Resolutions Without Anxiety

Today is New Year's Day, and I had some downtime to think and write after the busy holidays. I spent some time thinking of the year ahead and why I feel compelled to push myself to create new goals and resolutions.

As this New Year begins, many of us do this: set goals and make resolutions to improve our lives. We think this process will make this year better or happier than the last. As I contemplated my goals for this year, I realized that 2023 was pretty fabulous. I did most of what I resolved to do: I published my first book, coached many wonderful and talented veterinarians, and enjoyed my life and family in many ways. Do I need to feel like I should do better? On one hand, if I don't set goals, I may sit around like a slug. On the other hand, if I select "bigger and better" goals for 2024, am I putting myself in a place of anxiety and stress?   Am I setting myself up for disappointment and failure? The constant need to improve feels ambitious, but it can also cause increased anxiety and unhappiness. 

How can we use goal setting and resolutions to increase skills and experiences but decrease anxiety?

Consider your personality when creating goals. People with anxiety are fueled by looking to and worrying about the future. Some of us feel less anxiety if we create a plan for accomplishments. Do you feel better when you set a goal and break it down into small steps? Do you like to make lists? If so, resolve, then check in with yourself to be sure you are not creating more anxiety about it as you work the steps. Also, avoid beating yourself up when things do not go as planned. You are on the right track if you can remain calm and in control when you work toward a goal.

Manage your expectations and ambitions.   If you lean towards perfectionism, you will likely set too many goals or make them too big. We want to push ourselves out of our comfort zone to grow, but not so much that we become terrified of ourselves. Be aware to stay focused on family time, physical health, self-care, and rest while scheduling yourself for success. Facing goals that feel unattainable may be stressful and increase your anxiety. For some people, resolutions are damaging. 

Choose the right mindset. Most people feel better about their goals if they are moving towards something rather than away. Harvard psychologist and author Jeff Brown says, "It is natural for humans to move toward goals that are healthy and bring about self-improvement. For those with anxiety, framing a resolution in the positive can be especially helpful." Mindset matters, so when I set goals, I choose words that help me to remain positive. 

Start with small steps, create some success, and repeat. Our brains do better with small steps because we get easily distracted. If you have a big goal, break it down into manageable steps to help you remain interested and create momentum. Dave Ramsey uses the snowball analogy for a reason. Starting with the most minor steps first makes areas of success and grows your momentum over time. That's how you achieve big things. 

As you work on your New Year's Resolutions and make goals this year, manage your anxiety carefully, and when you struggle, get help from a trusted friend, coach, or therapist to keep anxiety at bay. Remain calm and confident as you build the 2024 of your dreams. Share your successes with me as you progress; I am here for you.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy and inspires your hopes.” — Andrew Carnegie.

Relax for the Holidays

It is the middle of December, and I find myself coaching more and more people on feeling overwhelmed and stressed. It is a common thing this time of year. We have many tasks on our list that we have added on top of work, home, and family responsibilities. I have an additional massive list of my own, which is unrelated to the holidays. There are many things that I have procrastinated on, and as the New Year approaches, I feel pressured to begin to get much of it done. For instance, This blog is something I should have done weeks ago. Today, I am finally getting to it. 

With this in mind, let's talk about how to relax into the holidays while still getting all the "stuff" done that we want or need to accomplish.

To relax is "to make or become less tense or anxious. To rest or engage in an enjoyable activity to become less tired or anxious."

It is essential to spend some time relaxing because you cannot bring joy and peace to others in your life if you are filled with stress and anxiety. What makes the holiday season unique is the relationships that you enjoy and being present to take it all in. When stressed, we are wrapped up in thinking about the next thing on the list and miss the magic happening right before us. Also, staying stressed throughout the holiday season begins to take a toll on our bodies. How many holidays have you had with a cold or flu because you were not caring for yourself physically? Relaxation and self-care are how we create healthy bodies.

How do we get to everything that needs to happen and take time to relax?

Plan as much as possible. We all know when the holidays are approaching, so if you can get some of the work done ahead of time, you will feel more relaxed as the days approach. Do some shopping in the summer or fall, buy your Christmas cards early and get them sent, make your food plan and buy what you can ahead of time, and even delegate some of the work.  Ordering out or sharing the cooking responsibilities will not change the joy in the holiday meal. 

Get fresh air daily, even if it is only for a short walk. Getting out in nature is always relaxing, even in the bitter cold. You may feel worked up as the wind whips at your face, but your body will relax when you return to your warm home. It is like a cold plunge, all the rage right now. A brisk walk in the nature will help you remain present and will shock your body into relaxing once you become warm again.

If you are a baker, and even if you are not, baking holiday treats can bring you out of your stress and help you focus on the joy of the season. I am not much of a cook, but if I buy the premade sugar cookie dough, roll it out, and make cut Christmas cookies to decorate, I feel some holiday peace and joy. Even watching other people eat the cookies feels good to me, as if I am caring for the people I love.

I also like to watch my favorite Christmas movies while baking or wrapping gifts. The cheesy movies remind me that life is not as complicated as I make it out to be. Nothing is more important than peace and relationships during the holidays; almost every movie reminds me of that lesson.

Keep the gifts simple. I tend to go overboard when buying gifts for others. I love the feeling of generosity, and that causes me to overspend and buy. If you have that tendency, set a financial or number limit on your gifts. Most people don't care how much you spend or give but are flattered that you thought of them. Keeping your giving in check will add to the feelings of peace by giving you more time to focus on other tasks. Less wrapping, planning, shopping, and less money on your credit cards in January. Make your gift list, then remove at least one thing to keep it simpler.

Remember to be grateful. Spend time with your journal daily to remember the season's blessings. Gratitude always feels better than being overwhelmed and stressed. Look around each day and choose two things to feel thankful for. Write those down and post them somewhere you can read them daily. I also like to post my Christmas cards somewhere prominent to help remind me that I have many friends and relatives who are thinking of me. I am grateful for that. Seeing them daily helps bring me back to the meaning of the season. 

My best holiday relaxation tip is to not compare your holiday to others. I am naturally competitive, so everything about the holiday causes me stress unless I consciously work to overcome that feeling of competition. I want to get my lights up first, have the most lights, the best Christmas tree and decor, and the best gifts. This way of thinking is not joyful, nor is it peace-inducing. Remember that comparison is the thief of your joy, so appreciate what you have, not what others have better than you. Letting go of comparison is critical to relaxing and feeling at peace. The reason for the season has nothing to do with accomplishments, gifts, or food.  Keeping that in mind will help you to relax. 

I hope these tips will help you relax and enjoy your holiday season.  If you have other tips, please share them in the comments below.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy New Year! My best to you and your family.

Dr. Julie Cappel

Shed Your Limiting Beliefs

If you have listened to my podcast lately, The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast, you may have heard that I have written my first book that will be coming out in September. Writing was challenging because I had powerful limiting beliefs that kept me from getting started for many years. I did overcome them, but now I am waiting for others to edit, design, and help me publish the book. My deadline for publication changes almost weekly and has dragged on for months. Now that I am over my limiting beliefs, I work on practicing patience.

I never dreamed I would write something worth reading, and I had to work hard with a coach to overcome my limiting beliefs. Now that is a reality; I am struggling with the patience that I need to wait, wait, and yes, wait for all the little details to be completed before I can get to offering it to you to read. As I wait day after day to get the finished design from the designer, I have decided to begin blogging again to keep myself busy and give my readers some tools to help them achieve their own goals.

Our limiting beliefs hold us back from doing things we want to do because we think we lack the skills, ambition, resources, and luck to make things happen. In truth, we can do almost anything we want; we need to believe that we can do it and then put in the work to get it done.

What are limiting beliefs? A limiting belief is a story in your mind that tells you that you are not good enough or talented enough to reach your goals. We believe these thoughts to be absolutely accurate, and they are mostly subconscious. We use these beliefs as a defense from stress or taking risks. Limiting beliefs will cause us to procrastinate, avoid, deflect, and distract ourselves from anything we need to do to make good choices and excel in new opportunities. Many of our limiting beliefs come from experiences in our past that made us feel unworthy or threatened. Your brain is protecting you from humiliation or rejection. How scary is it for me to write a book for others to read and risk rejection or humiliation if people do not like or enjoy it? Or worse yet, what if people give me negative feedback publicly?

 

Terrifying, right?

What limiting beliefs are holding you back in life?

You must recognize your limiting beliefs and work to change them to grow and accomplish big things. Not an easy task.

  

Some common limiting beliefs that you may recognize in yourself are:

 

I don’t have time. We use this one a lot, don’t we? As I sit here and write this blog, my thoughts tell me I should be doing something more practical and valuable. You may need to make time by planning your days more carefully and intentionally. You can “make” time if you work at it.

I cannot do that. This thought is easy to think, but it actually means that you haven’t developed the skills needed to do it yet. We usually have a qualifier when we say this: I am not physically fit, talented, or brave enough to do whatever we are avoiding. I never believed that I could write a blog and podcast before I decided to do get over my story and do it.

I have failed in the past, so I will likely fail again. Our fear of failure keeps us from taking risks. Failure does not feel good, but not accomplishing goals feels worse. Remember that if you don’t try, you are failing anyway, so you might as well give it a good effort. 

Other limiting belief statements that you may recognize in yourself are:

• I need to be better/more worthy.
• I don’t know where to start.
• No one wants to hear what I have to say.
• Everyone will judge me.
• I don’t have the money.
• It is too late, or I am too old.

The way to overcome your limiting beliefs is first to become aware that you are not where you want to be in life. Investigate your limiting beliefs with a therapist, coach, mentor, or friend. Once you uncover some of yours, do the work to change your thinking and take a small action to start working on your goals.

When it comes out, I hope you read my book for more help in building the life you want. Look for, a Love Your Veterinary Life - The Veterinary Life Coach Guild to Unleashing Your Mind and Building an Incredible Life. It is coming to Amazon very, very (praying), very soon.

  

Dr. Julie Cappel

“There is one grand lie - that we are limited. The only limits we have are the limits we believe.” - Wayne Dyer

Keeping your holiday state of mind.

It is Independence Day weekend, and we are all enjoying fun, rest, and relaxation with our family and friends. Because the 4th of July falls on a Tuesday this year, many of us are working in our clinics on Monday. Holding on to the relaxed feeling from the weekend may be difficult moving from Sunday evening to Monday’s work day and back into our Tuesday holiday.  

Congratulations, you are one smart cookie if you took Monday off as a vacation day. If you work ER, you may work the weekend and Tuesday. However, you can use these same mind hacks to help you stay in a holiday mindset for your next day off.

If you are like me and are working Monday, let's discuss how we can stay in a holiday mindset mode at work tomorrow so your weekend and Tuesday are not ruined. 

Why do we feel relaxed on the weekend and stressed as soon as we think about work tomorrow? The veterinary hospital setting is intense. There are life and death decisions, conflicts with clients, teammates to consider, and sometimes unruly or uncooperative patients. We have duties that require us to focus for long periods of time without breaks. Sometimes our leaders need to be more supportive and made aware of our struggles. If you are new to veterinary medicine, you may need to develop better-coping strategies to help you stay calm during times of stress. With all these factors affecting our stress levels, we need many accessible tools to remain relaxed enough to carry us through our holiday.

Start with remembering what relaxation feels like. Before you can change anything, you must understand it. All of your feelings, including peace, come from your thinking. What do you feel when genuinely enjoying a moment, and what is on your mind? Write down a few of these thoughts, so you can access them later as needed.  

When you are at work or just thinking about it (the “Sunday Scaries”), your body may become stressed. Stress is happening because you are imagining and anticipating going to work tomorrow. When you feel stressed, you can calm yourself by increasing your vagal tone. Yawning, stretching, deep or circular breathing, and even singing will help engage your parasympathetic nervous system and calm you.  

Once you feel calmer, engage your thoughts and use your mindset skills to think more clearly. You may come up with thoughts that feel more in control and relaxed. You can acknowledge difficulties and know that you have faced them before and thrived. Adopt thoughts about solutions and problems passing, and allow yourself to feel powerful in your training to care for your client. Ask yourself why you love your work and reflect on your purpose.  

You can also look forward to your next holiday and having time to reflect and recharge. Remember that you have the training, knowledge, courage, compassion, and talent to save animals and serve their people. Remember also that you have everything you need to feel powerful and excited about all of it.  You will remain calm, present, and in control if you adopt and embrace a holiday mindset.

Have a Happy Independence Day!

Dr. Julie Cappel

The Benefits of Friendship

Last weekend I spent time with some old friends. Not “old” people, but friends I have had for a long time. When I say “old friends,” I guess I mean true friends. True friends are people you know well and feel very comfortable with, even when you don’t interact often. True friends share your history and understand your personality quirks and flaws. They are the people that love you unconditionally.

Spending time with these ladies over the years, through dog training/showing, raising children, and now bike riding and scrapbooking/crafting weekends, has brought me much joy and security. It is vital to our mental and physical health as humans to have friends. The number of friends is less important than the quality of the friendships. Those friendships require work and attention to flourish and for us to reap the benefits.

In her book, Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond, science journalist Lydia Denworth says, “…research suggests that friendships can help us find purpose and meaning, stay healthy, and live longer.” The care and keeping of close personal relationships is a habit that we want to develop to live longer and stay healthier. Keeping these healthy relationships may take time out of our busy schedules, but they are vital to building a better life.

What are some recommendations for fostering healthy friendships?

Do not neglect your friends when you are busy. Take time and make time to connect. When tied up with work, family, and children, it is easy to forget that our friends are important and require a connection. Reach out to them via phone call or text message and tell them you are thinking of them. Schedule time to get together with your friends to have fun. The relationships grow stronger as you share experiences.

 

If your friends are work friends, get together outside of work and discuss something other than work issues. We tend to vent with our work associates, but constant work talk will keep the friendships surface-level and not allow for deeper relationships. It is great to make friends with your co-workers; try to keep some professionalism so as not to let work stress bleed over into the friend space. 

Plan some variety and do something different. Often we get into a rut with our friendships and need to plan new and exciting challenges. Changing things up with your friends will give you more time and experiences to bond over. If you usually text your friend, try calling. If you typically meet for dinner, try scheduling an activity together. Building relationships requires both parties to engage, so try to think of ways you and your friends can bond and have fun together. 

Learning together is a great way to bond. My friend Tracy and I met in a tap dancing class almost 20 years ago, and we still dance together. We don’t do it every week and sometimes go months without dancing, but we go to class together when we can. We love to tap, and experiencing the course together strengthens our bond. 

Continue to learn about your friends by asking open-ended and inviting questions. So many times, we get in a rut with our friends and forget that there is so much to learn about them. Opening yourself up to deeper conversations will help you learn more and grow your bond. I know new things about my friends when I approach them with curiosity and openness. Prioritize those friendships that you want to strengthen and work to express your feelings of appreciation and love to those people. Allowing friends to know that you love them opens their heart to a more genuine friendships.

If you do not have the friends you want, work to make some new connections. As you go through life, making new friends is challenging because we often feel insecure about making friends from strangers. Start with someone that you know but would like to know better. Reach out to them and see how they are doing. Most people would love to have another true friend, so be vulnerable and open to connection.

Make a list of the people you consider true friends and those you would like to be closer to. Then, connect with those friends this week to grow and strengthen your friendships. You will be happier and healthier for it. If you need a new friend, contact me, I can always use a few more. Hugs!

Dr. Julie Cappel

"Friends are medicine for a wounded heart, and vitamins for a hopeful soul." -Steve Maraboli

Dear New Veterinarian

This month we are welcoming into our profession the three thousand-plus veterinarians graduating from Veterinary Colleges around the country. I want to offer my heartfelt congratulations to all of you that survived veterinary school - I know it was a long, tough road. You are now entering the world's most challenging, entertaining, emotional, demanding, and incredible profession. Veterinarians and those who work in veterinary medicine are some of the most supportive and kind people in the world. Your life will be blessed as you walk among them.

As I scroll through the posts on Instagram and TikTok, showing all your smiling, graduating faces, I realize I may have some wisdom to offer. With my experience working in the field for over 30 years and coaching veterinarians, I may have some advice to help you successfully navigate your new career and have an amazing life.  

Here are five tips to help keep your mind focused, healthy, and happy in veterinary medicine.

Don't think you must know everything. You will not, and that is okay. Practice saying, "I don't know." Veterinary schools may have shamed you when you did not have an answer, but your colleagues and clients will not. It is dangerous to pretend that you have all the answers. Your clients want to know that you care about them and their pets. They want you to help them navigate decisions. You will do well if you care enough to communicate your opinion or recommend a test or specialist to help get an answer. Also, remember that you cannot and should not try to control their decisions. If they cannot afford proper testing, you may never have a diagnosis, which is okay. Counsel them to make their best choice on treatment and give them the next step plan if things do not resolve. 

Plan and work for your physical and mental health. You can only help people if you are healthy and whole. Make that your priority. There will be days when work monopolizes your time and energy, but do not let that be daily. Plan to do what you love outside of work and spend time with your family and friends. You must have hobbies and relationships outside of veterinary medicine to nurture your soul. If you take care of yourself first, you can thrive despite a difficult day or week. Learn to set boundaries to keep yourself healthy and seek help when needed. Take care of yourself to build a long career caring for animals and their people.

Leave your cases at work. Easier said than done, I know, but practice techniques for protecting your life away from your job. Just because we have an important job does not mean we do not deserve time away. If you can picture yourself leaving the cases, problems, and emotions on your desk or hanging them in a bag on a hook in your office, you might clear your mind before you get home. When you return, the problems and tasks will be there, so practice and learn to leave them behind.  

Most clients are kind, but you will deal with a few outliers. People can be unpredictable and emotional, especially when they are stressed. Be sure to practice calm, clear communication, and active listening. Remember that many clients are in some stage of grief, which includes bargaining and anger. They may not be angry at you but may direct that emotion to you. Most clients' feelings will pass if you stay calm, and empathetic and give them a little time or space. Trust your instincts regarding pets and people; when you feel unsafe, separate yourself from the situation and call the police if necessary. Remember that the good people far outweigh the bad; the mean people are more memorable than the rest. 

Expect every new person who discovers you are a veterinarian will light up with excitement. It will happen at family functions, weddings and showers, bars and restaurants, parties, children's school events, and even the gym. When you meet someone new, they will have a story or question about their own or someone else's pet. They will smile and say, "I have a dog!" or "I always wanted to be a vet when I was a kid," or even, "That's so cool." You may be tempted to be irritated by their comments and questions, but try to see it as a compliment and honor. Most people don't have such a fabulous job. Answer their questions or nod and smile. You don't have to diagnose anything for them; just enjoy the attention. 

The Human-Animal-Veterinary Bond is magic. If you approach your career with joyous expectation and stubborn self-preservation, you will build the life you have always dreamed of.  

Welcome to the profession, new doctor; I am thrilled to call you my veterinary friend.

Dr. Julie Cappel

Let's become more Resilient.

Do you ever feel that everything that can go wrong is going wrong? Just as you think things are going smoothly, something shakes you up and brings you back down. That is life! That is veterinary life.

Springing back from disappointment or even tragic circumstances is one of the most difficult things. There are feelings of isolation and self-doubt that come with every setback, and if you don't work to deal with those negative feelings, you will continue down that road to despair.

I have had some of these feelings lately, so I want to discuss springing back from adversity or resiliency today. We all know that life is hard, and if we did not have challenges, we would not know to appreciate the good things when they happen. This is by design, but it stinks when things are not going well, and we need to practice skills to keep us from bending too far into negativity.

It is a common problem - Stuff happens, life happens, and we have a lot of stressful thoughts about the stuff happening, and then we need to be resilient to bounce back. It is not easy, but I wanted to bring you some research-based advice to help build that resiliency muscle. 

The definition of resiliency is "Springing back or rebounding ."Returning to the original form or position after bending, compressing, or stretching. Recovering from illness, depression, or adversity."

Resilience is a skill that you can develop and work to improve. Just like all things in life, if you take the time to work on any skill, you can improve. Remember that being resilient does not mean you have no stress or difficulty in your life, and it is not a cure but a way to help you better understand and manage your response to hardship.

The Harvard Business Review outlines three key factors that help to make people more resilient. They are high levels of confidence in their abilities, disciplined routines for their work, and social and family support.

To develop more confidence, a better routine, and build social support, here are some things that you can practice to become more resilient.

Get more connected. Connecting with others is the most important thing we can do to build a beautiful life. Building strong, positive relationships with family and friends will provide you with needed support and acceptance in good and bad times. You can work on your social connections, volunteer, join a club or church, and connect with your veterinary team outside of work. It may feel difficult for you if you tend towards introversion, but if you challenge yourself to step outside your comfort zone and attempt to make more friends, you will better overcome adversity when it hits. 

I joined a pickleball group last week and was super intimidated because I am new to the sport. I had to push myself to show up and join in the play. I didn't know anyone, so I just had to show up and ask to join. To my surprise, everyone was welcoming and helpful, and I had a great time. I played in three games and won one of them. So, get out of your head and push through that uncomfortable feeling of being a stranger in a group and try to connect. You will be surprised how great you feel when you find a new friend. 

Work to make every day more meaningful. Do something that allows you to feel accomplished or purposeful every day. It may be working on your mental and physical health or helping others. Set clear goals to help you look for the future meaningfully. You can also reach out to a friend to check on them, increasing your connection with them and bringing meaning for them when you make their day. 

Reflect on your past experiences. Remember how you've coped with hardships in the past. How you persevered and overcame. Think about the skills and strategies that helped you through those difficult times. You might even write about those past experiences in your journal to help you identify your positive and negative behavior patterns — If you analyze your past, it may help guide your future behaviors.

Embrace the feeling of hope. We sometimes need to remember that you can choose a different emotion when required. Hope is a beautiful one. You can't change the past but you can always look toward the future. Accepting and even anticipating change makes adapting and viewing new challenges easier with less anxiety.

Take care of yourself. This one always sounds simple to me, but it is one of the most challenging things for us to do. Tend to your own needs and work on your feelings. Participate in activities and hobbies you enjoy. Include some physical activity in your daily routine. Get outside more often. Get plenty of sleep and create consistent bedtime rituals. Help yourself "shut down" and leave work behind. Remember that it is OK to rest as long as you are restful and your mind is not spinning on what you "should" be doing.

  

Reframe your thinking. When things change, we sometimes default to our stress reactions without challenging them. To escape this cycle, track your responses to stress and consider whether they're valid. Is there that much work to do, or do you remember the last time work overwhelmed you and feel like that may happen again?

Becoming more resilient takes time and practice. If you need to make progress or help knowing where to start, consider talking to someone. Remember that there is no shame in asking for help, and there are many mental health professionals in the world that are ready to work with you. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

"Life doesn't get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient." ― Steve Maraboli

On this week's podcast I talk more about resilience.  Listen on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.  The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast.