Buyer’s remorse – Coaching yourself through negativity

 This morning as I was drinking my morning coffee I started flipping through posts on LinkedIn. I have a tendency to do this in the morning as I find it a great place to find words of inspiration from thought leaders.  Today I found quite the opposite.  I ran across an article on the DVM360 website that talked about “buyer’s remorse” in young veterinarians in regards to their veterinary degree.  The author stated that most veterinarians feel remorse in the first 3-5 years of their working life.  They feel a sense of disconnect between what they THOUGHT life would be as a veterinarian and what life actually is.  They are discouraged about their debt, the difficulty of the job, and the work-life balance that they are trying to achieve.

This is a narrative that directly speaks to me.  These negative thoughts about our profession are a cancer that we need to cure and why I chose to become a veterinary life coach.  Most of us do not know how to manage negative thoughts about veterinary medicine when they occur.  If we can learn to manage the way we think about our career, we are well on the way to feeling better about our veterinary life.

Let’s talk about some steps to coach ourselves through this “buyer’s remorse”.

The first thing to think about is that YOU are NOT your job.    Your job brings many difficult circumstances that have nothing to do with YOU. There are negative clients, stressed team members, diseases that are difficult to cure, and daily struggles.  There are also happy clients, cute puppies, talented team members and successful surgeries.  You have no REAL control over most circumstances positive or negative.  They are just life.  They have nothing to do with YOU personally. When you separate YOU from the JOB you can see that you are 100% human and 100% worthy.  You need to start from this place.

Realize that you have control over the way you THINK about any situation.  You are in control of your thoughts.  It feels as if you cannot control your thoughts, but if you really sit down and look at them, you realized that you are able change them and look at life differently.   You don’t have to think from a place of scarcity when looking at your veterinary career.  You can choose to think of the abundance and the opportunity that you have to help people in your work every day.  Once you start thinking about your scarcity thoughts and realizing that you can change them to abundance thoughts, you will start to feel better about your career.

 

When you become more abundance minded you will more willingly take positive steps and actions towards making your life better.  You will take more risks because you will realize that any action is better than inaction.   Forward motion is better than procrastination, always. You will be more willing to risk failure because you know that failure is a steppingstone to future success.

The next time that you think about your profession as a struggle or feel buyer’s remorse, remember that you have the power to turn it around.  You can choose to be enamored with your life, not overwhelmed by it.  Choose an abundance mindset over scarcity.  Choose to think of yourself as 100% veterinary rock star, 100% worthy of a beautiful life.   There is no situation that you can encounter that you cannot handle, because you are a powerful, worthy veterinarian. 

Let’s do away with buyer’s remorse.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Everything you need you already have.  You are complete right now; you are a whole, total person, not an apprentice person on the way to someplace else.  Your completeness must be understood by you and experienced in your thoughts as your own personally reality.” – Wayne Dyer

What Did You Learn Today?

I am sitting in a conference hall waiting for the first morning session of the last day of the Michigan Veterinary Conference.  I arrived a bit early this morning to get some Starbucks coffee (a treat when I am out of town) and to spend a few minutes writing before the lecture starts.  Today’s lecture subject is “Pain Management” -- a subject that I have heard countless times before, but not from this lecturer.  My experience with continuing education is that there is always something different to learn from every presentation.  They all come with different perspectives and I always seem to learn a little something new. 

The past few days as I watched veterinarians, technicians and managers navigate the exhibit hall, taking in the abundance of different learning experiences, I thought of our love and need for constant learning.  Why is it that we love to learn and why should we continue to learn?  I think that challenging our brains to learn something new makes life wonderful and it has massive mental health advantages.

When we learn a new skill, the benefits of the learning go well beyond just the new skill.  Learning benefits us in all kinds of amazing ways. 

When you concentrate on learning something new, it trains your brain to be more adaptive. The learning process challenges you to change your way of thinking -- letting go of old ways and trying something new.  The process allows your brain to become more adaptive when challenged to future change.  You will be less likely to fear change in your work or home environment.  It will allow you to embrace and enjoy change.

Challenging your brain to learn something new will also force your brain chemistry to improve. Learning and practicing a new skill has been linked to the strengthening the myelin (white matter) in your brain and may actually decrease the risks of future dementia.

Learning makes you a better, faster learner.  Developing a new skill and practicing will help speed up your learning over time.  The more you practice using the pathways in your brain, the better and faster the impulses can travel.  You become faster and faster at learning.

Learning new things will keep you from getting board and may improve feelings of depression. The simple act of learning gives your brain something positive to focus on, replacing some of your negative thoughts.  Having new things to talk about makes it easier to relate to other people.  Broader interests can help you to relate to a wider audience which may strengthening social relationships.

It is so important to challenge your brain to learn something new each day. Read a book, watch a documentary, take a class, or learn from a friend or colleague.  You will be surprised how much better your life will be when you embrace the wonderful world of learning. 

What did you learn today?

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young.” 
― Henry Ford

“Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death.” 
― Albert Einstein

Developing Mental Muscle

“Remember, the mind is your best muscle. Big arms can move rocks, but big words can move mountains.” – Rocky Balboa

Anyone that knows me knows that I love Rocky.  All six of the movies, yes there are six – plus two installments of Creed.

I have been a fan since I saw my first Rocky movie when I was a teenager and have seen all of the Rocky movies multiple times (at least double digits).  My kids were “forced” to watch Rocky and all my friends have heard about how GREAT all of the movies are.  Why are they great?  They contain simple but important life lessons that we all need in order to be better human beings. 

I recently saw the newest installment in the Rocky Balboa series Creed II.  As always, I loved it.  I loved it because it is a story of perseverance and developing mental toughness to overcome obstacles in life.  The power of developing mental muscle. 

What does it mean to develop your mental muscle? 

To me it means working on little things daily in order to be prepared for the big things when they happen.  Just like lifting weights and doing pushups every day will make your arms stronger, working on certain “mental reps” will make your character and resolve stronger when the challenges of daily life descend upon you.

What steps can you take to grow that muscle?

Practice your mental focus.  It is easy to get distracted by the little things that happen around you everyday.  Clients, patients, and team members all have their little problems that can derail you from the things that you want to do.  Practicing focus and living consciously will help you filter out the less important things around you and allow you to concentrate on the task at hand.

Practice self-awareness. Often we want to blame our problems on those around us instead of taking personal responsibility.  The truth is, the more you look inward and learn about yourself, the better you will be at handling outside influences and issues.  Knowing yourself well, embracing your morals and studying your mind will set you up to make quick, accurate decisions.  You will already know the answer to many questions because you know what you ultimately want.

Work on strengthening your strengths.  We tend to focus our work on weaknesses instead of strengths.  We spend time worrying about the things that we do not do well.  Instead, focus on your strengths and getting stronger. If you are great at client communication, work to get better at it. If you are weak in an area, you can spend a little time improving that skill, but don’t go overboard.  If you are just not that great at orthopedics, for example, give those cases to someone else that excels in that area.  There is nothing in the manual that says you have to be good at everything; in fact , if you work on trying to be good at everything, you will be only be average. If you work on your strengths, you can achieve excellence.

Let go of negativity.  No one ever became great by thinking negatively.  Separate yourself from your negative thoughts and negative people.  You have control of your brain, so keep it from taking you down the path of negativity.  If you feel stuck in a negative thought loop, ask for help.  We all have our moments of feeling negative, so talking to a trusted friend or mentor may help you work through those negative thoughts and develop more positive alternatives. 

Above all remember to honor and develop your mental muscle. Working on your mind will lead you to more success than you ever thought possible.

And, don’t forget to watch a Rocky movie!  Think of me when you do….

Dr. Julie Cappel

Making Powerful Difficult Choices

Recently I have found myself in many conversations with my friends and family about choices:  choices about career changes, family relationships, and even simple things such as which restaurant to choose.  Most people hate making choices because their brain overcomplicates things. They fear that making the “wrong” choice will have some terrible repercussions.  As they struggle with the decision making process the choices seems to get more and more scary, pushing them into the land of intense fear, indecision and inaction. This results in procrastination and nothing is accomplished. 

Yesterday was my son’s birthday and we were on a time crunch to have dinner because he only had a couple hours between shows.  (He is a musician and was performing in the touring show Disney’s Aladdin – cool right?)  But that left me with 12 people in a very busy restaurant waiting to be seated as the minutes were ticking by.  A decision had to be made:  should we continue to wait for our table at the busy restaurant (which I had called several times to warn them of our party’s needs. They would not take a reservation), or should we scrap it and go to another restaurant?  As the minutes ticked by we all looked at each other and wondered what to do.  We had to make a choice.  We were all hungry and anxious to sit down and enjoy some food and fellowship.  After being patient for over 30 minutes my husband and I made the decision to press the hostess into getting us our table so we did not have to change restaurants.  I started talking to the host and hostess explaining that I needed to get this meal going before we ran out of time.  It was birthday celebration after all.  As I kindly but firmly presented my case to the management team the table suddenly became available and we were seated.  Other patrons waiting for tables gave me the “thumbs up” possibly thinking that if I got my big party seated that their table would come up next.  The waiter was a lovely young man who quickly took our orders and got our food.  All was well.

Whether to change restaurants or not, is NOT a very important decision but we had two choices.  Wait or move.  Either one may have turned out fine, or may have led us to not eating, but we had to choose.  The fear of having 12 people left hungry and disappointed pushed me to make a choice and risk embarrassing myself as I pled my case to the restaurant staff.

If you are struggling with a difficult decision, there are some things you can think about to help you make a choice.   

Think through and be clear on what you really want.  Many people bounce between choices because they do not know their ultimate goal. If you can clarify the “big goal” you will feel better in making the little choices in moving in that direction.   If you find yourself in a situation where you are choosing a new career path, for example and both choices “feel” wrong, maybe there is a third option.  Perhaps neither one of the decisions is right for you at this time.  That does not mean that you can just sit in inaction.  You still need to figure out what it is that you really want as a long-term goal and see if one of the choices fits into your strategy.  If one choice fits better than the other then go for it. 

Do something!  Remember that doing something (anything) is better than doing nothing.  Avoiding hard choices because you are afraid will leave you in the same dead end job year after year.  If you make the choice to move into a different field and after a few months or years you realize that you really would rather be doing something else, you will have built up some new experiences and talents that may help you in your next position.  Each “wrong” choice will lead you to learn about the better choice and also build your experience.

Do not make a choice just because someone else thinks you should.   Many people in your life will make suggestions on what you should do, while they sit back and take it easy.  These “you shoulds” will get into your head and cause you confusion.  Just because your coworkers think you should stay in your current position does not mean that is a good choice for you.  If you quiet the outside voices and really focus on your heart, you will make better decisions for you.  You are the person that is most important in your life so don’t let any outside influences weigh heavily. 

Realize that every choice will lead to another and there is not one right path.  Throughout life there are so many choices that we make and each one will build off the other.  Life is flexible and you can change course. Let’s say that you decided to skip college to open your own business.  You decided that it was more important for you to be an entrepreneur.  Does that mean that you can never get a degree?  No. You are not stuck forever with that decision.  I know many veterinarians that had previous law or business careers.

Realize that no one makes perfect choices.  We all have to correct course at some time and we all are disappointed in our decisions.  You can’t have perfection when making choices.  The beauty of making wrong choices is that you will learn something from every decision.  You will learn what works and what does not. The danger with not choosing is that you remain in inaction.  You will stagnate and not progress in your life if you refuse to choose.  If you are not happy with the way your life is going now, resolve to make some difficult choices and change it. 

Have a good time learning to choose.  It sounds like a stressful hobby, but if you learn that choices lead to opportunity and opportunity makes life more fun, you can learn to enjoy the process of making powerful difficult choices.

“Look for your choices, pick the best one, and then go with it.”  -  Pat Riley

“Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant.”  -  Tony Robbins

Dr. Julie Cappel

Becoming an Epic Failure

Today I was informally coaching one of my friends for an upcoming interview she has for a new job that she is seeking.  We talked about questions that she may face from the interviewer, pros and cons of the job that she is seeking, and her innate strengths and weakness.  As we talked, the subject of past mistakes came up.  We talked about whether to admit past mistakes to an interviewer.  I told her that thinking through and acknowledging past failures and mistakes often lead to our biggest life lessons and successes. 

I told her that it is GREAT to embrace our epic fails.

The Urban Dictionary defines an epic fail as, “ A mistake of such monumental proportions that it requires its own term in order to successfully point out the unfathomable shortcomings of the individual or group”

I have been an epic failure many times in my life.  It comes with the territory as a veterinarian, business owner and even as a mother. (My adult children sometimes get together and point out all the mistakes I made as their mother when they were growing up – with unconditional love of course). 

As I look back on my “fails” I can see where each one of them worked to make me a better person and lead me to a better place in my life.

I think my most significant epic fail was the time I was fired from my first veterinary job.  I was just out of veterinary school and I got a job with a 4-doctor practice where I was the only woman veterinarian.   One of the owners of the practice was a staunch male chauvinist, but basically a nice guy.   He just didn’t think women were as capable as men and was not afraid to say so.   He hired me anyway for some reason and our up and down relationship began.  I learned many things from him over the 3 years, (as he was a good veterinarian) but along the way I became more and more disturbed by his lack of what I perceived as moral character.  He would do things like hide money to avoid paying his fair share of taxes and keep pets that he had promised to euthanize.  When I first started working there I saw the improprieties, but I was too young or stupid to do anything about it.  As I worked there longer and longer it started to bother me and I knew that I did not want to be a veterinarian that did not have a strong moral character.  I began to challenge him and when he grew tired of me telling him how to run his business, I was fired. 

Being fired from a job that you have been dreaming about your whole life feels like a death.  You go through all the stages of grief.  (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance). After I had navigated those stages, I decided to look for the lesson that I was supposed to learn from it all. 

Fast forward to my current position as a veterinary hospital owner, leadership and life coach.  If I had not experienced the epic failure of being fired from my first job I would have never ended up with my current practice.  That lesson was the most significant event in my professional life. When I saw the veterinarian many years later at an event, I thanked him and told him that he had done me a huge favor by firing me.

So each time you have a small failure or even an “Epic Failure”, try not to use it to beat yourself up.  See it as a steppingstone on your path to success.  Really examine the situation and seek to find the lesson that it holds for you and how you can use the failure to change course and move on to success.  Don’t hide your mistakes from others.  Successful people fail the most because they risk the most.

Become an Epic Failure!

“Determining what went wrong in a situation has value. But taking that analysis another step and figuring out how to use it to your benefit is the real difference maker when it comes to failing forward. Don't let your learning lead to knowledge; let your learning lead to action. The less you venture out, the greater your risk of failure. Ironically the more you risk failure — and actually fail — the greater your chances of success.”  John Maxwell.

Dr. Julie Cappel

Possibility Thinking for 2019

Yesterday I looked at my veterinary life coaching blog and realized that I had reached the 10,000 reads mark on “Blogger”.  I was super excited about seeing that number!  10,000 reads may not seem like a big number for some bloggers, but for me it feels like a big accomplishment.   

When I started writing a blog sporadically for my veterinary hospital several years ago I did not believe that I was much of a writer, but I decided to do it anyway for the good of my hospital.  Pushing myself out of my comfort zone and writing for the hospital was fun and challenging, but I did not commit to it fully or write consistently.

In 2018 I resolved to push myself into a different world entirely, veterinary life coaching.   In May I started writing a blog for veterinarians and veterinary professionals to address some of the issues that I saw as problematic.  The incidence of anxiety, burnout and even suicide in our profession is so disturbing and I want to make my fellow veterinarians and their teams feel supported and understood.

When I started “The Veterinary Life Coach” blog I committed to writing a post each week and distributing it to as many people in the profession as possible.  I wanted to use my experiences as a veterinarian, practice owner, board member, mother, and coach to spread support to others in my profession.

That brings me to the concept of possibility thinking for 2019.  Being a possibility thinker can lead you to do many things that you previously thought were impossible, such as my 10,000 reads.

What is possibility thinking?

Possibility thinking is using the power of your thoughts to stretch and push yourself into accomplishing things that you previously thought were not possible.  The most successful people in the world think differently than most of us.  They have the opinion that they can do anything and they dream big, seemingly impossible dreams then work to achieve them.

How can YOU become a possibility thinker?

Look for the possibilities in every situation.  Having the right attitude will allow you to think bigger and accomplish more.  Give up the negative self-talk.   If you indulge in negative thoughts, you will fail before you even begin.  Trust yourself and push forward taking small steps towards your ultimate goal.  Use the power of the 80/20 rule to prioritize your steps, then just start moving.

Dream one step bigger than your brain wants you to go.  You will feel fear when you start to think big, but let your mind go there anyway.  Become comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Stay away from doubters and “Debbie Downers”.   Do not listen to people that want to crush your dreams.  Get inspiration from big picture thinkers.  Read books by successful people who have accomplished great things and focus on their advice. Spend time with people that challenge you and procure advice from people that you admire.  Ask for help when needed (maybe get a coach) and do not fear failure.  Failure is the way we learn.

My small level of success at 10,000 reads, plus the fact that I was able to publish some of my blogs at DVM 360, The Michigan Veterinarian and Andy Roark’s blog are some success steps that will lead me to doing more things in 2019. I know that the world has many wonderful things to offer and you and I have the ability to achieve more of them.  

Use the power of possibility thinking in 2019 to achieve your dreams. 

 “If we all did the things we are really capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.” 
― Thomas A. Edison

“If you embrace possibility thinking, your dreams will go from molehill to mountain size, and because you believe in possibilities, you put yourself in position to achieve them.”

— John C. Maxwell

Dr. Julie Cappel

Happy for the Holidays?

The holidays are here once again and I think it is a great time to explore what we can do to decrease the stress and drama associated with the season.  As veterinary professionals we experience client stresses daily, but when the holidays approach client stress levels can reach a whole new high.  Clients juggling family drama, financial concerns, time constraints and also elevated grief when a pet is ill or dies. These negative emotions tend to rub off on us and can be absorbed into our own holiday and family worries, which in turn may cause us to experience more stress or even turn into depression.

So how do we survive the wave of extreme holiday expectations and handle the season with our sanity and authenticity intact?  

How can we really enjoy the holidays?

Set yourself up for success with realistic expectations.  We all have those mental pictures of beautiful Hallmark Movie-like family holiday gatherings where everyone gets along and has a great time. Fairy tale memories from our childhoods that we think will be reproduced at the annual holiday party. More likely you will experience unwanted career advice from your favorite aunt, critiques of the holiday food from your overweight dieting cousin, or expert parenting advice from your in-laws.  There will certainly be some sort of mayhem surrounding the gift giving and usually at least one heated disagreement.    If you expect this drama ahead of time, and look at it as entertainment, you will not leave the party disappointed.   You are sure to be entertained.  Expect the chaos and then you can enjoy it.

Be prepared to set proper boundaries.  It is important to be respectful when clients or family members are pushing your buttons with unrealistic expectations, but be sure to set some mental and physical boundaries to protect yourself against their negativity.  You do not need to get absorbed in their emotions or take on their stress.  Protect yourself by setting some clear mental and physical boundaries and plan to separate yourself when you feel that you are getting overly involved.

Treat yourself and others with kindness.  Try to remember that everyone is under stress this time of year and you may need to be extra understanding to come out on the other side with intact relationships.  Do not put too many expectations of perfection on yourself either.  Perfect parties, perfect gifts or perfect cookies are for Martha Stewart, not you.  You need to practice taking care of yourself and let the perfectionism go.  Try to use this season to enjoy your family and friends as imperfect as they are.  Give yourself permission to rest and take care of your needs before pleasing others.  

Take responsibility for your emotions.  Notice when you are feeling overwhelmed, insulted, defensive or exhausted.  Do not overreact to those feelings.  See them for what they are; simply emotions that everyone experiences as a human being.   Write them down or verbalize them so you can see them and experience them.  If you see them as simple emotions, with no power to consume you, you will be able to let them go.  Experience the emotions and welcome them, then let them pass and move on to more positive thoughts and feelings.

Do not try to change anyone.  Accept the fact that people are an interesting mix of many emotions both negative and positive.  Approach them with a sense of humor and curiosity.  Allow them to be who they are and realize that you cannot change them, so you might as well enjoy them.  Accepting each person for who they are and learning to laugh at them will help you see the joy that the holidays are supposed to bring. 

Taking care of yourself and honoring those around you will allow you to enjoy everything that the holidays may bring.

Happy Holidays Everyone! 

“The holiday season is a perfect time to reflect on our blessings and seek out ways to make life better for those around us.”  Terri Marshall

Dr. Julie Cappel