The less energy spent on more minor choices will increase your ability to deal with the unexpected. You will be more confident and decisive if you avoid fatiguing your decision-making muscle. 

We kept the cat.

Dr. Julie Cappel

 

Orchids Teaching Me Patience

“Patience is a virtue”, is something that I have always been told, probably because I am not a patient person by nature. I can be very patient with animals and have been known to work with my dogs for months to perfect some agility skill or obedience move. Still, I am notoriously impatient when it comes to getting things done, tolerating other people, and judging myself. 

Patience is something that I have worked on all of my life and continue to work through today. I have learned how to be more patient by raising children, parenting many pets, and working as a leader in my practice, but I still struggle at times with the concept that I need to be patient.

This pandemic has been a test of patience on many levels. Fifteen days of lockdown to slow the spread has morphed into almost two years of learning to live with the virus. The increased demand placed on veterinarians and lack of adequate staff has also been challenging to navigate. So patience development is something that I think we can all benefit from right now. 

I love to be active and try new things, so I became super bored and restless during the lockdown. I am not one for sitting still and staying home. It was a real challenge for me. One of the few places that I could go was the open-air gardening store. It was outside, under a roof, and they had all varieties of plants and gardening supplies.  It was the perfect place to get out of the house safely without a lot of close human interaction. During one of those trips, to buy some flowers for the garden, I spotted some orchid plants and thought of my sad dying plants at home. I have purchased a few Phalaenopsis orchids at the various grocery stores over the years, but once the blooms fell off, I could never keep them alive and well for long. The pandemic gave me the gift of time, so I decided to use my spare time to learn how to take care of these unique plants and see if I could muster up the patience to get them to thrive and bloom.  

So I bought a healthy, beautiful orchid to bring home to my dying group as an example of what I wanted them to do. Then I spent hours watching YouTube videos about repotting and caring for Phalaenopsis orchids, and my new lesson in patience began.  

In their native habitats, Phalaenopsis orchids grow in humid climates where the temperature remains quite warm most of the year. The plants grow on shady tree branches. They take a long time to bloom, as I found out patiently waiting as their long flower spike slowly turned into buds and then flowers. It takes months for them to bloom, but the reward is beautiful flowers that last for 3-4 months. They may not bloom again for another year, but they will bloom sooner if you make them very happy. Orchid Care is the perfect hobby to teach someone like me more patience.  

It is now 2021, and I have four orchids that are thriving. I keep them in my bedroom window, and I give them time outside on my deck when the weather is warm and humid. They like being outside in the summer and appear healthy and happy. I am on the third cycle of blooming, and I have one rock star plant blooming for the second time since I started caring for them properly. The others are testing my patience by refusing to bloom, but the leaves and roots are looking good, so I know that if I remain patient, they will reward me with some beautiful flowers soon.

If you are a person that tends to be impatient, take up a hobby like orchids to help you practice this fantastic skill. It will bleed over into your working life, your family life, and your friends will notice that you are becoming much more patient. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Patience is not simply the ability to wait - it's how we behave while we're waiting.” - Joyce Meyer

Walk, Look, and Listen

I traveled with my parents this weekend, north to Elk Rapids, Michigan. The purpose was to take a short vacation and visit some family and friends who live in the area. We rented a little Airbnb close to town and just a stone's throw away from the beach. It is a beautiful town, and I would highly recommend visiting if you ever have a chance. 

This morning after drinking my coffee, I prepared to take a walk. When I am walking alone, my habit is to put in my earbuds and listen to a podcast or book—multitasking my physical exercise and continuing education into one power walk. I know that multitasking lowers productivity, but I still seem to want to try it whenever possible. There is something in my ENFJ personality that compels me to experience everything all at once. In reality, my multitasking causes me to miss things and lose focus.  

As I stepped out the door this morning to start my walk, I saw the beautiful sunshine through the trees, and something told me to leave the earbuds behind and focus on the walk. I decided to choose to be present to see and hear everything that this beautiful area had to offer.  

I gave up multitasking to create mindfulness, and here is what I observed.

I observed the sun rising over the trees as the birds sang their morning songs. I heard some fish jump as I walked along the boardwalk around the marina. I observed vacationers laughing outside the diner as they enjoyed their eggs and coffee. I greeted my Dad, who was walking back from the coffee shop on his exploratory walk. (We are alike, my Dad and I) 

I saw a woman pushing her young son on a swing in the park. They were laughing and yelling "WEEE" as the swing went higher and higher. I found a cute little sidewalk book exchange box, where you can take a book and leave a book. (I took two, so I owe that box). I saw a flock of monarch butterflies visiting wildflowers next to a park. 

I found several historical signs — you know the kind that tells you about the history of a particular building or structure? I stopped and read each one in detail. I rarely do that. 

I stopped along the beach and listened to the waves as they splashed against the rocks. I felt the sun on my skin and took everything in along my several-mile walk, and returned with a better appreciation of my world. (and two books)

Mindfulness is "the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we're doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what's going on around us."

It takes some effort to give up multitasking long enough to slow down and smell the roses. The small things you miss by multitasking may be the very things you need to notice to feel whole.

Try to remain fully aware this week as you go through your days. Try listening to the sounds, seeing the sights, and smelling the smells. Your life will be better for it. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“The best way to capture moments is to pay attention. This is how we cultivate mindfulness.” - Jon Kabat-Zinn

Is it a Full Moon?

Friday and Saturday were both days coming up to a full moon, which I usually do not pay much attention to. I love looking at the stars and the moon on a clear, crisp evening, but the constellations and the lunar cycle are not something that I know well. However, I have a great friend, Nina, who is an expert in all things star-related. We have spent some fabulous evenings at high school band camp (our kids were in the high school marching band together) gazing at stars over the band field. She taught me all that I know about the planets and stars - as much as I remember. 

During a full moon cycle, it is said that people become more agitated, and there have been some studies that support the premise. Working with the public in the veterinary medical field makes many of us believers.  

Yesterday was a “full-moon Saturday.” We were scheduled to work a half-day — nine until one. My manager decided that it might be fun to have a potluck breakfast; actually, I think it was one of the technician’s ideas that our manager facilitated. We got to work a bit early, and we each brought in a different breakfast food item to share. The table was piled with fruit, bagels with cream cheese, egg McMuffins, sausage burritos, quiche, donuts, coffee, and even non-alcohol mimosas. There was enough food to feed an army and all of us for breakfast and lunch, with leftovers to take home. 

The idea behind having a breakfast potluck was to help the team feel like a team and also appreciated and loved. Something about food makes us all feel a bit better, much to the detriment of our physical health, but a once-in-a-while indulgence is acceptable as long as we work it off. On this full moon Saturday, we did work it off. 

Whether it was the full moon or just because it is life, we had our fill of unpleasant and unreasonable clients on this day.

One gentleman argued with everyone as soon as he called in on the phone from the parking lot. I overheard the phone technician’s voice becoming more and more tense as she attempted to understand what his complaint was. He did not think he should have to wait his turn in the parking lot and demanded to be seen immediately. He also wanted to go home and wait while his dog got full mouth radiographs - she had two loose teeth —and a growth removal immediately. Oh, by the way, he was scheduled to have those things addressed back in June, and he canceled the scheduled surgery appointment. Once he was in the exam room with me, he repeated his requests, and also said, “Can you replace the loose teeth with gold teeth?” Nope! We cannot do that today, not ever. He remained pretty calm for the rest of our encounter but continued to rave about the need for dental rads and gold teeth for his dog. 

Another client was exasperated the minute she got into the exam room with me. Her puppy was in for routine vaccines, but she insisted on coming into the building with him. We were 20 minutes behind schedule getting her inside, and she told me exactly what the problem was with our program. She explained to me that she had waited for 30 minutes in the parking lot, and now her dog was overheated, and it was our fault. I kindly explained to her puppy looked fine, but she could now wait a bit longer in the air-conditioned exam room so her puppy could get some water and “cool down.” No problem, I am happy to help with that.

Working during a full moon and partially curb-side is frustrating, challenging, or entertaining, depending on how you choose to see it. I try to think of life as being neither good nor bad, but just what it is, life. We also need to try to keep our humor and empathy. Of course, people don’t want to wait in the hot parking lot. Of course, they think they are the only priority. When we look for humor in encounters, it helps direct our minds to the positives. It is all about attitude and protecting yourself from going down with them.

Keeping a positive attitude with unkind people takes mental work, but we join them in their negative emotions if we allow them to upset us. We will not allow them to change us into unkind people. We have many happy clients and a few impatient ones, and the difference is how we think of them and their antics. If we know that a few people get a bit ugly each day and expect it, we can choose to roll with it when it happens.

My manager said to me when the “gold teeth guy” left the building, “You have to laugh, don’t you? Is it a full moon? People are a little over the top today.” 

Good thing she planned our colossal breakfast.

Dr. Julie Cappel 

“Moonlight drowns out all but the brightest stars.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien

My Abundant Life

Today is Sunday, and I am off work — no veterinary work, no coaching — for the first time since I returned from my vacation last weekend. It seemed like a long hard week, probably because I am still tired from my vacation, the time change, and catching up with everything at home and work. There was laundry, housework, paperwork, phone calls, and all the other errands that I neglected while out of town. I might have started to feel a little sorry for myself if I were not given so many lessons in abundance and gratitude throughout the week.  

When I returned home, the first thing I did was get on my computer and order groceries. Online grocery order and delivery is the most exciting thing that I learned during the pandemic. I had never used that service before, but now I am addicted. You set up an order, choose a delivery time, and like magic, some beautiful person comes to your door with groceries. Incredible! Insta-cart is one of the best things ever created. 

The delivery time offered that evening was between 9:00 to 11:00 pm, and I was okay with that as I was still on pacific time. When the woman arrived at my door, ten minutes before 11:00 pm, the first thing she did was apologize for being so late. I thought that was interesting since she was well within the time frame offered, and she was magically delivering food to my front porch. If anything, I should be the one to say that I am sorry for bringing her out ten minutes before her scheduled time to go home.

The second lesson happened Friday. One of our veterinary technicians has an amazing husband who ordered and delivered Mexican food to all of us at the hospital. Unprompted, he just told his wife to expect lunch for the whole team. Surprise! So much food and so much fun opening each container to see our choices, then having a sit-down lunch together. Just what a tired team needs right now.

Today, I also saw a great example of abundance when I accompanied my husband to Sam's Club. He usually likes to take his bi-monthly trip alone, but today I decided to tag along to see just what I could find to buy. The place was jammed with patrons, not one empty cart in the lobby, and families were making an outing of it. My husband gets one of those giant pallet-type carts so that he can load it up. As I walked through the massive store with the shelves stacked and isles packed with almost everything you could ever want or need, I looked at the people there and realized that we could take all this for granted. We need to notice how awesome this is.

My amazing vacation (Arizona, Sedona, Lake Powell, Grand Canyon), all the things that I returned to; Insta-cart, free lunch, and Sam's shopping, made me think how fortunate I am to live in the United States. A place where I can travel to beautiful places and then have the ability to get whatever I want whenever I want it quickly and easily. 

If I feel tired and overwhelmed, the first thing that I want to do is complain, but what is there to complain about when you have everything that you want and need? My home, work, dogs, family, and friends are all a part of my abundant life.

An abundance mindset is an outlook or attitude that allows you to notice and welcome the world's possibilities. It does not mean that you have everything that you want. It is more about enjoying what you already have and being open to whatever comes—knowing that there are plenty of opportunities out there just waiting for you. 

What can we do to notice the abundance around us and foster a positive mindset when feeling tired, stressed, or overwhelmed?

Focus on the positives in your life more than on the things that may be going wrong. My tired body and mind will give in to negative thinking if I let myself forget about abundance. Your worry about being short-handed at work, can turn into gratitude for the people who show up each day. Look around you and see what is there — running water, sunshine, or a happy pet is all you need to feel a bit of your life's abundance. 

Practice gratitude. I say this frequently, but it is so easy to do and makes all the difference in how you see yourself and your world. We have a negative bias, so it takes practice and works to find the things in your life for which to be grateful. 

Surround yourself with people that have a great outlook. When your brain does not want to see the blessings, hang out with others that do. If you spend time with positive people, it is tough always to see negative. Practice watching and emulating people that you admire.  

If you accept that there is enough happiness for you and everyone to share, you will look for your blessings and appreciate all you have in your life.  

Dr. Julie Cappel

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." Albert Einstein

"Choose joyful abundance in your heart and be unbounded, free, and relaxed. Be relentless with your choice, and you'll make your mark." 

― Amy Leigh Mercree

"Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into." Wayne Dyer

Commit to yourself and your dreams!

Today the Olympic Games in Tokyo are coming to an end. I have watched some of the competitions as I always love to do. Something about watching people achieve a lifelong dream is exhilarating and motivating. The athletes have committed much of their life to a single goal. The dreamer and a believer in me are encouraged by those commitments. All people indeed have difficulties and challenges that work to hold them back, so what can we learn from the world’s best athletes?

Commitment.

Commitment is “the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause or activity.”    

One of the things that we talk about in Life Coaching is goal setting and working towards what you want in life. We often have hopes and dreams, but making them happen is the actual work. Commitment to your goals makes the difference between wanting something and getting something.

Why is commitment so tough? We have good intentions, but we also have a human brain that holds us back for many reasons. The most potent reason is our self-doubt.  Procrastination happens when we doubt our abilities and fear the failures that come on the path to big results. Self-doubt makes action steps challenging to take. If we do not believe in our abilities to recover from failure, we will abandon our goals.

So, how do we commit?

Start with a big reward. Whether you want to start a new habit or kick an old one, you need to have a strong reason for doing it. If your end goal is weak, so will be your resolve. When your self-confidence starts to wain, you need that goal picture to focus on. If an Olympic athlete does not have a strong reason for working for years — the gold medal and the career success that comes from that —they will never have the resolve to do the hard work it takes to succeed. 

Break it down into steps that feel more attainable. When we have a large dream that seems impossible, working at it in small steps is the only way to overcome your doubt. Running a marathon is best done by starting with one mile at a time. Losing weight can be achieved by changing one small habit at a time. Small steps create momentum, and momentum builds increased motivation as you see your dream taking shape. 

Put the steps into your daily plan. Planning for change is the only way to stay committed to the process. If you do not add the steps into your daily routine, you will easily get distracted by life. Start by deciding on the time commitment you need to dedicate to your efforts each day. Then assign a specific time to work on them—plan for the inevitable obstacles that will come up and create a backup plan for these obstacles. For example, if you need to work out three times a week, scheduled for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, leave Saturday as your backup plan if you miss one of the other days. This way, you will plan for interruptions to your process. 

Be prepared to fight with yourself for yourself. There will be a strong urge to skip steps just because you do not “feel like doing it.” Your brain will try to push you offline and take the easy way out. If you know that it is coming, you can prepare for the urges and have a plan in mind to fight those urges. Knowing that you will have to fight for your commitment and being OK with that, is essential to staying committed.

Challenge yourself to think about a change you want to make this week and start working on your commitment. You will be surprised what you can do if you commit to starting.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Commitment is what transforms a promise into a reality.” - Abraham Lincoln

“You always have two choices: your commitment versus your fear.”- Sammy Davis Jr

Listen to the Podcast! 

THE VETERINARY LIFE COACH PODCAST

Self-Care Saturday

Today, Saturday, I coached a few of my veterinary life coaching clients, and the theme with most of them was self-care. I enjoy talking about self-care because I have realized that many of us do not understand what it means and thus struggle to achieve it. Proper self-care requires taking action to know yourself and then designing your life so that you are protected, successful, and happy. Caring for yourself physically, emotionally, professionally, spiritually, and financially is all part of self-care. 

The dictionary definition of self-care is “the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s health.” “The practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s wellbeing and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.”  

Self-care means taking action for yourself - whatever that means to you.

Later in the day, still Saturday, I was sitting in a massage chair at the nail salon, getting my pre-vacation manicure and pedicure. I started thinking more about today’s self-care discussions. As relaxing as the mani/pedi is, the actual salon visit is not self-care for me. I get stressed going and thinking about going. For me, it is more about the way I feel when my nails are done and beautiful. If I could get the look and feel of the freshly done nails without spending any time in the chair, I would be a happy camper.  It takes energy for me to relax into the process. I have to take action to get the result that makes me ultimately happy. That’s what self-care is.  

When we feel overwhelmed or stressed, the first thing that comes to mind is that we need more self-care. When I ask individuals what they mean by that, they often struggle to answer other than they need to work less. “I am physically and mentally exhausted,” they say. “I need to sleep in or take a day off.” While I generally agree with the sentiment, I disagree that all self-care involves not working. I see it as an action step. You need to plan for your self-care physically. You need to know your needs and then schedule them in. 

I have clients that have big goals and dreams that I am helping them to reach. They want to improve emotionally, physically, professionally, and financially. Many of those dreams require that they increase their “self-care” in that area. To be physically healthier, you need to eat well and work out. To pay off loans, take family vacations, and generally have a fantastic life, you may have to make money. It requires action and works to make all of these things happen.

That idea flies in the face of the self-care movement where self-care often equals relaxing. I think of self-care more as balancing my dreams with my reality, creating a balance between my work (which is very important to my wellbeing) and my life (which is equally important). I am not saying that you don’t need time off; I am just saying that you may sometimes have to define self-care as work to care for your hopes and dreams.

Self-care is all about you! Get to know your wants, needs, plans, and dreams. Once you have those mapped out, you can begin planning your actions to meet all of your needs to get to balance and wellbeing. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

Subscribe to the Podcast!!!  The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast

We All Need Friends!

I had a particularly busy week working, coaching, and the absolute best part of my week, visiting with my friends. Workdays were packed, and on top of that, getting my house and myself ready for the visits from friends was hectic. Do you ever want to curl up on the couch and avoid all human contact? I do. I feel it, especially after I have had a busy week at work. I don’t really want to socialize, but I know how good it is for me mentally. 

So I pushed through and ended up having a fabulous time eating, drinking, and catching up with my friends.
I spent time with my best friend on Friday and my favorite neighbors on Saturday. So much fun and such a treat after the isolation of the pandemic last year. 

 

Why is it that nurturing friendships is so important to us?

Many studies have shown that close friendships keep you healthier both mentally and physically. Loneliness and lack of social connection can lead to depression and isolation. We do need alone time to recharge our batteries after a long day of caring for clients, but friendships and relationships need to be nurtured to enhance our quality of life. 

Friends teach you about yourself and challenge you to be better. Being around a friend that starts exercising or volunteering may challenge you to take up the positive habit. They will also express their concern if you are not resting or caring for yourself properly. They are more concerned with your wellbeing than what you can bring to them. Friends will also call you out when you are crabby or acting like a jerk and help you adjust your attitude. Nothing like brutal honesty from a good friend to mend your ways.

Friends encourage and support you when negative things come up in your life. We all deal with disasters; death, trauma, divorce, job loss. Friends will help you deal with the grief. A friend will listen while you cry and support you as you dig yourself out of the ditch. They allow you to wallow without judgment and, when you are ready, help you get up and move on.  

Friends celebrate our victories and support during our challenges. Being there for a friend in need also allows you to forget your worries in order to offer support to your friend. 

Friends increase the joy in your life. There is nothing like having a good laugh with someone that you trust and admire. Laughter with friends distracts you from your worries and refocuses your mind on important relationships. They allow you to prioritize your time and remind you of what is really important. 

If you have a friend you have not seen in a while, contact them and nurture that relationship. It may be just what they need at this moment.  If you need a friend reach out and meet one, there are many people in this community of veterinarians that would love to meet you.  

Big thanks to my friends, Karen, Kathy, and Steve, for the great company this weekend, allowing me to laugh, and for making my life infinitely better.  I am blessed to have you as friends. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.” — Tennessee Williams

Start now

One huge lesson that I have learned over the years is that you have to act. I don’t mean acting like “Meryl Streep acting,” I mean taking action, like Rambo. Procrastination is the enemy of progress and success. If you want to do anything in your life, you must take action. 

It may sound pretty straightforward, but so many of us do not do what we say that we want to do. We spend much of our life talking about what we want but never actually accomplish many of them. Someday I want to travel to Italy, take an Alaskan Cruise, or write a novel. Eventually, it will be too late unless I take steps to get there. We all have a limited amount of time here on earth, and time does not slow down while we procrastinate.

I find myself making excuses about why I am not getting things done. I am tired, I worked a lot today, I don’t have an idea, I am not motivated, and the proverbial, I don’t feel like it. Really? What does that mean? Do you need to feel like doing something to do it? Most of the time, we don’t feel like doing anything useful, but if we obeyed that thinking, we would be living in filth, never bathing, and watching our life go by while scrolling through social media. How many times have you said, “I want to get into better shape, or I want to eat healier and lose weight.” We decide that we want to do something, then we do not take actual steps to make it happen.  

To turn your passive dream into a reality or change a decision into a goal, we have to start doing something. Like many of us, you may need a push, so here are some ways to start.

Stop overthinking. We procrastinate because we want to get it right. We want to be sure that conditions are right and that our results will be perfect. Perfection is the enemy of action.  Overthinking will cause you to question all actions and prevent you from progress. One of the best things that I ever heard from “The Life Coach School” is the statement that, “B minus work out into the world is better than A+ work in your head.” Working on things to make them better is the key, but you have to get something out - anything out - even if it is B minus. This statement is the thing that got me writing in the first place. I decided it was better to put out some writing than no writing, even if it was not perfect.

Stop waiting for the “right” time. This is something that we do. I have heard of people waiting to have children until things are right, starting a business when things are right. If we keep waiting for the right time, the days, weeks, months, and years will pass. We will wake up one day and discover that we have accomplished nothing or have missed some golden opportunity. We wait for the “right” time because we think when the time is right, things will be easier, or we will be more successful. Never true. Negative things will happen even when the time is right, so do not wait. I am not telling you to be reckless and leap without thinking things through, but so many of us spend our time thinking that we neglect to get busy doing. Action is the only way to get something that you want. 

“Just do it!” Work on becoming someone that speaks an idea and then acts it into reality. If you say, “Today is a great day to take a run.” Get up, put on your shoes, and go. Become someone that moves. Movement creates momentum towards any goal. If you want to make a million dollars, get up and go to work doing something. Start by making a dollar and keep acting and saving until you have a million. Sitting around wishing that you had a better job or more money will not get you that million. People make money one dollar and one day at a time. If you start today, you will wake up one day with that million in the bank. If you don’t start working, you will never have it.

Once you get started with action, keep going. Many of us quit because good things take time to develop. The only people that do not get ahead are those that stopped trying. I know that failure is hard, but action creates failure and success. You cannot do either by standing still. Step out and take action, and when you fail, correct course and take another action. Learn from your mistakes and let them push you in the direction that you need to go. If you plan to “do” something for 15 minutes a day, that will turn into progress that will create momentum. Seeing your accomplishments will encourage you to keep working. 

This week, vow to take some action towards your goals. Join me by setting your sights on something then promising to do a small action step. Dare yourself to get over your fears and do it. Let me know what you do.

Dr. Julie Cappel  

“Well done is better than well said.” ― Benjamin Franklin

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” –Confucius

Listen to The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast!

       Practice Culture and Leadership with Dr. Susan Sayles