Off Balance

I was talking to one of my rock-star associate veterinarians yesterday about work-life balance.  She is just a few short days away from giving birth to her first baby and I was asking her how she thought that her life was going to change.  She admitted that it didn’t feel "real” yet, and I assured her that it probably wouldn’t feel real until they put that baby in her arms and she saw that it was actually a small human - a human that she would now be totally responsible for the next 18+ years.  I remember that feeling of awe and terror when they put my daughter in my arms for the first time.  How was I going to raise this beautiful being and also remain the person that I had always wanted to be?  How was I going to balance my home life with children and my work life in the busy veterinary world?  Perfectly valid questions.

Whether we have children or not, we all struggle with work-life balance and I would argue that there really is no “balance”.

Balance is defined as “the state of equilibrium in which demands of personal life, professional life, and family life are equal.”

Actually, there will be no equal. I think a better word choice is “blend” or “harmony”.  It is impossible to spend half of your time at work and half at home. You can enjoy your meaningful work and be your best when you are there; then raise your children expertly when you are with them at home while also taking care of yourself.  You can be fully present in each situation. There is no balance but a harmony of the segments of your life. 

How can you accomplish harmony? 

First, you have to realize that there will be no perfect day.  There will be sacrifice of one thing for another over and over again.  The first step in creating harmony is to realize that there will be a push and pull of your emotions.  When you are at work you may worry about what is going on at home and when you are home you will worry about work.  Your job is to control your mind and the negative thoughts that enter your head.  Allow yourself to focus on your present and remain fully where you are. 

When anxiety or self-doubt starts to creep in, take some time for self- reflection.  Make a list of your thoughts and examine the source of your anxiety.  Take time to reflect and work on finding better thoughts about the events of the day.  Allowing yourself to examine your own mind and change negative thoughts to better thoughts will alleviate much of your anxiety.  

Focus on your strengths and outsource your weaknesses - Knowing what you do well will help you to move things off your to-do list and free up time to work on your strengths.

Develop a network of friends and family members that can help you when the going gets tough.  When my kids were small and in day care, there were some days when I would get stuck at work in a difficult case.  On those impossible days, I was able to call my mother, sister or even one of my receptionists, to pick up the kids and bring them back to work for me while I was finishing up the day.  Allow others to help you without feeling guilt about it.  

Have a calendar or schedule that is easy to manage and honor your commitments to your family.  Don’t miss out on family activities because work seems more important.  I left work early many times when my kids were growing up so that I could attend band concerts, plays and sporting activities.  I have never regretted the days that I took off work, but I do remember that family activities that I missed because I was working.

Make a list each week of your priorities – are the things on your to-do list urgent and important?  If so, tackle these things first, leaving the unimportant non-urgent things for another day or let them go altogether.

Schedule some self-care and do not let go of your hobbies.  Doing something that you love – other than work – will refresh your mind and allow you to manage stress more effectively.  Take a break during the day for self-care when things feel overwhelming.  Just take a quick walk, sit at your desk and practice some deep breathing, or do a short meditation.  (Hint: You may have to hide in a closet or bathroom to keep your team from finding you for a few minutes.)  

Don’t carry your work to your home.  There are times when you have to work from home but keep those times brief and controlled.  Keeping a healthy work schedule and leaving work at work will allow you to be fully present at home.  There will always be work, so leave the paperwork and cell phone calls behind to be addressed tomorrow.  Taking things home will just add to your stress and ruin your harmony.

Cut yourself some slack.  You will fail.  Repeat after me.  You will fail!  Being realistic about your new blended life will allow you to let go of the small failures.  There will be days when it just feels like nothing goes right and you want to sit in a corner and lick your wounds.  On those days realize that life is meant to be perfectly good and bad.  When you forget to send your kid’s lunch to school or miss the class party because you got involved in a difficult case at work, allow yourself some grace.  As a perfect human you will have imperfect days. 

Creating Harmony in your life is difficult but not impossible if you can focus on what is important to you.

"Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life." —  Dolly Parton

Dr. Julie Cappel