I struggle with focus. At least, that is what my brain tells me. I have a story in my brain that I am not a focused person. It is one of my main struggles and the thing that I work on most. I have been coached on this story many times, but it is deeply ingrained in my brain. That little chihuahua brain of mine loves this “unfocus” story.
I am sure that you can relate to having some negative story in your brain. We all tend to create a negative bias story related to things that happened in our past. They often come from emotional memories or trauma that becomes part of our self-image.
Much of my “unfocus” story comes from something that one of my teachers said to me when I was in Junior High School. This teacher was a super intimidating figure to me. He was a big, bald-headed, very stern guy that was also a little mean, and I was a bit afraid of him, to be honest. The project he had assigned was something about the government, and I worked super hard on the paper. I researched it, wrote it (to the best of my ability), and did artwork on the cover to go along with the project. I turned it in feeling very accomplished and confident that I had done a fantastic job. A few days later, I remember the teacher calling me up to his desk and telling me that he was giving me a B-minus on my paper. He was of the opinion that I could do better. He told me that I was the type of person that was smart enough to get ahead, but I was not focused enough to ever be very successful.
I remember this conversation distinctly because it made me question myself and gave me this lasting internal story that I was not, or never would be good enough or focused enough to be successful. I have worked around and worked on this story ever since.
Almost all of us have a negative self-story in our brain that results from something someone said when we were children or young adults. It often sticks with us for life. Your work is to understand where that story came from and change the belief that you have about that story being true.
Challenge your negative thinking. Is this self-story accurate? What are the facts of the story? When you ask yourself these questions, you will quickly realize that much of your story is created by you. The things that the teacher said were hurtful but not accurate. The facts were simply that I wrote the paper, and he said something unkind. When I think of the story this way, I am able to dismantle the power that the words had over me. I focus and move on.
What are the negative thoughts that I think about my story, and what makes this story positive? In my case, the negative thought is, I am unfocused. When I feel unproductive in my life, these negative thoughts can reemerge. The things that make this story positive for me is the kick in the pants that the teacher’s statement created for me. I am more motivated in my life because that teacher decided to give me a smackdown. Perhaps that was his evil plan all along. Thanks teach!
The last mental challenge you need to make when faced with your negative story is to question why you continue to hang onto this story. When I think about it, I know that the story is only there for my motivation. I no longer believe that it is true; I know that it is part of my growth journey and an interesting step in my self-development.
Challenge your negative belief stories and realize that many of them are overblown in your brain. Beliefs are just thoughts that you think over and over again. When you believe something negative about yourself, know that we are all works in progress and your job is to change your story. Learn from it, focus, and move forward to a better you.
Dr. Julie Cappel
“There are so many people who will tell you that you can’t do this, but you have to make sure that your voice isn’t going to be one of them.” ― Pooja Agnihotri,
“Reality is a projection of your thoughts or the things you habitually think about.” ― Stephen Richards
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