Happy for the Holidays?

The holidays are here once again and I think it is a great time to explore what we can do to decrease the stress and drama associated with the season.  As veterinary professionals we experience client stresses daily, but when the holidays approach client stress levels can reach a whole new high.  Clients juggling family drama, financial concerns, time constraints and also elevated grief when a pet is ill or dies. These negative emotions tend to rub off on us and can be absorbed into our own holiday and family worries, which in turn may cause us to experience more stress or even turn into depression.

So how do we survive the wave of extreme holiday expectations and handle the season with our sanity and authenticity intact?  

How can we really enjoy the holidays?

Set yourself up for success with realistic expectations.  We all have those mental pictures of beautiful Hallmark Movie-like family holiday gatherings where everyone gets along and has a great time. Fairy tale memories from our childhoods that we think will be reproduced at the annual holiday party. More likely you will experience unwanted career advice from your favorite aunt, critiques of the holiday food from your overweight dieting cousin, or expert parenting advice from your in-laws.  There will certainly be some sort of mayhem surrounding the gift giving and usually at least one heated disagreement.    If you expect this drama ahead of time, and look at it as entertainment, you will not leave the party disappointed.   You are sure to be entertained.  Expect the chaos and then you can enjoy it.

Be prepared to set proper boundaries.  It is important to be respectful when clients or family members are pushing your buttons with unrealistic expectations, but be sure to set some mental and physical boundaries to protect yourself against their negativity.  You do not need to get absorbed in their emotions or take on their stress.  Protect yourself by setting some clear mental and physical boundaries and plan to separate yourself when you feel that you are getting overly involved.

Treat yourself and others with kindness.  Try to remember that everyone is under stress this time of year and you may need to be extra understanding to come out on the other side with intact relationships.  Do not put too many expectations of perfection on yourself either.  Perfect parties, perfect gifts or perfect cookies are for Martha Stewart, not you.  You need to practice taking care of yourself and let the perfectionism go.  Try to use this season to enjoy your family and friends as imperfect as they are.  Give yourself permission to rest and take care of your needs before pleasing others.  

Take responsibility for your emotions.  Notice when you are feeling overwhelmed, insulted, defensive or exhausted.  Do not overreact to those feelings.  See them for what they are; simply emotions that everyone experiences as a human being.   Write them down or verbalize them so you can see them and experience them.  If you see them as simple emotions, with no power to consume you, you will be able to let them go.  Experience the emotions and welcome them, then let them pass and move on to more positive thoughts and feelings.

Do not try to change anyone.  Accept the fact that people are an interesting mix of many emotions both negative and positive.  Approach them with a sense of humor and curiosity.  Allow them to be who they are and realize that you cannot change them, so you might as well enjoy them.  Accepting each person for who they are and learning to laugh at them will help you see the joy that the holidays are supposed to bring. 

Taking care of yourself and honoring those around you will allow you to enjoy everything that the holidays may bring.

Happy Holidays Everyone! 

“The holiday season is a perfect time to reflect on our blessings and seek out ways to make life better for those around us.”  Terri Marshall

Dr. Julie Cappel