Grief Teaches Us

This weekend we lost a close family friend to heart disease. It was not unexpected as she had lived with a failing heart for the past few years. Expected but still devastating for her family and friends, who will miss her presence every day. Sadly, I will not attend her memorial service tomorrow as I am in California on a trip with my husband to visit our son and his girlfriend and meet her family and friends. I will be there in spirit with the grieving family as they mourn the loss of their mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and dear friend. 

When life brings us grief, whether it is the loss of a family member or close friend, we are left with a broken heart and a void in our life. The void once contained a loving relationship, and all the feelings and memories we shared with the person lost. 

Our grief will be felt and processed, and through that processing,  we may be reminded that we have lessons to learn and changes to make in our lives. 

We may learn to appreciate our friends and family more. If you look around and realize that there are people in your life that you are taking for granted or have not seen in a while, you may be reminded to reach out to them and spend more time with those you love. Little moments count.

You may realize that life is short, and you need to appreciate your small blessings. You may quit wasting time worrying about little problems or minor disappointments. You may choose not to dwell on mistakes and learn to move on.

You may make changes that reignite your passions in life so you do not miss the time you do have to enjoy. Grief may be carried forward while creating more joy in your life. Both negative and positive emotions may co-exist.  

You may learn to simplify your life. You let go of grudges, envy, and anxiety. You may learn to replace those negative emotions with more gratitude and love. Gratitude is a daily practice that will turn your life in a more positive, optimistic direction.

You may learn to remain present daily and see your life for what it is. You may work harder to get what you want from your life and do what it takes to create your dreams. Grief is not weakness; it creates an ability to be present. It creates more strength. 

You may realize the importance of your memories and the value of appreciating your time with loved ones. Take more photos, share more meals, and create more experience with those that you love. Grief can help you create new and stronger relationships with those still here.  

Check-in with yourself today and reach out to someone special to you. Making relationships a daily practice will increase the beauty and love in your life. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”― Jamie Anderson.

Big Benefits from Journaling

Have you ever heard someone talk about journaling and thought, “I have no idea why I would want to journal or how I go about it.”? I used to think that journaling was something that only very creative, intelligent people routinely did. Great writers, scholars, and big thinkers were the only people that kept journals. Now, I know better. The more I journal and write, the better my life becomes. 

Journaling is about unloading the junk cluttering up your mind and getting it out where you can either leave it, learn from it, or use it to change and grow.  

The best thing about journaling is that there is no right or wrong way to do it. The second best thing about journaling is that we all can do it.

Why journal?

Journaling will reduce stress, increase self-awareness, and improve mental health. A study by Baikie and Wilhelm, 2005 found that journaling enhances working memory and helps people recover from past traumas. Journaling also has the short-term effect of boosting your mood and the long-term impact of improving your sense of well-being. 

Journaling has an impact on physical well-being. An avid journal writer and journalist, Michael Grothaus notes that “studies suggesting journaling can strengthen the immune system, drop blood pressure, help you sleep better, and generally keep you healthier.”

Journaling promotes your creativity, especially if you commit to it every day. It will also facilitate creative learning by establishing a record of important lessons presented to you and allowing you to explore your feelings about those lessons.

Gratitude journaling will boost your overall sense of gratitude and sensitivity to positive experiences. As you look for experiences to be grateful for, you will gradually become more optimistic, and your days will become filled with increasing positivity. 

Journaling may help you meet goals, organize time, prioritize tasks, and improve motivation. I use a “bullet journal” as a daily planner to keep track of what I accomplish each day. The bullet journal contains short (bullet) points to help organize my tasks, capture thoughts, and help complete my daily goals. 

Your journal is for your personal use only, so feel free to put your true self on each page. If you do not already have a journal, start one this week and tell me how it goes. It may feel awkward at first, but write anything that comes to mind. Getting thoughts out of your head will allow you to examine, organize, and grow your life.

Happy journaling! 

Dr. Julie Cappel

References:  Journaling is a good for your mental health - Family Care .... https://www.fcsprings.com/media/journaling-is-a-good-for-your-mental-health 

5 Helpful Journaling Methods to Calm Your Anxious Mind - Calming Grace. https://www.calminggrace.com/journaling-to-calm-your-mind/