...Pants on Fire...

As a long time practicing veterinarian I have learned that some clients lie. Maybe a kinder way of saying it is, they stretch the truth.

Untruth after untruth will be reveled if you ask enough questions.  They tell the receptionist one story on the phone then tell the doctor a different story in the exam room. It is so fascinating.  Why do they do it?  How can we understand their motivations and get the real story so we can help their pets?

It happens almost every week in some small form, but it happened to me a few weeks ago in a big way.  

The story goes like this.

I had a couple come in with a beautiful, but quite ill parrot named Cass.  Cass was not feeling up to par and the couple was worried about him.  They told my technician that he was on a great diet and had never been ill before.  They also said that he was not on any medications.  They repeated the same story to me when I was examining Cass.  The owners seemed to love him very much and wanted what was best for him, so we drew some blood for testing and took some radiographs. When the results showed that Cass had severe liver disease we discussed a course of medications and diet modifications.  The couple was grateful and promised to adhere to my recommendations and bring him back for a recheck in a week to see if we were making any progress. 

The second time I saw Cass he was acting a bit better, however after more testing we realized that he still had a severe liver problem.  As I talked to the couple about next steps, they asked me to speak to another family member on their cell phone to explain the results.  I happily took the phone.  As I was explaining the tests results and my recommendations for an ultrasound of the liver, the person on the other end of the phone said, “He already had an ultrasound a few weeks ago.”  Flabbergasted I asked for more details.  He said that the bird had been seen by another veterinarian and had the same tests that I was recommending.  I could not believe my ears.  Why would the owners bring me a bird with a known problem and not tell me the complete history?  What kind of game were we playing here?  I asked which veterinary hospital and promptly called them.  When I asked the receptionist if they had any records on Cass she said, “Oh yes, we have a huge history on him.”   The other veterinarian told me that Cass had been visiting their veterinary hospital for 15 years and the bird was diagnosed with liver disease over SIX MONTHS ago and was on multiple medications for the problem. He also had radiographs, and ultrasound exam and was treated multiple times over the years for similar problems.

Once I had the entire history, I went back to speak to the couple to see if I could figure out why they chose to lie to me about his history.  I asked them about the medications that he was supposed to be getting from the other hospital and they magically produced a bag of at least 10 medications that they had but were not giving.  When I asked them why, they just looked at me and said, we didn’t think they were working.  I pointed out that when he was getting the medication they reported to the other hospital that he was doing better, but now he was ill after not getting the medication.

Oh, My!!  Why did they lie?

As a veterinarian I think it is our duty to be patient with “liars” and see the lies for what they really are, FEAR.  Fear of the unknown and fear that we may judge them for seeking a second opinion or not following our recommendations.   We need to be able to reassure people that we are all on the same team.  We need to be open to sharing information with other veterinary hospitals so clients will not feel that they have to hide information. We need the whole story before we can do our best work.

Gently ask probing questions in different ways and ask multiple times.  It seems that when I ask the same questions in different ways, I often get closer to the truth.  Also, be open to suggestion.  Most clients know their pets’ needs best, and want us to think as they do.  If they make a suggestion about their pet’s care, be open to it as well as being open to their opinions on treatment options.  

If you are a veterinarian or veterinary technician, be patient with the “little white lies” that people tell.  Understand that they are not doing this to harm us, but are just trying to navigate the fear they have of our profession.  Show them how much you care about the truth and the patient’s care to put them at ease.

If you are a pet owner, please do not hide important information from us, we really do love animals and want to help you and your pet.  We will be better able to help if you do not keep important information from us.   

We are all on the same caring veterinary-client-patient team.

The truth will set us all free.  :)

Dr. Julie Cappel

How to love people you don't like.

Yesterday I heard someone complain about one of their colleagues.  I listened to them grumble about the other person’s personality, work ethic, intelligence and leadership skills.  They had an idea in their head about how the person should behave and it was not happening for them, so they felt frustration, which lead to complaining and gossip.

Complaining about a co-worker, family member or friend is not a useful or productive exercise.  Wouldn’t life be easier if we could accept and love everyone?  What would your day be like if other people did not bother you, but in fact pleased you? 

Beautiful right?

It is totally up to you.

Your relationship with other people is about how you THINK about them.  It really has nothing to do with them.   It is your thoughts about them and their behavior that determines your relationship. 

The first step towards accepting others is to learn about and understand you.  We are all wired in different ways and in fact we all think differently.  There are many tools to help you understand personality and behavior styles.   I like Myers-Briggs, DISC, and Enneagram but there are many others that you can use.  Through these tools I have come to understand that I am an extrovert that enjoys harmony and getting things done.  I enjoy a fast paced work environment and quick solutions.  I do not enjoy tedious tasks that require reading detailed directions or sitting for long periods of time alone in my office.  I have the capacity for detail work, but it is not my preference.

Once you understand some things about yourself, you will have more capacity to look at others and understand their personality preferences.  You will be better able to appreciate their usefulness in your world and in your relationship.

The second step towards acceptance is to let go of your script.  We all have these scripts in our head that we write for others.  How we think they should behave.  How we think they should do their job.  How we think they should treat others.  The scripts keep us from allowing others to just be.  The truth is that adult people get to behave in any way that they want to behave.  Nothing in our script can prevent them from doing as they wish.  Once you accept that, you can let go of your preconceived notions towards their behavior and appreciate the things that they do well.  They have their own agenda, which has nothing to do with your script.  

Adults get to behave as they wish.

The third step is unconditional love.  Once you accept yourself just the way you are, you can move on to any self-improvement project without boundaries and the trappings of past failure.  You are free to explore anything that your heart desires.  When you accept and love others unconditionally, your relationship with them is free.  You no longer have to try to control their behavior because you realize that they are perfectly perfect the way they are.  This does not mean that you have to put up with abusive behaviors or poor performing employees.  You can love someone and still set boundaries around yourself or the job.  If the other person chooses to violate those boundaries, you can let them go without guilt or anger.  You can set them free and complete the relationship with love.

How you feel about another person is totally dependent on how you think of yourself and think of them.

“As you think so shall you be!  Your relationships are all in how you think about other people in your life.”  Wayne Dyer

Dr. Julie Cappel

Photo credit - Quattrozampe.online

Seek First to Understand

It occurred to me yesterday, as I was telling my family a very funny story from my workday that being a good listener is a huge part of my job.  Veterinarians must be good listeners and very often, good actors too. Some of the stories we are told are not to be believed and would cause a normal person to either laugh hysterically or drop open their jaw in disbelief. 

Listening is one of the most important skills that we as veterinarians must perfect, and is one of Stephen Covey’s seven habits from the book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”.  Steven said, “Most people do not listen to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” 

John Maxwell, leadership guru, calls listening our most important skill.  He recommends that we spend 80% of our time listening and 20% talking.

In veterinary medicine we not only have to listen to the clients to get an idea about why their pet needs help.  We also spend much of our time “listening” to the body language of our patients as we attempt to figure out what they are telling us about their illnesses.

There are multiple ways that we can work to develop skill as a good listener to benefit our clients our teams and ourselves.  These are the some proven steps for success when it comes to listening carefully and responding appropriately:

Identify the speaker’s problem.  You can get to the identification of the problem by asking yourself a few questions.  What is the issue that brings this person to me?  What is their goal?  Once you have the answer to these questions you can start to try to understand the facts that will help you solve the problem and offer the speaker a solution that they are after.

Determine the person's mindset and formulate your plan to cater to them.  Are they approaching from a scarcity mindset or an abundant mindset?   Are they more concerned about the financial cost for treatments, or are they willing to align your goals with theirs in order to get to the bottom of the problem?

Respond in a way that meets the other persons wants and needs.  To respond in the correct way you need to approach the problem with empathy and the speaker’s personality in mind. Use the words that you believe that the speaker wants to hear as you present the solution to their problem.  If you have really paid attention and listened well you will have no problem getting their problem solved to everyone's satisfaction. 

Remember that listening is a skill that requires practice and the ability to be generous to the other persons' needs and wants.  If you listen with the goal to understand as your first priority  it will open up your skill as a listener and grow your relationship with your clients and your team.

And also practice your "straight face" for those times when the clients say or do things that cause a shocked response.  Then later you can use those stories to entertain your family and friends.  

Dr. Cappel

Lessons from "Reality" Vets

There seems to be an ever-growing obsession with veterinary reality shows on television.  In my mind it all started with "Emergency Vets" back in the 90s, which was a show that focused on Alameda East Veterinary Hospital where the medicine was cutting edge.  Now, there are so many shows with veterinarians working everywhere from Alaska to Hawaii to Houston, with varying levels of veterinary medical care. There are even some wacky veterinary characters that have become admired in spite of their less than conventional medical practises.  I am a fan of some of these shows because they allow the pet loving public to get a glimpse --albeit not always an accurate glimpse -- into the “reality” that is our veterinary world.

As I watch the variety of veterinarians showcased on these shows I am reminded of the huge job that we do each day and the challenge of treating a wide variety of patients and conditions.  I see the tremendous capacity that veterinarians have to persevere when the going gets tough.  It is one of our most admirable qualities.  It is the thing that keeps us from running out the door on any given day after we face a treatment failure or nasty case.

Perseverance is “steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success”. 

Perseverance is something that we needed to get through our difficult schooling and something that we possess each day in order to do the best job for our patients, clients and families. So how do we continue to develop this skill in and out of our work environment?  How do we further develop our capacity to persevere?

Formulate strong goals.  In order to push through to a conclusion of success, you have to have a clear goal in mind.  It may be something as simple as cleaning off your desk or as complex as getting through a successful surgery. You have to start with an end in mind. 

Make up your mind. Have a strong will or intention to achieve your stated goal. You cannot persevere if your mind is weak, so decide up front that you will not fail or if you do hit a bump in the road, you will continue to try.

Hold on to optimism.  If your brain thinks the goal is too lofty or wants to think negatively about it, you are less likely to follow through.  Think optimistic thoughts and you will be more likely to push through when things look grim.

Stay focused on the present.  It will not help you to dwell on your past problems or your future fears.  If you stay focused on each step you will be less likely to give up if things look down.   You will have a higher capacity to get each thing done and will feel less overwhelmed.  With each step, acknowledge your accomplishments or small successes then focus on the next step in the process.

All of us can learn to develop our tenacity and increase our ability to push through when the going gets tough.   When obstacles get in your way and discouragement threatens your optimism, think of the grit and strength that brought you where you are today and carry on. Learn a lesson from those “reality show vets” and get the job done before the "hour" is over.

“Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.” Newt Gingrich

Dr. Julie Cappel