Why I Want to be More like my Dogs

This morning as I struggled to get out of bed and get my day started, it occurred to me that my dogs, Trent and Parker, are so much better at life than I am.  They pop out of bed and bound around me with joy as I shuffle to the coffee maker to get my morning dose of caffeine.  They wake up without an alarm clock to start their day.  They are always happy with the meals that I serve them, even though it is always the same dry kibble with a little canned Hill’s I/D.  No complaints or whining - they snarf it down as fast as they can as if I were Gordon Ramsey serving them Beef Wellington.  After breakfast, Parker, my 11-month-old puppy, happily runs out into the yard and barks at the same tree where he sometimes gets the reward of seeing an early morning squirrel.  They are pure joy.

I aspire to be more like my dogs – here is why.

Trent and Parker

Trent and Parker have the ability to always live in the moment.  They do not cause themselves anxiety by focusing on the past or their future.  Our anxiety comes from agonizing over something that happened yesterday or worrying about something that may happen tomorrow.  Dogs don’t do that.  Parker is a bit skittish when it comes to loud noises, but once the noise danger has passed, he recovers quickly.  The calmer I remain with the sound, the calmer he becomes.  If I could imitate living in the present like Parker, I could react quickly to a situation, let it go, then really enjoy the rest of my day. I want to live in the moment like Parker.

Trent and Parker remain present in simplicity and nature.  They are acutely aware of their surroundings.   They are most happy when they are out on a walk or running free.  They are not concerned with global warming or whether or not it will rain tomorrow; they just enjoy what is.  When I walk with my dogs and observe the way they appreciate simple things like green grass, pleasant smells, warm sunshine and eagerly greeting a neighbor, I am reminded of the beauty of simplicity. I can let go of my concerns and see the world through their eyes.  It is almost like a focused meditation in the way they experience life and nature. I want to enjoy nature and simplicity like my dogs.

Trent and Parker do not hang on to resentment or anger.  They always forgive.  Just think how much better your life would be if you could forgive every transgression like your dog.  Last night we left the house at around 4:00pm for a recital that we were attending about an hour from our home.  Because it was earlier than they usually eat, I decided to have them wait for their dinner until we returned - which I thought would be around 9:00 pm.  We left the boys home while we were away.  After the recital, we were invited to dinner with some friends and did not arrive back home until after midnight.  The dogs did not hold a grudge or become angry that we were home late.   Had it been me that was waiting for my meal for 6 hours without explanation, I would be furious.  They just happily greeted us and snarfed down their meal.  I felt terrible about the food delay, but they were just happy to get a snack any time that I offered it.  No grudges, no anger.  They are simply incapable of feeling blame.  I want to be more forgiving like my dogs.

My dogs have no interest in things or money.  They live free from the trappings of accumulation and greed.  Trent has a toy basket, and he does not care if there are 3 toys in it or 10.  He happily grabs whatever toy is available at the time and plays his favorite “keep away” game with me.  Trent is never concerned when I take away a toy that is tattered and worn, and then I throw it in the trash.  He does not beg for something new.  He does not need the latest iPhone or tablet.  He is just content with what he has.  I want to feel content with my belongings like Trent.

I have come to the conclusion that my dogs are beautiful teachers.  They don’t live in the past or worry about the future.  If I observe them and listen to what they are teaching me, I will become more consciously aware, and my life will become more vibrant.

I want to be more like my dogs.

“Dogs, for a reason that can only be described as divine, have the ability to forgive, let go of the past, and live each day joyously.  It’s something the rest of us strive for.”  Jennifer Skiff

Dr. Julie Cappel


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Lessons from a Turtle Butt

Last Sunday night I reluctantly received a lesson in compassion, generosity, and servant leadership from a turtle - a box turtle with most of her insides hanging out of her backside.


I had experienced an unusually busy weekend “off work” tending to a remodeling contractor, out of town family and an ill family member across town. Sunday evening, I finally thought that I was home free. Planning to write my blog and then relax in preparation for work on Monday.  As I was driving home with my son from this long emotional weekend, I received a text message from one of my technicians.  She wrote something that no veterinarian ever wants to read.  Her 5-year-old box turtle had developed a large rectal prolapse earlier in the day.  “What do you think I should do?”, she texted.   Because I was driving, there was a delay in my answer but once I was able, I texted her back that she should probably take the turtle to the local emergency clinic for treatment.  I was easily an hour away and there was no way I wanted to spend what was left of my weekend replacing a prolapse on a box turtle. 

 This started a text stream with the technician and an internal debate with myself over whether or not I should give up my evening to help with the turtle.   Should I “force” my technician friend to go to the emergency clinic to preserve my evening off?   This is where I think many of us get into an internal compassion debate.  We have this need to do what is best for ourselves by taking care to preserve our days off,  but we also have the compassionate servant side of us that does not want to say no to a friend, family member or client, when we know that we have the skills to help them. 

Who would I be if I said no? I think of myself as a compassionate servant leader, but what exactly does that mean?

The term “Servant Leadership” was a term coined in 1970 by Robert Greenleaf who said that a leader should be a servant to the team. They should be a role model by giving a helping hand to those around them.  The leader should create opportunities to express appreciation to the team and invest in them by taking actions to help them feel happy and fulfilled. When a leader creates this kind of environment, the team will feel connected and loved.


When I stopped to think about who I really want to be in this situation, a servant leader, I ultimately made the right choice. 

I believe that we get to choose how we want to feel about any difficult situation.  I could decide whether I want to feel sorry for myself for not having a Sunday night off work, or I could decide to put on my big girl panties and go to work to try to save the gutted turtle.  

Of course, I chose the servant leader big girl panties.

So, off I went to work to spend the next two hours slowly patiently pushing things that should never be outside a body back in, then placing sutures in her turtle butt to keep things from coming back out. If you have never worked on a box turtle, it is not at all easy.  They have the name box for a reason. 

The self-satisfaction and pride that comes with overcoming the “feeling sorry for yourself” feeling and being empowered to do what is right, is more rewarding than sitting on the couch writing a blog. 


I saved a life and also set an example for the team that I lead.


Ultimately the turtle was happy (with her insides back inside), the technician was happy, and I was grateful for my lesson on servant leadership and generosity of spirit from this little shelled creature. 

 Maybe next Sunday I will have a day off.


 Dr. Julie Cappel


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Developing Grit.

This week I experienced the “not always welcomed” variety of life by spending part of my week in the neurosurgery ICU unit at a local hospital: something that I NEVER, EVER thought that I would be doing.   I was not the patient.  Someone that I love dearly had suffered a brain injury and I needed to be there with my family.  Any time someone that you love is hospitalized with a serious illness it is a shock to your system; fear and worry naturally follows.

As I sat in the bedside chair in the hospital room I was able to observe the patients and their caregivers on the hospital ward.  I was overcome with the feeling that all of these people truly possessed extraordinary grit.  Each individual was faced with a struggle that they were working to overcome.  The patients were struggling to regain their normalcy and the caregivers were determined, through their work, to help them get there.   

I observed several patients with various levels of impairment struggle to return to their world.  They were suffering with memory loss, physical weakness and confusion surrounding the setback that they were experiencing.  The caregivers were patient, compassionate and loving with the challenges that their daily work requires.  

While I was there I had the privilege to talk to a Neurosurgical resident in his 3^rd, out of a seven-year residency.  He had been through 4 years of undergrad, 4 years of medical school and was now working towards becoming a neurosurgeon by spending another 7 years as a resident. That, my friends is an individual with grit! We talked about the patient, his neurosurgical training and then about his diabetic dog.  Yes, even in the Neuro-ICU doctors ask a veterinarian about their dogs.  (It happened more than once)

Grit is defined as courage, resolve, and strength of character. It is a real predictor of our success. Success in work and in life does not depend on your superior IQ or your ability to learn easily.  It has more to do with the fact that you are willing to work hard and never give up.  There are many people who have superior intelligence, tools, and opportunity but do not follow through on commitments. Ever hear of a neurosurgeon that quit after his first year of medical school?  I didn’t think so.

How can we develop our grit? 

Angela Duckworth, a professor of psychology and grit researcher says, “Where talents count once, effort counts twice.”  She explains that when you apply effort to talent, you develop skill.  When you apply effort to skill, you get achievement. 

Angela says that there are ways to develop your grit, which include, developing a passion, practicing your skills, staying hopeful and surrounding yourself with gritty people.   Most veterinary professionals understand passion - in fact we went into this profession because of our passion for medicine and animals.  Working on and practicing our veterinary skills is something that we all do daily as we work with our clients and teams. In order to remain hopeful we have to take responsibility that tomorrow will be better, because we will MAKE it better.  Our own efforts for the future will provide a better future.   Finally we need to surround ourselves with good people - and who better to be around than veterinary teams?  Veterinarians are some of the most kind, caring and determined people in the world.  We stick to our goals despite daily adversity. 

Remember that grit can be developed and nurtured in your life to help you to reach every goal or dream.  

Whatever it is that you want to do, develop your grit and you will achieve.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“At various points, in big ways and small, we get knocked down.  If we stay down, grit loses.  If we get up, grit prevails.”  Angela Duckworth“

“Humans are creatures of habit. If you quiet when things get tough, it gets that much easier to quit the next time.  On the other hand, if you force yourself to push through it, the grit begins to grow in you.”  Travis Bradberry

Why does my brain hate me?

Is your brain a real jerk?  Is it working against your happiness? Mine sure is.

This week I had several days of wondering why my brain was such a mess.  I have a lot going on right now and my brain is not on board with it all.   Working, writing the blog, developing a presentation, coaching, and meetings are piling up.  I find myself feeling critical about my clients, my work, my team, and basically my life. I think things like, “You are not working enough, you must be lazy.”; “You are too busy!”; and “Just, who do you think you are?”  The feeling of resistance in my brain is so fierce because I have been pushing myself out of my comfort zone. 

 

Every time I try to change, my brain becomes the enemy.

Why does this happen?

There is a portion of our brain that reacts without our control.  It is the reptilian brain that was designed by God or nature to keep us safe in the event of an emergency. In our modern life and veterinary world we do not have a frequent need for this part of our brain.  But it is always there and it works against us.

When I first started at my current hospital many years ago, I was a young veterinarian that longed to work with birds.  The “new” hospital was run by a veterinarian who was known as the state authority on avian medicine.  He was brilliant!  He was the kind of brilliant that could read something in a textbook a month ago and then tell you the exact page that the reference was on when you asked him about it later.

During my first year at the hospital, I frequently went home crying to my husband that I was “stupid” and would never be able to be an avian veterinarian because of the superior skills of my mentor.  How could I ever be as competent?  I couldn’t remember what I read yesterday. I KNEW that the doctor thought I was an IDIOT. 

The real truth is that he didn’t really care if I said something stupid or made a mistake. He was happy to train me and pass on his skills.  He knew that I was just a human with a slightly less impressive brain than his.  He was patient and kind.  My thoughts were the things that beat me up and kept me from embracing the training.  Fortunately for me, I did not give up, and now I am a pretty great avian veterinarian.

Our negative thoughts are not necessarily wrong or toxic.  They are a normal part of our brain’s resistance to change.  Sigmund Freud said that unhappiness is the default position of our brains – meaning that happiness and positive change takes effort. Doing things that make you feel off balance will often lead to positive change, but it really sucks at the time.

When you are fighting this battle within yourself, surround yourself with supportive people.  Talk out your feelings with someone that loves you to reassure you that you are on the right path.  Embrace the uneasy feelings as part of your growth and don’t fight against them. Understand that your brain does NOT hate you - it is just doing its job to keep you safe.  Say to your brain, “Hello negative thought, I know that you are just a thought.  I plan to move forward anyway, so you can just be gone.”  Once you realize that the negativity you feel is just your defense mechanism, you can let it go, move on, and develop a more positive outlook. 

You will bravely step into the change that your mind fears. 

“One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.”  - Sigmund Freud

Dr. Julie Cappel

Feeling Bitter or Being Better?

Have you ever stood in an exam room and began feeling inklings of contempt, anger or even disdain for one of your clients? Have you daydreamed about what it would be like to have a career bagging groceries or mowing lawns instead of the veterinary profession?

Most days I don’t, but every once in awhile that bitter feeling starts to creep in – the feeling that maybe I made a mistake when I selected my profession so many years ago.

When we were kids we had dreams of beautiful puppies, fuzzy kittens and their adoring owners admiring us for our kind gentle spirit and brilliance in caring for their precious pets.  We didn’t get the veterinary school memo that some clients would be so challenging that we might wish we were with Mike Rowe doing “Dirty Jobs”.

Yesterday I experienced one of the difficult clients that made me question my optimism for veterinary medicine. You know those clients that have more pets than they can afford and then nickel and dime you at every turn as if it is your fault that they have insufficient funds to treat their pets properly? Yesterday, with those people, I started feeling bitter about my profession.

Just when I was getting very irritated with the client’s demands, a small miracle happened.  The miracle was one of my most calm and patient technicians.  She arrived to help me just in the nick of time.  She took over the pet’s treatment with my instruction, and did a beautiful job dealing with the pet and the family all day – literally, all day.  She was the picture of the caring veterinary professional that I always strive to be.  I was becoming BITTER and she was BETTER.

How can I be BETTER in these situations and keep from becoming BITTER? 

One way is to stop feeling sorry for myself.  Playing the part of the victim is not helpful or productive.  We all know that some clients will challenge us, but many don’t.  Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves, we need to appreciate the fact that these clients trust us enough to continue to use our services.  They love their pet and are not trying to be a bother; they are just being the best version of who they are.

Another way for me to be better is to appreciate the variety of veterinary life.  If I didn’t have a few challenging clients I would not appreciate the kind, cooperative ones.   “That’s Life!”, my father-in-law, Jack would always say.  He was a human surgeon.  I know he had many challenging patients, but he took them all in stride and treated them with the utmost understanding and kindness – just part of life.  Jack was BETTER.

In order to be BETTER, I need to say “Yes” more.  I don’t mean that I need to give into the clients’ discount demands, but I can have a better “yes sir” attitude in regard to their questions and assumptions.  If we fight against what is, rather than allowing it to be, we allow ourselves to become anxious.  Saying yes more allows us to go with the flow.  Things become more positive and less stressful.  With a “say yes” mindset, things often turn out better. I will listen better to their wants and needs, and try to be the veterinarian that they require.  

Let’s love our veterinary work and learn to appreciate our clients for who they are.  Being more willing to feel fascination about their ways will allow us to create mental space for them, rather than allowing any bitterness to creep in. 

You have the capacity to overcome BITTER and become BETTER.

“If you continuously compete with others you become bitter, but if you continuously compete with yourself you become better.”  www.livelifehappy.com

Dr. Julie Cappel

Join me on The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast with Dr. Julie Cappel, Find it on iTunes, Spotify or Google Play.

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