Calming my Sunday Stress

Sometimes I tend to feel a little stressed on Sunday evenings, thinking that I need to “get things done” to feel accomplished for the weekend. I don’t believe that I am alone in this thinking; we all do it on some level. We waste our valuable time worrying or stressing about all the many things we want to get done. All the stress and worry that we feel distracts us from doing the things we want to do. It is Ironic. Equally ironic is that we do not need to do anything to feel calm and accomplished. We can choose to feel relaxed on Sunday regardless of how our weekend went or how many things got done. 

This weekend was jam-packed for me because I traveled to Norfolk, Virginia, to visit my daughter and son-in-law. My son-in-law, Erik, performed in an Opera, The Marriage of Figaro, starring as the title character. My daughter, Bridget flew in to spend time with Erik and see the show with me. We attended the show opening night, Friday, and again on Saturday night. Erik did a terrific job performing, as did all of the singers. Bridget and I had a fantastic time! 

Note: If you have not been to an Opera, The Marriage of Figaro is a great one to see. The music is fantastic, and the story is funny and entertaining, and you will enjoy it.

Now that I have arrived home, I have stressed over the many things I want to do, including this blog. So how do I remain calm and get something done or choose not to get anything done and still feel accomplished?

To calmly accomplish any task, we first have to stop thinking about how to do it perfectly and start working. If you wait for the perfect idea or time, you will “wait” your time away. Thinking about doing something creates confusion and keeps us from taking action to get it done. If you have a mile-long list in your head and cannot decide where to start, pick something and start. If the idea of choosing something makes you freeze or feel overwhelmed, take a few minutes with a blank sheet of paper and write everything that pops into your head onto the paper. Once you have your brainstorming session out of the way, pick the one thing that is most important to you. This will help you focus and get started. I did this tonight and chose to write this blog first.  

My suitcase, vacuuming, laundry, and calendar planning for this week will be next in line once I get this done. I also have the option to feel good about not getting any of it done. Choosing to cut me some slack and plan some of these tasks for tomorrow is part of caring for myself. It does not all have to be done tonight. Maybe I have done enough today, and that is fine. No one will judge me if I don’t unpack my suitcase and do my laundry tonight. I want to spend my time getting the blog done and not waste my time beating myself up for putting other things off. 

If you have some goal or task that has multiple steps to it, plan those out ahead of time, so you have steps. Small steps are much easier to face than big goals. I also like to set a timer for myself when working on something. If I decide that I will work on blogging, I give myself 1 hour, and I set my cell phone timer for an hour and start writing. The timer keeps me focused, so I do not get distracted by the other things on my list. 

Focus on one project at a time and take one small step. Do not try to wait till the timing is perfect. Just take action and get something started. You do not have to finish any of it, so let go of your need to do everything on your list to feel accomplished. Know that your confusion and stress are optional.  You are perfectly capable of doing more than you think you can do, and also capable of feeling calm while you do them. 

 

Now that my blog is done, I will plan out the rest of my week, with a relaxed attitude, my planning and working will all go better. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

Old Friends

Today is the final day of my biannual scrapbooking/crafting weekend with my girlfriends. To call us “girls” is probably a bit of a misnomer. We have been friends since we were in our twenties and now we are parents of adult children in their twenties. We are older and wiser now than when we met, and we have a long-term bond from the years of experiences we have lived through together. We have seen marriages, divorces, babies, pets, teenagers, college journeys, kids’ weddings, illness, loss, vacations, and years of scrapbooking weekends. The conversations we had over these three to four-day weekends could solve all the world’s problems if anyone listened to us. This band of “girls” has seen me through many events in my life, and I know that they will always have my back if something tragic happens.

According to an article written by the Mayo Clinic staff and published on their website, “Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health.” I agree with that wholeheartedly, and there are so many benefits of making and keeping friends.  

Friends prevent us from feeling isolation or loneliness, providing companionship in times of need. They give us a sense of belonging and help us create purpose in our life. Friends boost our sense of happiness and reduce stress. They improve our self-confidence help us cope with trauma and illness. They encourage us to try new things and get out of our comfort zone. 

They may help you create better health habits by offering challenges. Just last night, I was marching up and down the stairs of the scrapbooking house trying to put in 5000 steps. Two women challenged me to join their stair walking loop to get to the 5000 steps they had decided to set as a goal while being stuck inside. Had they not challenged me to that goal, I probably would not have walked or exercised at all. We usually walk outside, but we experienced blowing snow and seventeen-degree temperatures this weekend, so no one wanted to step outside.

Although it may be challenging to maintain friendships as a busy adult, it pays to meet new friends and keep your relationships with friends from your past. It may take some effort from you to reach out to those you have not seen in a while but persist because it is worth it.

Stay in touch with people you work with or have worked with in the past. Nurture existing friendships by planning events together. These scrapbooking weekends are something that we all look forward to each spring and fall. If these weekends did not exist, I fear that we would not see each other for years. Setting up regular meetings with friends is the best way to nurture close relationships. 

If you feel “short” on friendships, join a club or take a class. I met one of my best friends twenty years ago because we took the same tap dancing class. We met on the first day as we were dancing next to each other, and we have been friends ever since. And we still take tap dancing class.

You can also meet people anywhere people are gathered. Charity events volunteer and opportunities are places to meet a friend. Don’t despair if you strike out the first few times you reach out to try to make a new friend. Be persistent, and you will be surprised how you can create a community for yourself. 

Accept invitations from neighbors or “new” friends. If you are not a theater geek, go to a show with someone. You may be surprised that you enjoy the company, even if you don’t love the show. Expand your horizons to expand your family or friends. 

Friends are essential to health and wellbeing; however, one of the best reasons to make and keep friends is that your life will be more fun. 

Enjoy the time you spend with your friends - laugh, challenge, love, and support. You will be better for the company of old friends. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

"Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together."  - Woodrow Wilson

Be Happy

Today while walking my dogs, Trent and Parker, through the neighborhood, I received a little message from the universe. (It was a chalk drawing on the sidewalk.) It said, “Be Happy.”

We often forget that it is up to us to choose to be happy, so today’s message was an excellent reminder for me. Happiness does not come from outside sources; it comes from within. How you think about your life’s circumstances determines your level of happiness. If you choose to think happy thoughts or take happy action, you can feel more joy.

That being said, there are some ways that you can work to increase your capacity to feel happy.  

Take a walk or run outside. In his book, The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor, teaches that spending time outdoors in the fresh air can improve your happiness. A study found that spending 20 minutes outside in good weather broadened thinking, improved memory, and increased happiness. The American Meteorological Society published another study that found that happiness is maximized at 57 degrees, the exact temperature today when I walked the dogs. 

Spend some time with family and friends. Spending time with people we care for is a fast path to happiness. Smiling, laughing, and sharing life’s stories add to feelings of security and belonging. Daniel Gilbert, a Harvard psychology professor, says, “We are happy when we have family, we are happy when we have friends, and almost all other things we think make us happy are actually just ways of getting more family and friends.” 

Spend time helping others. Spending time and money helping others has been shown to help us feel more happiness. Living generously brings feelings of satisfaction and wellbeing, making us feel happier than people doing things for us. Martin Seligman explains that helping others can improve our own lives; he says, “scientists have found that doing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in wellbeing of any exercise we have tested.” Think about different ways to serve and give, including your time and money. Helping other people will ultimately help you.

Work on your smile. Today, when I saw the sidewalk chalk, I smiled. The surprise of finding the “Be Happy” message, and the lovely day with my dogs, made me feel happier. It has been proven that smiling improves your mood and even the fake smiling that we do when acting friendly and social causes more happiness. There is a link between your face smiling and the thoughts that cause you to feel increased joy. So try on a smile or laugh to be happy. 

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” —Omar Khayyam.