Two weeks ago, I attended the
Michigan Veterinary Conference in Lansing, Michigan. I had been in Orlando at the VMX the week
before and had traveled directly to Lansing from the Detroit airport. I thought that I had packed appropriately for
all of the events of the week, but when I got to Lansing, I realized that I had
failed. I was scheduled to attend the casino
night charity event on Thursday evening with my husband. The first dress I packed did not fit me correctly
– it was baggy on top and I looked like I was wearing a sack. (I guess I didn’t try it on before I left the
house.) The second dress fit me fine,
but when I went for the sweater that matched, I could not find it in my
bag. I must have left it at home. Great!
Now, what would everyone think of me? I didn’t have the “correct”
attire. I started to fret about what
other people were going to think about the clothes that I was wearing. Was everyone going to look at my mismatched
sweater and think, “What is wrong with Julie that she would wear that?” My husband of course thought I was being ridiculous
and told me that I looked great.
I am usually a pretty confident
person, but what was happening in my head was far from confident. Why do we care about what other people think
of us? What is it about others’ perceived
criticism that makes us feel so bad and why do we criticize ourselves?
To a certain extent, we all
care what other people think of us. We
don’t even realize it most of the time, but it affects many aspects of our
lives. It is instinctual, stemming from
the days when we depended on our tribe for survival. The social outcasts did not survive. Social media tends to enhance this innate
need for approval from others. We only
post things that show us in a certain light so we can protect an image that we
have formulated in our heads. We know it
is a game, but we see others’ lives laid out on social media and we believe they
are better than we are.
Although it is natural for us
to seek approval, it can and does interfere with our own progress. When we should be embracing our unique
abilities and intuitions, we instead let the comparison game hold us back from
using our talents to succeed. The need
for approval keeps us from just being ourselves.
Caring how others perceive us
is not necessarily all negative. There
are times that “appropriate” behavior and attire is important -- not shouting
in church or not wearing jammies and slippers to a job interview. There are times when we do need to care about how
we are perceived, but when it gets in the way of our progress or causes us undue
anxiety, we have to reel it in. Excessive worry about what others think can
interfere with your ability to be yourself and bring your unique talents to the
table. Worrying too much will hold you
back from living your best life.
Why you should not care what
others think:
It is your life not theirs. Other people are entitled to think what they
want, but if you worry about it, you are giving them your power. It is your
life, and you are the only one that needs to approve of your actions. Others
don’t know what is best for your life, only you do. The only way that you can truly succeed is by
making your own mistakes and learning from your own instincts and choices. If you take responsibility for yourself, you
will not be left blaming others for your failures. It is the way we learn and
grow.
Other people’s thoughts change
based on their own thoughts of themselves.
You cannot and will not please everyone, so why try? They often don’t really care as much as you
think. Did anyone at the casino night
even notice my sweater? Probably not,
and the fact that I worried about it for even a second was too much. If I remain happy with myself regardless of
my wardrobe others will be attracted to my positive energy, not notice my
mismatched clothes.
The best reason for not
caring what others think is that it will keep you from achieving your
dreams. When you step out of the norm,
people will try to pull you back with good intentions. Like two crabs in a bucket pulling each other
back in, they will think that they are trying to save you from some dangerous humiliation. The opposite is true. If you listen to them and stay small, you
will never grow and achieve the big dreams that you have for your life.
It turns out that there were
people dressed in many ways at the casino night: Jeans, sweaters, dresses, jumpsuits, jackets
and ties. The crowd was so diverse that
I don’t think anyone judged anyone about the clothes that were worn. Everyone was just there to have a good time
and raise money for charity. I had
wasted precious time and mental energy worrying about a stupid outfit. The event was about raising money for charity
and we did just that. I had a great time
in my dress and mismatched sweater as I was winning big fake money at the craps
table.
In the end, you are the one
that has to live with your life. You are
the one that is responsible for how things turn out. Your opinion is the only one that matters and
wasting time and energy on what others think is a recipe for unfulfilled
dreams.
Dr. Julie Cappel
“Care
about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” – Lao Tzu
