Committing to self-care – A lesson to myself

Let’s face it, veterinarians and veterinary technicians are terrific at caring for everyone around them. They are not, however, terrific at caring for themselves.

I was reminded of this fact so many times in the past few weeks, as I was navigating a myriad of emotional, mental, and physical challenges.  Our hospital computers crashed and have been down for the past two weeks.  We were able to get one working, but one machine for 28 employees does not make things run smoothly.  We have been going at it “old-school” with pen, paper, and calculators for 14 days now.  In addition, several of my friends are dealing with health issues, which is always draining and emotionally challenging.  And, to top it all off, things around my house have been breaking down as if I invited Murphy himself to move in.  

I was juggling all of these things - I thought somewhat successfully - but I was totally neglecting to care for myself.  I was not sleeping well, eating poorly, skipping exercise, and concentrating on caring about everyone but me. We all do it – postponing our own care, to care for our patients, clients, families and our homes.   

So, as a reminder to myself and to all of you hard working, self-sacrificing veterinarians and veterinary technicians out there, I want to give us all a little reminder lesson about self-care.

Self-care is an activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health.  It is often thought of as some simple indulgence like taking a bubble bath to unwind, or having a glass of wine, but it is far from that. Self-care is something that needs to be deliberate and practiced – a part of our daily schedule.  It needs to be a commitment to our health and our life that is practiced regularly. 

Waiting until you are stressed out and wound up to take care of yourself is not self-care.  Routine things like, healthy eating, regular exercise, saving money, and setting boundaries around your time, are the things that really constitute self-care.  It takes commitment to do the things that are good for you every day without distracting your brain with food, wine, social media, or burying yourself in Netflix.  You have to have resolve and determination to put yourself and your needs first.  It takes some concentrated work to get to know yourself well, and to understand what your body and brain truly needs.  

Commit to understanding your priorities.  What do you really want from your life and how are you going to go about getting it?  Once you have your priorities in mind, commit yourself to them. What does your self-care routine look like when you invest in your priorities?  It takes a lot of commitment to say “no” to someone else, setting a boundary to protect your time.  It takes commitment to yourself, to allow your associates to cover for you while you go to therapy or attend an event at your child’s school.  Your priorities will help you separate the urgent and important from the urgent and unimportant.

Taking full responsibility for our own self-care will cause us to develop the energy and capacity to truly care for others without compromising our emotional and physical health.  We will be happier friends, better spouses, and better veterinary care professionals. 

Self-care is not something that you practice occasionally when you feel stressed or overwhelmed.  It is a daily commitment to your mind, your health, and your priorities.  

Practice some self-care every day.  This is the lesson that I want to share with you and myself today. 

It is a coach, coach thyself moment. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Self-care is giving the world the best of you instead of what’s left of you.”  Katie Reed

“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.”  Brene’ Brown

“The most powerful relationship that you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.” Diane Von Furstenberg

Episode #44 - Interview with Veterinary Moms

On this episode of the podcast Julie sits down with two of her associate veterinarians at Warren Woods Veterinary Hospital to discuss the challenges of being a veterinarian and mother.  Dr. Laura VandeGrift and Dr. Jayme Cicchelli are both new mothers with beautiful babies and are also working as veterinarians.  The three doctors discuss the unique challenges that come with being young veterinarians and also new mothers.  

Check out this episode!

Episode #44 - Interview with Veterinary Moms

On this episode of the podcast Julie sits down with two of her associate veterinarians at Warren Woods Veterinary Hospital to discuss the challenges of being a veterinarian and mother.  Dr. Laura VandeGrift and Dr. Jayme Cicchelli are both new mothers with beautiful babies and are also working as veterinarians.  The three doctors discuss the unique challenges that come with being young veterinarians and also new mothers.  

Check out this episode!

Why are you not moving forward?

This week I am working on creating a new veterinary program on goal setting and creating results.  I have been studying and building a power point presentation for my MVMA Power of Ten group.  Ironically, while working on this program on “goals”, so many things have come up for me.  I have been struggling to move forward and just get it done.

The week has been filled with challenges that I have used as an excuse to not move forward.  Our computers went down at the hospital and we are having to do everything by hand.  I discovered a leak and mold problem in my basement and my dog developed a gastrointestinal illness, ruining my carpet.  Those were just some of the things.   My circumstances have been many, and they have created quite a challenge for my easily distractible brain.  Instead of focusing on developing my program, I have been letting myself become absorbed in the challenges that my life is offering. 

Why should we set goals and move forward?

We need to set goals and move forward, because our brain needs direction and focus.  If you let your brain decide what you are going to do, it will take the path of least resistance and have you eating cookies and watching Netflix all day.  Your brain wants to keep you safe, so when you set a big goal that you do not currently know how to accomplish, your brain reacts with fear and distraction.

What can we do to create focus and achieve our goal?

We all have a tendency to focus on the drama around us instead of focusing on achievement.  This is the most common reason that we avoid working on big things.  In order to focus and overcome the fear that our brain creates, we need to learn to be uncomfortable on purpose.  Realize that feeling bad is part of the deal when doing something big. Big goals will cause uncomfortable feelings, and that is OK.  Expect them so you won’t be surprised when they occur.

Be on to yourself.  I know that if something comes up in my day that will help me escape from working on my goal, my brain is going to want to lose focus.  Knowing ahead of time that I am easily distracted, helps me to catch myself when it happens and redirect my attention back to the goal.  It happened to me while writing this – I was distracted by my dogs, but I caught myself and came right back to the writing.

Be willing to fail.  Failure is a part of achieving any worthwhile goal.  It will be a rare occurrence that you will get it right the first time you try, so expect to fail.  Failing and trying again, will always be more useful that sitting back and waiting for things to happen. 

Commit to yourself.  You have to decide on purpose that you want something and then figure out how to get it.

Set a goal. 

Expect your brain to freak out.

Feel the fear and move forward anyway.

Commit to yourself and do not quit.

Fail until you achieve the goal. 

Believe that you can do it and move forward.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“You have to set goals that are almost out of reach. If you set a goal that is attainable without much work or thought, you are stuck with something below your true talent and potential.” —Steve Garvey

Episode #43 - Lessons on Personal Growth/John Maxwell

On this episode of the podcast Julie discusses some of John Maxwell's book, "The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth".  John Maxwell is a leading author and speaker on all things leadership and is a favorite author of Julie's.  In this book, John outlines "laws" that we all need to embrace for continued personal growth. Growth should be intentional and aligned with your purpose and passions, if not you run the risk of being busy without meaning. Join Julie as she learns from John Maxwell.

Check out this episode!

All Things College and Career Interview with Meg and Bobbi

You are not alone – getting beyond the trolls

This weekend I am on my semi-annual scrapbooking retreat with a group of my long-time girlfriends.  We have been friends for over twenty years and met each other in a variety of ways – dog training, kid’s school, work associations, camping and marching band.  We gather twice a year to visit, eat good food, watch movies, and work on various craft projects.  The crafting is real, but the focus is actually to maintain our longtime friendships with time spent together.  We spend time chatting about our various family and work dramas, life changes with our parents, and successes with our children.  One of us is soon to be a Grandmother, which is exciting and amazing.
 

Trent and Parker at the kennel while I am away.

While taking a break from my scrapbook, I had a lot of time to do research on social media for my veterinary coaching clients.  I have been reading many discussions on the veterinary Facebook page “Not One More Vet”.  This organization was designed to support veterinarians that are feeling alone and desperate about their career and circumstances in their life. It is supposed to be a place where people can safely air their problems and seek support from others.  As is common with so many online places in social media, there are those that fail to understand the purpose of support. The trolls. They offer judgment and criticism in place of the much-needed understanding and support.  Today I read a beautiful post by one of my good friends. Her post was supportive and beautiful, and then in the next moment I read a snarky post about some “older” veterinarians that were expressing judgment about the “younger” veterinarians.  Exactly what this site was designed against.
 

I became a certified life coach in order to assist with the overarching problem of anxiety, depression and suicide in our profession.  I am in a great place in my life, but I have had my fair share of struggles in this profession and with my own family.  I know all too well how difficult it is to work in a field where many of our decisions are not really ours.  We are at the mercy of the client, the uncertainty of medicine, and the ever-powerful dollar.  We are now also at the mercy of these internet trolls – but only if we let ourselves be.
 

How can we, as a profession, promote strength and progress without all the judgement?  How can we overcome and ignore the trolls?
 

There is a quote that I love from John Maxwell, he says, “Hurting people hurt people.”
 

The way we can continue to support our fellow veterinarians is by realizing that there will always be trolls.  People who for some reason feel better about themselves if they hurt others. When we accept the fact that they will always be there and understand something about them, we can embrace the concept that they are suffering, as much or more, than we are.  We will be able to see their comments as more of a cry for help than a reflection of us or our profession.  Rather than feeling bad about ourselves when they judge, we can feel sad for them.


 I realized this weekend that there are always people in your life that want the best for you.  The people, like my group of friends, that will be there when you need them.  We all have someone in our corner that understands and loves us.  Acknowledging the fact that you are not alone is the first step in feeling better.  Family, friends and even strangers that know your situation, like me, will support and help you move forward in your life.   

Let go of the internet trolls and see them for what they are.  Hurting people that hurt people.   

Trolls will be trolls, but you never walk alone.

Dr. Julie Cappel

Join me on the Podcast!!

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-veterinary-life-coach-podcast-with-dr-julie-cappel/id1451549730