My Son's Wedding and What It May Teach Us About Commitment

In late July, I had the joy and honor of watching my son marry the love of his life. It was the most beautiful ceremony—intimate, emotional, and grounded in everything that makes life meaningful: family, love, trust, hope, and commitment.

As I sat there, in the first row/first chair  - they would not allow me to get any closer - watching the vows exchanged, I found myself reflecting not just as Tristan's mother, but also as someone who helps others navigate work and life. I observed my daughter and her husband of seven years, and the growth that they have enjoyed.  I sat next to my husband of thirty-six years and remembered our many ups and downs.  Commitment is a theme that runs through both marriage, life, and, as strange as it sounds, veterinary medicine.  Committing is essential—not only in our relationships, but in our work, our purpose, and for ourselves.

At the altar, we make promises: "for better or for worse," "in sickness and in health," "to love, honor, and cherish." These vows are not just words. They're commitments—intentional choices to keep showing up, even when it's hard, even when the feelings fade, even when life doesn't go as planned.

In veterinary medicine, we make vows too. When we take our professional oath at graduation, we commit to animal welfare, to ethical practice, to lifelong learning, and to doing our best. It is not a one-time decision. It's something we renew every day. Just like in marriage, we don't always feel happy, excited, and calm. But our commitment goes beyond feelings—it shows in our daily actions.

Can we be committed to our profession without burnout?

At any wedding, there was laughter, dancing, and joy. But beneath the celebration is something more profound: positive intention. My son and his new wife are not committing to perfection—they are committing to growth, to open communication, and to partnership.

Commitment doesn't mean saying yes to everything, pushing through pain, or giving until there's nothing left. Real commitment requires boundaries. It requires self-respect. It requires recognizing that you cannot care for others unless you first care for yourself.

You don't have to give all of yourself to be a good veterinarian, a good parent, or a good partner. In fact, the best veterinarians are the ones who know when to rest, when to ask for help, and when to say no. That is commitment to self.

I challenge you to ask yourself this question.

"What am I truly committed to - today, this month, this year?"

You may be committed to improving your work-life balance. You may be recommitting to your career after a rough patch. Maybe your commitment right now is simply surviving a hard day or week.  That's okay.

Whatever it is, let it be intentional. And remember, commitment doesn't have to look dramatic or grand. It can be as simple as getting up, trying again, and showing kindness when it's hard—taking care of yourself so you can keep doing what you love.

Whether you're in the first year of practice, in a leadership role, or wondering what your next step in veterinary medicine looks like—ask yourself:

"What do I choose today, even when it's hard?"  That is commitment. 

As the music faded and Tristan and Samantha walked hand in hand through the guests holding sparklers, I felt a deep sense of peace. Not because I know it will be easy for them, but because I know they're committed to each other and will do the work to build a healthy life together.

I hope this story reminds you that what you're doing matters—and so do you.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality.”— Abraham Lincoln

Joyously Calm Veterinary Teams: Building a Healthier, Happier Practice

I am sitting at my desk, on Zoom, waiting for a Dentist/entrepreneur with expertise in teamwork and hospital culture to guest on my podcast (The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast). She was scheduled for three o’clock p.m., but it is now three eighteen, and she has not arrived. I sent an email to check in, but for now, I must wait.

What better time than to write my blog about happier teams?  I have done the research in preparation for the podcast and led a team for many years, so let me share some of the things I have learned with you so you can improve your team’s joy. 

Working in a busy veterinary hospital often involves some level of chaos. The profession is filled with people who are passionate, dedicated, and committed to animal care. But like any high-stress, high-stakes environment, it can become a place of high drama. We experience miscommunications, interpersonal tensions, and click formations. Team drama is a common topic that I work with clients on in my life coaching work.

  

How do we handle the chaos, decrease the drama, and build a supportive, calm, productive, and even joyous team? 

Here are practical strategies for building a drama-free, mostly joyful veterinary team.

Set clear expectations from the start. Ambiguity breeds misunderstanding. Every team member should understand their role, responsibilities, and how their work contributes to the overall mission of the practice. Clear job descriptions, onboarding processes, and performance expectations help prevent confusion and the resentment that often fuels drama. Hold regular team meetings where responsibilities and workflows are reviewed. Encourage questions and clarification.  Allow team members to express opinions freely and in a positive way. 

Agree on a culture of psychological safety. People are more likely to gossip or complain when they don’t feel safe addressing problems directly to the leader or other members of the team. A drama-free environment encourages open, honest communication without fear of judgment or retaliation. Train yourself and other leaders to foster psychological safety by being approachable, actively listening, and modeling respectful behavior.  Feelings do matter.

Address conflict early and directly. Avoiding issues doesn’t make them disappear—believe me, I know. Unlike most plants, problems grow in the shadows. Encourage team members to address minor conflicts before they escalate into big dramas. Equip your team with the tools to resolve disagreements constructively—practice conflict resolution skills at team meetings or with a coach or mentor. Stick with “I” statements to decrease tension and communicate more effectively.

Lead by example.  It does not always feel fair, but leaders must behave better.  Drama may start at the top. If leadership engages in gossip, favoritism, or passive-aggressive communication, the rest of the team will follow suit. Leadership should model professionalism, integrity, and calm under pressure. Practice transparency, humility, and accountability. Show your team what respectful leadership looks like, even during tough times.

Celebrate wins and express gratitude. Negativity tends to grow where appreciation is absent. Celebrating big and small wins boosts morale and reinforces a positive team culture. Recognizing hard work can reduce the resentment and competition that often fuel drama. Implement weekly shout-outs, gratitude boards, or short team huddles to acknowledge team contributions regularly.

Encourage self-care and support wellness. Veterinary professionals face high levels of compassion fatigue, moral injury, and stress. Team members are more likely to lash out or disengage when mentally and physically exhausted. Offer flexible scheduling when possible, normalize mental health days, and provide access to wellness resources. A well-rested, supported team is far less prone to conflict.

Build personal bonds outside the hospital. A team that knows and trusts each other outside the treatment room is more likely to collaborate and communicate effectively. Team-building doesn’t have to mean expensive outings—it can be as simple as a shared lunch or a simple game. Host informal gatherings or team lunches that focus on connection, not work. 

Drama does not have to be part of your practice culture. Veterinary teams can be calm and joyful. 

Have thoughts or tips on creating joyously calm teams? Share your experience or questions in the comments below, or send an email to jacappeldvm@gmail.com!   The Dentist’s internet went out, so I will record with her another day and we can use your questions for discussion. 

And, don’t forget to subscribe to my podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube! 

 

Old Friends and Family

This weekend, I am in Los Angeles, California, to see a Broadway show in which my son, Tristan, is performing.  I am very excited to see this performance of "Old Friends" starring Bernadette Peters and Lea Salonga.  It is a new musical tribute to Stephen Sondheim and is debuting in the United States, originating in London. After the six week run in LA, it will move on to Broadway. To have the opportunity to see the show in its debut month is incredible.  My son Tristan is a professional musician whose first love is jazz. However, he is periodically offered these Broadway gigs because he is a talented woodwind player.  Woodwinds are the flute, piccolo, clarinet, saxophone, oboe, and bassoon to those who don't know.  When someone plays in a Broadway show, they play multiple instruments.  Tristan plays the "first woodwind" in this show: a saxophone, clarinet, flute, and piccolo. The best thing about this show is that the orchestra is on stage for the performance, not in the orchestra pit.  So, I have the opportunity watch Tristan perform as a major participant in the show.  (Can you tell that I am proud of my talented children?)

While we are here in LA, when Tristan is not performing, we will do some sightseeing, eating, and relaxing with him and his fiancé Samantha. 

From Los Angeles, I am traveling to Michigan to spend a few days with a group of my old friends on our annual scrapbooking weekend. These friends are people I have known for a good portion of my life. They are truly old friends that I consider family in every sense of the word. 

Seeing a show called “Old Friends” and visiting my own old friends and family made me think of how important connecting and nurturing relationships is to our mental health.

Why focus on old friends and family?

Many people feel disconnected now, more than ever, which seems strange with the internet at our fingertips. While social media pretends to be a connection, it is superficial and artificial. Personal connection is more important for curing loneliness. Making friends and sustaining relationships increase one's sense belonging and of our overall well-being. 

Old friends make you feel connected, improve your self-esteem, and understand where you have been. Research done by Washington State University found that 50% of people reported loneliness.   A Michigan State University study of 280,000 people found that old friends can be more critical to your mental well-being than your family.  We all lose touch with friends, and our average network turns over about every seven years, so old friends are rare. 

Most of us resist reconnecting because we feel awkward or uncomfortable, but reconnecting is rewarding.  Reconnecting with old friends is an efficient way to build up your friend network.  You can rekindle an old friendship quicker than building a new connection. Old friends are better for your identity because they are often familiar with your history. Old friends help you feel more comfortable with your identity, values, and sense of self.  They “see where you are, and they know where you have been”. (To quote an old song)   Old friends can also validate your progress as they see how far you have come and acknowledge your accomplishments and achievements.

How do you reconnect with friends and family?

Start small.  Don't have huge expectations when reaching out to someone you have not seen in a while.  Maybe a quick phone call, text, or plan a meeting for coffee or lunch.  Don't plan on having hours to catch up.  It will feel less awkward to both parties if the expectations are low.

Think of reaching out to old friends as a favor to them and yourself.  It will be easier to get yourself to be the one that reaches out if you think that the other person may be lonely or need a friend too.  Many people are afraid to initiate a conversation but will happily respond and rekindle the relationship. 

Be confident in your ability to make friends.  You may feel awkward or intimidated, but if you can confidently reach out, you will have taken the first step to creating and building new networks.  Even planning a small party with a few old friends will help your relationships and keep your confidence up. 

This trip is an excellent reminder to cherish the time you spend with your old friends and your family.  Connection and relationship is what makes life rich and rewarding.  By reaching out and nurturing old friendships and family relationships, you can improve your feelings of connection and increase your well-being and sense of belonging.

Take action this week and let me know who you connect and reconnect with this week!

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Finding an old friend is like finding a lost treasure.” – Anthony Douglas Williams

Failure is not an Excuse

Early in the year, many of us make New Year’s Resolutions. Even if we don’t write them down and fully commit, we have something on our minds that we want to change. We vow to eat better, exercise more, spend time reading, save money, and improve our relationships. Then, by February, four short weeks later, many of us have made little change or quit on ourselves altogether. 

I had a great excuse to abandon my resolutions this January.  My husband and I got the virus that is going around.  He was sick first, and then I came down with it a week later.  It basically took us down for 3 weeks.  It was not totally incapacitating, just a bad cold/flu virus, but it kept me from working hard at any big new goals.  Just resting, avoiding other people, and taking care of ourselves was all the effort that we could put in.

It is February; we still have 11 months to change our lives.  I want to get going and know if you had a setback in January, you do too. Do not wait until next New Year’s Day to make the same commitment that you made this year.  Years pass quickly, and there is no time to restart your work like today. If you want to change in 2025, let’s do it.  Failure is never an excuse to quit. Failure is part of the learning experience that goals bring to help you make a better choice tomorrow. 

Why do we need change?

Self-development creates opportunities to feel better, make more money, change jobs or careers, become healthier, and increase learning.  Change is sometimes uncomfortable, but change is how we build the life of our dreams.  You cannot make or save money until you change your habits.  You won’t lose weight or become healthier until you change how you eat or exercise. Change is growth, and growth is one of the things that makes life exciting.  Where were you 5 years ago?  Do you want to go back there, or would you instead begin building the life you long for? 

Change is inevitable. If you choose to embrace personal growth, it can be positive for you. If you do not create change for yourself, the world will do it for you. You will be subject to changes whether you choose them or not, so why not embrace change and enjoy your journey?

Change is a chance to learn and discover things you did not expect.  It allows us to explore the many options available to us. Think about you as a child; how have you changed?  Think of yourself five or ten years ago and all the changes that you have been through.  Are you better, stronger, or wiser now?

Change is not a dirty word, but many fear it and want to cling to how things are.  Fear of change is a natural and regular part of your survival instincts.  If you feel pretty safe now, your primitive brain (your chihuahua brain) likes it that way.  Our brains are designed with a “motivational triad” to avoid pain, seek pleasure, and conserve energy.  Change challenges that design. Change is not pleasurable, takes energy, and is oftentimes painful.  So, in order to change, you must challenge the natural needs and wants of your brain wiring.

How do we think differently about setbacks and failure?

Start with your “why” for wanting to change something.  If you create a stronger reason for wanting something, persisting will be easier.

Accept the “failures” or setbacks as part of the experience.  They do not define you or your willingness and tenacity to change.

Look for the lesson.  If you experience a bump in the road, look for the opportunity to learn about yourself and your journey.  If you skipped your exercise today, why did you do it?  Were you genuinely needing rest, or did you cave into your fear of stiff muscles tomorrow?  How can you be sure to override that fear tomorrow?  Focus on the solutions.

Focus on self-love and positive affirmations.  Our negative self-talk often leads us to fail when setting goals or changing.  Listen for the negative things your brain tells you and tweak them to be more positive.  If you think, “I am terrible at exercise, or I am too out of shape.” Instead think, “I have the perfect body and brain to carry me to my next fitness level.”  Or “I can take small steps to get to any goal.” 

Don’t let failure in January be an excuse to quit.  Reach out to me if you need an accountability partner, I am happy to help. 

Failure is actually your brain telling you that you have more to learn.  Failure is not an excuse.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“A loss is not a failure until you make an excuse.” - Michael Jordan

Build Your Enthusiasm!

I am on a road trip with my husband today, and we stopped at a McDonald's for coffee and a bit of breakfast; you see, we were supposed to be on a plane to Oklahoma City to visit family and watch my daughter and son-in-law sing in a performance of Lucia Di Lammermoor with Painted Sky Opera.  We arrived at the airport two hours before our flight was to leave, and the Detroit airport was packed to the rafters with travelers.  As we struggled to find the correct luggage line to stand in, my husband went to the kiosk to print our baggage tags and found out that our flight had been canceled.  Then, we got a notification on our cell phones - Duh.  Hundreds of people in the airport were in the same position, with no solution in sight.   We checked the flights on all other airlines for days, and there was nothing.  So, we returned to our car and started the 1000+-mile drive to our destination.  

About forty minutes in, we stopped at a McDonald’s for some much needed coffee, food, and water for trip.  The McDonald's we visited was just off the highway in northern Ohio.  The lobby was occupied by several large kiosks, with no one at the counter to help with ordering.  So we ordered on the kiosks and stood by, waiting for our food to be brought out.  As I was observing the workings of the "kitchen" behind the counter, I noticed that there was little to no enthusiasm amongst the employees.  They were sleepily going about their work. The young man who brought the food to the patrons mumbled order numbers, barely audible to the people waiting for food.  When our order came up after five or ten minutes, we missed a coffee and two bottles of water that we had ordered.

My husband politely asked the young man about the missing items, and he just looked at us, said nothing, and went to get the rest of the order.  No, "I apologize for the oversight." Or "One moment, please." It was just a slack-jawed, expressionless stare.  After leaving with our purchase in hand, we returned to the road. I asked my husband if he thought the young man was rude or just quiet or dejected.  Did he hate his job, or was he hung over from parties the evening before?  We will probably never know, but it got me thinking about enthusiasm and how working to become more interested or enthusiastic about your job might make it more enjoyable.  I worked at McDonald's when I was in college, working my way to veterinary school, and I remember the required greeting, "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"  I still remember the exact words because I had to tell every customer.  If we didn't greet the customers with a smile, we would be "talked to" by the manager.  

We know that putting a smile on our faces, even when we don't feel happy, will change our brains into more happy feelings. When I coach people about enjoying their jobs more, I often try to remind them of the things they like about veterinary medicine and offer them the idea that finding joy and fulfillment in life starts with working on your enthusiasm.

We all want to feel happy more often and achieve more in our lives.  One way to achieve greater happiness and success is to become more enthusiastic about whatever you do.  I wouldn't say I like riding in the car necessarily, but if I try to find things to be excited about along the way, like a good McDonald's coffee or beautiful scenery, the trip will go by faster and easier.  I become more enthusiastic about road trips.  Have you ever visited a Buc-ee’s on a roadtrip?  Now, those people have enthusiasm for their job.

You must become enthusiastic about your endeavors to succeed and have fun.

The definition of enthusiasm is "intense and eager enjoyment, interest, or approval. A feeling of energetic interest in a particular subject or activity and an eagerness to be involved in it."

Why is enthusiasm so important?

It keeps you optimistic when failure happens.  We all know that life is full of ups and downs, and there is no way to avoid that.  I experienced a "down" today by having my flight canceled, but then decided to be enthusiastic about a road trip.  The fact that we were at our home airport and also had the time to add a couple of days to the trip kept me optimistic that I would still have a good time.

Enthusiasm helps keep you focused. When distractions occur, staying focused on the task is difficult unless you are energetically and enthusiastically engaged in your work. Exuberance increases focus.

It increases your motivation. You must remain motivated to do big things with your life. A positive and enthusiastic attitude toward each step toward your goals builds your motivation.

To achieve your dreams, you must constantly work and take action.  Enthusiasm fuels passion, and passion inspires consistent action.  

To increase your enthusiasm for your life, you must start by asking yourself, what do you believe and care deeply about?  What makes you feel alive, or what things break your heart?  What do you want to leave behind when you can no longer work or achieve?  What do you want to change?  

Enthusiasm is built by understanding your passions and values and turning those passions into goals. Elon Musk wanted to develop the best electric car, and the Wright Brothers wanted to fly.  Enthusiasm kept them focused when they experienced difficulties or failures. If I could talk to the young man in the McDonald's, I would tell him to find enthusiasm for delivering food to hungry people.  He would be happier, more successful, and more fulfilled; his customers would feel better, too. 

What is it that you want from your life?  If you want happiness, build enthusiasm for your current situation and look forward to your dreams.  

It is all up to you.

Dr. Julie Cappel

"The real secret to success is enthusiasm." - Walter Chrysler 

"If you want to be enthusiastic, act enthusiastic." - Dale Carnegie