Perfect Christmas

Yesterday was Christmas Day and mine was quite extraordinary. Most of my family was together - some via zoom. Everyone stayed healthy, and the weather cooperated - we are in Florida, so the weather is terrific. As I write this, my adult children play video games (silly Fortnite dances flash on the screen), eat pizza, and laugh like silly ten-year-olds sitting next to me on the sofa. These are the holiday memories that mothers long to experience.

Christmas is not always this kind to everyone. I have been lucky for the most part this year, but I know many have experienced significant loss, financial strains, long work hours, and disappointment during the holidays. Then there are the stresses we put on ourselves to provide the ideal holiday experience for our families: the perfect decorations, the perfect tree, the best gifts, the most delicious food. Our brains tell us Moms are supposed to provide all these things, but we never seem to feel accomplished. 

It is so easy to feel like a failure during the holidays. Scrolling through social media adds to the feeling because every other post is of a beautiful family dressed impeccably and looking perfectly happy. This morning I read a social media post from a veterinary Mom, extremely upset (enough to write a long raving post), that she worked herself to the bone to buy and wrap all the family gifts. Her husband didn't purchase a gift to put under the tree or anything for her stocking. She felt under-appreciated, disappointed, and distraught that she worked so hard to make everything perfect and no one thought of her. (I hear you and have been there, sister!)

How can a Mom live up to everything that a "good Mom" is supposed to do for the holidays and feel appreciated? Is there a way to anticipate the holiday, handle the responsibilities, and enjoy the day, even if it does not go as well as a Hallmark Christmas movie? 

Many emotions come with the buildup to the holidays, and the best thing that we can do is expect them. Spend some time in thought and meditation so that you can sort out your feelings. If something disappoints, don't forget that disappointment is part of living. Embrace your imperfections and find humor in the situation. Remember that some of the best memories come from failures. My kids have the best time laughing at the memories of awkward Christmas photos or gifts that did not go over well. Young children may not get it, but when your kids grow up, they will realize that the magic of Christmas is all about their parent's efforts to make them feel loved, not about any gift that they receive.

Remember that children cry, throw tantrums, and people fight behind the scenes for every beautiful family photo. Those photos don't make it to social media. Turkeys dry out, lights go out, and cookies burn in every home. Every time you feel as if you dropped the ball, another mom is out there doing the same. You are in good company. We have all failed at many things during the holidays and will continue to do so. Look around, take it in, laugh, and remember it all when you fail. Hang in there, mama; you have 364 days to prepare for the next Christmas.  

While I have been writing this blog, each family member has hugged me goodnight and retired to their bed. The house is quiet, and the dogs are lying by my feet. Tomorrow will be another day to enjoy my family together before they all fly back to their own homes. I want to appreciate all of it, the laughter, the cooking, the cleaning, the dirty dishes, and even the disagreements. While I tear down the decorations, I will remember the people that are no longer here that made my past Christmases great: My grandparents, my brilliant father-in-law, my favorite uncle, and my beautiful nephew. The memories that we hold and continue to create are what a well-lived life is all about. 

Christmas is not about perfection; it is about love. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

"It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” -
Mother Theresa

A Christmas miracle comes through work and persistence.

The hospital I have worked for the past 30 plus years, Warren Woods Veterinary Hospital, is a fantastic place with incredible people. Dr. William Mullan, our founder, created a veterinary hospital where the medicine was exemplary, and the team always felt supported and valued. I always believed that people make a workplace culture, and people create a safe space for clients and pets. That is Warren Woods. 

The pandemic affected our hospital and the profession in many crazy ways. The changes that we experienced contributed to us losing most of our doctors for reasons, including childbirth and retirement. Also, losing technicians and other team members for various reasons as well. One of our technicians landed her dream job working for a zoo. We were sad to see her go but thrilled for her opportunity.  

For the past year, we have been interviewing and struggling to rebuild our team with the quality team members that have always made Warren Wood Veterinary Hospital a place for pets to get the best care. Thanks to the persistence of our incredible hospital manager and our recruiter, who both worked tirelessly to set up interviews and hospital visits, we are happy to announce that we have two new veterinarians signed on to start work with us in the new year. Along with our current fantastic team, we will be in a much better place to handle all of the client demands and do better for years to come.  

We can all embody the persistence of this team when life becomes difficult, and the outlook for success seems bleak. Our hospital manager and recruiter practiced their persistence as we searched for the right fit for our practice team month after month, and their persistence ultimately resulted in our success.

Persistence makes the difference between success and failure. 

Persistence is “the firm or obstinate continuance in a course of action despite difficulty or opposition.” Most people do nothing or quit in the middle of their journey, and the quitting comes from the need to avoid the discomfort of pushing through when nothing seems to be working. Had our manager given into her discomfort of interviewing, scanning resumes, setting up zoom meetings, placing ads, and all the things she had to do to find our excellent new doctors, she would have never been successful in adding to our team. Without persistence, she would just quit and move on to another job herself.  

Developing your persistence will allow you to reach any goal that you desire. When the uncertainty or discomfort of the work arises, it is your persistence that will enable you to follow through to your miracle. 

Know what you want and why. Before you can practice your persistence, you need to know what you want. We wanted terrific veterinarians to join our team, and we went after them. Understanding your needs, wants, and your why is the basis for building your ongoing mission.

Pull out your passion. If you are not passionate about your workplace, you will have difficulty persuading others to work with you. Passion breeds persistence by opening up your mind to innovative ideas while recruiting. If you are not passionate about your job, why would others want to join you? 

Take some small action daily. When creating something big, you need to work on it persistently. Small actions taken over days, create weeks of results. Discipline to activity leads to persistent work on your goal. 

 

Keep growth as your mindset. If you work to grow yourself from the inside out, there is nothing that you cannot do.  A growth mindset will keep you working when others want to quit.  Be aware of your negative thoughts, they will keep you stuck.

Christmas miracles are magic, but practicing persistence will help you create the magic to fuel your miracles.  Congratulations Warren Woods Veterinary Hospital!  Keep up that great work. 

Have a very Merry Christmas everyone.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.” - Vidal Sassoon

“No great achievement is possible without persistent work.” – Bertrand Russell.

As the year ends, don't give in to procrastination.

"There are so many things to do and not enough time to do them." I often think this thought throughout the year, but it seems to fit even more in December. Something about the approaching year-end makes me feel pressured to get everything done quickly and efficiently. I need to accomplish big goals that I had set for the year and the day-to-day tasks and the immediate responsibilities that come with the holidays. Shopping, planning, parties, and family all add to the stress of the year's end. 

When we feel overwhelmed with daily chores and work tasks, our first instinct is to procrastinate. Procrastination is an act of fear, fear of failing, and everyone does it. We fear making a poor decision about any number of things, and so we avoid making any decision at all. We turn our attention to something that requires less focus and find ourselves deep in procrastination. I procrastinate this time of year by turning on the Hallmark channel to watch a Christmas movie. It does not matter which one, because they are all the same. The cheesy movies are my way of avoiding decisions and working on goals.  

We know that we are likely to procrastinate at the most stressful time of the year. How can we focus and overcome our fear of failure, make firm decisions, and get our work done?

Start with making a list (and checking it twice). Get all the things that need to be done out of your head and onto that list. What tasks do you need to complete to achieve your goals? If it is gift shopping and wrapping, decide which is the priority. Usually, shopping comes first, so complete it all before moving on. Then get to work on the wrapping. Once you know what you want to get done, you can prioritize the tasks and achieve the end goal. If you start to feel paralyzed in fear and procrastination, take the next small step from your prioritized to-do list.  

Avoid your distractions. It takes some level of determination to keep yourself from getting distracted. Distraction is the enemy of focus. If you know your triggers and catch yourself when you become unfocused, you can quickly turn yourself around. For me, that means staying away from the Hallmark channel. Remember that the decisions are what you are afraid of. If you can make solid and quick decisions, it will keep you from procrastination. Do the next thing on the list when you begin to feel overwhelmed. 

Beware of your excuses. My favorite is blaming others for my lack of focus. "Someone texted me and interrupted my work time, and why does everyone keep bugging me when I am busy?" These are the excuses that you will invent when trying to avoid doing the work that needs to be done. Your excuses are brain drama, and brain drama is just noise. Please don't listen to your drama and stay on track. Growth comes from knowing yourself well enough to ignore your excuses. Take responsibility for yourself and get to work. 

Get support. My best work comes after I have been coached by another driven person. Coaches and mentors have a way of helping you sort through your brain drama and get to the root of the procrastination. Reach out for help when you feel stuck in procrastination. You can change if you put in the effort to do it.

Get something done this week and share with me what you do.

Dr. Julie Cappel

"If you have goals and procrastination, you have nothing. If you have goals and you take action, you will have anything you want." - Thomas J. Vilord.

Respectful Disagreement

This week, there was a lot of uproar on veterinary social media about an article published in the Juneau Empire called “Veterinarian shortage dogs Juneau.” If you haven’t read the article, you may want to save yourself some time and skip it, but if you read it and have an opinion about it, you are not alone.  

The basic premise and intention of the article were to highlight the struggles of veterinary practices in Juneau, Alaska. Like many other states, veterinary practices are experiencing a shortage of veterinarians and increased client demands. The article started innocently enough, but then some things were said (allegedly/maybe, taken out of context) that set off a firestorm of comments - not so kind words - on social media sites. 

Here are a few of the comments that I read.  

“Dr. S… forgets that, “leftists female veterinarians” can castrate giant jack asses.” ,  “misogynistic right-wing (probably racist…) cis white male…”, “Old White Man.” and lastly, “He can f—-ing twist in the wind.”

Fine, I get it; I was briefly offended by some of it too, but should veterinarians attack other veterinarians? What have we become when our need to be right causes us to degrade and insult another human being, especially one of our fellow professionals that we profess to care about so deeply?

My point in bringing this to my blog is not to shame anyone for their anger. Anger is a valid emotion that we all feel at times. We need to feel the insult and become angry about it, but then better handle our negative emotions. We can do better than lashing out. If we lash out with a personal attack, we repeat the same mistake of the person who insulted us. 

How do we disagree without lashing out?

Do not blame other people for your emotion. Other people don’t make you mad; your thoughts about their comments and opinions make you mad. You have control over how you react to that anger and how you express your differing opinion. You can disagree in a calm, logical manner and probably get your point across better than when you hurl insults.  

Work through your anger before responding to a post or comment online. When clients leave a negative review about me or my practice, it hurts, and I may react by becoming angry or sad about their unkind words. If I act on that anger, I will not respond as my best self. Take some time to process your anger before you respond. Work through it, meditate on it, or feel it all the way through.  I call it the 24-hour rule, and it means that you need to process your feelings overnight so your response will be well thought out. Wait 24 hours before commenting on a Facebook post if you feel yourself typing insults.

I am all for disagreement and debate; it is part of healthy communication. As part of keeping our profession healthy and intact, I would love to see all of us come together and support each other even in our disagreements and diverse opinions. I hope that the veterinarians involved with this article and the ensuing comments are safe and well. I hope that all of them feel heard and valued.

I wish that we will keep working to feel better and do better for the sake of our noble profession.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“I don't have to agree with you to like you or respect you.” ― Anthony Bourdain

“Love is wise; hatred is foolish. In this world, which is getting more and more closely interconnected, we have to learn to tolerate each other, we have to learn to put up with the fact that some people say things that we don't like. We can only live together in that way. But if we are to live together, and not die together, we must learn a kind of charity and a kind of tolerance, which is absolutely vital to the continuation of human life on this planet.” ― Bertrand Russell