Embracing Personal Responsibility

This week I am traveling again so I have had time to observe many people.  Sit at any airport for a while and you will be entertained by a vast array of human behavior.

Today as I was waiting in line to board my flight to Dallas, a woman gifted me with a great example of a complete lack of common courtesy and personal responsibility.  As my plane was boarding she approached the woman at the counter who was working to get the passengers efficiently on the plane.  She and her husband approached the desk and asked the clerk about the next flight that would be boarding from that gate.  The clerk politely (as far as I could tell) asked the woman to wait until the current flight was completely boarded to address her issue with the later flight.  The woman insisted that she get assistance now because she was there and did not want to wait.  The clerk again asked her politely, and a bit more forcefully, to wait. “If you could just wait a few minutes to allow me to finish with this flight, I will be happy to help”.  After insisting for a third time and getting the same result, the woman turned away from the clerk, looked at her husband and said, “ That lady is a real bitch!” 

Wow I laughed, she has some balls to blame the clerk for the fact that she arrived at the gate an hour and a half early for her flight and she did not wish to wait.

That is when I started to think about personal responsibility.  The woman refused to consider that she might have been in the wrong - insisting that the clerk assist her before the other passengers.  She further negated her personal responsibility in the transaction by calling the clerk a bitch.

Personal responsibility is an important thing for a good leader or good human to possess. The tendency to want to blame others when things do not go our way is natural, but it will affect our ability to lead.

Why is personally responsibility so important in life and leadership?  How can you improve your own sense of personal responsibility?

Do not blame others.  Responsible people do not blame other people for their circumstances.  Becoming a strong leader involves making choices and then acknowledging that those choices, for good or bad are yours to own.  Your team will lose respect for you if you blame others, especially them or your clients, for your choices or situations.   When you own a problem you will earn your team’s respect.

Responsibility allows you to take control of your life. Honoring your commitments and taking responsibility for your actions allows you to make your own way in the world.  No one can affect your success as long as you have a handle on the steps that you chose to get there.  Understanding that you cannot control every circumstance in your life, but you can control the way you respond to those circumstances will cause you to make better decisions. 

Having a strong sense of personal responsibility will increase your feelings of self worth.  If you can drop excuses or blaming, you will feel more balanced and in control.  Once that balanced feeling is well established your self-esteem will grow.  You will honor your commitments to yourself and be more likely to put the work in to become more successful.

Taking personal responsibility in the exam room and owning the choices that you make with clients will make you a more likable and respected veterinarian.  The clients will feel assured that you are in control of any situation.  You will become more trusted and loved by your clients.  The confidence that you feel will cause the client to see you as the authority figure and strengthen your bond. 

Watch yourself in the area of personal responsibility and work to control your thoughts and feelings to overcome the need to blame others for your situation in life. 

Once you let go of blame, you can grab on to success.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“All of us have a tendency to blame others for our circumstances and even our choices.  We need to overcome that tendency if we want to increase our potential and live a life with no limits.”  John Maxwell, The Power of your Potential.

Traveling to Your Upper Limit

This month I am traveling more than normal. I will be visiting 5 cities in less than 6 weeks.  Four of the five trips involve airline travel and one is a road trip.  I am traveling for both work and personal reasons, but 5 trips in a row is a lot of traveling for me.

When I am traveling I love to use the travel time to read, unless I am driving of course, and in those cases I like to read audio books.  This weekend I am on trip number two and I am reading a book called, “The Big Leap” by Gay Hendricks.  It is well written and presents a super interesting concept. 

We all have one barrier to living a successful and fulfilled life.  Gay calls it the  “upper limit problem”.  

The “upper limit problem” is our innate intolerance for feeling good.  It is the idea that our brain wants to sabotage us if we sense that things are going too well or we start to feel too good.  I found this so fascinating.  Who doesn’t want to feel good or be successful right?  I am mostly a positive person, but when I really started to work through this concept while reading the book, I realized that I do it all the time.

Have you ever diagnosed a complicated case and felt very proud of yourself?  Did you feel the extraordinary exhilaration of being a Super Vet?  You feel great KNOWING that you came up with the right diagnosis and chose the very best treatment for the pet.  You felt wonderful about that right?  Then, did you go home later and Google, VIN, and research the snot out of that particular disease until you filled your head with doubts.  You read until you feel terrified that you made a big mistake and the pet was surely going to be dead by morning?    Yep!   That is the “upper limit problem”. 

Hendricks writes that we each have an internal meter that is the keeper of our joy.  We have these well-established beliefs that we are only so worthy.  It may be something that we developed in childhood or something that we were born with, but it is deeply ingrained in us.  We have this feeling that we can only be so successful or so happy.  When good things do happen and we should be exceedingly happy, our brain brings up problems to keep us “in our place”, so to speak.

How can we move beyond our “upper limit” thinking?

First we need to recognize the thoughts when they occur.  If you have a success and all of a sudden you start feeling critical towards yourself, a client or colleague; that is your brain bringing up an upper limit thought.    Deflecting compliments can be a sign of an upper limit thought.  When you are brilliant and someone tells you that you are brilliant you may deflect the compliment with claims of inferiority.  That is upper limit deflection. You can work to recognize these sabotage thoughts in your head and work to change them before they destroy your happiness.  That is the point of “The Big Leap”.  Taking a big mental leap to destroy your upper limits and stay in your zone of success, abundance and joy.

There is a lot more to the book than what I can explain here, so I would encourage you to read it.  Perhaps I can help you get a head start by noticing your upper limit thinking so together we can leap over our negativity and open us up to feelings of abundant success.

Have a beautiful week and safe travels to you all.

Dr. Julie Cappel

Early Morning Magic - Give Yourself One Hour

As I was navigating my morning ritual today I started thinking about early morning rituals and how important they are to our success and mental health. I have notoriously been a night owl all my life, so mornings are often a struggle for me; however,  I have found through research and experience that having a solid hour of morning ritual before I have to get ready for work, makes me more productive and happier throughout my day. 

As I was researching the subject to write this blog I ran across a webpage called, “Early Morning Magic”.   It sounded super interesting but I was unsure that I should explore the page. Perhaps it was not PG.  I decided to risk it and clicked on the “Early Morning Magic” link.  To my surprise and delight I discovered that it was a website advertising a program at Disney’s Magic Kingdom that allows visitors to enter the park an hour before the crowds. (for an additional $79)  For that “nominal fee” you can be the first to enjoy the park and the rides before the crowds descend.  Sounds wonderful right?

It was actually a perfect title for my blog about early morning rituals of successful people.   I hope Disney doesn’t mind me borrowing it.  

Studies have shown that early morning hours have proven to be the most productive and are a real secret to many peoples’ outstanding success.  Many highly effective and successful people use their mornings in a very specific and productive way.  I have painfully adopted this practice over the years and I have found that it is true.  I say painfully because I love to stay up late and avoid sleep at all costs until I am forced by sheer exhaustion to settle down and sleep.  For someone that does not like to sleep, early morning rising is difficult.  But, I have a specific flow and ritual to my mornings that I have adjusted over the years and the more specific I get in the ritual the more the morning hour serves me. As I have embraced the morning I find that I get so much more done each day if I just start my day right.

How do you start your day? If you are sleeping until the last minute and then rushing to get ready for work, disheveled and with sleep in your eyes, you are doing it wrong.  If you want to be more productive and feel better, set your alarm 30-60 minutes earlier.  Try it for 2 weeks.  Just do it.  Embracing your morning and adding time to your day will pay off in your happiness and productivity.

Here are some things that you can do with your hour to change your life for the better.

Avoid screen time:  Do not immediately check your cell phone, computer or TV news programs.  Screen time can have a profound negative effect on your day.  The amount of negativity that is spewed on morning news and social media feeds will start your brain in a negative space before you even get a chance to appreciate the day.  Email will remind you of the things that you failed to complete yesterday.  Avoid them for at least one hour in the morning.

Stretch your body or get some light exercise.  Stretching your body or engaging in light exercise will increase blood flow to your body and help you to releases the tension that builds up in your muscles from inactivity.  It clears your mind and readies it to take in more positive things to come in your day.

Brew your coffee, do some chores and make your bed.  I have always made my bed, thanks to my Mom, and I also have to feed and care for my pets as part of my morning routine. All these things add order to your day.  Keeping your space clean and clutter free has been proven to decrease the amount of stress you feel. 71 percent of bed makers consider themselves happy;  while 62 percent of non-bed-makers admit to being unhappy. Bed makers are also more likely to enjoy their jobs, own a home, exercise regularly, and feel well rested.  (pshychologytoday.com)

Read something positive or listen to an inspirational message or podcast in the morning.  I like to read something in the morning that inspires me.  I also try to get 10 minutes of meditation in after I read to let the information more fully sink in.  Meditation is intimidating if you have not done it before, but there are some good apps for guided meditation that make it easier.  Making a gratitude list may help you get your mind in a positive space if you are struggling.

Spend a few moments each morning visualizing and planning your day.  It helps me to write a list in my bullet journal of the three things that I MUST finish today.  Planning your day first thing in the morning when your mind is clear and you are relaxed will help you focus on the things that are important.   Keeping a clear head will increase your overall productivity. Set a solid foundation for a great day.

Practice thinking, “Today I am living on purpose and I will DO great things.”

This is your day.  Give yourself one hour and live it.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Time isn’t the main thing it’s the only thing.”  Miles Davis

Stepping over FEAR to get to CHANGE.

 This was a big, busy and amazing week for me personally and professionally. There were exciting team changes at my veterinary hospital, a big life-changing move for my son, and a fabulous change for me personally -- the release of my new podcast!  

The podcast was an intimidating idea that I have worked on developing for many months.  Genuine fears came up for me in the development process that I had to mentally work around.  Fear comes up naturally when we attempt to do something that we have never done before.   We experience fear of failing, fear of criticism, and sometimes even fear of success.

Let’s explore big life changes and how to overcome fear that often accompanies change.  We all experience it from time to time.  There is healthy fear of change that our brains see as self-protective and then there is unhealthy fear that interrupts our progress on the way to accomplishment.

How can we handle the fear of change while still putting brilliance out into the world?

Embrace your fear.  Do not let the anxiety that you experience during a change paralyze you. Emotions are transient; so do not wait to take steps until your anxiety completely disappears. Feel the fear and then take small steps to overcome each thought that your brain develops.  If you feel stuck in the fear, write the thoughts down so you can see them on paper.  Sort them into rational fears and irrational fears.  Taking a critical look at the things that your brain “makes up” will help you move through the fear of change faster.  

Sometimes, a fear comes from simply not knowing very much about the thing you’re afraid of.  In my podcast example, I really knew nothing about podcasting, except the things that I learned from listening to other people’s podcasts. In order to overcome some of my fears I had to begin to study podcasting.  Fortunately for me, I have family members that were able to help me get my podcast out into the world. My daughter is a photographer and graphic artist.  She did the logo and artwork for my podcast.  My son is a composer so he was able to write my podcast music and also help with sound editing.  My sister Jill and her husband have a successful podcast called “True Crime Brewery” so she was able to advise me on where to start.

There is amazing power in collaboration and learning from others in your life.  If you are facing a big change and feeling fearful, talk to someone close to you that can see things from a less emotional perspective.  Have them help you work through your difficulties and see the situation for what it really is.  Ask them for their opinions and truly listen to their response.  It is very possible that you are making more of a situation than needs to be made. Your family and friends may help you overcome the fear of change.

Remember that fear and anxiety serve a purpose but when fear starts to slow you down, you need to kick yourself into action and STEP over your fear to get to the CHANGE.

Please listen to my new podcast (The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast) on iTunes or Spotify and let me know what you think.  If you have any suggestions or questions for me send an email to jacappeldvm@gmail.com.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“If you want to conquer fear, don't sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy”.  - Dale Carnegie

Buyer’s remorse – Coaching yourself through negativity

 This morning as I was drinking my morning coffee I started flipping through posts on LinkedIn. I have a tendency to do this in the morning as I find it a great place to find words of inspiration from thought leaders.  Today I found quite the opposite.  I ran across an article on the DVM360 website that talked about “buyer’s remorse” in young veterinarians in regards to their veterinary degree.  The author stated that most veterinarians feel remorse in the first 3-5 years of their working life.  They feel a sense of disconnect between what they THOUGHT life would be as a veterinarian and what life actually is.  They are discouraged about their debt, the difficulty of the job, and the work-life balance that they are trying to achieve.

This is a narrative that directly speaks to me.  These negative thoughts about our profession are a cancer that we need to cure and why I chose to become a veterinary life coach.  Most of us do not know how to manage negative thoughts about veterinary medicine when they occur.  If we can learn to manage the way we think about our career, we are well on the way to feeling better about our veterinary life.

Let’s talk about some steps to coach ourselves through this “buyer’s remorse”.

The first thing to think about is that YOU are NOT your job.    Your job brings many difficult circumstances that have nothing to do with YOU. There are negative clients, stressed team members, diseases that are difficult to cure, and daily struggles.  There are also happy clients, cute puppies, talented team members and successful surgeries.  You have no REAL control over most circumstances positive or negative.  They are just life.  They have nothing to do with YOU personally. When you separate YOU from the JOB you can see that you are 100% human and 100% worthy.  You need to start from this place.

Realize that you have control over the way you THINK about any situation.  You are in control of your thoughts.  It feels as if you cannot control your thoughts, but if you really sit down and look at them, you realized that you are able change them and look at life differently.   You don’t have to think from a place of scarcity when looking at your veterinary career.  You can choose to think of the abundance and the opportunity that you have to help people in your work every day.  Once you start thinking about your scarcity thoughts and realizing that you can change them to abundance thoughts, you will start to feel better about your career.

 

When you become more abundance minded you will more willingly take positive steps and actions towards making your life better.  You will take more risks because you will realize that any action is better than inaction.   Forward motion is better than procrastination, always. You will be more willing to risk failure because you know that failure is a steppingstone to future success.

The next time that you think about your profession as a struggle or feel buyer’s remorse, remember that you have the power to turn it around.  You can choose to be enamored with your life, not overwhelmed by it.  Choose an abundance mindset over scarcity.  Choose to think of yourself as 100% veterinary rock star, 100% worthy of a beautiful life.   There is no situation that you can encounter that you cannot handle, because you are a powerful, worthy veterinarian. 

Let’s do away with buyer’s remorse.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Everything you need you already have.  You are complete right now; you are a whole, total person, not an apprentice person on the way to someplace else.  Your completeness must be understood by you and experienced in your thoughts as your own personally reality.” – Wayne Dyer

What Did You Learn Today?

I am sitting in a conference hall waiting for the first morning session of the last day of the Michigan Veterinary Conference.  I arrived a bit early this morning to get some Starbucks coffee (a treat when I am out of town) and to spend a few minutes writing before the lecture starts.  Today’s lecture subject is “Pain Management” -- a subject that I have heard countless times before, but not from this lecturer.  My experience with continuing education is that there is always something different to learn from every presentation.  They all come with different perspectives and I always seem to learn a little something new. 

The past few days as I watched veterinarians, technicians and managers navigate the exhibit hall, taking in the abundance of different learning experiences, I thought of our love and need for constant learning.  Why is it that we love to learn and why should we continue to learn?  I think that challenging our brains to learn something new makes life wonderful and it has massive mental health advantages.

When we learn a new skill, the benefits of the learning go well beyond just the new skill.  Learning benefits us in all kinds of amazing ways. 

When you concentrate on learning something new, it trains your brain to be more adaptive. The learning process challenges you to change your way of thinking -- letting go of old ways and trying something new.  The process allows your brain to become more adaptive when challenged to future change.  You will be less likely to fear change in your work or home environment.  It will allow you to embrace and enjoy change.

Challenging your brain to learn something new will also force your brain chemistry to improve. Learning and practicing a new skill has been linked to the strengthening the myelin (white matter) in your brain and may actually decrease the risks of future dementia.

Learning makes you a better, faster learner.  Developing a new skill and practicing will help speed up your learning over time.  The more you practice using the pathways in your brain, the better and faster the impulses can travel.  You become faster and faster at learning.

Learning new things will keep you from getting board and may improve feelings of depression. The simple act of learning gives your brain something positive to focus on, replacing some of your negative thoughts.  Having new things to talk about makes it easier to relate to other people.  Broader interests can help you to relate to a wider audience which may strengthening social relationships.

It is so important to challenge your brain to learn something new each day. Read a book, watch a documentary, take a class, or learn from a friend or colleague.  You will be surprised how much better your life will be when you embrace the wonderful world of learning. 

What did you learn today?

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young.” 
― Henry Ford

“Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death.” 
― Albert Einstein

Developing Mental Muscle

“Remember, the mind is your best muscle. Big arms can move rocks, but big words can move mountains.” – Rocky Balboa

Anyone that knows me knows that I love Rocky.  All six of the movies, yes there are six – plus two installments of Creed.

I have been a fan since I saw my first Rocky movie when I was a teenager and have seen all of the Rocky movies multiple times (at least double digits).  My kids were “forced” to watch Rocky and all my friends have heard about how GREAT all of the movies are.  Why are they great?  They contain simple but important life lessons that we all need in order to be better human beings. 

I recently saw the newest installment in the Rocky Balboa series Creed II.  As always, I loved it.  I loved it because it is a story of perseverance and developing mental toughness to overcome obstacles in life.  The power of developing mental muscle. 

What does it mean to develop your mental muscle? 

To me it means working on little things daily in order to be prepared for the big things when they happen.  Just like lifting weights and doing pushups every day will make your arms stronger, working on certain “mental reps” will make your character and resolve stronger when the challenges of daily life descend upon you.

What steps can you take to grow that muscle?

Practice your mental focus.  It is easy to get distracted by the little things that happen around you everyday.  Clients, patients, and team members all have their little problems that can derail you from the things that you want to do.  Practicing focus and living consciously will help you filter out the less important things around you and allow you to concentrate on the task at hand.

Practice self-awareness. Often we want to blame our problems on those around us instead of taking personal responsibility.  The truth is, the more you look inward and learn about yourself, the better you will be at handling outside influences and issues.  Knowing yourself well, embracing your morals and studying your mind will set you up to make quick, accurate decisions.  You will already know the answer to many questions because you know what you ultimately want.

Work on strengthening your strengths.  We tend to focus our work on weaknesses instead of strengths.  We spend time worrying about the things that we do not do well.  Instead, focus on your strengths and getting stronger. If you are great at client communication, work to get better at it. If you are weak in an area, you can spend a little time improving that skill, but don’t go overboard.  If you are just not that great at orthopedics, for example, give those cases to someone else that excels in that area.  There is nothing in the manual that says you have to be good at everything; in fact , if you work on trying to be good at everything, you will be only be average. If you work on your strengths, you can achieve excellence.

Let go of negativity.  No one ever became great by thinking negatively.  Separate yourself from your negative thoughts and negative people.  You have control of your brain, so keep it from taking you down the path of negativity.  If you feel stuck in a negative thought loop, ask for help.  We all have our moments of feeling negative, so talking to a trusted friend or mentor may help you work through those negative thoughts and develop more positive alternatives. 

Above all remember to honor and develop your mental muscle. Working on your mind will lead you to more success than you ever thought possible.

And, don’t forget to watch a Rocky movie!  Think of me when you do….

Dr. Julie Cappel

Making Powerful Difficult Choices

Recently I have found myself in many conversations with my friends and family about choices:  choices about career changes, family relationships, and even simple things such as which restaurant to choose.  Most people hate making choices because their brain overcomplicates things. They fear that making the “wrong” choice will have some terrible repercussions.  As they struggle with the decision making process the choices seems to get more and more scary, pushing them into the land of intense fear, indecision and inaction. This results in procrastination and nothing is accomplished. 

Yesterday was my son’s birthday and we were on a time crunch to have dinner because he only had a couple hours between shows.  (He is a musician and was performing in the touring show Disney’s Aladdin – cool right?)  But that left me with 12 people in a very busy restaurant waiting to be seated as the minutes were ticking by.  A decision had to be made:  should we continue to wait for our table at the busy restaurant (which I had called several times to warn them of our party’s needs. They would not take a reservation), or should we scrap it and go to another restaurant?  As the minutes ticked by we all looked at each other and wondered what to do.  We had to make a choice.  We were all hungry and anxious to sit down and enjoy some food and fellowship.  After being patient for over 30 minutes my husband and I made the decision to press the hostess into getting us our table so we did not have to change restaurants.  I started talking to the host and hostess explaining that I needed to get this meal going before we ran out of time.  It was birthday celebration after all.  As I kindly but firmly presented my case to the management team the table suddenly became available and we were seated.  Other patrons waiting for tables gave me the “thumbs up” possibly thinking that if I got my big party seated that their table would come up next.  The waiter was a lovely young man who quickly took our orders and got our food.  All was well.

Whether to change restaurants or not, is NOT a very important decision but we had two choices.  Wait or move.  Either one may have turned out fine, or may have led us to not eating, but we had to choose.  The fear of having 12 people left hungry and disappointed pushed me to make a choice and risk embarrassing myself as I pled my case to the restaurant staff.

If you are struggling with a difficult decision, there are some things you can think about to help you make a choice.   

Think through and be clear on what you really want.  Many people bounce between choices because they do not know their ultimate goal. If you can clarify the “big goal” you will feel better in making the little choices in moving in that direction.   If you find yourself in a situation where you are choosing a new career path, for example and both choices “feel” wrong, maybe there is a third option.  Perhaps neither one of the decisions is right for you at this time.  That does not mean that you can just sit in inaction.  You still need to figure out what it is that you really want as a long-term goal and see if one of the choices fits into your strategy.  If one choice fits better than the other then go for it. 

Do something!  Remember that doing something (anything) is better than doing nothing.  Avoiding hard choices because you are afraid will leave you in the same dead end job year after year.  If you make the choice to move into a different field and after a few months or years you realize that you really would rather be doing something else, you will have built up some new experiences and talents that may help you in your next position.  Each “wrong” choice will lead you to learn about the better choice and also build your experience.

Do not make a choice just because someone else thinks you should.   Many people in your life will make suggestions on what you should do, while they sit back and take it easy.  These “you shoulds” will get into your head and cause you confusion.  Just because your coworkers think you should stay in your current position does not mean that is a good choice for you.  If you quiet the outside voices and really focus on your heart, you will make better decisions for you.  You are the person that is most important in your life so don’t let any outside influences weigh heavily. 

Realize that every choice will lead to another and there is not one right path.  Throughout life there are so many choices that we make and each one will build off the other.  Life is flexible and you can change course. Let’s say that you decided to skip college to open your own business.  You decided that it was more important for you to be an entrepreneur.  Does that mean that you can never get a degree?  No. You are not stuck forever with that decision.  I know many veterinarians that had previous law or business careers.

Realize that no one makes perfect choices.  We all have to correct course at some time and we all are disappointed in our decisions.  You can’t have perfection when making choices.  The beauty of making wrong choices is that you will learn something from every decision.  You will learn what works and what does not. The danger with not choosing is that you remain in inaction.  You will stagnate and not progress in your life if you refuse to choose.  If you are not happy with the way your life is going now, resolve to make some difficult choices and change it. 

Have a good time learning to choose.  It sounds like a stressful hobby, but if you learn that choices lead to opportunity and opportunity makes life more fun, you can learn to enjoy the process of making powerful difficult choices.

“Look for your choices, pick the best one, and then go with it.”  -  Pat Riley

“Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant.”  -  Tony Robbins

Dr. Julie Cappel