Failure is not an Excuse

Early in the year, many of us make New Year’s Resolutions. Even if we don’t write them down and fully commit, we have something on our minds that we want to change. We vow to eat better, exercise more, spend time reading, save money, and improve our relationships. Then, by February, four short weeks later, many of us have made little change or quit on ourselves altogether. 

I had a great excuse to abandon my resolutions this January.  My husband and I got the virus that is going around.  He was sick first, and then I came down with it a week later.  It basically took us down for 3 weeks.  It was not totally incapacitating, just a bad cold/flu virus, but it kept me from working hard at any big new goals.  Just resting, avoiding other people, and taking care of ourselves was all the effort that we could put in.

It is February; we still have 11 months to change our lives.  I want to get going and know if you had a setback in January, you do too. Do not wait until next New Year’s Day to make the same commitment that you made this year.  Years pass quickly, and there is no time to restart your work like today. If you want to change in 2025, let’s do it.  Failure is never an excuse to quit. Failure is part of the learning experience that goals bring to help you make a better choice tomorrow. 

Why do we need change?

Self-development creates opportunities to feel better, make more money, change jobs or careers, become healthier, and increase learning.  Change is sometimes uncomfortable, but change is how we build the life of our dreams.  You cannot make or save money until you change your habits.  You won’t lose weight or become healthier until you change how you eat or exercise. Change is growth, and growth is one of the things that makes life exciting.  Where were you 5 years ago?  Do you want to go back there, or would you instead begin building the life you long for? 

Change is inevitable. If you choose to embrace personal growth, it can be positive for you. If you do not create change for yourself, the world will do it for you. You will be subject to changes whether you choose them or not, so why not embrace change and enjoy your journey?

Change is a chance to learn and discover things you did not expect.  It allows us to explore the many options available to us. Think about you as a child; how have you changed?  Think of yourself five or ten years ago and all the changes that you have been through.  Are you better, stronger, or wiser now?

Change is not a dirty word, but many fear it and want to cling to how things are.  Fear of change is a natural and regular part of your survival instincts.  If you feel pretty safe now, your primitive brain (your chihuahua brain) likes it that way.  Our brains are designed with a “motivational triad” to avoid pain, seek pleasure, and conserve energy.  Change challenges that design. Change is not pleasurable, takes energy, and is oftentimes painful.  So, in order to change, you must challenge the natural needs and wants of your brain wiring.

How do we think differently about setbacks and failure?

Start with your “why” for wanting to change something.  If you create a stronger reason for wanting something, persisting will be easier.

Accept the “failures” or setbacks as part of the experience.  They do not define you or your willingness and tenacity to change.

Look for the lesson.  If you experience a bump in the road, look for the opportunity to learn about yourself and your journey.  If you skipped your exercise today, why did you do it?  Were you genuinely needing rest, or did you cave into your fear of stiff muscles tomorrow?  How can you be sure to override that fear tomorrow?  Focus on the solutions.

Focus on self-love and positive affirmations.  Our negative self-talk often leads us to fail when setting goals or changing.  Listen for the negative things your brain tells you and tweak them to be more positive.  If you think, “I am terrible at exercise, or I am too out of shape.” Instead think, “I have the perfect body and brain to carry me to my next fitness level.”  Or “I can take small steps to get to any goal.” 

Don’t let failure in January be an excuse to quit.  Reach out to me if you need an accountability partner, I am happy to help. 

Failure is actually your brain telling you that you have more to learn.  Failure is not an excuse.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“A loss is not a failure until you make an excuse.” - Michael Jordan

Build Your Enthusiasm!

I am on a road trip with my husband today, and we stopped at a McDonald's for coffee and a bit of breakfast; you see, we were supposed to be on a plane to Oklahoma City to visit family and watch my daughter and son-in-law sing in a performance of Lucia Di Lammermoor with Painted Sky Opera.  We arrived at the airport two hours before our flight was to leave, and the Detroit airport was packed to the rafters with travelers.  As we struggled to find the correct luggage line to stand in, my husband went to the kiosk to print our baggage tags and found out that our flight had been canceled.  Then, we got a notification on your cell phones - Duh.  Hundreds of people in the airport were in the same position, with no solution in sight.   We checked the flights on all other airlines for days, and there was nothing.  So, we returned to our car and started the 1000+-mile drive to our destination.  

About forty minutes in, we stopped at a McDonald’s for some much needed coffee, food, and water for trip.  The McDonald's we visited was just off the highway in northern Ohio.  The lobby was occupied by several large kiosks, with no one at the counter to help with ordering.  So we ordered on the kiosks and stood by, waiting for our food to be brought out.  As I was observing the workings of the "kitchen" behind the counter, I noticed that there was little to no enthusiasm amongst the employees.  They were sleepily going about their work. The young man who brought the food to the patrons mumbled order numbers, barely audible to the people waiting for food.  When our order came up after five or ten minutes, we missed a coffee and two bottles of water that we had ordered.

My husband politely asked the young man about the missing items, and he just looked at us, said nothing, and went to get the rest of the order.  No, "I apologize for the oversight." Or "One moment, please." It was just a slack-jawed, expressionless stare.  After leaving with our purchase in hand, we returned to the road. I asked my husband if he thought the young man was rude or just quiet or dejected.  Did he hate his job, or was he hung over from parties the evening before?  We will probably never know, but it got me thinking about enthusiasm and how working to become more interested or enthusiastic about your job might make it more enjoyable.  I worked at McDonald's when I was in college, working my way to veterinary school, and I remember the required greeting, "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"  I still remember the exact words because I had to tell every customer.  If we didn't greet the customers with a smile, we would be "talked to" by the manager.  

We know that putting a smile on our faces, even when we don't feel happy, will change our brains into more happy feelings. When I coach people about enjoying their jobs more, I often try to remind them of the things they like about veterinary medicine and offer them the idea that finding joy and fulfillment in life starts with working on your enthusiasm.

We all want to feel happy more often and achieve more in our lives.  One way to achieve greater happiness and success is to become more enthusiastic about whatever you do.  I wouldn't say I like riding in the car necessarily, but if I try to find things to be excited about along the way, like a good McDonald's coffee or beautiful scenery, the trip will go by faster and easier.  I become more enthusiastic about road trips.  Have you ever visited a Buc-ee’s on a roadtrip?  Now, those people have enthusiasm for their job.

You must become enthusiastic about your endeavors to succeed and have fun.

The definition of enthusiasm is "intense and eager enjoyment, interest, or approval. A feeling of energetic interest in a particular subject or activity and an eagerness to be involved in it."

Why is enthusiasm so important?

It keeps you optimistic when failure happens.  We all know that life is full of ups and downs, and there is no way to avoid that.  I experienced a "down" today by having my flight canceled, but then decided to be enthusiastic about a road trip.  The fact that we were at our home airport and also had the time to add a couple of days to the trip kept me optimistic that I would still have a good time.

Enthusiasm helps keep you focused. When distractions occur, staying focused on the task is difficult unless you are energetically and enthusiastically engaged in your work. Exuberance increases focus.

It increases your motivation. You must remain motivated to do big things with your life. A positive and enthusiastic attitude toward each step toward your goals builds your motivation.

To achieve your dreams, you must constantly work and take action.  Enthusiasm fuels passion, and passion inspires consistent action.  

To increase your enthusiasm for your life, you must start by asking yourself, what do you believe and care deeply about?  What makes you feel alive, or what things break your heart?  What do you want to leave behind when you can no longer work or achieve?  What do you want to change?  

Enthusiasm is built by understanding your passions and values and turning those passions into goals. Elon Musk wanted to develop the best electric car, and the Wright Brothers wanted to fly.  Enthusiasm kept them focused when they experienced difficulties or failures. If I could talk to the young man in the McDonald's, I would tell him to find enthusiasm for delivering food to hungry people.  He would be happier, more successful, and more fulfilled; his customers would feel better, too. 

What is it that you want from your life?  If you want happiness, build enthusiasm for your current situation and look forward to your dreams.  

It is all up to you.

Dr. Julie Cappel

"The real secret to success is enthusiasm." - Walter Chrysler 

"If you want to be enthusiastic, act enthusiastic." - Dale Carnegie

Decluttering Brings Peace

We all sometimes feel overwhelmed by clutter and "stuff" around our homes, desks, or schedules. Being around clutter adds to stress and anxiety, preventing us from feeling peace and enjoying family and friends. 

Last weekend, I spent several days at my cousin's home in California, where I was reminded that an organized space makes everyone feel relaxed and welcome.  My cousin is an incredible interior designer/decorator, which I already knew, but staying in her home, I discovered she is also a master organizer.  Every drawer in her kitchen was neat and clean, and every bathroom drawer was neatly stocked with everything a guest could need.  There were displays and organizers for everything in each drawer and closet. Everything was placed perfectly, and everything was in its place. 

When I returned home and looked around, I began to feel stressed when I encountered a drawer or closet that looked a bit cluttered. My house is clean and mainly organized, but there is room for improvement, so after I stayed at Cousin Debbie's house, I was motivated to declutter and organize my own. I also wanted to share my research and ideas with you through this blog so you can begin decluttering, too.

Why is decluttering important? Clutter in your spaces and schedule causes stress and anxiety. Diane Roberts Stoler, Ed. D., a neuropsychologist, writes, "If your space is unorganized and filled with clutter, it can be difficult to focus or concentrate. Research has shown that people are less irritable, less distracted, more productive, and better able to process information with an uncluttered and organized work area." "Several studies show a correlation between disorganization, clutter, and mental health conditions, including depression, anxiety, and stress. Messy environments can cause frustration, helplessness, and feeling overwhelmed."

Decluttering spaces and organizing your home improves your mood, motivation, and eating and sleeping habits. You sleep better in a less cluttered room and eat healthier in an organized kitchen where you can cook quickly and efficiently.

Now that we agree that we need to become less cluttered and more organized let's discuss how to do it.

When we think about decluttering and organizing, we fall victim to many negative thoughts from our primitive brain.  Remember that all of our negative emotions come from our negative thoughts.  When we see something that seems complicated, our brain will want to avoid it.  Our brain is wired naturally to avoid pain, conserve energy, and increase comfort. Decluttering is uncomfortable.  So, be ready for your brain to object and make up any excuse not to declutter.  Push through anyway.

Start with something small. Embarking on a small project can make the task of decluttering feel more manageable and less daunting. Start with a drawer or a closet, and gradually work your way through one room at a time.  Choose a time of day when you feel most empowered and determined.  As you successfully organize one area, you'll feel a sense of accomplishment and be motivated to continue, empowering you to take on bigger challenges.

Be prepared to discard things.  We all keep more stuff than we use.  Ask yourself whether you love an item and if you use it often.  If the answer is no, either donate or discard that item.  If you have less stuff, you will have an easier time organizing what remains, so give yourself a break and let go of some of your things.  If you are keeping things that carry memories but are no longer used, a good suggestion is to take a photo of that item to retain the memory without actually keeping the item. You can even make a photo book from the pictures and keep it for the memories.

Practice remaining mindful during your decluttering exercise.  Staying in the moment and focused on the task at hand will help you get through even the most challenging decisions. If your brain begins to feel cluttered as you work, take a timed break to relieve that mental stress.  Remember that your brain likes things to feel easy, and organizing is often challenging, but if you focus on the result you will have once you are decluttered, you will ultimately reach your goal. 

If there are things that you are unsure about, you may make up a box of "unsure" items. Pack them away for a year; if you have not gone into that box, you can discard it.  Also, once you decide to donate or trash something, do it immediately.  Get it to a place where you can no longer see it and be tempted to bring it back into the house.  I like to keep my donation bins safely out of sight in the garage until I take them to the donation center.

Once you have weeded out the bulk of the junk, start to reorganize your space.  Use shelves, bins, baskets, and drawer organizers to display your favorite things so you can enjoy them daily.  Once your space is decluttered and reorganized, you will feel a sense of accomplishment and pride in your newly beautified spaces.

Now, it is your turn to start to declutter your spaces.  I hope you will feel empowered by your ability to overcome your uncomfortable feelings and get it done.  Let me know what you declutter and how it makes you feel.  I hope my trip to my cousin's house has inspired you to organize your home more but remember; it is a work in progress: just one drawer, one closet at a time. Every little step will help you enjoy and find peace in your environment and feel better.

Dr. Julie Cappel 

“Being organized isn’t about getting rid of everything you own or trying to become a different person. It’s about living the way you want to live, but better.”  – Andrew Mellen

How to Remain Peaceful and Centered

Through my career in veterinary medicine and life coaching, I have met many wonderful people in every stage and position of their careers. I meet those in pre-veterinary programs, veterinary school students, new veterinary graduates, interns, specialists, industry veterinarians, and those nearing the end of their careers. This diverse mix of talented people has many things in common, but one that I hear often. They struggle with returning to peace after experiencing failure. 

Like many professionals, veterinarians are intelligent, driven, ambitious, and perfectionistic. We hate failing, and even more problematic is our seeming inability to let that failure pass and work to find peace again. Failure follows us and sticks in our minds, preventing us from moving on with our careers, chasing our goals, and enjoying our lives. 

I have been talking to veterinarians lately who have failed their NAVLE, some for the second, third, and fourth time, others who failed to get matched to internships, and some who are experiencing negative case outcomes or even board complaints. Many pre-veterinarians failed to get accepted to a veterinary school. Failure causes maximum stress and grief to our perfectionist personality.

It brings me to think about what I can do as an experienced veterinarian and life coach to help those in our profession who have suffered a failure. I want to help them return to peace and remain centered so they can go on to overcome their setback and proceed with their valuable career. We all have difficult external conditions and internal struggles that affect how peaceful we feel. To press forward toward our dreams, we must learn some skills to help us return to feeling centered and calm.

To feel peaceful is to be free from disturbance, to feel tranquil. To be centered is to feel emotionally confident, focused, and balanced. We can have both those feelings if we choose to work towards them after we experience an upset in our lives.

When a bad thing happens, such as failure or loss, you must first be willing to feel your negative emotions. No one likes to feel grief or sadness, but the way over it is through it. Having a willingness to feel any emotion is the pathway to peace. Take a little time to care for yourself, cry, get angry, and talk it through with a friend, family member, or trusted coach or counselor. Remain in it for a bit before working to get beyond it. Process the negative emotion all the way through so it doesn’t hang around and become a part of you.  

Once your shock and sadness diminish, it is time to regain your peace. Start with self-compassion, mindfulness, and self-care. Pay attention to where you are and what you are doing now. Many of our daily tasks are not stressful, but thinking about multitasking, ruminating on past mistakes, and worrying about future results are the things that rob us of peace. Peace will come from mindfulness, remaining in the moment, and focusing on each task. 

Remove distractions and be in your experiences. It is challenging to be at peace with the constant distractions that our cell phone and computer brings. Turn off your notifications, or put that phone away if that distracts you. When you are experiencing a joyful moment, do not try to capture it in a photo or video. If you are forever worried about capturing things in your life, you will not be present to enjoy them. Removing distractions is particularly important when studying for exams or spending time with your family. You will feel more at peace and better retain what you are learning without distractions.

Learn to let go of control. Letting go is difficult for all of us, but life is full of things we have no control over. We cannot control the weather, how others behave, traffic, veterinary schedules, and world events. These things will rob your peace if you try to control them. As a former hospital owner, business owner, and someone who likes to control my environment, I understand this may seem impossible. But, it is valuable to curb your impulse to control everything and let much of it go. When you want to change something beyond your control, take a short break and attempt to change your focus to something you can control. 

There are many other things that you can do to get back into a peaceful mindset. You can practice deep breathing, meditation, yoga, participate in family time, listen to music, dance, experience nature, and spend time with your pets. Once you feel more centered and peaceful, it is time to return to your work. The pathway to your dream life comes from working towards goals in a focused, calm manner. Look forward and visualize your success - your time will come, so stay centered in your body and peaceful while doing the work and taking steps to proceed toward your future success.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.” — Saint Francis de Sales

“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” — Dalai Lama

“Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Buy "Love Your Veterinary Life - The Veterinary Life Coach Guide to Harnessing Your Mind and Building an Incredible Life" on Amazon!

Listen to The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts!

Resolutions Without Anxiety

Today is New Year's Day, and I had some downtime to think and write after the busy holidays. I spent some time thinking of the year ahead and why I feel compelled to push myself to create new goals and resolutions.

As this New Year begins, many of us do this: set goals and make resolutions to improve our lives. We think this process will make this year better or happier than the last. As I contemplated my goals for this year, I realized that 2023 was pretty fabulous. I did most of what I resolved to do: I published my first book, coached many wonderful and talented veterinarians, and enjoyed my life and family in many ways. Do I need to feel like I should do better? On one hand, if I don't set goals, I may sit around like a slug. On the other hand, if I select "bigger and better" goals for 2024, am I putting myself in a place of anxiety and stress?   Am I setting myself up for disappointment and failure? The constant need to improve feels ambitious, but it can also cause increased anxiety and unhappiness. 

How can we use goal setting and resolutions to increase skills and experiences but decrease anxiety?

Consider your personality when creating goals. People with anxiety are fueled by looking to and worrying about the future. Some of us feel less anxiety if we create a plan for accomplishments. Do you feel better when you set a goal and break it down into small steps? Do you like to make lists? If so, resolve, then check in with yourself to be sure you are not creating more anxiety about it as you work the steps. Also, avoid beating yourself up when things do not go as planned. You are on the right track if you can remain calm and in control when you work toward a goal.

Manage your expectations and ambitions.   If you lean towards perfectionism, you will likely set too many goals or make them too big. We want to push ourselves out of our comfort zone to grow, but not so much that we become terrified of ourselves. Be aware to stay focused on family time, physical health, self-care, and rest while scheduling yourself for success. Facing goals that feel unattainable may be stressful and increase your anxiety. For some people, resolutions are damaging. 

Choose the right mindset. Most people feel better about their goals if they are moving towards something rather than away. Harvard psychologist and author Jeff Brown says, "It is natural for humans to move toward goals that are healthy and bring about self-improvement. For those with anxiety, framing a resolution in the positive can be especially helpful." Mindset matters, so when I set goals, I choose words that help me to remain positive. 

Start with small steps, create some success, and repeat. Our brains do better with small steps because we get easily distracted. If you have a big goal, break it down into manageable steps to help you remain interested and create momentum. Dave Ramsey uses the snowball analogy for a reason. Starting with the most minor steps first makes areas of success and grows your momentum over time. That's how you achieve big things. 

As you work on your New Year's Resolutions and make goals this year, manage your anxiety carefully, and when you struggle, get help from a trusted friend, coach, or therapist to keep anxiety at bay. Remain calm and confident as you build the 2024 of your dreams. Share your successes with me as you progress; I am here for you.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy and inspires your hopes.” — Andrew Carnegie.