Why does my brain hate me?

Is your brain a real jerk?  Is it working against your happiness? Mine sure is.

This week I had several days of wondering why my brain was such a mess.  I have a lot going on right now and my brain is not on board with it all.   Working, writing the blog, developing a presentation, coaching, and meetings are piling up.  I find myself feeling critical about my clients, my work, my team, and basically my life. I think things like, “You are not working enough, you must be lazy.”; “You are too busy!”; and “Just, who do you think you are?”  The feeling of resistance in my brain is so fierce because I have been pushing myself out of my comfort zone. 

 

Every time I try to change, my brain becomes the enemy.

Why does this happen?

There is a portion of our brain that reacts without our control.  It is the reptilian brain that was designed by God or nature to keep us safe in the event of an emergency. In our modern life and veterinary world we do not have a frequent need for this part of our brain.  But it is always there and it works against us.

When I first started at my current hospital many years ago, I was a young veterinarian that longed to work with birds.  The “new” hospital was run by a veterinarian who was known as the state authority on avian medicine.  He was brilliant!  He was the kind of brilliant that could read something in a textbook a month ago and then tell you the exact page that the reference was on when you asked him about it later.

During my first year at the hospital, I frequently went home crying to my husband that I was “stupid” and would never be able to be an avian veterinarian because of the superior skills of my mentor.  How could I ever be as competent?  I couldn’t remember what I read yesterday. I KNEW that the doctor thought I was an IDIOT. 

The real truth is that he didn’t really care if I said something stupid or made a mistake. He was happy to train me and pass on his skills.  He knew that I was just a human with a slightly less impressive brain than his.  He was patient and kind.  My thoughts were the things that beat me up and kept me from embracing the training.  Fortunately for me, I did not give up, and now I am a pretty great avian veterinarian.

Our negative thoughts are not necessarily wrong or toxic.  They are a normal part of our brain’s resistance to change.  Sigmund Freud said that unhappiness is the default position of our brains – meaning that happiness and positive change takes effort. Doing things that make you feel off balance will often lead to positive change, but it really sucks at the time.

When you are fighting this battle within yourself, surround yourself with supportive people.  Talk out your feelings with someone that loves you to reassure you that you are on the right path.  Embrace the uneasy feelings as part of your growth and don’t fight against them. Understand that your brain does NOT hate you - it is just doing its job to keep you safe.  Say to your brain, “Hello negative thought, I know that you are just a thought.  I plan to move forward anyway, so you can just be gone.”  Once you realize that the negativity you feel is just your defense mechanism, you can let it go, move on, and develop a more positive outlook. 

You will bravely step into the change that your mind fears. 

“One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.”  - Sigmund Freud

Dr. Julie Cappel