Focus In

“Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.” Greg Anderson

This quote spoke to me this morning as I was preparing to write this blog. I tend to think that the weekends are for accomplishment and not self-care or rest. How much can I get done? I have a to-do list as long as my arm and as a new week begins, I feel overwhelmed as the list of things unaccomplished hangs over my head.  

For example, today, I planned to get some flowers planted in my yard, but it is raining outside. This is disappointing. Hopefully, it will clear up this afternoon so that I can plant, but I can choose to feel happy anyway. I also wanted to exercise, and I had my heart set on a long bike ride, but there is the rain, and my hip is bothering me from last week’s ride; I feel as if I am missing out by resting or staying indoors.  

What would my life coach say? Good thing I have a life coach easily accessible, wink. I will share with you the advice that I am offering to myself, just on the off chance that you are feeling overwhelmed this week.

When you feel overwhelmed with life, the best thing you can do is “focus in” on yourself. I mean being present in the moment and present with yourself - feeling grounded and getting reacquainted with your wants and needs. Focus on what you want, not just what your family, society, or workplace expects from you.  

Am I overwhelmed because I have thoughts that I “should’ be productive? Do I need flowers today, or do I want to have the pleasure of choosing and planting them? There is a difference, and planting to make my neighbors think my house looks great is a different goal than I want to plant because I enjoy it.

When you are overwhelmed, focus in on your self-care plan, or if you don’t have one, make one. Healthy foods, sleep, relaxation, reading, or meditation will help you feel less stressed by that giant to-do list. With my hip upset by biking, what else can I do to accomplish my exercise goal? Maybe a little yoga? That sounds nice, or maybe I can just rest.  Self-care is much more critical than any line item on my list.  

Take a break from self-judgment. It is a reality that we all have days when we are not feeling strong, and then we are required to slow down and focus on getting healthy by resting or whatever it takes to care for our body. Practice a little compassion and love for yourself.

Do something that you enjoy to help get yourself back on track. I may be feeling overwhelmed by my thoughts on my to-do list, but if I schedule a break into my day and do something that I love, I will have a better attitude when I face my list. Overwhelm does not inspire action, but a relaxed, rejuvenated mind will. Take a walk, clear your head, then work on one thing on that list, staying present in the activity.

Do not compare yourself to others. Comparison is a big one for me. I have this competitive thought that everyone is more productive and focused than I am. The comparison game is not helpful. Remember the story of the tortoise and the hare? Slow and steady wins the race, creates focused action, and eliminates stress. When I put the social media away and decide to focus on the life in front of me, I am living with much more joy.

Remember to honor your values and make sure you are living “focused in” on them. Do not trade your life for your to-do list.

It has stopped raining, so maybe I will enjoy some planting today or maybe I will focus on rest.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.” Eckhart Tolle

Celebrate All Mothers

Today is Mother’s Day, and I am happy to say that it was a sunny, beautiful day here in Michigan. Trees are blooming, and flowers are popping up all over, the perfect kind of day to celebrate. Spring is finally here, so I am optimistic about the summer ahead.

As I think about and celebrate Mother’s Day, I feel joy for children and parents that have healthy relationships and feel happy on this day of appreciation for Motherhood. I also feel empathy for those that do not have a reason to celebrate. Children that have lost parents or those that have poor relationships with their mothers. Many people may feel grief on this day.

I have two incredible children, which makes me a fortunate Mom indeed. They are why I do everything, and I would step in front of a bullet for them. I cannot imagine my life without my kids, and I know how blessed I am to have them. I also have an amazing mother (who would probably take a bullet for me), and today I got to spend Mother’s Day with her.

 

It would be a perfect world if all mothers felt loved the way I do, but sadly that is not the case. 

On this day, I want to offer support to and celebrate all mothers and all children of mothers that do not necessarily feel loved on this day in May. They are all superheroes regardless of their situations, so let’s honor all mothers today.

Let’s celebrate mothers like mine, who had their children as teenagers and raised them with their spouses while working multiple jobs to make ends meet. They raised children as they were growing up themselves, and they struggled to work or put themselves through college while staying committed to raising their families. 

Celebrate working mothers like me who juggle careers, run businesses, keep homes, and struggle with those nagging feelings of guilt that seem to come along with working Motherhood.

Celebrate birth mothers, like my husband’s, that gave up their children for adoption as infants hoping to gift them a better life than they had to offer. These mothers may have never gotten to know their children’s outcomes, and they spend their lives hoping that they did right by giving them up for adoption. 

Let’s also celebrate moms by adoption (also like my husband’s) who choose to adopt and raise a child that was not their own, loving and treating them like birth children, including stepmoms that marry into and run blended families. Stepmoms may share custody of their children with other moms, which adds another increased pressure. 

Celebrate mothers who suffer the loss of children to miscarriage, genetic defects, or birth accidents. They carry love for their unborn children and mourn them for life. Mothers of loss love their children as fiercely as if they held them in their arms and carry them forever in their hearts.

Let’s celebrate and support the mothers that lose children to accident, disease, or mental illness. Those moms are left with a hole in their hearts where their child once was, and they mourn that horrific loss for the rest of their lives. They miss the potential future they will never experience but hold on to precious memories of their beloved child.

Celebrate potential mothers. Those who long to raise children and cannot experience Motherhood for one reason or another. Potential mothers may take on the responsibility of mentoring children that are not their own, becoming mothers in their hearts.

And lastly, let’s celebrate the pet mothers. They are the people that give us our careers as veterinarians, and they share an unconditional love for the voiceless, dogs, cats, horses, birds, and other creatures that we adore. 

As this day comes to a close and passes, try to remember that mothers are superheroes without the cape. Please thank and celebrate all mothers, offer them the love and support they deserve, and thank them for all they do and all they are.

Happy Mother’s Day everyone! 

I love you, Mom!!

Dr. Julie Cappel

“[Motherhood is] the biggest gamble in the world. It is the glorious life force. It’s huge and scary – it’s an act of infinite optimism.” — GILDA RADNER.

“Making a decision to have a child–it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” – ELIZABETH STONE.