Be Happy

Today while walking my dogs, Trent and Parker, through the neighborhood, I received a little message from the universe. (It was a chalk drawing on the sidewalk.) It said, “Be Happy.”

We often forget that it is up to us to choose to be happy, so today’s message was an excellent reminder for me. Happiness does not come from outside sources; it comes from within. How you think about your life’s circumstances determines your level of happiness. If you choose to think happy thoughts or take happy action, you can feel more joy.

That being said, there are some ways that you can work to increase your capacity to feel happy.  

Take a walk or run outside. In his book, The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor, teaches that spending time outdoors in the fresh air can improve your happiness. A study found that spending 20 minutes outside in good weather broadened thinking, improved memory, and increased happiness. The American Meteorological Society published another study that found that happiness is maximized at 57 degrees, the exact temperature today when I walked the dogs. 

Spend some time with family and friends. Spending time with people we care for is a fast path to happiness. Smiling, laughing, and sharing life’s stories add to feelings of security and belonging. Daniel Gilbert, a Harvard psychology professor, says, “We are happy when we have family, we are happy when we have friends, and almost all other things we think make us happy are actually just ways of getting more family and friends.” 

Spend time helping others. Spending time and money helping others has been shown to help us feel more happiness. Living generously brings feelings of satisfaction and wellbeing, making us feel happier than people doing things for us. Martin Seligman explains that helping others can improve our own lives; he says, “scientists have found that doing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in wellbeing of any exercise we have tested.” Think about different ways to serve and give, including your time and money. Helping other people will ultimately help you.

Work on your smile. Today, when I saw the sidewalk chalk, I smiled. The surprise of finding the “Be Happy” message, and the lovely day with my dogs, made me feel happier. It has been proven that smiling improves your mood and even the fake smiling that we do when acting friendly and social causes more happiness. There is a link between your face smiling and the thoughts that cause you to feel increased joy. So try on a smile or laugh to be happy. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” —Omar Khayyam.

Thinking, not overthinking.

Have you ever wished that you could live in the present moment, make firm decisions, and never worry about anything? Many of the world’s most successful and happy people do just that much of the time. They do not spend their time overthinking decisions; they consider the options, make a choice, and deal with the consequences of their decision. 

Overthinking is the primary cause of a worried, unfocused, and unsettled mind. The bad news is that many of us are natural over thinkers, developing a pattern of worry based on our past life experiences. The good news is our thoughts are under our control, and we can learn to overthink less and become more settled.

Before we can change our thinking, we need to become aware of why we worry and overthink. Take some time to explore your past thought patterns and think about your fears. Many of us overthink due to our fear of future failures based on something that happened in the past. We may worry about a client yelling at us, based on the fact that someone yelled at us before. We may overthink a surgery that we had a problem with in the past. 

We want to change our overthinking to make us happier and healthier. Worry and overthinking cause stress and can have emotional and physical tolls on our bodies. Chronic overthinking has been shown to suppress the immune system making us more susceptible to disease. 

How can we change our overthinking?

Work to let go of the past. When negative stories come up in your head, try to accept the past without dwelling there. Learn from your mistakes, but do not fear making more. Strong decisions require that we make the best choice based on the information that we currently have. Worrying about choices from the past will keep you stuck in inaction.

Take control of your emotions. Being present and living in the moment does not mean avoiding your negative emotion. You need to feel your feelings and learn about the thoughts behind your emotion. The more we fight our negative emotions, the stronger they may become. Working on your thoughts will help you to change your feelings.

Focus on solutions. Much of the stress created by overthinking is the thought that there is no solution to our current situation. If you take one small step towards solving the problem, you will start to work out the overthinking paralysis. 

Overthinking may feel normal at times, but it may prevent you from taking action and creating your best life. When overthinking is causing you physical or emotional pain take some small steps to get more focused on the present.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Whatever you hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what you will experience in your life.” - Tony Robbins

Mindset Matters

The longer I work in veterinary medicine, the more I learn about my mindset and how it matters to my overall life experience. So much of what we feel both physically and mentally comes from our thoughts, whether we realize it or not. I always think of myself as having my head on straight and feeling in control of my life, but when my brain gets stressed and overwhelmed it can derail me.

Much of our mindset is developed during childhood and is developed through our experiences. We can embrace a positive or negative attitude depending on past situations and memories. We can lean towards a fixed or growth mindset depending on whether we were praised more for our intelligence or effort.

Many of us struggle with our negative mindset because we don’t accept ourselves for who we really are. We are focused on how our life should be, and we argue with reality and push ourselves to keep up with others in our circle or social media. In truth, we need to start with self-love and realize our value as unique humans. We are worthy just because God created us. That does not mean that we cannot strive to be and feel happier, but we need to remain faithful to ourselves. You will feel much better if you compare yourself to yourself and not someone else.

A fixed mindset believes that we are born with a fixed amount of intelligence and abilities. A growth mindset believes that with practice and effort, we have limitless potential. We all practice a combination of fixed and growth mindsets, so observe where you are in each circumstance. Do you feel stuck in your abilities or open to learning? It matters what you think about yourself when you are faced with challenges. If you believe that you are helpless, you will remain where you are. If you feel that you can learn and grow, life will open up to you.  

When you feel overwhelmed with your life, surround yourself with positive people who love and support you. Talking and laughing with family and friends can do a great deal to improve your mindset. Family and friends will also help you open up to challenges by supporting you in your goals. We all struggle occasionally, and having a solid support system at home and work is imperative to improving your mindset.

This week I vow to work on my mindset by accepting myself as worthy and appreciating my relationships with friends and family. I will work towards possibilities by embracing growth. Work on your mindset this week because it matters.  

Dr. Julie Cappel

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” - Wayne Dyer.

Practice, patience, and perseverance

Today is Super Bowl Sunday, and I am watching along with about 100 million other people. This year the big game features the LA Rams and the Cincinnati Bengals playing at SoFi Stadium in Los Angeles. The pregame build-up on NBC, including the players' backstories, always reminds me of a very simple life lesson that we can all take away from the spectacle. Practice, patience, and perseverance are three main ingredients needed to create success. 

To reach the pinnacle of your profession, you must continually practice your craft. To practice is "to perform (an activity) or exercise (a skill) repeatedly or regularly to improve or maintain one's proficiency." In the book, Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell says that it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at something. As veterinarians and leaders, we are familiar with the fact that we need to improve continuously. We may struggle with the mistakes that inevitably come with practice, but the only way to learn and grow is to continue to work at it. 

Patience is a virtue, but we don't always think of it as getting us ahead in life. Patience, it turns out, is what most people at the top of their game possess. Take Matthew Stafford, for example. He played with the Detroit Lions for 12 seasons before moving to LA. Now he is playing in the Super Bowl. You might say that he ran out of patience with the Lions, but he stayed there, perfected his craft, then pushed forward to get where he wanted to go.  Those who lack patience will invariably quit before making it to the top. Veterinarians practice patience every day with clients and with pets. Although patience is not my strongest quality, I know I have to embrace it to stay present and engaged for my work.

Perseverance is "persistence in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success." Perseverance also involves patience and the ability to take rejection and failure. The author of the Harry Potter Series, J.K. Rowling, manually typed out each version of her first book to send to publishers because she could not afford a computer. She was rejected twelve times before finding a publisher whose daughter loved her book. If she had not persevered, we would not have the books, the movies, and the theme park at Universal Studios, Orlando, and J.K. would not have piles of cash.

I hope you enjoy your Super Bowl Sunday, even if you only watch the game for the commercials or the half-time show. Remember that even the silly commercials took practice, patience, and perseverance to create. Anything worthwhile does.

Dr. Julie Cappel

The applause.

Last week I wrote about my trip to Dallas, Texas, to attend the new opera, Zorro. It was a fantastic trip and a beautiful Opera, but what made it even better was the visit with my daughter and son-in-law. They are incredible people and are prime examples of people who dedicate their lives to a craft they love. Years of work lead to brief moments of glory on stage, performing for an appreciative audience and applause from opera fans.

It makes me think about our veterinary profession that, in a way, it is much like performing. Granted, we do not get to sing or dance - unless we are making TikTok or Instagram videos - but performing our daily duties as veterinarians is much like rehearsing and performing on stage. We spend years of study, patiently practicing, to get to the dream of our veterinary work. Much of it can become mundane, and we start to feel burned out, but the rewards are sweet when we get them. They can be like applause at the end of a performance.

Just yesterday, I was excited to see a patient of mine. He is a 28-year-old Quaker Parrot (Monk Parakeet) that has been suffering from heart failure for over two years. His lovely and kind “Dad” brought him in for his annual wellness checkup with me to discuss his progress and give him the OK to continue with his cardiac medications. This bird and its owner have a strong bond. They spend their days together, and the owner remains dedicated to his care. He cooks for him, gives him several medications twice a day, carries him around the house as he can no longer fly. When I saw him last year, he was so weak that the owner had him in a shoebox with no lid. The bird sat there in the box and allowed me to examine him and listen to his failing heart gently. This year was much the same, but I can honestly say as sick as he is, he looked better than last year.  As I finished my exam and talked to the owner about continued care, I told him that the bird was only alive today due to his dedication and meticulous care. He then said to me, “We would not be here without you. You are the best, doc.”  I wished them well and promised to see them both next year, God willing. 

Those two sentences from a kind and dedicated pet owner feel like applause to me. Appreciation from our clients and healthy pets' lives is our veterinary reward.

Dedication is a tough road. It is often unrewarding, and critics can beat us down, unhappy clients who leave us negative reviews or call to scold us when we are running behind. Like the Opera singers, we do it for the successes, when we get the audience appreciation and applause at the end of our performance. When we get the diagnosis right, make the save, perform the successful surgery. That is our applause.

Try to appreciate the little bursts of applause that come to you this week. Bask in the appreciation of your clients and patients. Look for those moments and enjoy them. Take your bow because you put in the hard work to get to where you can save animals and help people. That is what it is all about. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“The applause of a single human being is of great consequence.” - Raymond Hull

Luck Happens

The cell phone rang Thursday afternoon, and my daughter Bridget picked it up and said, "Hi Joe." Joe is the artistic director of Fort Worth Opera, where Bridget performed last night in the world premiere of Zorro on the Fort Worth Opera Stage. (I happened to be there in Texas to see the performances.) She listened to Joe on the other end and said, "Yes, oh, ok, ok, yes, he is right here. Do you want to talk to him?"

Erik, my son-in-law, also an Opera singer, did not perform in the production on opening night but was acting as a cover for the main baritone character. When you cover a role in a show, you prepare the part and learn the music on the off chance that someone in the cast may be unable to perform, then you jump in at the last minute. Usually, the covers would attend all rehearsals to prepare, but in this case, due to Covid protocol, the covers learned the show over zoom with no stage preparation. 

Today was the day that preparation combined with opportunity created luck. Erik is to sing the role of General Moncada in the next two performances of Zorro. Covid testing took out the original cast member and caused a significant change in plans. 

Erik took the phone from Bridget and turned a little pale as he listened to Joe. Joe outlined how they would prepare Erik in the next 28 hours to go on stage Friday evening as General Moncada. It would be a significant cram session with the director, musicians, costumers, and choreographer. Keep in mind that he must sing in English and Spanish, act, learn stage direction, cues, costumes, costume changes, sword fight choreography, and everything else that he had not rehearsed.

He looked panic-stricken as he clicked off the call with Joe. He yelled out something that I would not repeat, shaking the house with his big booming baritone voice. How would he be ready to go on stage in a few short hours? After a pep talk from his wife, Bridget, and his voice teacher, Michael, he took off to the theatre to get to work.

Is it luck or hard work that gives you these opportunities in life? Is it possible to create your own good fortune?

Psychologist Richard Wiseman studied the lives of 400 people over ten years to see if certain people are luckier than others. He found that it may be possible to create your luck by adjusting your outlook and perspective. He discovered that unlucky people were often more anxious, timid, and stuck in the details. But lucky people were more laid-back and open to possibility.  Lucky people are more likely to be resilient and see a bit of "bad luck" as something to turn into good. They also were better at listening to their intuition and expecting the best, and their optimism may actually create better luck.

In this case, Bridget and Erik have put in the work. They have studied music for years, singing, acting, auditioning, and preparing for their break into the brutal world of Opera. They have done many shows and continue to hone their craft each day in preparation for that next big role. In this case, they happened to land the same show; you could say that Erik got a lucky break, but he would not have been hired to cover if the Opera company didn't think he could do it. He was prepared by many years of study and 28 hours of emergency coaching. 

If you do the work to prepare for the things you want in life, you will be ready to say yes and take action when the opportunity comes. There is no luck without preparation, hard work, and effort. Getting offered a part is not the same as being ready when offered the role and going for it. If you do not act, nothing happens. So the next time you see someone who seems lucky, remember that most of their luck comes from having a positive outlook and working to be prepared for the next opportunity.  

Preparation allows you to say yes to the opportunity and step into your good fortune. 

Congratulations, Bridget and Erik! You inspire me to keep working to be a better person.

Dr. Julie Cappel (Your Proud Mom)

"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity."― Seneca.

"I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it." - Thomas Jefferson.

It is only one test.

This Friday, as I was casually scrolling through Instagram, I noticed that many of the veterinary students and new graduates were anxiously awaiting the scores of their NAVLE. The North American Veterinary Licensing Exam is the 360 questions multiple-choice test that veterinarians must pass to get their veterinary license in the United States and Canada. It is not enough for these students to get through four grueling years of veterinary school; they must also pass this monster, seven and one-half hour exam. Some Instagram stories contained videos of students along with their families opening the passing scores and cheering wildly. While I was typing messages of congratulations to those that passed, I couldn’t help thinking about those that did not. Those students must be devastated. 

There were no Instagram videos of the shock and sorrow of those that received a score of less than 425. I can only imagine the disappointment and panic they must feel when they miss the mark and realize that they need to take the exam again or give up their dream of veterinary medicine. Many of them have jobs lined up or need to work to pay back student loans.

How can we support our veterinary community when they face a failure like this or any other?

Listen and express empathy. When someone fails, they need to go through all the stages of grief before they are ready to move on. Depending on the gravity of the failure, they may spend much of their time grieving. As a friend or mentor, you can be there to support them and listen to their fears and frustrations. Having a safe, understanding friend is the best thing for someone during grief.

Help them to see the other side of their failure. Sometimes when we fail, we cannot see beyond failure to solution. As a friend, you may see several solutions to the problem at hand. If you offer solutions and remain open as they consider those solutions, it will go a long way in making them feel supported. When they feel supported, they will have an easier time overcoming self-doubt to find a way to try again.

Failure never defines you, but it is one of the things that often makes life difficult. Failure will always be on your pathway to succeed. The NAVLE is just one test on one day, and keeping that in mind will allow you to see it for what it is, a few wrong answers on an exam. Take some time to care for yourself then make a plan and get back to work. You will be stronger from this experience.  

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” - Robert F. Kennedy.

Small Disciplines

Each January, I like to take some time to reflect and appreciate the experiences and accomplishments of the prior year. I do this exercise to remind myself to be grateful for the most important things in my life, good health, and time spent with family and friends. I also like to look back at my goals and resolutions from last year to see where I am on my growth journey. What things did I do well, and what changes will I make this year to be better?

In the book, The Fifteen Invaluable Laws of Growth, John Maxwell says, “Small disciplines repeated with consistency every day lead to great achievements gained slowly over time.”  Every small step we take towards personal development and growth will pay off in big dividends for our lives.

This week I am spending time at the VMX - The Veterinary Meeting & Expo in Orlando, Florida. As I attend various classes and hear from the brilliant minds of veterinary medicine, I gain an even stronger appreciation for this profession and the personal growth that it offers. The veterinary profession is one of variety and endless learning opportunities, both professionally and personally, and it is one of the main reasons I love this profession so much. It challenges and promotes us to grow. 

Why should we plan for growth each year and work towards personal development?

Through personal development, we think better and become more adaptable. When we concentrate on learning and growth, we can better embrace change and face adversity in our work and home environment. We feel more accepting of challenges and less likely to become anxious when things do not go as planned. 

Personal development increases motivation and decreases boredom. Goal setting is a significant component of growth. With each small goal and achievement comes the motivation to learn more and do more. When you are immersed in lifelong learning and working towards goals, you do not have the time to indulge in feeling bored.   

Learning and growing make us happier and more balanced. In veterinary medicine, we talk a lot about balancing our work and our life. Working towards personal growth and goal setting automatically creates balance for our life by challenging us to learn new and exciting skills. Self-improvement and accomplishment feel fantastic, so pushing yourself to improve is the first step to feeling more balanced. The balance naturally leads to the creation of more overall happiness. 

Many more benefits come from self-reflection, goal setting, and personal growth, but don’t take my word for it. Try setting up some small disciplines that you can do every day to help you live into your goals and dreams. Learn something new and branch out to things you never thought you would try. Remember, happiness comes from honoring yourself by vowing to change and grow each day.  

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Your mission is to become better today than you were yesterday.” ― John C. Maxwell, 

Building Memories

Over my holiday break, including the week between Christmas and New Year, I spent time in Florida. I was blessed to have my family visit, including my husband, parents, daughter and her husband, and my son and his girlfriend. The weather was delightful, sunny, and warm, but one of the best things I experienced during those days was shopping at the flea market and antique store with my Mom and my kids. 

Down the highway from the place we stay, they have a flea market that opens every Friday and runs till Sunday. There is a wide variety of things there, including antiques and refurbished home decor and lots (I mean loads) of junk. It is fascinating to look through the items and find unique treasures and many things that may be better off retired to the junkyard. My Mom and I spent one day looking through everything, and because my Mom has a great eye, we were able to pick up a cute little ladder that was repurposed into a plant stand and a bench that was perfect for my front porch. We also visited the antique store that same day, where we found a cute little antique table.

My parents, especially my Mom, have always been interested in antiques and collectible things. My Mom collects cowboy memorabilia, and my Dad loves things that relate to golf. I love old things too, but I don’t have an eye for genuine antiques; I like looking and discovering things that speak to me regardless of their value. I also love things that belonged to my grandparents and great-grandparents because I feel their connection to my past.

When the kids arrived for Christmas, I offered to take them to the antique store to see if we could find anything else -- Maybe some things that my Mom and I overlooked and if anything appealed to them while they were visiting. That second trip to the antique store was even more enjoyable to me because of the enthusiasm and excitement of the group of millennials/genZ. The “girls” and I found artwork and glassware that we just had to have, including a vintage hand mirror that my daughter discovered. It was beautiful and unique. My son-in-law was fascinated by the political memorabilia, and my son spent the whole time looking at old money - silver coins and paper money from confederate times. I enjoyed seeing them all hunt through the store and get excited by every find. The shopping experience was so much more valuable than anything that we bought, bonding with family over the discovery of interesting things.

Why do flea markets, antique stores, vintage things, and history appeal to us? We crave lessons from the past to help us appreciate the present and plan for the future. 

The Department of History at the University of Wisconsin-Madison says on their website, “To study history is to study change.” I would add that history helps us value those that have gone before us, learn from their mistakes, and understand their ideas. History also teaches us empathy for others. 

As we walked through the flea market, my Mom and I remarked how hard people of the past worked. They lacked so many of the conveniences that we have today. The people working the flea market are hard working also. Not only do they collect their things and restore them, but they also haul, stage, and price them, then spend every weekend selling to people like us. When I find myself complaining about my job, I need to remember how hard some people have to work for a living. 

History helps us relive our past, as in my Mom collecting cowboy toys from her childhood, and it helps my kids who were born into the internet age relate to people that lived long before they were born. History helps us see where we have been and allows us to predict our future.

 History is inspiring, fascinating, and fun. I recommend that you observe and appreciate old objects, read history books, talk to your parents and grandparents about their past. You can gather a new perspective about your life by gathering information and ideas from their history.

You can also enjoy an afternoon bonding with your family by opening up to the joy of flea markets and antique stores. Happy shopping!

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” George Santayana’s

Start Something New in 2022!

What will you do with your 2022? Think about that. You have a year ahead of you (God willing) - that’s three hundred sixty-five days. 

 

I ask, “What will you do?” rather than “What are your resolutions?” because it is not about what you want as much as the actions that you take to get there. You have to think in detail, plan, and take action. Move and stick to your plan to get goals accomplished. 

Three hundred sixty-five days seems like a lot of time, but in truth, it will fly by if you don’t plan for it. Three hundred sixty-five days is 8760 hours. What will I do with my 8760 hours, and how will I use those hours to contribute to the world and live a better life? Wait, today is Sunday, and I am writing this blog. I am now down to less than 8725 hours, so the clock is ticking away my year already. 

What will I do with my 2022? When I ask myself this question, my first thought is, I don’t know. My thoughts are overwhelmed by setting resolutions or goals because I don’t want to fail. Fear of failure is something that keeps us feeling stuck in indecision. I know, you think, “I will be lucky just to keep my head above water, feed the kids and pets, drag my ass to work every day, and if I plan one vacation, it will be a miracle.” I want to challenge your thinking. That kind of scarcity thinking is what most often keeps us stuck. 

I do not want you to feel pressure or anxiety about your year, but if you don’t plan something and take some action, you will be in the same place next year that you are in today. So, let me help you get started by offering some suggestions. 

Start with reflection. Reflect on the things that happened for you and to you last year. What things went well for you, and what things didn’t? We make big plans most of the time, but life has a different idea. Thinking about what went well and what went wrong is the self-reflection needed to glean the lessons that your life offered to you. Even really terrible things have a way of helping you learn something important. Reflection helps bring clarity to your experiences. 

Allow yourself to Dream. I encourage you to do some dreaming at the beginning of the year to focus on what you want. Do you have debt that needs paying, vacations you want to take, certifications you wish to gain, or things you want to learn?

Dream big. I don’t just mean set “reasonable goals” that you know you can accomplish. Choose at least one goal that scares you and makes you feel those butterflies of anxiety in your stomach. If your brain starts screaming that you are not ready, you are in the right neighborhood. List those dreams out even if they feel impossible and vow to take them on.

Once you have your dreams and wishes in front of you, the next step is breaking them down into manageable baby steps. I want you to overestimate what you think you can do; there is no harm in that. Reaching any goal, for example, paying off debt, will be done twice as fast as you thought if you get intense about your need to take action.

Set your intentions and honor yourself. When you have some big scary goals written down, you will start to feel overwhelmed. Feeling overwhelmed and pushing forward anyway is where your power lies. Setting your intentions to act and honoring yourself to follow through despite your emotions creates success.

Choose a mantra or saying to keep you on track when you want to quit. Mine is always from my friend Rocky Balboa. “It ain’t how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” Or “Every champion was once a contender who refused to give up.” You pick one that works for you, then read it every time you feel like quitting on yourself.  

Vow to be grateful and work to be better each day, and 2022 will open up for you.

Now get to work!

Dr. Julie Cappel

“How long should you try? Until.” ―Jim Rohn

“Successful men and women keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit.” ―Conrad Hilton.

Perfect Christmas

Yesterday was Christmas Day and mine was quite extraordinary. Most of my family was together - some via zoom. Everyone stayed healthy, and the weather cooperated - we are in Florida, so the weather is terrific. As I write this, my adult children play video games (silly Fortnite dances flash on the screen), eat pizza, and laugh like silly ten-year-olds sitting next to me on the sofa. These are the holiday memories that mothers long to experience.

Christmas is not always this kind to everyone. I have been lucky for the most part this year, but I know many have experienced significant loss, financial strains, long work hours, and disappointment during the holidays. Then there are the stresses we put on ourselves to provide the ideal holiday experience for our families: the perfect decorations, the perfect tree, the best gifts, the most delicious food. Our brains tell us Moms are supposed to provide all these things, but we never seem to feel accomplished. 

It is so easy to feel like a failure during the holidays. Scrolling through social media adds to the feeling because every other post is of a beautiful family dressed impeccably and looking perfectly happy. This morning I read a social media post from a veterinary Mom, extremely upset (enough to write a long raving post), that she worked herself to the bone to buy and wrap all the family gifts. Her husband didn't purchase a gift to put under the tree or anything for her stocking. She felt under-appreciated, disappointed, and distraught that she worked so hard to make everything perfect and no one thought of her. (I hear you and have been there, sister!)

How can a Mom live up to everything that a "good Mom" is supposed to do for the holidays and feel appreciated? Is there a way to anticipate the holiday, handle the responsibilities, and enjoy the day, even if it does not go as well as a Hallmark Christmas movie? 

Many emotions come with the buildup to the holidays, and the best thing that we can do is expect them. Spend some time in thought and meditation so that you can sort out your feelings. If something disappoints, don't forget that disappointment is part of living. Embrace your imperfections and find humor in the situation. Remember that some of the best memories come from failures. My kids have the best time laughing at the memories of awkward Christmas photos or gifts that did not go over well. Young children may not get it, but when your kids grow up, they will realize that the magic of Christmas is all about their parent's efforts to make them feel loved, not about any gift that they receive.

Remember that children cry, throw tantrums, and people fight behind the scenes for every beautiful family photo. Those photos don't make it to social media. Turkeys dry out, lights go out, and cookies burn in every home. Every time you feel as if you dropped the ball, another mom is out there doing the same. You are in good company. We have all failed at many things during the holidays and will continue to do so. Look around, take it in, laugh, and remember it all when you fail. Hang in there, mama; you have 364 days to prepare for the next Christmas.  

While I have been writing this blog, each family member has hugged me goodnight and retired to their bed. The house is quiet, and the dogs are lying by my feet. Tomorrow will be another day to enjoy my family together before they all fly back to their own homes. I want to appreciate all of it, the laughter, the cooking, the cleaning, the dirty dishes, and even the disagreements. While I tear down the decorations, I will remember the people that are no longer here that made my past Christmases great: My grandparents, my brilliant father-in-law, my favorite uncle, and my beautiful nephew. The memories that we hold and continue to create are what a well-lived life is all about. 

Christmas is not about perfection; it is about love. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

"It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” -
Mother Theresa