Making Powerful Difficult Choices

Recently I have found myself in many conversations with my friends and family about choices:  choices about career changes, family relationships, and even simple things such as which restaurant to choose.  Most people hate making choices because their brain overcomplicates things. They fear that making the “wrong” choice will have some terrible repercussions.  As they struggle with the decision making process the choices seems to get more and more scary, pushing them into the land of intense fear, indecision and inaction. This results in procrastination and nothing is accomplished. 

Yesterday was my son’s birthday and we were on a time crunch to have dinner because he only had a couple hours between shows.  (He is a musician and was performing in the touring show Disney’s Aladdin – cool right?)  But that left me with 12 people in a very busy restaurant waiting to be seated as the minutes were ticking by.  A decision had to be made:  should we continue to wait for our table at the busy restaurant (which I had called several times to warn them of our party’s needs. They would not take a reservation), or should we scrap it and go to another restaurant?  As the minutes ticked by we all looked at each other and wondered what to do.  We had to make a choice.  We were all hungry and anxious to sit down and enjoy some food and fellowship.  After being patient for over 30 minutes my husband and I made the decision to press the hostess into getting us our table so we did not have to change restaurants.  I started talking to the host and hostess explaining that I needed to get this meal going before we ran out of time.  It was birthday celebration after all.  As I kindly but firmly presented my case to the management team the table suddenly became available and we were seated.  Other patrons waiting for tables gave me the “thumbs up” possibly thinking that if I got my big party seated that their table would come up next.  The waiter was a lovely young man who quickly took our orders and got our food.  All was well.

Whether to change restaurants or not, is NOT a very important decision but we had two choices.  Wait or move.  Either one may have turned out fine, or may have led us to not eating, but we had to choose.  The fear of having 12 people left hungry and disappointed pushed me to make a choice and risk embarrassing myself as I pled my case to the restaurant staff.

If you are struggling with a difficult decision, there are some things you can think about to help you make a choice.   

Think through and be clear on what you really want.  Many people bounce between choices because they do not know their ultimate goal. If you can clarify the “big goal” you will feel better in making the little choices in moving in that direction.   If you find yourself in a situation where you are choosing a new career path, for example and both choices “feel” wrong, maybe there is a third option.  Perhaps neither one of the decisions is right for you at this time.  That does not mean that you can just sit in inaction.  You still need to figure out what it is that you really want as a long-term goal and see if one of the choices fits into your strategy.  If one choice fits better than the other then go for it. 

Do something!  Remember that doing something (anything) is better than doing nothing.  Avoiding hard choices because you are afraid will leave you in the same dead end job year after year.  If you make the choice to move into a different field and after a few months or years you realize that you really would rather be doing something else, you will have built up some new experiences and talents that may help you in your next position.  Each “wrong” choice will lead you to learn about the better choice and also build your experience.

Do not make a choice just because someone else thinks you should.   Many people in your life will make suggestions on what you should do, while they sit back and take it easy.  These “you shoulds” will get into your head and cause you confusion.  Just because your coworkers think you should stay in your current position does not mean that is a good choice for you.  If you quiet the outside voices and really focus on your heart, you will make better decisions for you.  You are the person that is most important in your life so don’t let any outside influences weigh heavily. 

Realize that every choice will lead to another and there is not one right path.  Throughout life there are so many choices that we make and each one will build off the other.  Life is flexible and you can change course. Let’s say that you decided to skip college to open your own business.  You decided that it was more important for you to be an entrepreneur.  Does that mean that you can never get a degree?  No. You are not stuck forever with that decision.  I know many veterinarians that had previous law or business careers.

Realize that no one makes perfect choices.  We all have to correct course at some time and we all are disappointed in our decisions.  You can’t have perfection when making choices.  The beauty of making wrong choices is that you will learn something from every decision.  You will learn what works and what does not. The danger with not choosing is that you remain in inaction.  You will stagnate and not progress in your life if you refuse to choose.  If you are not happy with the way your life is going now, resolve to make some difficult choices and change it. 

Have a good time learning to choose.  It sounds like a stressful hobby, but if you learn that choices lead to opportunity and opportunity makes life more fun, you can learn to enjoy the process of making powerful difficult choices.

“Look for your choices, pick the best one, and then go with it.”  -  Pat Riley

“Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant.”  -  Tony Robbins

Dr. Julie Cappel

Becoming an Epic Failure

Today I was informally coaching one of my friends for an upcoming interview she has for a new job that she is seeking.  We talked about questions that she may face from the interviewer, pros and cons of the job that she is seeking, and her innate strengths and weakness.  As we talked, the subject of past mistakes came up.  We talked about whether to admit past mistakes to an interviewer.  I told her that thinking through and acknowledging past failures and mistakes often lead to our biggest life lessons and successes. 

I told her that it is GREAT to embrace our epic fails.

The Urban Dictionary defines an epic fail as, “ A mistake of such monumental proportions that it requires its own term in order to successfully point out the unfathomable shortcomings of the individual or group”

I have been an epic failure many times in my life.  It comes with the territory as a veterinarian, business owner and even as a mother. (My adult children sometimes get together and point out all the mistakes I made as their mother when they were growing up – with unconditional love of course). 

As I look back on my “fails” I can see where each one of them worked to make me a better person and lead me to a better place in my life.

I think my most significant epic fail was the time I was fired from my first veterinary job.  I was just out of veterinary school and I got a job with a 4-doctor practice where I was the only woman veterinarian.   One of the owners of the practice was a staunch male chauvinist, but basically a nice guy.   He just didn’t think women were as capable as men and was not afraid to say so.   He hired me anyway for some reason and our up and down relationship began.  I learned many things from him over the 3 years, (as he was a good veterinarian) but along the way I became more and more disturbed by his lack of what I perceived as moral character.  He would do things like hide money to avoid paying his fair share of taxes and keep pets that he had promised to euthanize.  When I first started working there I saw the improprieties, but I was too young or stupid to do anything about it.  As I worked there longer and longer it started to bother me and I knew that I did not want to be a veterinarian that did not have a strong moral character.  I began to challenge him and when he grew tired of me telling him how to run his business, I was fired. 

Being fired from a job that you have been dreaming about your whole life feels like a death.  You go through all the stages of grief.  (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance). After I had navigated those stages, I decided to look for the lesson that I was supposed to learn from it all. 

Fast forward to my current position as a veterinary hospital owner, leadership and life coach.  If I had not experienced the epic failure of being fired from my first job I would have never ended up with my current practice.  That lesson was the most significant event in my professional life. When I saw the veterinarian many years later at an event, I thanked him and told him that he had done me a huge favor by firing me.

So each time you have a small failure or even an “Epic Failure”, try not to use it to beat yourself up.  See it as a steppingstone on your path to success.  Really examine the situation and seek to find the lesson that it holds for you and how you can use the failure to change course and move on to success.  Don’t hide your mistakes from others.  Successful people fail the most because they risk the most.

Become an Epic Failure!

“Determining what went wrong in a situation has value. But taking that analysis another step and figuring out how to use it to your benefit is the real difference maker when it comes to failing forward. Don't let your learning lead to knowledge; let your learning lead to action. The less you venture out, the greater your risk of failure. Ironically the more you risk failure — and actually fail — the greater your chances of success.”  John Maxwell.

Dr. Julie Cappel

Possibility Thinking for 2019

Yesterday I looked at my veterinary life coaching blog and realized that I had reached the 10,000 reads mark on “Blogger”.  I was super excited about seeing that number!  10,000 reads may not seem like a big number for some bloggers, but for me it feels like a big accomplishment.   

When I started writing a blog sporadically for my veterinary hospital several years ago I did not believe that I was much of a writer, but I decided to do it anyway for the good of my hospital.  Pushing myself out of my comfort zone and writing for the hospital was fun and challenging, but I did not commit to it fully or write consistently.

In 2018 I resolved to push myself into a different world entirely, veterinary life coaching.   In May I started writing a blog for veterinarians and veterinary professionals to address some of the issues that I saw as problematic.  The incidence of anxiety, burnout and even suicide in our profession is so disturbing and I want to make my fellow veterinarians and their teams feel supported and understood.

When I started “The Veterinary Life Coach” blog I committed to writing a post each week and distributing it to as many people in the profession as possible.  I wanted to use my experiences as a veterinarian, practice owner, board member, mother, and coach to spread support to others in my profession.

That brings me to the concept of possibility thinking for 2019.  Being a possibility thinker can lead you to do many things that you previously thought were impossible, such as my 10,000 reads.

What is possibility thinking?

Possibility thinking is using the power of your thoughts to stretch and push yourself into accomplishing things that you previously thought were not possible.  The most successful people in the world think differently than most of us.  They have the opinion that they can do anything and they dream big, seemingly impossible dreams then work to achieve them.

How can YOU become a possibility thinker?

Look for the possibilities in every situation.  Having the right attitude will allow you to think bigger and accomplish more.  Give up the negative self-talk.   If you indulge in negative thoughts, you will fail before you even begin.  Trust yourself and push forward taking small steps towards your ultimate goal.  Use the power of the 80/20 rule to prioritize your steps, then just start moving.

Dream one step bigger than your brain wants you to go.  You will feel fear when you start to think big, but let your mind go there anyway.  Become comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Stay away from doubters and “Debbie Downers”.   Do not listen to people that want to crush your dreams.  Get inspiration from big picture thinkers.  Read books by successful people who have accomplished great things and focus on their advice. Spend time with people that challenge you and procure advice from people that you admire.  Ask for help when needed (maybe get a coach) and do not fear failure.  Failure is the way we learn.

My small level of success at 10,000 reads, plus the fact that I was able to publish some of my blogs at DVM 360, The Michigan Veterinarian and Andy Roark’s blog are some success steps that will lead me to doing more things in 2019. I know that the world has many wonderful things to offer and you and I have the ability to achieve more of them.  

Use the power of possibility thinking in 2019 to achieve your dreams. 

 “If we all did the things we are really capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.” 
― Thomas A. Edison

“If you embrace possibility thinking, your dreams will go from molehill to mountain size, and because you believe in possibilities, you put yourself in position to achieve them.”

— John C. Maxwell

Dr. Julie Cappel

Happy for the Holidays?

The holidays are here once again and I think it is a great time to explore what we can do to decrease the stress and drama associated with the season.  As veterinary professionals we experience client stresses daily, but when the holidays approach client stress levels can reach a whole new high.  Clients juggling family drama, financial concerns, time constraints and also elevated grief when a pet is ill or dies. These negative emotions tend to rub off on us and can be absorbed into our own holiday and family worries, which in turn may cause us to experience more stress or even turn into depression.

So how do we survive the wave of extreme holiday expectations and handle the season with our sanity and authenticity intact?  

How can we really enjoy the holidays?

Set yourself up for success with realistic expectations.  We all have those mental pictures of beautiful Hallmark Movie-like family holiday gatherings where everyone gets along and has a great time. Fairy tale memories from our childhoods that we think will be reproduced at the annual holiday party. More likely you will experience unwanted career advice from your favorite aunt, critiques of the holiday food from your overweight dieting cousin, or expert parenting advice from your in-laws.  There will certainly be some sort of mayhem surrounding the gift giving and usually at least one heated disagreement.    If you expect this drama ahead of time, and look at it as entertainment, you will not leave the party disappointed.   You are sure to be entertained.  Expect the chaos and then you can enjoy it.

Be prepared to set proper boundaries.  It is important to be respectful when clients or family members are pushing your buttons with unrealistic expectations, but be sure to set some mental and physical boundaries to protect yourself against their negativity.  You do not need to get absorbed in their emotions or take on their stress.  Protect yourself by setting some clear mental and physical boundaries and plan to separate yourself when you feel that you are getting overly involved.

Treat yourself and others with kindness.  Try to remember that everyone is under stress this time of year and you may need to be extra understanding to come out on the other side with intact relationships.  Do not put too many expectations of perfection on yourself either.  Perfect parties, perfect gifts or perfect cookies are for Martha Stewart, not you.  You need to practice taking care of yourself and let the perfectionism go.  Try to use this season to enjoy your family and friends as imperfect as they are.  Give yourself permission to rest and take care of your needs before pleasing others.  

Take responsibility for your emotions.  Notice when you are feeling overwhelmed, insulted, defensive or exhausted.  Do not overreact to those feelings.  See them for what they are; simply emotions that everyone experiences as a human being.   Write them down or verbalize them so you can see them and experience them.  If you see them as simple emotions, with no power to consume you, you will be able to let them go.  Experience the emotions and welcome them, then let them pass and move on to more positive thoughts and feelings.

Do not try to change anyone.  Accept the fact that people are an interesting mix of many emotions both negative and positive.  Approach them with a sense of humor and curiosity.  Allow them to be who they are and realize that you cannot change them, so you might as well enjoy them.  Accepting each person for who they are and learning to laugh at them will help you see the joy that the holidays are supposed to bring. 

Taking care of yourself and honoring those around you will allow you to enjoy everything that the holidays may bring.

Happy Holidays Everyone! 

“The holiday season is a perfect time to reflect on our blessings and seek out ways to make life better for those around us.”  Terri Marshall

Dr. Julie Cappel

Puzzling the best team together.

Today I did a lot of thinking about my veterinary team.   It all started last night at our annual Christmas/Holiday party where I had over six hours of togetherness time with them, eating, exchanging gifts and visiting the “Holiday Lights program at Greenfield Village.  There was even some holiday singing on the party bus that took us from our hospital to the event.  We were missing a few people due to an unfortunate stomach flu virus that one of my technicians procured (and then shared) from her toddler son’s day care.  Even though some of them were unable to attend, it was heartwarming to see the lengths that the present team members went through to include their ill comrades in the festivities.  Photos were texted and videos were shared with the ill teammates.  They even Skyped with one of the sick employees, so she could open her secret Santa gift “in person”, sort of.  As I watched the team visit with each other while eating, drinking and exchanging gifts, I could feel the love that they have for each other and the dedication that they share to our hospital and the profession that holds us all together.

As I took a mental inventory of the team members, I noticed how each of them is special and different.  Their unique talents and personalities, when pieced together with the other's talents, creates many pieces to a big elaborate puzzle.  The puzzle that they create allows our team to serve the clients and patients in the best way possible and makes our veterinary hospital great.

How do you go about creating a harmonious team so the puzzle pieces fit?

The real truth is that you can’t.  Your team members are who they are, and they get to behave in any way that they want to behave.  You, as the leader get to create training and boundaries for the practice team, but ultimately working with them and stretching them will get you further than trying to mold them into something that they are not.  Allowing them the freedom to learn and develop their “favorite” or natural skills will create an atmosphere of support and in turn allow them to take chances in their careers.  Showing your support to them in their life and future goals may not keep them working at your practice forever, but if they feel supported and loved they will be more likely to stay with you longer and work happier.

Take time to get to know your team members and honor them for who they are.  Get to know their personality traits and preferences.  Support them in their learning as much as possible and honor them when they feel discouraged or stressed.  Try to hear them out when they feel frustrated about a practice situation, client or team member.   Place each person in a position that suites them, so they can continue to grow.

How do you puzzle together the best team?  Appreciate the team you already have.   Love each individual for who they are, find their talents and utilize their strengths.  The atmosphere of support that you develop will create a warm and inviting practice for your clients and their pets.   

"Strength lies in differences, not in similarities." Stephen Covey

"Appreciate what you have, where you are and who you are with in this moment"  Tony Clark

Dr. Julie Cappel

Experiencing More Joy

People that work in healing professions like ours, have more that their fair share of tragic stories. We experience life and death with regularity as our patients present to us in various stages of health and disease.  In veterinary medicine we also have people that come along with our animal patients. Those people have problems of their own, in addition to a sick pet and they often want to share their sad stories with us.  Some of them have terrible things happening to them that they tell us in excruciating detail.  It is wonderful, in a way, because it shows that they trust and value us like family.  The down side is that we can feel overwhelmed by the amount of empathy needed to navigate our work day. 

We may think that the problems of our clients and patients are ours to take on, but in truth they are just part of everyone’s everyday life.  Life is not easy or fair. Life is made of opposites: darkness and light, pain and pleasure, prosperity and scarcity,  joy and sorrow.

What if you could be joyful all the time?  Would you want to? 

The easy answer is yes, but if we really think about it, we require sorrow to know joy.

How can we experience more joy and still have the compassion and empathy that we need to navigate our typical veterinary day?

Imagine more Joy:  Practice being mindful of emotions.  It may sound difficult, but we can control the way we experience even the saddest of situations by looking for the positive in it.  We have the capacity to change our narrative. Searching for the positives in a difficult situation helps us experience it in a new way.   Thinking things like, “It is a good thing that I am here for this family in their time of need.  I can really help them navigate this situation.  I have the experience and strength needed to help them make a difficult decision.”  As you work your brain into a more positive thinking space, you will train it to go there first.  You will spare yourself negativity and move more quickly into a joyful frame of mind.

Let go of worry:  Worry is a useless and wasteful emotion.  You cannot change the past or the future no matter how much you worry about it so why indulge? One way to combat worry is using your mind to look at the worry thought from a neutral perspective.   When a worry thought arises, step back mentally and really look at it.  Is this thought serving you in any way?  Analyze the thought and see it for the joy thief that it is. Let it go.  Worry has no place in a joyful day.

Work on gratitude:  I know that I have said this before, but the truth is that working on gratitude daily helps people have a more positive and joyful outlook.  Take a moment to write down anything that you are grateful for, and make it a habit. You can be grateful for anything.  If you are consistent in a gratitude exercise you will train your mind to look for the good things in your life.  You will, in turn, experience more joy.

Being the best veterinary professional and bringing more joy to your life can go hand in hand.  It may take some mental practice, but if you imagine joy, let go of worry and search for gratitude with your patients and clients, your thoughts will bring joy to your best veterinary life.  

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

 William Shakespear, Hamlet

Dr. Julie Cappel

Holiday Open House - a lesson in generosity.

Each year, approximately four weeks before Christmas, my veterinary hospital holds our annual Holiday Open House and pet/family pictures with Santa.  This year Friday November 30^th was the day.  The Open House has been a tradition of ours for the past 20 years and my team has become quite proficient at the execution of the event.   We collect donations of pet supplies and gifts from our vendors to provide doggy/kitty gift bags to each pet attending.    Our employees volunteer their time and energy as we work to collect money for several local charities.   The opportunity for family and pet photos with Santa (also a volunteer) in exchange for a small donation to charity, and a “Toys for Tots” collection station, provides an energetic and altruistic environment. Each year I marvel at the dedication of the volunteers and the generosity of the clients and friends that attend.

The event is always a great lesson in giving and is why I feel inspired to address the subject of generosity.

The Open House is attended by a variety of pets and their extended families.  They arrive in many variations of creative holiday attire and pose for a photo with our Santa.   Santa is always the most generous human in the room as he volunteers his time to wrestle everything from wiggly puppies to a hundred-plus pound Newfoundland.  He has held pet birds, frightened cats, trembling rabbits and even a four-foot long snake.    Yep, this year we had a snake visit Santa’s lap.  He sits patiently for hours as children cry, cats scratch to escape and dogs lick at his bearded face. Our Santa and everyone on our hospital team shine as terrific examples of patience and true generosity of spirit.

Generosity is defined as giving more than is expected without thoughts of getting something in return.  Actual rewards may not be expected but the positive feelings that come from our generosity are their own reward.

I believe that most of us are wired for generosity.   We may not always realize that we possess it, but we feel it instinctively.  It is that part of our subconscious that urges us to help someone when we see them struggling with a heavy package or door.  It is the part of you that wants to give your waitress a big tip when you realize that she is having a rough night.  

Generosity makes us feel GREAT and if we practice it regularly it is very empowering.

Placing yourself in any situation in which you can give of yourself will create a feeling of power and self-confidence.  It does not always have to be generosity with money.  Generosity comes in many forms, generosity with time, with talents, with positive thoughts and kind words.   The more we are generous, the more we will feel positive energy in return.  We will get joy out of giving and that is why most of us are so inspired by the holidays.  We may feel stressed and overwhelmed by the busyness of the season, but in the end the reason we value the holidays so highly is that they give us many opportunities to practice our generosity.  

It is important to remind yourself that you have a choice to behave generously.  Not just with your money but with your time, talents, and energy.  The choices that you make each day may bring joy to others, but will most certainly bring enrichment to your life.

“Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.” 

Albert Einstein

Please share your positive experiences of generosity here, so others can share in your story.

Dr. Julie Cappel