Why Worry?

It occurred to me again today that I have a genuine challenge with worry.  I was feeling uptight and headachy until I realized that I was worrying about something that was “maybe” going to happen.  It was nothing deadly serious, but I was worrying enough that I was experiencing physical symptoms. 

 I have always known that I am a worrier and I come from a long line of worriers.  My Mom was a worrier – “lock your doors, call me when you get there, be careful”.  My Grandmother was a worrier, and my children unfortunately have inherited my propensity for worry.  Each time I think that I have it beat, something comes up and I start to worry.  Or maybe I CHOOSE to worry.

Why do we worry?  We all do it.   We worry about the past, about time wasted, or about what other people think of us.  We worry about spouses, children, friends, pets, illness and even death. Worry is actually normal in small amounts, but when it turns into physical symptoms or crippling anxiety it can keep us from living our best life.

Because I struggle with worry, my husband recommended a book by Dale Carnegie called, “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”.  It was published in 1948.  That tells me that the human problem with worry has been going on for a long time. 

Punky Lee - Hospital Cat

Worry can be useful if it causes us to take action to remedy something that we are worrying about.  If worry does not cause us to take action or solve a problem then it is just wasted energy.  It can keep us from doing anything useful in the world. 

Worry is a habit that we can break with some simple tools and ongoing mental work.

Try to decide if the thing your worrying about is something that you can change or not.  Changing the worry into a problem that you can solve will make you feel less anxious. If the worry is about something that you can change, then you can take action on it.   If you cannot change it, you can let it go.

In his book, Dale Carnegie tells us to “Write out and answer the following questions when you are tempted to worry:  What is the problem?  What are the causes of the problem?  What are the possible solutions?  What is the best solution?”

Getting the problem out on paper in front of your brain where you can see it instead of in your brain, where you can blow it up into a bigger scarier problem, will help you see if for what it really is.  Creating possible solutions will help you start to take action to solve it and move on.  You can also do something similar by talking about your worries with a friend or family member.  Working the problem verbally will make it seem less serious.

Focus on the present and live in the moment.  Worry is always past or future focused.  Thinking about how you want to change yesterday or wondering what might happen tomorrow is causing you to miss your present.   If you said something that you wish that you had not said, there is no amount of worry or stress that can change it.  Allowing yourself to embrace yesterday’s failure and then learn from it allows you to let it go.

Recognize when you are worried, then work to either solve for the problem or release yourself so that you can enjoy the moment.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.” — Charles Spurgeon

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