Hero or Whole? – Controlling Self-sacrifice

This week I was catching up on some social media and I ran across two interesting questions on a Facebook group of veterinarian/ hospital managers.  A veterinarian was asking the following questions: 

  “Does being a strong leader mean that you must sacrifice everything for the good of the business?” “Are you a bad person for trying to have a balanced schedule and asking to reschedule appointments to make it happen?”

I usually use social media as a way to keep up with my adult children and follow the vacations that my friends are taking.  I don’t often respond to random Facebook groups and posts;  however, these questions startled me and compelled me to answer.  The words that stung the most were, “sacrifice everything”.  

These questions, and the feeling behind them, is exactly why I started working as a blogger and life coach.   My response:  Do you want to be a hero or do you want to be whole?

For many years in veterinary medicine there has been a culture of self-sacrifice.   It started generations ago with the early country veterinarians.  The James Harriott types, whose stories were full of late night farm calls and missed holiday self-sacrifice. We grew up thinking that the whole idea of our veterinary career was to put ourselves last and act as the animal heroes.  I was indoctrinated in this way of thinking and it takes constant mental work to stay ahead of it. 

(Just read my "Turtle Butt" story from a couple weeks ago)

The culture of the self-sacrifice has caused us to think that others' needs are more important than our own. That has led us to increasing stress and decreasing life balance.   Because we are so fiercely self-sacrificing, we need to be particularly diligent with our thoughts to keep from beating ourselves up about this issue.   We need to choose between sacrifice and our own health.  We need to embrace self-love.

Remember that we spend an average of 25,000 days here on this earth.  If you value each day and wish to extend your life beyond the average, you will probably make choices that serve your health before your profession.  Becoming a better leader means knowing when to care for yourself and learning to delegate the things that you can to your capable team. 

Learning to say “No” is a difficult skill but is something that we need to practice in order to get sufficient time away from our work.  Saying “No” to unreasonable clients' and co-workers' demands will help you to carve out some time for self-care. Treating yourself as the priority and guarding against self-deprecating thoughts will lead you back to the joy and love for the profession that got you here in the beginning.

Sacrifice can sometimes bring good feelings, but when work becomes more important than home, health and harmony, you need to examine your priorities.  Choose “whole” over “hero”, and choose to think of yourself as the most important person in the room.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Self-sacrifice? But it is precisely the self that cannot and must not be sacrificed.” ― Ayn Rand