Hero or Whole? – Controlling Self-sacrifice

This week I was catching up on some social media and I ran across two interesting questions on a Facebook group of veterinarian/ hospital managers.  A veterinarian was asking the following questions: 

  “Does being a strong leader mean that you must sacrifice everything for the good of the business?” “Are you a bad person for trying to have a balanced schedule and asking to reschedule appointments to make it happen?”

I usually use social media as a way to keep up with my adult children and follow the vacations that my friends are taking.  I don’t often respond to random Facebook groups and posts;  however, these questions startled me and compelled me to answer.  The words that stung the most were, “sacrifice everything”.  

These questions, and the feeling behind them, is exactly why I started working as a blogger and life coach.   My response:  Do you want to be a hero or do you want to be whole?

For many years in veterinary medicine there has been a culture of self-sacrifice.   It started generations ago with the early country veterinarians.  The James Harriott types, whose stories were full of late night farm calls and missed holiday self-sacrifice. We grew up thinking that the whole idea of our veterinary career was to put ourselves last and act as the animal heroes.  I was indoctrinated in this way of thinking and it takes constant mental work to stay ahead of it. 

(Just read my "Turtle Butt" story from a couple weeks ago)

The culture of the self-sacrifice has caused us to think that others' needs are more important than our own. That has led us to increasing stress and decreasing life balance.   Because we are so fiercely self-sacrificing, we need to be particularly diligent with our thoughts to keep from beating ourselves up about this issue.   We need to choose between sacrifice and our own health.  We need to embrace self-love.

Remember that we spend an average of 25,000 days here on this earth.  If you value each day and wish to extend your life beyond the average, you will probably make choices that serve your health before your profession.  Becoming a better leader means knowing when to care for yourself and learning to delegate the things that you can to your capable team. 

Learning to say “No” is a difficult skill but is something that we need to practice in order to get sufficient time away from our work.  Saying “No” to unreasonable clients' and co-workers' demands will help you to carve out some time for self-care. Treating yourself as the priority and guarding against self-deprecating thoughts will lead you back to the joy and love for the profession that got you here in the beginning.

Sacrifice can sometimes bring good feelings, but when work becomes more important than home, health and harmony, you need to examine your priorities.  Choose “whole” over “hero”, and choose to think of yourself as the most important person in the room.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Self-sacrifice? But it is precisely the self that cannot and must not be sacrificed.” ― Ayn Rand

Why I Want to be More like my Dogs

This morning as I struggled to get out of bed and get my day started, it occurred to me that my dogs, Trent and Parker, are so much better at life than I am.  They pop out of bed and bound around me with joy as I shuffle to the coffee maker to get my morning dose of caffeine.  They wake up without an alarm clock to start their day.  They are always happy with the meals that I serve them, even though it is always the same dry kibble with a little canned Hill’s I/D.  No complaints or whining - they snarf it down as fast as they can as if I were Gordon Ramsey serving them Beef Wellington.  After breakfast, Parker, my 11-month-old puppy, happily runs out into the yard and barks at the same tree where he sometimes gets the reward of seeing an early morning squirrel.  They are pure joy.

I aspire to be more like my dogs – here is why.

Trent and Parker

Trent and Parker have the ability to always live in the moment.  They do not cause themselves anxiety by focusing on the past or their future.  Our anxiety comes from agonizing over something that happened yesterday or worrying about something that may happen tomorrow.  Dogs don’t do that.  Parker is a bit skittish when it comes to loud noises, but once the noise danger has passed, he recovers quickly.  The calmer I remain with the sound, the calmer he becomes.  If I could imitate living in the present like Parker, I could react quickly to a situation, let it go, then really enjoy the rest of my day. I want to live in the moment like Parker.

Trent and Parker remain present in simplicity and nature.  They are acutely aware of their surroundings.   They are most happy when they are out on a walk or running free.  They are not concerned with global warming or whether or not it will rain tomorrow; they just enjoy what is.  When I walk with my dogs and observe the way they appreciate simple things like green grass, pleasant smells, warm sunshine and eagerly greeting a neighbor, I am reminded of the beauty of simplicity. I can let go of my concerns and see the world through their eyes.  It is almost like a focused meditation in the way they experience life and nature. I want to enjoy nature and simplicity like my dogs.

Trent and Parker do not hang on to resentment or anger.  They always forgive.  Just think how much better your life would be if you could forgive every transgression like your dog.  Last night we left the house at around 4:00pm for a recital that we were attending about an hour from our home.  Because it was earlier than they usually eat, I decided to have them wait for their dinner until we returned - which I thought would be around 9:00 pm.  We left the boys home while we were away.  After the recital, we were invited to dinner with some friends and did not arrive back home until after midnight.  The dogs did not hold a grudge or become angry that we were home late.   Had it been me that was waiting for my meal for 6 hours without explanation, I would be furious.  They just happily greeted us and snarfed down their meal.  I felt terrible about the food delay, but they were just happy to get a snack any time that I offered it.  No grudges, no anger.  They are simply incapable of feeling blame.  I want to be more forgiving like my dogs.

My dogs have no interest in things or money.  They live free from the trappings of accumulation and greed.  Trent has a toy basket, and he does not care if there are 3 toys in it or 10.  He happily grabs whatever toy is available at the time and plays his favorite “keep away” game with me.  Trent is never concerned when I take away a toy that is tattered and worn, and then I throw it in the trash.  He does not beg for something new.  He does not need the latest iPhone or tablet.  He is just content with what he has.  I want to feel content with my belongings like Trent.

I have come to the conclusion that my dogs are beautiful teachers.  They don’t live in the past or worry about the future.  If I observe them and listen to what they are teaching me, I will become more consciously aware, and my life will become more vibrant.

I want to be more like my dogs.

“Dogs, for a reason that can only be described as divine, have the ability to forgive, let go of the past, and live each day joyously.  It’s something the rest of us strive for.”  Jennifer Skiff

Dr. Julie Cappel


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Lessons from a Turtle Butt

Last Sunday night I reluctantly received a lesson in compassion, generosity, and servant leadership from a turtle - a box turtle with most of her insides hanging out of her backside.


I had experienced an unusually busy weekend “off work” tending to a remodeling contractor, out of town family and an ill family member across town. Sunday evening, I finally thought that I was home free. Planning to write my blog and then relax in preparation for work on Monday.  As I was driving home with my son from this long emotional weekend, I received a text message from one of my technicians.  She wrote something that no veterinarian ever wants to read.  Her 5-year-old box turtle had developed a large rectal prolapse earlier in the day.  “What do you think I should do?”, she texted.   Because I was driving, there was a delay in my answer but once I was able, I texted her back that she should probably take the turtle to the local emergency clinic for treatment.  I was easily an hour away and there was no way I wanted to spend what was left of my weekend replacing a prolapse on a box turtle. 

 This started a text stream with the technician and an internal debate with myself over whether or not I should give up my evening to help with the turtle.   Should I “force” my technician friend to go to the emergency clinic to preserve my evening off?   This is where I think many of us get into an internal compassion debate.  We have this need to do what is best for ourselves by taking care to preserve our days off,  but we also have the compassionate servant side of us that does not want to say no to a friend, family member or client, when we know that we have the skills to help them. 

Who would I be if I said no? I think of myself as a compassionate servant leader, but what exactly does that mean?

The term “Servant Leadership” was a term coined in 1970 by Robert Greenleaf who said that a leader should be a servant to the team. They should be a role model by giving a helping hand to those around them.  The leader should create opportunities to express appreciation to the team and invest in them by taking actions to help them feel happy and fulfilled. When a leader creates this kind of environment, the team will feel connected and loved.


When I stopped to think about who I really want to be in this situation, a servant leader, I ultimately made the right choice. 

I believe that we get to choose how we want to feel about any difficult situation.  I could decide whether I want to feel sorry for myself for not having a Sunday night off work, or I could decide to put on my big girl panties and go to work to try to save the gutted turtle.  

Of course, I chose the servant leader big girl panties.

So, off I went to work to spend the next two hours slowly patiently pushing things that should never be outside a body back in, then placing sutures in her turtle butt to keep things from coming back out. If you have never worked on a box turtle, it is not at all easy.  They have the name box for a reason. 

The self-satisfaction and pride that comes with overcoming the “feeling sorry for yourself” feeling and being empowered to do what is right, is more rewarding than sitting on the couch writing a blog. 


I saved a life and also set an example for the team that I lead.


Ultimately the turtle was happy (with her insides back inside), the technician was happy, and I was grateful for my lesson on servant leadership and generosity of spirit from this little shelled creature. 

 Maybe next Sunday I will have a day off.


 Dr. Julie Cappel


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