As I was riding my bike today in the cool (almost cold) autumn wind, I thought about how hard change is for all of us. Autumn reminds me of the changing seasons and that winter and holidays are coming up fast. So many things change this time of year; a new school year starts, football games, and everything is pumpkin spice. A few weeks ago in Michigan, it was 80 degrees as I was riding, and now it is in the high 50s.
Change is hard.
I have several clients I am currently coaching through times of change, and they struggle with their decisions and the fear of significant life change. Fear of choosing wrong. Fear of new experiences. I am getting ready to change how I work, a significant life change for me. I feel the stress of that change, even though it is exciting and wanted. Change feels hard, but it is something that we all strive for because through change comes growth and progress.
So why is change so difficult?
Because we are comfortable where we are, even if you desire change, you feel the pressure of pushing against your comfort zone. We all want to stay where we are because it feels easy, and our brain likes it easy. It is easier to sit on the couch and eat chips than get outside and exercise. But, if you sit on the couch and eat chips, your life does not get easier. You get fat, lazy, and depressed, which is the opposite of easy. That is why we need to embrace change.
When facing a decision involving change, first expect to feel some negative emotions. Sometimes, you may even feel confused. Too many choices will confuse you and cause you to sit in indecision - you will feel stuck. Getting out of that confusion will require you to narrow your choices to one or two priorities. I like to list all the things I want, then choose the top two priorities; narrowing my choices feels less overwhelming. For example, suppose you're going to get healthier. That may mean changing your diet, exercising more, increasing water consumption, decreasing sugary drinks, giving up dessert, and stopping drinking alcohol. You feel overwhelmed when you think of all these changes to your routine. If you can narrow it down to one simple yet meaningful change, you will be better able to start. Just vow to exchange one sugar drink for one water, or start walking for 10 minutes a day. Narrowing and simplifying your choices is a great way to make change more palatable. Once you have the small change down, make another.
If you face a significant life change, spend some time thinking about why you want to change. Why will this change be good for you? Write down the top three most important reasons for making a change and the top three reasons that not changing will be detrimental. Showing yourself why change is necessary is the first step in creating a significant change decision. Visualize yourself already living in your new situation. How does that person (you) feel?
Autumn is a time of change, so take a few minutes this week to ask yourself what change you avoid because of indecision or fear. Once you answer that question, choose something to work on and embrace your change. Enjoy your autumn, and let it remind you that change is healthy and essential for personal growth.
Enjoy a football game, crisp walk, pumpkin spice latte, or caramel apple, too. Happy autumn to you!
Dr. Julie Cappel
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