Shopping is good for your soul.

Today I spent the day shopping with my son and his girlfriend.  We went to the mall to look around and have lunch inside a restaurant. A rare treat these days.  In fact, in the past two weeks, I have spent more time in shopping malls and restaurants with my family than I have during the entire previous year.  As the world is getting back to normal activities — post covid vaccinations —I have joined the land of the free-living and returned to one of our favorite American pastimes, mall shopping.  

I feel amazing when I shop. (At least for the first couple hours.)  I love looking around and seeing things that I may have never seen before. I also love people-watching.  I enjoy getting a Starbucks coffee and walking around looking for bargains and “cute” things.  I take it that other people enjoy shopping too, based on the number of people at the mall today.  There were lines of people, shopping and spending their money on everything from Lululemon to Lego.  

As I watched the people go by, I wondered whether shopping is actually good for us or are we simply distracting ourselves from life’s problems?  The little bit of research that I did when I got home says that both things are true.  Shopping is mentally and physically healthy for us when done in moderation.  

Some experts think that shopping can help with loneliness, boredom, and depression.  People that feel out of control in their lives can actually feel more in control when they make purchasing decisions.  The feelings of accomplishment that come with the discovery of a good bargain may overcome low self-esteem.  Shopping can bring family members closer as they work together to find something to buy.  The act of shopping together acts as an emotional bonding activity. 

A study published in the Journal of Psychology and Marketing, revealed that 62% of shoppers reported that they had purchased something to cheer themselves up, and another 28% had purchased something as a type of celebration.  We use shopping to help us prepare for important events such as weddings, graduations, or new babies.  The shopping that we do to prepare for life changes helps us to feel more in control of our future. 

Shopping can also be good for us physically.  I put a lot of miles on my feet in my trek around the malls these last couple of weeks.  An article in The Daily Telegraph newspaper reported that walking and carrying shopping bags burns off over 300 extra calories and that women walk an average of three miles for every two hours of shopping.  Shopping gets you up off of your butt and onto your feet for a prolonged period of time.  That is my kind of exercise!

The best thing about shopping is that it can be both relaxing and entertaining.  The physical activity, interesting people, social interaction, and visual variety is a bit like visiting a museum — without the need for much intellectual thought.   Losing yourself in a shopping excursion can help to clear your mind and clarify your objectives.  As long as you remember to check the overspending, shopping is good for your heart and soul.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.”— Bo Derek

Family ties

Sunday is trivia day in my family.  Since the beginning of the Covid lockdowns we started a tradition of meeting every Sunday on a zoom call to visit, catch up, and play trivia.  Each week someone presents a series of questions to the others and we see which of us is the best at general trivia.  We have kept in touch this way for a year now from New Mexico, Texas, Florida, Michigan, and New York.  The tradition of getting together each week helped us all to navigate the changes that the lockdowns caused and helped us to feel more connected, despite our forced separation.

 

Family is an important part of a mentally healthy life. Family may not always be blood relatives, but often are friends and coworkers.  Any close relationship that you form with people in order to share your life, will keep you on track in times of adversity. Strong family relationships will help you grow, so nurturing those relationships will add to your ability to be successful in whatever you choose to do. 

How do we build strong relationships with the people in our lives? 

Practice acceptance and fondness.   Our relationship with other people is all about the way we think and feel about them.  Creating a strong relationship with someone simply requires you to think highly of them and accept them for who they are.  There is no specific behavior required on their part but the openness to receiving your acceptance.  Allowing another person to be themselves and loving them anyway is at the root of all strong relationships. Looking for the good in every interaction will allow you to let people be exactly who they are.

Make strong commitments to your family and friends.  If you do not commit to working on relationships, you will not allow them to grow. Committing to following through on plans  and promises will keep you honest, and build trust in your relationships.  Spending your time with family first, and setting boundaries around that commitment is a healthy way to keep those strong relationships.

Share in activities and communication.  Communication is required to resolve conflict and create acceptance of each person in a relationship. People always have different points of view so keep an open mind and just allow opinions to differ.  You do not always have to like someone to love them.  Choosing to spend time with people even when they do not agree with you is a sign of maturity and emotional intelligence.  

Each day, remember that you need close and strong relationships to thrive.  Create those strong relationships by using the power of your communication, acceptance of differences, and commitment to follow through.  Life is fuller with family and friends.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” ― Donald Miller

“There is greatness in doing something you hate for the sake of someone you love.” ― Shmuley Boteach

Spring Abundance

This weekend we celebrated Easter, and the day could not have been more beautiful.  Springtime in Michigan is the time that everything starts to feel better.  The sun shines brighter, and the flowers and trees begin to bloom.  The past year has been challenging, so spring 2021 feels more optimistic than ever.  As we emerge from the pandemic and open up the world, we can appreciate what we have.  Spring is a time to feel grateful and enjoy living an abundant life.

I just have to look around a bit to appreciate all the great things that I have. A stress-filled day at work feels better if I embrace the kind words of a long-time client. When a client treats one of my team members with rudeness — and they often do — I encourage them to acknowledge all of the other clients that were patient and grateful for our services.  Even people that are challenging will push you to grow. If you let it, the contrast of good and bad will help you to feel more grateful for your chosen career. 

When someone is treating you poorly, practice your empathy.  Feeling empathy for someone, rather than joining them in their rude behavior, will allow you to feel more fulfilled.  Empathy is a skill that you can learn and grow stronger with practice. 

Live with a realization that other’s successes or failures are not affecting your success.  There is enough happiness and opportunity to go around, so wishing ill will to others is not productive.  Practicing appreciation for others’ success will ultimately bring you more peace and happiness than jealously ever could. When you see someone with something you want, admire and emulate them rather than envy them.  

As I look back on the changes that we have made since last Easter, I see how I have had to work on myself to stay focused and move forward.  Focusing on abundance and gratitude allows me to realize that I am in charge of my future. To enjoy life, you have to be grateful.  Looking for little blessings makes the everyday challenges seem less severe.  People that achieve success are those that remember to appreciate the good in each day.  They create big dreams and set a positive mindset to push towards those dreams. 

Dr. Julie Cappel 

 “The key to abundance is meeting limited circumstances with unlimited thoughts.” ~ Marianne Williamson

JOIN me on The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast!

https://theveterinarylifecoach.libsyn.com/spotify

Foiled by Distraction

I had a hectic week this week, and I was looking forward to a Saturday off where I could catch up on my housework, paperwork, and rest.   I created this long list of housekeeping chores, reading, and writing that I wanted to do and started in on it after my morning coffee. As I cleaned up the basement storage area, only the second task on my list, I ran across some leftover paint that I saved from a previous project.  I was getting ready to get rid of the paint when I had a thought that I could use the paint to update the blinds in my kitchen. They had been neglected since I changed the color of the walls some months ago.  I took down one pane of the blinds to see how the color would work in the room, and as it dried, I had the thought that I could just paint them all and have it done in a couple hours.  Eight hours later, I finished the can of paint on the last pane.  My Saturday to-do list was totally blown out of the water.  Now, I had a kitchen full of wet window blinds and another big mess to clean up tomorrow.  

Why does this happen?  So often, I start with one project in mind and get totally swept away by another.  In my case, it is partially personality-driven — I love variety and the challenge of every new shiny project — and partially procrastination.  The new project is much more appealing than the uncomfortable feelings that mundane tasks present. Procrastination is not laziness; it is just a way to avoid pain. Ironically, once we avoid the painful task, then we feel annoyance at ourselves for avoiding the task.   Somewhere in my mind, painting blinds sounded less painful than cleaning the basement, writing, or recording a podcast.  It is irrational, but this is how our human brain works.  (Avoid pain, seek pleasure)

When we feel any negative emotion i.e., boredom, insecurity, frustration, or anxiety, we commonly will find a way to avoid those feelings by doing something else.   We eat a snack, drink something, watch movies, or even do other work in an effort to avoid those feelings.  Procrastination is not a time management problem; it is a “thinking” problem.  Suppose we have low opinions of ourselves or thoughts about an unpleasant task. In that case, we will often find something else to do that we think will feel better.  The problem with letting this become habitual is that the avoidance of the important yet negative task reinforces negative emotion about ourselves and our lack of self discipline.   The procrastination that we practice inadvertently creates more procrastination and negative feelings.  

How can we do better?  Working to understand the root of procrastination will help us start to solve for it.  Practicing forgiveness when we do avoid a certain task and allowing ourselves grace is another way to escape the procrastination loop.  Finding small rewards within the scheduled task may help us stop avoiding it.  I find that I avoid housework less if I play music while cleaning.  The music adds something pleasant to the unpleasant cleaning tasks.  Simultaneously removing the temptation of your preferred distraction (hide the snacks) will help you avoid it in the future.  

Just being aware that procrastination is a normal part of our brain’s function will help you see through yourself when it happens.  Forgive yourself and try again to complete the task that you have so cleverly avoided.  In my case, that would be finishing my basement cleaning before I take on another project. If I know myself, there will be at least one basement discovery that leads to another long distraction.  Wish me luck tomorrow!

Dr. Julie Cappel

“In a moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing to do, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”  – Theodore Roosevelt

Spring Forward

This week it really started to feel like spring in Michigan.  Daylight savings time kicked in last weekend and we had some rather warm sunny days all week.   I am not stupid enough to believe that we will have no more freezing weather, but just the fact that the days are getting longer and I was able to take my dogs for a walk without a hat and gloves was enough to make me feel optimistic about summer coming.  

Spring seems to be the happiest, most optimistic season especially if you live in the northern United States.  The days are transformed from  cold into warm and from darkness into light.  Spring is when we see flowers bloom and grass turn green. Spring is the time we usually get stray kittens brought into work too, and who among us can resist the cuteness of a kitten? (I can’t wait!)

Spring is a perfect time to commit to change. The changes that we resolve to make seem easier when the weather is improving and the world is blooming.  I enjoy coaching people as they commit to making positive change.  It is such a fun process!  Each time we take a step towards personal growth and self improvement we allow ourselves to progress towards greater happiness.  It is a choice that we make to move ahead instead of standing still — risking failure in an attempt to learn from our mistakes and grow.

Take some time now to think about the changes that you wish to make in your life.  Even if they have failed in the past, you can commit to trying again. Create a strong vision of the changes that you want to see and then plan some small steps to get started in that direction.  Flowers emerge slowly from the ground in spring, so do not be in a hurry to see the full bloom of your goal without taking some time to grow your plan. 

Plan for some obstacles along the way.  Even in April we can get a little snow.  As you are working towards any goal you will encounter a set back or two.  Expect it and plan for it.  Planning solutions to possible obstacles ahead of time will help you to cope with frustration.  Quitting is not an option, but work arounds are critical.  Successful people are those that push on when things get difficult.  Having a plan for your obstacles will help you avoid feeling discouraged if the plan does not unfold exactly as you envisioned.

As you enjoy the longer days and prettier weather, think about the things that you want to change in your life this year.  Use the optimism of spring to allow you to create positive change.  Work with a coach or mentor if needed to keep you on track, then get moving. Open yourself up to the possibility thinking that comes with spring.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.”— Anne Bradstreet

Friends

This weekend I spent time with some of my closest friends.  This group of women has been together for many years, meeting twice a year to spend the weekend together scrapbooking and crafting.  We gather, catch up, eat, drink, watch movies, craft, and share the stories of our lives.  We discuss problems and challenges and strengthen relationships that carry us through many of our life challenges.  

As I think about the relationships that I have with these women, it occurs to me that we all need close relationships in life to give us support and acceptance. We need to be heard and feel understood. Creating an enduring relationship or friendship, requires effort and personal investment — an investment of time in learning about our friends and understanding their needs, often putting those needs above our own.

We need to respect their unique individual personalities.  We are all shaped by a combination of inherent characteristics and life experiences causing us to be the people that we are.  In order to create relationships with each other we need to put in time learning about ourselves.  Understanding your values and preferences allows you to work towards respecting the differences in those around you.  If you are grounded in your values, you will become an amazing person that accepts those around you. Acceptance is the first step in growing strong relationships.

Ask people about their feelings and then really spend time listening.  One of the best ways to create a close relationship is listening to others with sincerity and empathy.  Being open to empathy requires active and intense listening skills.  Listening encourages people to express their emotions and relieves stress.  But don’t expect listening to be passive.  Expect that when you start to listen, you may get more emotion than you expected.  Emotions are an important part of any friendship, so if you extract some emotion while you are listening, consider yourself successful.

 

People require relationships to remain emotionally healthy.  If we are isolated and alone it causes self-doubt and loneliness.  We have seen this play out this past year with the increased social challenges of the pandemic.  People in isolation do not do as well as people with strong friendships and relationships. Working to connect with other human beings is an important part of a healthy life.  Work to reach out to others in any way that you can.  

Creating supportive and enduring relationships takes effort and investment, but the ultimate reward will be a life rich with love and support.  If you offer your love and support to another, you may not see the result today, but at some time in the future you will look up and find that you have many more friends that you imagined possible.  Reach out to others and soon your life will be rich with friendships and relationships.  

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you; spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life.” — Amy Poehler

They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” — Carl W. Buechner

Blessed with Trust and Loyalty

I find myself surprised everyday about how much I love and respect the profession that we call veterinary medicine.  I have recently reacquainted myself with the “All Creatures Great and Small” PBS series, based on the books by James Herriot.  James Alfred Wight, whose pen name was Herriot, was a beloved veterinarian that spent his life in the Yorkshire dales practicing for almost fifty years.  

If you have read his books or followed his stories on PBS, you will discover that his life as a veterinarian was difficult, challenging, entertaining, and amazing.  Although he had many of the troubles and struggles that we all have in life, he considered himself blessed to live a life rich in variety. He believed himself honored with the trust and loyalty of the people of his rural community for many years.

Much has changed since James practiced veterinary medicine, but the things that have not changed are what makes this profession so amazing.  The relationships that we form with our clients and the trust and loyalty that they give us in return.

Yesterday I met a beautiful female border collie mix that had been adopted by one of our most loyal and trusting clients.  We have a longstanding relationship with the couple that adopted this beautiful girl.  They are the kind of people who volunteer to work with us each year at our Christmas charity event. They never complain, are kind and considerate to our team, and trust that we will always do our best for their beloved dogs.   They lost one of their sweet dogs last week to cancer and their remaining dog was so distraught that they had to get her a companion. When I walked into the room with their newest baby, I had to tell her that she had just won the pet adoption lottery.  No family could be a better home for any dog. I knew that she would live a life rich in love and care.  

Veterinarians get to know families in the best and the worse moments of their lives.  We are there for the joy of their new puppy or kitten, we work with them in times of financial and family stress, and we help them with final decisions when their pets are no longer comfortable and able to carry on.  We laugh with them and cry with them.  They reward us with their love, loyalty, and trust. 

Do not take that loyalty lightly.  If you are a veterinarian, know that you are respected and loved more than you know.  Each time a client trusts the care of their pet to you, they are showing loyalty to you and your profession.   If some do not show their appreciation — or worse, give you a hard time — be secure in the knowledge that they are a part of your life experience and will allow you to show grace to another.  Count the blessings and not the complaints and your life will be richer for it. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Loyalty is still the same, whether it win or lose the game; true as a dial to the sun, although it be not shined upon.” - SAMUEL BUTLER

“The foundation stones for a balanced success are honesty, character, integrity, faith, love and loyalty.” - ZIG ZIGLAR

Bone-crushing weariness

This week was long and exhausting.  Covid has been long and exhausting. 

Do you feel emotionally or physical exhausted after your week at work?  Are you struggling to remain balanced and starting to feel apathy towards your clients or even yourself? 

If you say yes to these questions you are probably struggling with Covid fatigue, compassion fatigue, or heading towards burnout. Everything feels terrible and you are struggling to get through every day.  There has been an increase in veterinary cases and the decrease in veterinary team numbers.  This has caused many veterinarians to feel this bone-crushing weariness on occasion.  We just need to remember to take care of ourselves so the fatigue does not take us down.

How do we work through these feelings, carry on, and begin to feel better?

Work to educate yourself.  Take a little time to learn about yourself and your emotions.  If you feel chronically exhausted, over emotional, or irritable, you need to begin to work on yourself in order to avoid falling into burnout.  Understanding yourself and the warning signs early, will allow you to take steps towards prevention when you start to feel as if you are declining. Reach out for help from a mentor, friend, or professional.  Start to practice better self awareness and care.  Understanding is the first step towards resolution.

Practice increasing your resiliency.  You have the ability to practice and increase your resiliency. Becoming aware of your thought patterns and how they effect your feelings is a great step to editing your reactions to events. Vow to learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself.  Becoming more resilient involves owning your mistakes, but not punishing yourself for them.  Set goals, but maintain some perspective when things do not go your way.

 

Engage in hobbies and practice self care.  There is a difference between buffering away your feelings with food, alcohol, or social media and really taking care of yourself.  People who focus on proper self-care are less vulnerable to stress than those who constantly focus on the needs of others.  Proper self-care is an individual thing but in most cases it involves proper sleep, regular exercise, and boundaries.  Set boundaries to prevent long hours and constant demands. Adopting a relaxing hobby can also help relieve stress and focus your mind on something other than work.

When you start to feel as if things are just a bit too much, remember that we all have moments of exhaustion. Reach out for help, get some rest, and focus on yourself to overcome your bone-crushing weariness.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment.” - Dale Carnegie

“When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this: You haven’t.” - Thomas Edison

Good People

I was watching a show on Netflix today and one of the lines in the show struck me.  The line was, “Good people do good things for other people,” 

What does it mean to be a good person?  Have you ever thought about that?  How can we develop our goodness?

There are several ways to define the word “good”.  We usually think about a person that follows the rules — a person that does not lie, cheat, or steal. We can also ask the other people around someone whether they are good people.  People who know you best will be able to attest to your goodness. Lastly, good people are those that contribute to others and leave the world a better place just by being in it.  

Do you make your decisions with virtue?  If you choose a course of action based on what you think you “ought” to do, you are probably a good person.  You possess a solid moral compass.  If you seek and take advice from trusted advisors, family, and friends, you are probably a decent person. If you have morals that are strong and unwavering your decisions will be those of a morally “good” person. 

If you are able to manage your emotions even if they are negative, you are probably a pretty good person.  When clients yell at you because they have been waiting too long or they don’t like your prices, you keep your cool.  Allowing others to express anger without taking offense is not only “good” but shows emotional maturity and confidence.  If you want to increase your good qualities, practice managing your emotions.

If you treat others that way you wish to be treated, you are indeed a good person.  Doing good requires that we respect the people that share our city, state, and country.  Keeping in mind the rights and needs of all those around you, without prejudice or judgment takes courage and conviction.  Allowing yourself to serve others makes you a good person. 

I like to believe that most people are good people and I know that most people that work in the veterinary profession spend their lives giving their time and energy to others.  In order to enjoy our work, we have to love doing good and knowing that we are creating good for the world.  Think about yourself creating value for others this week and you will create more “good” for yourself.

Dr. Julie Cappel

"No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted."-Aesop

“There is no way that a person who treats others badly when he is unhappy is a good person! A good person is a person who treats others well even when unhappy!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

Love, three bucks, and a doe

Today is Valentine’s Day and it makes me think about love and the importance of connection. In our current environment of pandemic confusion, social and traditional media negativity, and political drama, we need to cling to love and relationships in order to feel more optimistic.  Without love and optimism our future looks bleak and we stop working towards common goals. Love is always better than hate.

I looked out my windows this morning and saw a quiet neighborhood, covered with snow and ice.  The deer that walk through my backyard looked content even in the freezing cold — three beautiful bucks and a doe.   They were quietly walking back from their breakfast at my neighbor’s feeding station.  She cares for them in winter, when they would struggle to take care of themselves.  There is no hate in my neighborhood.  The hate only comes into my life if I surf social media.  There I can find as much hate as I can stand.  Love and peace is better than hate. 

On this Valentine’s Day, in honor of my neighbor and the deer, let’s think about how we can increase love and decrease hate.

We can take control of our inner dialogue.  You have control of your thoughts even when it doesn’t feel that way.  Think about separating what you can control from what you cannot.  Start working on your self development — creating positive goals and planning the steps to get you there.   When negative things happen around you, look for the lessons.  Mentally turning a disaster into a challenge will help you to remain optimistic in the face of life’s challenges.  Always speak to yourself kindly and you will create more kind loving thoughts for others. 

We can practice spontaneous random acts of kindness.  Vow to help someone this week.  Offer your services to another without expecting anything in return.  Share words of encouragement or post something positive on social media and challenge your followers to do the same.  Giving to others is a great way to add love to your world and makes other people feel loved and appreciated too.  Generosity creates optimism and love.

We can reach out to someone.  Call a family member, friend, or neighbor just to say hello.  Sharing your time with others not only shows love, but feels lovely.  You never know when someone is feeling most alone and overwhelmed.  One call or word of encouragement will go a long way to increasing their feelings of being cared for and loved. 

We can practice self care.  Turn off social media, read an optimistic book, practice meditation, yoga, or take a nap.  Creating a healthy mind and body is a great way to increase self love.  When you are feeling cared for physically and emotionally you will have a higher capacity to show love and share love.  Take care of yourself and appreciate the blessings that you have all around you.  

Happy Valentine’s Day and much love from me and my three bucks and a doe. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”— Gandhi

“I am fundamentally an optimist . . . Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair.” — Nelson Mandela

Age doesn’t mind

I am sitting in my home — no parties this year, stupid pandemic — watching the Super Bowl on my living room television.  They are making a very big deal about the fact that Tom Brady is “old” and Patrick Mahomes is “young”. As the game goes on it looks very much like Tom has still got it.  At the half, my mother texted that she is “too old for the half-time show.”  A statement that I totally understand as I watch the commercials and see celebrities of my youth looking like retirement home inmates.  

The universe must be giving me a message this week.  So many age references and examples of how experience is often more valuable than inexperience. It is so interesting that earlier in the week I received an email from a well connected veterinarian. He asked if I was interested in joining a task force to investigate how senior veterinarians can be used to mentor and coach younger veterinarians.  Heck yes I am interested!  I believe that we need any help we can get in this profession to work smarter, not harder.  If older veterinarians can be utilized to help nurture younger veterinarians, we can all learn from each other and benefit from the collaboration. 

What are the advantages of honoring older veterinarians as mentors to the youngsters?

Older veterinarians know the drill.  They have been tested and tried in ways that many younger folks will never experience.  They worked without emergency clinics and took middle of the night call.  They are dedicated to their hospitals, clients, and patients that they have known and loved for years.  They have more time to devote to work because they no longer have young children in the home to raise.  They have been through economic downturn and staff shortages creatively adjusting practice to fit difficult circumstances. They possess conflict resolution skills, business knowledge, and the drive to advance the profession.  If we want this profession to survive and thrive we must work together to support and utilized all or our members’ talents.

The United Nations estimates that by the year 2050 one in three people in the developed world will be over 60 years old.    If that is true, our profession needs to keep older veterinarians in the work force in some capacity to lighten the burden of recent graduates. 

Whatever your age, demonstrate your value to gain new opportunities.  Experience is meant to be shared so that we can learn from our history and take those lessons into the future.  If you are older, check your attitude at the door.  You are not better than someone younger, but you do have something to share proudly and humbly.  Share your experience, but open your mind and your heart to learn from the juniors that you teach.  Age is just a number, it really doesn’t matter.

Tom Brady proved tonight that experience is a valuable asset.  We can learn so much from his drive and determination to share his experience and bring along his team to victory.  Let’s learn to set an example like Tom.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain