...but our job IS sad!

  

This week I had the awesome privilege to spend an evening speaking in front of a group of veterinarians and veterinary support professionals speaking about stress management and compassion fatigue.  My presentation revolved around understanding why we feel stress and what we can do to manage it to feel better.  Stress is inevitable and is something that we cannot - and really do not want to - fully escape.  Our job involves many complicated situations and our stress response is often necessary to help us to perform our best work.  When a critical emergency comes into the hospital, the primitive part of our brain causes stress to keep us alert; making fast and solid decisions.  In those situations, stress is a great tool.  When stress is allowed to set up camp and live in our bodies for extended periods of time, it becomes dangerous to our mental and physical health.

When I talked to the group about our job being totally amazing while also being very hard, I had some doubters present in the audience.  People that had a difficult time wrapping their mind around the fact that I said, “Stress can be good.” and “We can choose to think better thoughts, to change how we feel about our day.”.  One person was particularly challenged by my words.  She stopped me several times to ask clarifying questions and became a bit annoyed with my answers.  She said more than once, “…but our job IS sad!”  as if it were a fact. 

Here is where it gets tricky.  “Our job is sad.”, is not a fact; however, “Pets die.”, is a fact.  We cannot totally prevent death in our patients - it is beyond our control.  We choose to feel sad when pets die and we also want that feeling.  We want to have compassion and empathy for our clients. Our job is to try to prolong healthy life, which is what we strive to do every day.  We cure and prevent disease by giving our patients excellent care and we feel great about that.  The fact that there is death with every life is not something that we can avoid.  Accepting this fact and learning to embrace the sadness  (not live there), helps keep our stress in check.   The heavy prolonged stress comes from our thinking that we should never have to feel anything negative. 

How do we embrace sadness and stress while caring for our mental, physical, and emotional health?

Feel your feelings fully and process through them.  Remain in the moment and do not try to squash bad feelings down or pretend that they are not there.   Don’t fear your stress or negative emotions.  It is a normal part of life and needs to be experienced in order for you to know when positive things happen.  The low points make the high points feel sweeter.

Take care of your mind, body, and spirit.  Practicing self-care in healthy ways is the most important thing you can do for stress management.  Exercise, yoga, meditation, or nature walks will open up your mind to better possibilities.  If you are feeling very stuck in negativity talk to a friend, coach, or therapist to help you see where you need help.  There is nothing shameful about negative thoughts and feelings.  Everyone has them and the sooner you embrace and manage your own, the sooner you will start to feel better.

Practice mindfulness and examine your thoughts.  When you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed write it all down. Getting the negative thoughts out of your brain and on paper will help you objectively examine them.  Once you see where your thinking is going you can adjust some of your thoughts to more positive alternatives.  If you can choose better thoughts your feelings will improve. Realize that you are perfectly designed to help your clients and patients with their veterinary problems - trained and fully equipped to succeed in this career.   

Sad things do happen but if we understand ourselves, support each other, and embrace the power of our brain, we can move beyond stress and get back to saving pet lives and enjoying our veterinary career.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.”  - Viktor E. Frankl


Join me on the Podcast - The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast with Dr. Julie Cappel 

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-veterinary-life-coach-podcast-with-dr-julie-cappel/id1451549730?mt=2

Off Balance

I was talking to one of my rock-star associate veterinarians yesterday about work-life balance.  She is just a few short days away from giving birth to her first baby and I was asking her how she thought that her life was going to change.  She admitted that it didn’t feel "real” yet, and I assured her that it probably wouldn’t feel real until they put that baby in her arms and she saw that it was actually a small human - a human that she would now be totally responsible for the next 18+ years.  I remember that feeling of awe and terror when they put my daughter in my arms for the first time.  How was I going to raise this beautiful being and also remain the person that I had always wanted to be?  How was I going to balance my home life with children and my work life in the busy veterinary world?  Perfectly valid questions.

Whether we have children or not, we all struggle with work-life balance and I would argue that there really is no “balance”.

Balance is defined as “the state of equilibrium in which demands of personal life, professional life, and family life are equal.”

Actually, there will be no equal. I think a better word choice is “blend” or “harmony”.  It is impossible to spend half of your time at work and half at home. You can enjoy your meaningful work and be your best when you are there; then raise your children expertly when you are with them at home while also taking care of yourself.  You can be fully present in each situation. There is no balance but a harmony of the segments of your life. 

How can you accomplish harmony? 

First, you have to realize that there will be no perfect day.  There will be sacrifice of one thing for another over and over again.  The first step in creating harmony is to realize that there will be a push and pull of your emotions.  When you are at work you may worry about what is going on at home and when you are home you will worry about work.  Your job is to control your mind and the negative thoughts that enter your head.  Allow yourself to focus on your present and remain fully where you are. 

When anxiety or self-doubt starts to creep in, take some time for self- reflection.  Make a list of your thoughts and examine the source of your anxiety.  Take time to reflect and work on finding better thoughts about the events of the day.  Allowing yourself to examine your own mind and change negative thoughts to better thoughts will alleviate much of your anxiety.  

Focus on your strengths and outsource your weaknesses - Knowing what you do well will help you to move things off your to-do list and free up time to work on your strengths.

Develop a network of friends and family members that can help you when the going gets tough.  When my kids were small and in day care, there were some days when I would get stuck at work in a difficult case.  On those impossible days, I was able to call my mother, sister or even one of my receptionists, to pick up the kids and bring them back to work for me while I was finishing up the day.  Allow others to help you without feeling guilt about it.  

Have a calendar or schedule that is easy to manage and honor your commitments to your family.  Don’t miss out on family activities because work seems more important.  I left work early many times when my kids were growing up so that I could attend band concerts, plays and sporting activities.  I have never regretted the days that I took off work, but I do remember that family activities that I missed because I was working.

Make a list each week of your priorities – are the things on your to-do list urgent and important?  If so, tackle these things first, leaving the unimportant non-urgent things for another day or let them go altogether.

Schedule some self-care and do not let go of your hobbies.  Doing something that you love – other than work – will refresh your mind and allow you to manage stress more effectively.  Take a break during the day for self-care when things feel overwhelming.  Just take a quick walk, sit at your desk and practice some deep breathing, or do a short meditation.  (Hint: You may have to hide in a closet or bathroom to keep your team from finding you for a few minutes.)  

Don’t carry your work to your home.  There are times when you have to work from home but keep those times brief and controlled.  Keeping a healthy work schedule and leaving work at work will allow you to be fully present at home.  There will always be work, so leave the paperwork and cell phone calls behind to be addressed tomorrow.  Taking things home will just add to your stress and ruin your harmony.

Cut yourself some slack.  You will fail.  Repeat after me.  You will fail!  Being realistic about your new blended life will allow you to let go of the small failures.  There will be days when it just feels like nothing goes right and you want to sit in a corner and lick your wounds.  On those days realize that life is meant to be perfectly good and bad.  When you forget to send your kid’s lunch to school or miss the class party because you got involved in a difficult case at work, allow yourself some grace.  As a perfect human you will have imperfect days. 

Creating Harmony in your life is difficult but not impossible if you can focus on what is important to you.

"Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life." —  Dolly Parton

Dr. Julie Cappel