Making Powerful Difficult Choices

Recently I have found myself in many conversations with my friends and family about choices:  choices about career changes, family relationships, and even simple things such as which restaurant to choose.  Most people hate making choices because their brain overcomplicates things. They fear that making the “wrong” choice will have some terrible repercussions.  As they struggle with the decision making process the choices seems to get more and more scary, pushing them into the land of intense fear, indecision and inaction. This results in procrastination and nothing is accomplished. 

Yesterday was my son’s birthday and we were on a time crunch to have dinner because he only had a couple hours between shows.  (He is a musician and was performing in the touring show Disney’s Aladdin – cool right?)  But that left me with 12 people in a very busy restaurant waiting to be seated as the minutes were ticking by.  A decision had to be made:  should we continue to wait for our table at the busy restaurant (which I had called several times to warn them of our party’s needs. They would not take a reservation), or should we scrap it and go to another restaurant?  As the minutes ticked by we all looked at each other and wondered what to do.  We had to make a choice.  We were all hungry and anxious to sit down and enjoy some food and fellowship.  After being patient for over 30 minutes my husband and I made the decision to press the hostess into getting us our table so we did not have to change restaurants.  I started talking to the host and hostess explaining that I needed to get this meal going before we ran out of time.  It was birthday celebration after all.  As I kindly but firmly presented my case to the management team the table suddenly became available and we were seated.  Other patrons waiting for tables gave me the “thumbs up” possibly thinking that if I got my big party seated that their table would come up next.  The waiter was a lovely young man who quickly took our orders and got our food.  All was well.

Whether to change restaurants or not, is NOT a very important decision but we had two choices.  Wait or move.  Either one may have turned out fine, or may have led us to not eating, but we had to choose.  The fear of having 12 people left hungry and disappointed pushed me to make a choice and risk embarrassing myself as I pled my case to the restaurant staff.

If you are struggling with a difficult decision, there are some things you can think about to help you make a choice.   

Think through and be clear on what you really want.  Many people bounce between choices because they do not know their ultimate goal. If you can clarify the “big goal” you will feel better in making the little choices in moving in that direction.   If you find yourself in a situation where you are choosing a new career path, for example and both choices “feel” wrong, maybe there is a third option.  Perhaps neither one of the decisions is right for you at this time.  That does not mean that you can just sit in inaction.  You still need to figure out what it is that you really want as a long-term goal and see if one of the choices fits into your strategy.  If one choice fits better than the other then go for it. 

Do something!  Remember that doing something (anything) is better than doing nothing.  Avoiding hard choices because you are afraid will leave you in the same dead end job year after year.  If you make the choice to move into a different field and after a few months or years you realize that you really would rather be doing something else, you will have built up some new experiences and talents that may help you in your next position.  Each “wrong” choice will lead you to learn about the better choice and also build your experience.

Do not make a choice just because someone else thinks you should.   Many people in your life will make suggestions on what you should do, while they sit back and take it easy.  These “you shoulds” will get into your head and cause you confusion.  Just because your coworkers think you should stay in your current position does not mean that is a good choice for you.  If you quiet the outside voices and really focus on your heart, you will make better decisions for you.  You are the person that is most important in your life so don’t let any outside influences weigh heavily. 

Realize that every choice will lead to another and there is not one right path.  Throughout life there are so many choices that we make and each one will build off the other.  Life is flexible and you can change course. Let’s say that you decided to skip college to open your own business.  You decided that it was more important for you to be an entrepreneur.  Does that mean that you can never get a degree?  No. You are not stuck forever with that decision.  I know many veterinarians that had previous law or business careers.

Realize that no one makes perfect choices.  We all have to correct course at some time and we all are disappointed in our decisions.  You can’t have perfection when making choices.  The beauty of making wrong choices is that you will learn something from every decision.  You will learn what works and what does not. The danger with not choosing is that you remain in inaction.  You will stagnate and not progress in your life if you refuse to choose.  If you are not happy with the way your life is going now, resolve to make some difficult choices and change it. 

Have a good time learning to choose.  It sounds like a stressful hobby, but if you learn that choices lead to opportunity and opportunity makes life more fun, you can learn to enjoy the process of making powerful difficult choices.

“Look for your choices, pick the best one, and then go with it.”  -  Pat Riley

“Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant.”  -  Tony Robbins

Dr. Julie Cappel