How to Remain Peaceful and Centered

Through my career in veterinary medicine and life coaching, I have met many wonderful people in every stage and position of their careers. I meet those in pre-veterinary programs, veterinary school students, new veterinary graduates, interns, specialists, industry veterinarians, and those nearing the end of their careers. This diverse mix of talented people has many things in common, but one that I hear often. They struggle with returning to peace after experiencing failure. 

Like many professionals, veterinarians are intelligent, driven, ambitious, and perfectionistic. We hate failing, and even more problematic is our seeming inability to let that failure pass and work to find peace again. Failure follows us and sticks in our minds, preventing us from moving on with our careers, chasing our goals, and enjoying our lives. 

I have been talking to veterinarians lately who have failed their NAVLE, some for the second, third, and fourth time, others who failed to get matched to internships, and some who are experiencing negative case outcomes or even board complaints. Many pre-veterinarians failed to get accepted to a veterinary school. Failure causes maximum stress and grief to our perfectionist personality.

It brings me to think about what I can do as an experienced veterinarian and life coach to help those in our profession who have suffered a failure. I want to help them return to peace and remain centered so they can go on to overcome their setback and proceed with their valuable career. We all have difficult external conditions and internal struggles that affect how peaceful we feel. To press forward toward our dreams, we must learn some skills to help us return to feeling centered and calm.

To feel peaceful is to be free from disturbance, to feel tranquil. To be centered is to feel emotionally confident, focused, and balanced. We can have both those feelings if we choose to work towards them after we experience an upset in our lives.

When a bad thing happens, such as failure or loss, you must first be willing to feel your negative emotions. No one likes to feel grief or sadness, but the way over it is through it. Having a willingness to feel any emotion is the pathway to peace. Take a little time to care for yourself, cry, get angry, and talk it through with a friend, family member, or trusted coach or counselor. Remain in it for a bit before working to get beyond it. Process the negative emotion all the way through so it doesn’t hang around and become a part of you.  

Once your shock and sadness diminish, it is time to regain your peace. Start with self-compassion, mindfulness, and self-care. Pay attention to where you are and what you are doing now. Many of our daily tasks are not stressful, but thinking about multitasking, ruminating on past mistakes, and worrying about future results are the things that rob us of peace. Peace will come from mindfulness, remaining in the moment, and focusing on each task. 

Remove distractions and be in your experiences. It is challenging to be at peace with the constant distractions that our cell phone and computer brings. Turn off your notifications, or put that phone away if that distracts you. When you are experiencing a joyful moment, do not try to capture it in a photo or video. If you are forever worried about capturing things in your life, you will not be present to enjoy them. Removing distractions is particularly important when studying for exams or spending time with your family. You will feel more at peace and better retain what you are learning without distractions.

Learn to let go of control. Letting go is difficult for all of us, but life is full of things we have no control over. We cannot control the weather, how others behave, traffic, veterinary schedules, and world events. These things will rob your peace if you try to control them. As a former hospital owner, business owner, and someone who likes to control my environment, I understand this may seem impossible. But, it is valuable to curb your impulse to control everything and let much of it go. When you want to change something beyond your control, take a short break and attempt to change your focus to something you can control. 

There are many other things that you can do to get back into a peaceful mindset. You can practice deep breathing, meditation, yoga, participate in family time, listen to music, dance, experience nature, and spend time with your pets. Once you feel more centered and peaceful, it is time to return to your work. The pathway to your dream life comes from working towards goals in a focused, calm manner. Look forward and visualize your success - your time will come, so stay centered in your body and peaceful while doing the work and taking steps to proceed toward your future success.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.” — Saint Francis de Sales

“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” — Dalai Lama

“Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Buy "Love Your Veterinary Life - The Veterinary Life Coach Guide to Harnessing Your Mind and Building an Incredible Life" on Amazon!

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Resolutions Without Anxiety

Today is New Year's Day, and I had some downtime to think and write after the busy holidays. I spent some time thinking of the year ahead and why I feel compelled to push myself to create new goals and resolutions.

As this New Year begins, many of us do this: set goals and make resolutions to improve our lives. We think this process will make this year better or happier than the last. As I contemplated my goals for this year, I realized that 2023 was pretty fabulous. I did most of what I resolved to do: I published my first book, coached many wonderful and talented veterinarians, and enjoyed my life and family in many ways. Do I need to feel like I should do better? On one hand, if I don't set goals, I may sit around like a slug. On the other hand, if I select "bigger and better" goals for 2024, am I putting myself in a place of anxiety and stress?   Am I setting myself up for disappointment and failure? The constant need to improve feels ambitious, but it can also cause increased anxiety and unhappiness. 

How can we use goal setting and resolutions to increase skills and experiences but decrease anxiety?

Consider your personality when creating goals. People with anxiety are fueled by looking to and worrying about the future. Some of us feel less anxiety if we create a plan for accomplishments. Do you feel better when you set a goal and break it down into small steps? Do you like to make lists? If so, resolve, then check in with yourself to be sure you are not creating more anxiety about it as you work the steps. Also, avoid beating yourself up when things do not go as planned. You are on the right track if you can remain calm and in control when you work toward a goal.

Manage your expectations and ambitions.   If you lean towards perfectionism, you will likely set too many goals or make them too big. We want to push ourselves out of our comfort zone to grow, but not so much that we become terrified of ourselves. Be aware to stay focused on family time, physical health, self-care, and rest while scheduling yourself for success. Facing goals that feel unattainable may be stressful and increase your anxiety. For some people, resolutions are damaging. 

Choose the right mindset. Most people feel better about their goals if they are moving towards something rather than away. Harvard psychologist and author Jeff Brown says, "It is natural for humans to move toward goals that are healthy and bring about self-improvement. For those with anxiety, framing a resolution in the positive can be especially helpful." Mindset matters, so when I set goals, I choose words that help me to remain positive. 

Start with small steps, create some success, and repeat. Our brains do better with small steps because we get easily distracted. If you have a big goal, break it down into manageable steps to help you remain interested and create momentum. Dave Ramsey uses the snowball analogy for a reason. Starting with the most minor steps first makes areas of success and grows your momentum over time. That's how you achieve big things. 

As you work on your New Year's Resolutions and make goals this year, manage your anxiety carefully, and when you struggle, get help from a trusted friend, coach, or therapist to keep anxiety at bay. Remain calm and confident as you build the 2024 of your dreams. Share your successes with me as you progress; I am here for you.

Dr. Julie Cappel

“If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy and inspires your hopes.” — Andrew Carnegie.

Relax for the Holidays

It is the middle of December, and I find myself coaching more and more people on feeling overwhelmed and stressed. It is a common thing this time of year. We have many tasks on our list that we have added on top of work, home, and family responsibilities. I have an additional massive list of my own, which is unrelated to the holidays. There are many things that I have procrastinated on, and as the New Year approaches, I feel pressured to begin to get much of it done. For instance, This blog is something I should have done weeks ago. Today, I am finally getting to it. 

With this in mind, let's talk about how to relax into the holidays while still getting all the "stuff" done that we want or need to accomplish.

To relax is "to make or become less tense or anxious. To rest or engage in an enjoyable activity to become less tired or anxious."

It is essential to spend some time relaxing because you cannot bring joy and peace to others in your life if you are filled with stress and anxiety. What makes the holiday season unique is the relationships that you enjoy and being present to take it all in. When stressed, we are wrapped up in thinking about the next thing on the list and miss the magic happening right before us. Also, staying stressed throughout the holiday season begins to take a toll on our bodies. How many holidays have you had with a cold or flu because you were not caring for yourself physically? Relaxation and self-care are how we create healthy bodies.

How do we get to everything that needs to happen and take time to relax?

Plan as much as possible. We all know when the holidays are approaching, so if you can get some of the work done ahead of time, you will feel more relaxed as the days approach. Do some shopping in the summer or fall, buy your Christmas cards early and get them sent, make your food plan and buy what you can ahead of time, and even delegate some of the work.  Ordering out or sharing the cooking responsibilities will not change the joy in the holiday meal. 

Get fresh air daily, even if it is only for a short walk. Getting out in nature is always relaxing, even in the bitter cold. You may feel worked up as the wind whips at your face, but your body will relax when you return to your warm home. It is like a cold plunge, all the rage right now. A brisk walk in the nature will help you remain present and will shock your body into relaxing once you become warm again.

If you are a baker, and even if you are not, baking holiday treats can bring you out of your stress and help you focus on the joy of the season. I am not much of a cook, but if I buy the premade sugar cookie dough, roll it out, and make cut Christmas cookies to decorate, I feel some holiday peace and joy. Even watching other people eat the cookies feels good to me, as if I am caring for the people I love.

I also like to watch my favorite Christmas movies while baking or wrapping gifts. The cheesy movies remind me that life is not as complicated as I make it out to be. Nothing is more important than peace and relationships during the holidays; almost every movie reminds me of that lesson.

Keep the gifts simple. I tend to go overboard when buying gifts for others. I love the feeling of generosity, and that causes me to overspend and buy. If you have that tendency, set a financial or number limit on your gifts. Most people don't care how much you spend or give but are flattered that you thought of them. Keeping your giving in check will add to the feelings of peace by giving you more time to focus on other tasks. Less wrapping, planning, shopping, and less money on your credit cards in January. Make your gift list, then remove at least one thing to keep it simpler.

Remember to be grateful. Spend time with your journal daily to remember the season's blessings. Gratitude always feels better than being overwhelmed and stressed. Look around each day and choose two things to feel thankful for. Write those down and post them somewhere you can read them daily. I also like to post my Christmas cards somewhere prominent to help remind me that I have many friends and relatives who are thinking of me. I am grateful for that. Seeing them daily helps bring me back to the meaning of the season. 

My best holiday relaxation tip is to not compare your holiday to others. I am naturally competitive, so everything about the holiday causes me stress unless I consciously work to overcome that feeling of competition. I want to get my lights up first, have the most lights, the best Christmas tree and decor, and the best gifts. This way of thinking is not joyful, nor is it peace-inducing. Remember that comparison is the thief of your joy, so appreciate what you have, not what others have better than you. Letting go of comparison is critical to relaxing and feeling at peace. The reason for the season has nothing to do with accomplishments, gifts, or food.  Keeping that in mind will help you to relax. 

I hope these tips will help you relax and enjoy your holiday season.  If you have other tips, please share them in the comments below.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy New Year! My best to you and your family.

Dr. Julie Cappel

Shed Your Limiting Beliefs

If you have listened to my podcast lately, The Veterinary Life Coach Podcast, you may have heard that I have written my first book that will be coming out in September. Writing was challenging because I had powerful limiting beliefs that kept me from getting started for many years. I did overcome them, but now I am waiting for others to edit, design, and help me publish the book. My deadline for publication changes almost weekly and has dragged on for months. Now that I am over my limiting beliefs, I work on practicing patience.

I never dreamed I would write something worth reading, and I had to work hard with a coach to overcome my limiting beliefs. Now that is a reality; I am struggling with the patience that I need to wait, wait, and yes, wait for all the little details to be completed before I can get to offering it to you to read. As I wait day after day to get the finished design from the designer, I have decided to begin blogging again to keep myself busy and give my readers some tools to help them achieve their own goals.

Our limiting beliefs hold us back from doing things we want to do because we think we lack the skills, ambition, resources, and luck to make things happen. In truth, we can do almost anything we want; we need to believe that we can do it and then put in the work to get it done.

What are limiting beliefs? A limiting belief is a story in your mind that tells you that you are not good enough or talented enough to reach your goals. We believe these thoughts to be absolutely accurate, and they are mostly subconscious. We use these beliefs as a defense from stress or taking risks. Limiting beliefs will cause us to procrastinate, avoid, deflect, and distract ourselves from anything we need to do to make good choices and excel in new opportunities. Many of our limiting beliefs come from experiences in our past that made us feel unworthy or threatened. Your brain is protecting you from humiliation or rejection. How scary is it for me to write a book for others to read and risk rejection or humiliation if people do not like or enjoy it? Or worse yet, what if people give me negative feedback publicly?

 

Terrifying, right?

What limiting beliefs are holding you back in life?

You must recognize your limiting beliefs and work to change them to grow and accomplish big things. Not an easy task.

  

Some common limiting beliefs that you may recognize in yourself are:

 

I don’t have time. We use this one a lot, don’t we? As I sit here and write this blog, my thoughts tell me I should be doing something more practical and valuable. You may need to make time by planning your days more carefully and intentionally. You can “make” time if you work at it.

I cannot do that. This thought is easy to think, but it actually means that you haven’t developed the skills needed to do it yet. We usually have a qualifier when we say this: I am not physically fit, talented, or brave enough to do whatever we are avoiding. I never believed that I could write a blog and podcast before I decided to do get over my story and do it.

I have failed in the past, so I will likely fail again. Our fear of failure keeps us from taking risks. Failure does not feel good, but not accomplishing goals feels worse. Remember that if you don’t try, you are failing anyway, so you might as well give it a good effort. 

Other limiting belief statements that you may recognize in yourself are:

• I need to be better/more worthy.
• I don’t know where to start.
• No one wants to hear what I have to say.
• Everyone will judge me.
• I don’t have the money.
• It is too late, or I am too old.

The way to overcome your limiting beliefs is first to become aware that you are not where you want to be in life. Investigate your limiting beliefs with a therapist, coach, mentor, or friend. Once you uncover some of yours, do the work to change your thinking and take a small action to start working on your goals.

When it comes out, I hope you read my book for more help in building the life you want. Look for, a Love Your Veterinary Life - The Veterinary Life Coach Guild to Unleashing Your Mind and Building an Incredible Life. It is coming to Amazon very, very (praying), very soon.

  

Dr. Julie Cappel

“There is one grand lie - that we are limited. The only limits we have are the limits we believe.” - Wayne Dyer

Keeping your holiday state of mind.

It is Independence Day weekend, and we are all enjoying fun, rest, and relaxation with our family and friends. Because the 4th of July falls on a Tuesday this year, many of us are working in our clinics on Monday. Holding on to the relaxed feeling from the weekend may be difficult moving from Sunday evening to Monday’s work day and back into our Tuesday holiday.  

Congratulations, you are one smart cookie if you took Monday off as a vacation day. If you work ER, you may work the weekend and Tuesday. However, you can use these same mind hacks to help you stay in a holiday mindset for your next day off.

If you are like me and are working Monday, let's discuss how we can stay in a holiday mindset mode at work tomorrow so your weekend and Tuesday are not ruined. 

Why do we feel relaxed on the weekend and stressed as soon as we think about work tomorrow? The veterinary hospital setting is intense. There are life and death decisions, conflicts with clients, teammates to consider, and sometimes unruly or uncooperative patients. We have duties that require us to focus for long periods of time without breaks. Sometimes our leaders need to be more supportive and made aware of our struggles. If you are new to veterinary medicine, you may need to develop better-coping strategies to help you stay calm during times of stress. With all these factors affecting our stress levels, we need many accessible tools to remain relaxed enough to carry us through our holiday.

Start with remembering what relaxation feels like. Before you can change anything, you must understand it. All of your feelings, including peace, come from your thinking. What do you feel when genuinely enjoying a moment, and what is on your mind? Write down a few of these thoughts, so you can access them later as needed.  

When you are at work or just thinking about it (the “Sunday Scaries”), your body may become stressed. Stress is happening because you are imagining and anticipating going to work tomorrow. When you feel stressed, you can calm yourself by increasing your vagal tone. Yawning, stretching, deep or circular breathing, and even singing will help engage your parasympathetic nervous system and calm you.  

Once you feel calmer, engage your thoughts and use your mindset skills to think more clearly. You may come up with thoughts that feel more in control and relaxed. You can acknowledge difficulties and know that you have faced them before and thrived. Adopt thoughts about solutions and problems passing, and allow yourself to feel powerful in your training to care for your client. Ask yourself why you love your work and reflect on your purpose.  

You can also look forward to your next holiday and having time to reflect and recharge. Remember that you have the training, knowledge, courage, compassion, and talent to save animals and serve their people. Remember also that you have everything you need to feel powerful and excited about all of it.  You will remain calm, present, and in control if you adopt and embrace a holiday mindset.

Have a Happy Independence Day!

Dr. Julie Cappel