If
you want to have disappointment and stress in your life, all you have to do is hang
on to your script of expectations for the people around you. We all have narratives in our heads that
expect people to think, speak, act and behave in a way that we think they “should”
behave. The script that you have for
others is based on your past experience, values and beliefs about how life
should be lived and experienced.
You
will have more stress and pain if you expect your clients, family or veterinary
team to act exactly the way you plan. So
much of the stress that you experience each day when dealing with clients is your
expectations that they are going to act in a certain way. You expect them to keep their appointment,
show up on time, listen and agree to your diagnostic recommendations, follow
your go home instructions to a tee, and then return for their recheck appointment
on schedule. This will almost never
happen, so why do you expect it? With
our scripts of expectation, we are certainly setting ourselves up for disappointment
- if not stress and burn-out.
Recently
I experienced a client that challenged my script for them. A mother and daughter that adopted a young kitten
that was battling some diarrhea issues.
They had made multiple visits to the hospital with this kitten and had
done all the diagnostics that I had asked them to do. During the most recent visit we agreed to try
the kitten on a bland prescription diet for a short time to see if we could
remedy the problem. We sent home some
dry and canned prescription food, and they were instructed to feed only this
diet for 1 week, then return for a recheck.
My “script” assumed that they would follow my recommendations. One week later when they returned saying the
kitten was no better, I questioned them about the diet. They said, “Oh, we haven’t started him on
that food yet.” I am thinking, “What? Why?”
So Fascinating,
right?
Human
beings all have their own set of beliefs, values and needs. This is not something that you can
dictate. They will behave as they behave,
and you have no control over them. The
sooner you accept and embrace this fact, the sooner you can alleviate much of
the stress in your job and life.
How
do you alleviate the stress of expectation?
You
need to let go of your internal script for people and allow them to be who they
are. When they are acting in a manner
that does not adhere to your script, it is almost never about you. It is about them and their internal beliefs,
past experiences and values. You cannot
force them into your way of thinking. Expectations that are unfulfilled always
result in disappointment. So why expect
at all?
Trust
that people are doing the best that they can with their resources, time and
energy. When you experience someone
doing something upsetting to you, remember that they are responding to their
own primitive brain and are being driven by their autopilot. They are probably feeling stressed by their
own thoughts of inadequacy or their own past experiences. They have a different set of past experiences
than you do, so of course they will react differently than you would to the same
situation. Assume that they are doing
their very best.
Try
to be fascinated by human behavior and enjoy the element of surprise. Fascination
and appreciation are the emotions that you want to embrace with every
encounter. Appreciate the unique value
of every human that you encounter. Embrace and enjoy the element of surprise. If you expect to be fascinated and
appreciative of human behavior it will go a long way to helping you overcome
your need to control people and the situation.
If
you can let go of your expectations and tear up your script, your life will
open up like never before.
“My happiness grows in direct proportion to my
acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations.” - Michael J. Fox
Dr. Julie Cappel
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